Saturday, December 29, 2007

: (

My parents don't really cared about me...

Best I Ever Had

Today wasn't really that nice. I started my day with an A.Maths Sup Paper. It's like a repeat of the Final Year Paper I sat but it's much easier. Well easier it is but no chance for me to get full marks! I got complacent and did not really practised much. Even so, I knew the method far too well but my limit in the type of questions were just to limited. So far, I think I could get about a pass or so? But that's SO much better than a fail! : )

My original schedule included a Robotics meeting afterwards at 11 (Since the 1 hour paper started at 10.) and then from 12 onwards, I would help out Ms Lee in painting her homeroom. That is if I felt like it. The afternoon before, Mr Ho hinted me that there would be our weekly badminton spar which then send my schedule topsy turvy. A papre at 10. A meeting at 11. A badminton spar at 9??? WHOA! I'm sure a busy man! Alas, I just had to drop the badminton spar. Gosh, it was supposedly the last match before 2007! Haha! How could I miss that match!? Well hopefully, we could once again play THE LAST TIME on mon? Whoa! That's the last day of the year!

School's just around the corner. With my calender flooded today, I know I would barely come back alive. And evermore that my O's are just next year, my calender is ever tighter. Maybe it's time to revise that 'calender-making-system'! I need to stay focus. I can't just dwell in my own world and slowly let time pass. I can't be distracted by her any more (I still do...). I can't let my own fears consume myself. I can't just TALK. I must start WORKING. I always get my mind off somewhere. It's really hard for me to stay focus especially when my house is like a war zone. In almost every second, I get distracted by a person that is close to me. (WHY??) And my performance, slowly slipping down the ranks. I can't let this go any further. I MUST STAY FOCUSED.

Regarding that person, I still like her. I really do. But if every time I see her, I close my shy eyes. But if every time I speak to her, I stutter. But if every time I think of her, I lose a breath. Then, avoiding her is impossible. After all, she's the best I ever had. I really...

1) Attain A1 for all subjects
2) At least talk to her W/O STUTTERING...
3) Get the class t-shirt done
5) Try not to talk a lot in class
6) Make the teachers happy???
7) Buy a desktop

My list will expand!!!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

My *wink*

Ah... Back from another useless venture. I went out with my parents out today after being threatened by my mom regarding my weekly allowance. Wait a min! I have a weekly allowance?! Anyway, she said that I had to buy myself another pair of pants. I don't mind that for the fact that you are paying for me but if you turn down almost every clothing I choose, there's a problem. To give you a bigger idea on what type of clothes she wants me to wear, err... She just wants me to wear formal. Again, I don't mind but EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO OUT??? I'm only 15! [But sure am going 30!] So in my flavour of social unrest, I barged into S&K, arrowed at the nearest pair and took it to the fitting room. Thankfully it fits! Grabbed it towards the counter and flashed 25 bucks for it. Now, there's a name for this type. Cargo pants they say! If you ask me, my cupboard is towered by Toa Payoh clothes. Don't understand? Go to Toa Payoh, there are plenty of examples. Well

that's my pair. Pretty ok. My parents? Nah, they said nth. I told them that I would search the clothes myself so I told them to walk around first. No harm there. But me, paying my own stuff. No jokes.

Nice stuff from Parkway Parade

Oh yeah! Heroes' Lunch!!!! Can't forget that. THE FOOD SUCKS! A lunch where your teachers are your waiters! EAT THAT! But with terrible food, don't bother coming. It's just a time dedicated for the students who did the school proud. Really? I just won 3rd! Anyway, I think it's just me hating the food.

Alastair seems hungry for more...


Eh? Only drinks?

Time to go ciao!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Are we back to square 1?

You know. This sucks a lot. I spent my holidays doing nothing. I only dream about that girl and never to ask her out. Like today, I spent my time in a really boring way. WTHECK MAN. I need to destroy myself.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

SAS Robotics Committee Team 2008

I think there are not up to no good. Seriously, HONESTLY, I think that they are not as efficient as me. I'm not trying to boast or anything but they just don't have this "I-WANT-TO-LEAD" factor. I look at their faces and what I get is "Oh, yay. I got the chairman position". They should be "HOLLY SHIT!!! I'M THE CHAIRMAN! OMFG!!!". Man... They can't lead, no initiative, no commitment, NO EVERYTHING. How can this be??? Am I an idiot to choose them??? No way, I can't be that stupid. This is a joke. It means that I WAS FORCED TO CHOOSE THEM. Damm... Bunch of idiots.

But I am no good too. Yes, there is some difference. But I know that I was part of the 2007 'Bunch Of Idiots'. So am I going to sit here and see they die? NO WAY MAN. I'm going to train, drill WAHTEVER I KNOW into them. If not, I'm just a wasted leader.

I just came back from school. I told my mom that I am going to get my remaining books but I forgot to tell her that I'm attending a Robotics meeting. This past few months, life was laid back without Robotics. But now, I need to drill my junior. Damm. Robotics is wrecking my life. I like the times when I was in Sec 2. It was a beautiful year. But at least it got me thinking. Well, I am going to drill my junior. Hmm...

Monday, December 17, 2007

The real Beautiful Day...

Here's my BRIGHT idea!

I just love these days. It's the kind that is filled with many things. So many that even after an hour from it, I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD THINGS I'VE DONE TODAY!!! It's just a good day. I don't know but when I see people laugh, it just makes me happy. I don't care if it's about me. I don't care if it's just for a while. As long as they laugh, I just feel... happy. :) So I'm SOOOOOOOO HAPPPPPPYYYYY NOW!!!!! Woohoo!!!

Today, it's a beautiful day. I had an A.Maths Test today which I SURELY BELIEVE WILL FAIL. Argh!!!! I spent my whole day yesterday mugging for it man! I mean I could do the questions but my lack of exposure just pulls me down. I know the method but the nervousness is just too much! Talk about pressure!

Badminton was after that! Yipee! Maybe Mr Ho should book the swimming pool! Then we could go swimming!!! Haha! But surely, today's badminton was indeed my best performance! ;) Oh crap! We should have a Teacher-Student face off today man! Oh gosh I missed it!!! Well not to worry! Maybe next week? Haha! Some of my 3SB Dudes came and played!
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Too much badminton man!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
And yes... THE MEETING!!! :)

Really, today is the real Beautiful Day.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Communism. Fascism. Or none?

In a world engulfed by different minds and with more different goals, it's no surprise that it's hard to live here. Everyone is fighting a place to get their limelight. Everyone wants to shine. And when we know our road is ending, our will to fight only strengthens rather than decay with our age. We might see ourselves as a individualists with a unique understanding of the world. A united people? But it's this difference that pushes some to the boundaries of their skills. Separating the followers from the leaders. It is the existence of leaders that sparked the pursue for perfection. Now I don't want to start a mess with perfection because time is scarce for now. And so as to speak, to fulfil our far fetched dreams of perfection, ideology is born. From Communism to Terrorism, they make the best of us. They tap to our inner strength and utilise it to launch ourselves to success. The catch is, that not everyone thinks the same. And yet again we see ourselves arming with AK's and tanks just to 'deter' them. This deadly sin keep us on our toes and, as I said earlier, keep us at our best. Now, now, who said we live in a perfect world? Nothing is free you know. The wanting must be quenched with something that will be taken away. Sounds 'chim'?

Ideologies don't limit themselves to what Hitler or Stalin was known for. Ideologies can differ in any way but the key idea is that it combines a group of people together and it brings out the best in us. It may be good but not never bad. I can't list all the different ideologies as it will take all night. I'll tell you about mine. My ideology is simple. Live your life to the fullest. Naive but it works.   

Monday, December 10, 2007

December, My friend

Dear December,

Do you remember me? Well, I surely do remember you for if not, you won't be receiving this. December, you always come after 11 others. You shower the world with bitter water to wash our thick make up and see what's inside. You are always the one telling us to buck up. December, you are so persistent. : ) 

December, do you remember the time when I first went out? Haha! It was MY FIRST MOVIE outing! Oh how can I forget! I got lost in Dhoby Gauht and it was the first time I stepped out into the wilderness. It was beautiful. And yes, haha, the times I went home REALLY late. Or the times I talked to people I never knew. Oh what about the times where I always look acroos at her? Hmm...

December, do you remember that person? Remember last year? I would always talk to you about her smile and how it made me happy and how she talked would make me think twice of what I would reply. Remember that? Haha! Well I was talking non stop about her. But it was sad too. I could only talk about her. I could never look at her straight in the eye. I would never have the courage. How big the courage was, I still couldn't. She's the only person that is better than me. She is, my weakness. 

But it was hard too. I was put to a situation where I could no longer could be with her. And that was when I fell. Every glance seems to be poison pumped into my veins. Every word at me stings me. Everything just falls apart. How can such a human live? 

And I am a fool. For which human could be fall in love, break and fall for the same person? I must have a very strong mind.  She's just too... too real. Too real for me to love. Hmm...

But December, even though she won't accept me, I will still hold her tight. I will still love her. And December, like I said earlier, don't be persistent. Stop raining for a while! I need to run!

Your's Truly

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Stupid. Bodoh. Hmm...

Stupid and bodoh are some of the words that sink deep in our vocabulary of vulgarity. The reason it's there is because from young, we are exposed by these words. And so it is etched on our minds. These days, it's so common to hear them till we lost the real menace behind it. These simple words, which means lacking of intelligence, are minor. However, they do have their sting. Yes, the sting can't be compared to a bee's but if that sting is continuous, it will mount up to a mountain of pain that will crush one like a tsunami.  For example, today, my mom has called me STUPID and BODOH numerous times now; More than any normal day. Even though it's just minor, it does sting me. Sometimes I feel that I'm up to no use. I feel despised. Am I really stupid? If I am, how did I get to 3SB? The second class of the whole cohort? If I'm stupid, why am I here? Well like I have said earlier, it's a small sting mounting up to be a GIANT mountain. The good thing is, I DESTROYED the mountain!

; )

Saturday, December 08, 2007



but HECK...

Friday, December 07, 2007

What's wrong?

The taskbar... it's not suppose to do that you know..

The dock.... Maybe it's a sign telling us that the CPU is running high..



Thursday, December 06, 2007

I'm bored... without .

Yeah, I guess you have heard me ranting that I am BORED! Well it can't be avoided. A holiday is a holiday. But of course, if you were to consider the other useful things that I could do like...
Doing my homework
Cleaning my room
Saving money
Volunteer at a Old Folk's Home
Help my mom

I won't be bored after all! But I'm just lazy... Yeah, it's the rainy season! It's time to sleep!!! Anyway, I think I'm going to plan out the Physics video for now. Draw out the scenes and list down the props. I still can't find a video camera so worst case scenario, I have to ask from my friend. MAN! SO PAISEH!!! But first. I need to check whether my digi cam could do the same functions as a video camera. What's the diff you ask?

Well there is a HUGE difference! I'm sure you know that one captures STILL PHOTOS and the other MOVING PHOTOS! That's the NO. 1 DIFFERENCE! Also, the data that is resulted is also different. The digi cam converts the video to MPEG 1 format. If you import this to any video editing software, the software will not recognise the the sounds and thus making the video, soundless. Mute I say. However, the video cam converts the video to MPEG 4. A format well known by the world of video photographers. If imported into the software, it will keep the sound and make it what a REAL video file is. So that's the main problem I'm facing now. Dang...

Anyway, I'm waiting for the camera battery to be fully charged. That may take a while so why don't I watch some One Piece! Haha! Yup. From Ep 1 to 300!!! THAT'S A LOT!!! Oh wait. Ep 111 is not streamed. Well nevermind, I'll just download it by torrent unless... [Checks the net whether it's illegal to download...] OH CRAP! IT IS ILLEGAL TO DOWNLOAD!!! WHY DID THEY LICENSED IT!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And yeap, that;s another crazy post by me. Hope I didn't SCARE you... HAHA! Be back after my Physics!

Monday, December 03, 2007


Save some face, you know you've only got one
Change your ways while you're young
Boy, one day you'll be a man
Oh girl, he'll help you understand
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track of the time
Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things sat by so carelessly

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Oh no, oh no no no
Oh no, oh no no no

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Beautiful Day

It's life.

"Young man. I've seen your sup paper and I want to tell you that what you doing is just the BARE MINIMUM. You have to buck up Zul!"
- Mrs Charles; SAS Principal
Met her on my way to school yesterday.

"My problem is mine. Your is yours."
- My dad
A brief recall of the argument I had with him.

"Zul, he has changed. I think what's best for you is to just ignore him."
- My mom
A thought of what my mom felt.

"She's keeping me alive for making me have a crush on her. That's something I must thank her for. If not for her, I'm just a corpse."
- ME
What I felt about my crush.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

i'm drooling....

I almost fell of my chair when I saw this pic at saint2.0. The Sir got it at SITEX. WHAT!!!! HE GOT IT BEFORE ME!!!!! Oh man.... I gotta get rid of my PS1. I WANT THIS TOO!!! x)

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


Hah, finally! I've purchased my books. For the final time, I take the walk down the corridor to the temporary bookshop and order my books. For the last 3 times, I was carrying heavy bags. This year, to mark the ending of my school live, I come home with just a bag of books and 2 pair of pants. It's not really a moment many will remember but for me, it's just good to remember. Remember the past and laugh about the lame antics my friends and I pulled or the solemn days before our exams or even the repeating last days of school. Only in that case, we know that we are coming back. But this year, it's our last. Our last to smile, to laugh, to cry, to get scolded and to do something. It's the last time.

; )

Don't worry guys! I think worrying is overrated. Everyone worries too much. Too much till they don't think of their future. Now, THAT'S LAME. Well, I really want to go to SITEX this Thursday with Mr Ho just to check out the new tech bargains. But I can't even afford my own books! Just that makes me wonder, will I ever buy anything there? Then it'll be a complete waste of time and money. However, if I don't go, I'll just waste my life at home. So should I go? Maybe I should. Just for fun. Maybe I should focus on finishing my homework and revising my Physics. Hmm. Mr Yeo's timetable must be followed now... I still have to read To Kill A Mockingbird.

Monday, November 26, 2007

To Kill A Mocking Bird

Today was fun. But it could be better if Ms Seah was there! Anyway, let's talk about today shall we? I had my handphone act as an alarm for 2 separate occasions. I had set it one at 6am and the other at 7. I didn't want to be late for my badminton match later at 9. So I was a bit kiasu to set up 2 alarms! Well, I can say that they woke me up but I went back to sleep! Haha! Eventually, I woke up at 8. I thought that I could warm up by running my 2.4 around 7. But I guess I was sleeping then! So I quickly got out off bed and showered in the heater's mercy. [They work!] Fished out a bowl and poured cereal onto my bowl. It's now then I did realised that my milk is almost finished. Enough about that. Played in the hall at 9. Err.. 9.30. MR HO WAS LATE! Well we had to clear out the chairs too. MAN. 9.35... That was the real time we started. GOSH! We played till 12. It's sad... Ms Seah didn't come. :( Well that means that I didn't help her clean her room. One job done! But I had to help Mr Ho! HAHA! His house is in a mess! WHAATT! But the good thing is that he's moving out. So maybe we'll see a bigger house! Hey sir! Don't forget to invite me if you have an open house! Haha! I went to his house, with Matthew, to help out with his own LIBRARY! But his was MUCH MORE messier! [Messier than Ms Seah's homeroom!] Well today was fun. I really wished everyday was today! Then I could play badminton everyday! :D

It looks like my "enter" key is spoilt. I guess I pressed too much on it. Haha. I gotta get it fixed if it gets any worst. Hah, continue this later man. Need to sleep!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Is Google supporting piracy???

Well guess what? Yup, I do think so. I was actually surfing around in YouTube to listen to a song [yes yes, it's a video sharing site. I KNOW THAT] when I stumbled upon this video. I mean it's too obvious that it's title will attract attention. Yes, 1,644,000 + people have been attracted. Check out the video:

This guy here, believe it or not, is not BREAKING THE LAW but to some extent, there's no humanity. Well, someone could at least tell Google that their search engine is helping poor kids get their mp3s. Not only Google is not practising HIP, he is not being a good example! Well you can't really blame Google... Their search engine IS built to be like that. I'm sure MSN has the same 'backdoor' feature but not much publicised. Maybe people are spending too much time infront of the computers exploring the depths of the surreal world of the computer language of 010101. Man, the world is an interesting place. For me, guys, JUST BUY THE ALBUM!

Tonight, it's just me and my room. Everyone is getting emotional [that's an absolute statement] and I'm getting bored. My books will roughly cost me near $100. My dad didn't say about the money part. My mom is... emotional. -_- I wonder how is Mother. I'm sure she didn't die of a heart attack when her house was 'robbed'! Well, we all can be better!

I'm tired...

It's really hard to please people. Sometimes, I think that it has made me inhuman. Sometimes, I think that it has made many hate me. Also sometimes, I think I wished this was just a dream. Yeah, fairy tales ain't true. That's the point. I don't see any realism in my eyes. It's so hard. But sometimes, and only sometimes, it makes me happy that it's prove that I'm still human. Yup, I'm still human. Humans should have flaws. Humans should not be perfect. Humans love their parents too...

which makes me inhuman then?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


First Of All... Pls visit an EShop set up by my friends. CLICK.

I'm bored. I am suppose to follow a time table but since I woke up late today, it just renders it useless. For the past few days, I have been waking up late and all. I'm not really used to wake up around 9am, especially when my timetable starts at 7. Hmm... It's just that when I'm suppose to sleep at 10, my mom is still up, waiting for dad. Darn... Why can't he just come home earlier? Well yeah, like any worried son, I stay up with mom just to give her company. But that is not always the case. Like last night, I was watching an anime called Full Metal Panic! The Second Raid [now that's a mouthful!]. It's something like Gundam Seed but more lighter and has a slap of humour on it. I was watching it on Veoh [something like youtube...] and believe it or not, I watched 10 episodes STRAIGHT! Well, it's just a 20-minute episode after another. So that wasn't really hard at all. Ah yea, I watched it till 1020 man... I'M NOT FOLLOWING THE TIMETABLE!!! I must use the timetable. I must follow it. I sound like a zombie now... -_- Ah yes, I just remembered some things I must do.

1) Find any holiday HW on LMS
2) If have, print and update the class blog
3) Find a malay dictionary plugin for MS Word
4) Print Mom's recipes
5) Cash in my cheque
5) Practice what I preach
6) Wash dad's car

Cya all later... sitex is coming!!! One more thing... I need to fix my dsl...


Teacher under investigation for altered answers in PSLE Tamil papers!!!!
Teh Link

Monday, November 19, 2007

I have a dream

I have a dream. Some say it's far fetched. Some say it's stupid. Some even think that I'm mad just to think about it. However to me, this dream is just like any other dream that I have dreamt. I dream to soar high above the limit. I want to touch the sky, rise above the others and thrust my hand into the realm of no tomorrow. For that is where everything will come true. I want to hold it tight near my heart and tell everyone that perfect is no longer a harmful word. I want to be perfect. Each day the sun sets for each and everyone of us. We must not miss another opportunity. If there aren't, then make one. And we are allowed to think things of this level because we are humans. But don't think too far ahead. This path that some have chosen has been the last for some. Brace yourself. And don't get yourself killed. For many years now, man have searched high and low for the recipe of perfect. In return, it has resulted in broken lives and war. Peace? It has been a long time since anyone has heard it. Once again, man has recognized perfect as a sacred destiny and a curse. What have I done to feed this greed to grow for what it's now? Perfect. It will set you with hands held up high. You now are cornered. And now, we just have only one thing to do, pray and hope.

We are filled with greed and hunger for power. It's like cocaine. Don't worry, we will make it through. I promise.

Saturday, November 17, 2007


It's 3.25 right now and I ain't sleeping. No, I'm not on strike... but close enough. As you can see, I've changed my blogskin and this is the 4TH time I have changed it. [Oh poor blog, hope it's happy with the face lift!] For the past numerous times this guy went to surgery, it had underwent the templates of blogger to a more advanced works of a blogskin. Though I found many interesting ones, I just can't take it any longer but to be simple. And this is the result, a simple one. [I had to choose this! The other 'Simple' was PURE BORING!]

Speaking of being simple, I've really had it with myself being emotional and all. They just take a bite out of me and it makes me SICK! Can we just all live in a conducive environment where all hardships could be forgotten and well just GET ON WITH OUR LIVES? I don't know about that but I'm sure it'll turn out to be a range of answers. Let's just face it, we all have different views.

P.S.: Welcome to my new blog!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Let loose

About a month ago, I agreed to do away with my rough vulgar side. Believe me, it's not easy to get rid of something that has been part of you for a year. Right now, *feeling holy* am proud to say that I've reached the 1 month mark! WAHAHAHA! However, for every action has a reaction, the seal must be released one day to compensate the 'hardships' in capping my vulgar skills. Everyone seems to be in a good mood. My friends are going on a holiday, my teachers, though not all, are taking their time doing their work, [Something you don't see during school] and my parents, they are... WAIT A MINUTE. My father is still working. My mother, still emotional, is just like the other days. My brother is contented. [Though looks may be deceiving.] As for me, i've got a line to describe me.

I felt jealous.

And I'm changing this skin to let it go...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


I'm happy right now. In fact I'm very happy. So happy that happy is not the right word. Delighted. Satisfied. Loved. Excited. Contented. Exuberant. RAH! Who cares about the word that describe me now! I am just, happy.

I've got one person to smile forever.

Saturday, November 10, 2007


Seriously, I think I'm entertain deprived. I don't go out for movies. The only in-gen game console is my first version of Nintendo DS. My PS1 is collecting dust. I don't go to arcades. My parents don't give me a weekly allowance, especially now. My dad is... being on my nerves. At least my mother understands part of me, not father though... Saturday is spent in front of a computer screen. Sunday is nothing. My brother is being offline. It looks like no one love me anymore. It's not that I want EXPENSIVE stuff or anything nor is it the importance of being high tech or anything like that. I just want to be a family. A happy family, with father happy, having a stable job, not making mother cry and coming home smiling. I keep telling myself not to kill myself. Home is not what it used to be.

If humans don't hate their parents, this makes me inhuman.

Monday, November 05, 2007


argh. i am flawed.
so flawed that i can't feel her.
: (

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Sir Whoa!

I don't mind a PS2. My DS has bored me since I have stopped buying their games. You can blame the release of DS Lite for that. Right now, I am pressing for a new computer. But that is like keeping a cat. So you can just imagine the costs. True, a computer will get me to do a lot of things but buying games is tough. A PS3 is a nice touch. It is a gaming powerhorse but it'll need a high definition television. With that in mind, I need a lot of things! But right now, I just want to clean my room.

Just tidy it up right now :)

Monday, October 29, 2007

Why my long titles are overlapping? B'cos the words are TOO BIG...

I think I was asked to download an MSN virus that masked itself as an image file a while ago. Fortunately, this wasn't really new and almost everyone with a tech rich background should have known about this issue. [HAHA! Another reason why I'm on a MAC! take that mr ho!] I can't believe it. MSN is still plagued with this problem and I don't see any solution offered by them, if you exclude their precautionary advice that is bannered on the conversation window. I still remember my first brush with the virus. It was on my Windows [doubt de Windi... ;)]. I was on Messenger and I think a friend of mine asked to look at a picture we both together on Spaces. 0.O But at that time, I was a newbie and viruses were like only news, not experiences. There was a link and I clicked on it. Nothing happened. Puzzled, I quickly IM my friend. He replied with the solemn news, it was a virus.

Now here's the irony part, it you're a virus and I 'opened' you. Shouldn't you attack my computer? Well, it looks like that it wasn't the case. I guess there were too many viruses attacking mine durring that time. HAHA! Well tech is playing a big part in life. Especially when it takes over all 150 contacts in your phone. Also, how we send secret love e-mails [no more cards and letters... haiz..] to the other half when only to found out that the other half's e-mail was hacked... Oww man... All the secrets are out! You see, we actually depend too much on tech. But too much is never enough. Honestly speaking, they really help my brain to think more. They make my life EXTREMELY easy and also, work was never this fun! Everything is SO organised and I have a to-do-list! Sad to say, it's vulnerable to egocentric idiots whose job is to create chaos and trouble in our lives. DARN YOU EVIL DOERS! We must do something. The only way... So the only way that we can protect this vulnerable dependancy is to secure it. But that's not working out really well. Years on and we accounts are still being hacked.


It might be a marketing strategy. Virus protection software like McAfee and Norton are rumoured to make the virus, release them and tout that their product is the ONLY one that can fend off the virus. It's a possibility but I don't see any major companies showing off their products. The only thing that they 'show off' is their price tag. 200 bucks for a software that will last you for 18 months. Yes, there is a time limit. WHAT THE HECK!!! [HAAAH! ANOTHER REASON TO GET A MAC!!!]

Well anyway, time to sleep. I have school tomm. Class blog is near dead. A.maths is first. My crush is ALWAYS pretty. Chalet off? And, why am i always hitting the ; key when i want to hit the l key?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Day 1

In an uexpected twist, my plan for today actually worked. Normally, the plans I had made would idea go off key or just not executed. However, I guess Lady Luck was on my side helping me to run a satisfied meeting. Like I always said, "nothing is always enough as there will always be room for improvements". I think I would have a few more meetings with the mock committee team before I make my decision. I will call them up, asking for a day or two in the lab for another com. meeting. I would mentor them in their decisions and thru trial and error, we'll make it there. :) There's no doubt at all that a lot of effort must be put in but bit by bit, as time passes, it'll be a mountain! A few pointers here, it's SUPREMELY wise to listen more. Also, let them know that they can step up. It's to tell them it's time for them to be serious. Letting them have their say and voicing out their opinions also generate feedback for the com members. It tells us how the receiving end is accepting it. Only thru this, the com team can see what they have missed and can reflect and say, "Hey, we did this part wrongly. We should add this and that. Mr so and so said that blah blah blah..." One note here, I can happily say that it was wise for me to go into the psychology workforce. Technically, I'm using a teaching technique but to all of us, it's just a simple time to share.

Yes, as quoted by one fellow senior, this technique is 'naive'. However, This technique is necessary for such a chaotic club like ours. This is just a ever steeper slope. Start from scratch and build upwards like tall buildings. After all, I did say that we'll be using A LOT of effort. This just assures me that next year, I won't be singing Beatles' Hard Day's Night!

Right now, it feels like a jigsaw puzzle falling to it's places, creating a picture of unmatched serenity. My parents are back. She is smiling. Workload is being removed from my shoulders. I'm getting a better grip in life. And I never felt this great before! But nothing in this world is perfect. Just keep that in mind.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


It’s so sad isn’t it? I’m not perfect. So don’t be surprised if I stumble and fall. My mom is facing a dilemma while I am wasting time here. By right, I’m suppose to help her. Help go through this hard time. I just don’t know what to say. My Malay is just as bad as my English. You know, sometimes I feel useless. I feel that I’m better off dead. I think I sound suicidal but I’m not thinking of killing myself. [despite the fact that I wished I was dead…] I’m just trying to be extreme. Just to let my mom know that when she cries, I bleed.

Maybe I should give her some time off. But I still need a mother, so who else?

Monday, October 22, 2007

Learning An Evil Look

It takes you almost a year to stand up and face your problem. You talk about it in your sleep. You think of it every second. With all your might, you tell the world that it is not a problem. It's a challenge that provokes you if you don't fix it. This is not a feeling. This is a reason to live. So much effort at a young age. So are we done here? No. It's very easy to be complacent. So to deter that you'll need your onw kind of morphin that keeps you sane and keeps you going. My morphin is alive. Walking on this face of this world, she is the only person that can send me out of a window and down onto my knees and at the same time, keep me up and alive. She's my morphin. Sometimes, she teaches me of an evil look. I simply adore her.

Sometimes, we are to sane. This saneness has invited countless flaws. Years of evolution and the same old problems have yet to knock some sense into us. We are never on top. We must always press on forward for the RiVeR flows oly one direction.

It's time.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


English ROCKS!!!
Rock music ROCKS!!!
Mac ROCKS!!!
We all ROCK!!!

Well the holidays are near and I'm slacking. Not the real slack. It's more of the happy-free-time boy kind of feeling. [Man... I'm talking CRAP!!!] This slack is getting me bored actually. So I think I would be doing my first bit of the Physics Light Video. [As in the topic is Light...] I was thinking of listing down all the relevant points today. Then tomm, I'll just do the screenplay. Hmm... I want to finish up my Chem's TYS. I'll prolly do that after I do my Phy's Video.

Now! I'm going to my MSN spaces! Gonna try it out!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Tounge Of An Aussie!

His lyrics are not like Audioslave's which sometimes make complete no sense at all. His lyrics are relevant. [that's a plus for me] But it's just that the words makes him tounge tied! Haha! It sounds like country music with great guitar exploitation including riffs and plucking. His bass mate and drummer will just spice it up. Man... NICE!

Friday, October 19, 2007

who cares abt jealousy?

The prefects commendation today was a successful one. The person who gave the speak was a pastor [could see the white thing found on the throats of pastors] and he was talking about how leadership is important and being leader is a tough job. Somehow, I felt touched and appreciated him for saying that. I myself am a leader for 2 years now. I hope I could run my last year with a 'prefix' to my name but looking at my current situation, I don't think that could happen. Anyway, let's talk about this later. Back to the speaker, he mainly talked about th elife of a leader. [seriously speakers, it's a cliche.. the past few speakers were all talking about their past life...] Well, the speech should have at least give me some lee way but looking at my school mates, I don't think so. Well, they were all looking everywhere except the speaker. A good hint that they weren't listening. Teachers? They don't need any speech to know what a leader is. At least half of them are leaders. To me, a leader is anyone. But some just don't want to show.

We live in a world of imperfection anyway. So we can never expect the perfect but we can expect the best.

Looking at my marks. : \
Looking at my family. : (
looking at my friends. : P
Looking at her. :D
Looking at me. (N/A)
Seriously speaking, if I want to be at greater heights, I wished I was adopted. If you want me to be a heart giver, I must stay. Damn... decisions again.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


THAT'S RIGHT! KEEP THAT BALL ROLLING. Once the momentum is set, never stop it. You will make the sun CAST ITS SHADOW!!!! This is especially to all you guys
taking your O's this year.


As I have little faith, I know i'm an easy target. I'm no pushover. I'LL MAKE THE SUN CAST ITS OWN SHADOW! I'll make my own faith. She'll be my faith. Shout at me, spilt at me, curse at me, look down at me, hate me, despise me, kill me. I don't care BECAUSE I'LL BE STANDING.

Thanks Kitty!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Project GlobaSasi

Weird name huh?

At my pinnacle of my operations, it's time to stop by a creek and look at the water flowing. Once again, it's a reminder to all of us that whatever we are doing, be it a fire fighter or even a housewife, we all must
move forward. That's why one of the world's best living nature attraction is a river. They keep flowing.

A river is not made in just a day or too. From my understanding, a river is made when a strong surge of water from a spring bursts through the thick forest, leaving a long passage of water ways. That is how a river is made. It's not a weak surge but a strong large surge. A tree is rooted to the ground, into the depths of soil and gravel. Some are even metres down, anchoring it. So a little push is not enough. It must be a strong push, a strong surge. Of every aspect of a river, it represents us, living in this imperfect world. We must be strong in terms of, ultimately, our mind and our body. Only the we can be like the river, always flowing and clear.
For we live in a imperfect world, there is no such thing as a smooth journey. One way or another, small or big, you will run into problems, troubles and hardships. Let me give you a tip. Don't take them as what they are. Take them as a challenge. And you already know that there will be a challenge, you know your options. Either lay there half beaten by the air or unsheathe that sword and reenact the movie, 300. ; ) For knowing what will come is half the battle won. The other half is how you solve it, go around it or even defeat it. So this is where you are to prepare.
Set your mind. Find the solution. Be in everyone's shoes. Realise your dream. Think of an evil laughter. Boast your half done work to at most 3 people. Finish it. Then do a back up plan. And finally, execute your plan. Simple enough? Or wait, when you won, do your evil laughter. HAHAHAHA!!!

Ok jokes aside. The sup papers are just 4 weeks away. It's time to practice English. Well, actually I did. I just d
id my speech on my blog on Project GlobaSasi. Weird name huh? Anyway, i got some picture that i was suppose to post but i didn't so in the end. Well, here they are!

Check it out! I got this in a Teacher-Student Event! Check out the logo!

Mercenary Antics...


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A Short Post After Being Emo Over A Phone... SHUCKS!!!

Technology has ruled our life in most ways, one of which is how we organise our lives. From switching on the TV to remembering our contacts, [bleagh... that's a bad example...] we ARE really heavily depending on them. The question is, Will they back stab us like the ending of I Robot? Hmm... Can't imagine my phone springing into life and walking on it's sides across the room just to kill me. -_-" Well for me, this very distant imagination is just a prediction. But worry not, I'm not really tech dependant. I'm tech savvy. ; )

WHAT! My Motorola is not compatible with iSync!!! [For the benefit... iSync is a software that allows several devices to sync , or talk, to the Macs. It's much more better than Windows. We need to install the product's software! At least the Macs have 'efficiency'. Without iSync, I can't connect to my iCal. [It's like outlook w/o the mail]. Darn! It's where I store all my stuff!!! Well another reason to buy a new phone!

Maybe I should get the old Razr V3. [I LOVE STYLISH PHONES!!!] Simple and it syncs with iSync. A music buff like me should get the Sony Ericsson W850i. [that's the only guy from the walkman line that's under iSync] BLEAGH. I'm getting sick of phones...

Sunday, October 14, 2007

My My, Ain't You Vodafone?

Haha... Emo days are OVER! I can't believe the miracle of her. Her simple words make me a happy man. HAH! How I wished you could call me everyday or at least look at me and talk to me. After all, I love a good conversation. Haha... I'm playing the song in my background... : )

I was thinking of getting my 'sponsorship' for 2008 in these coming months. Since I have no com to play on [that is hardware that can SUPPORT a game... GEEZ], it's really wise to get a working computer. A desktop to be precise. It can double as my workstation, especially my work like school. Yea... school work... You know, all these thinking of new desktops, spending money for these 'useless' things. [call it useless. seriously, in a months time, it's time to upgrade] ALL THEY DO IS MAKE YOU SPEND MONEY!!! But without a Windi, I can't sync most of my haredware. One of which is my father's iPaq, my bro's SonicStage [useless software btw] and of course, SYNC MY MOTOROLA and my game mood. xP But hey! Who needs games anyway? But what about the hardware sync? Well, just improve Windi's performance! Maybe i'll reinstall windows. but where's the Window's disc again? Don't forget to backup your HDD with a ext HDD! I think i'll buy a LaCie for that. I think I'm going to buy the disc!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

phase me out

Its really hard to live here. Crossing the hallway will put me in a war. Though I'm not part of it, but like i've said several post earlier, I'm just an ant in an elephant brawl. I can't just ignore them in my current state. Nor can I talk about it. I mean everyone is busy. Ms chua is invigulating and LadyBird is making feel as though she's ignoring me. It's just a feeling but I know its there. My friends are really insensitive. Even showing my 'emotional' side, they still take it as normal. Maybe it's just because they haven't gone through yet. Or is it just their way to perk me, making me smile and forget these tearful stories. (: Well it seems to be working. The air is filled with hostility and I'm breathing it. It's slowly killing me but wait... I just want to shout at them, tell them this it is pointless to stay together when my own are fighting. I can't even tell them my secrets. When there was this problem, I didn't look up to them. Instead, my teachers were the closest thing I called family. My friends were my second brothers. My real me was in classes. I smiled more at school then at home. My school is my second home. I would rather stay back than go home. What is this feeling? I shouldn't have this. It must be forbidden. But why do I still have it? Is it because of my lack in faith? Or just the real me? I'll tell you a secret. If I care, I can fix it but you'll see me at the other side. If you hate me, I'll be with you. This hate-me-thing reminds me of LadyBird.

I really need to talk to you...

Monday, October 08, 2007


I'm so alone. Today was my e.maths paper. It was pretty much ok despite the fact that I left out some questions! It's just that I had forgotten how to solve it and I cant scratch out the formula. ARGHHH!!!! I think I lost about 15 marks in this area. And about 5 marks lost for carelessness, if any. Gosh, what's becoming of me?

I just got back from the chilly chem remedial. It's sort of a last minute, break it or lose it, remedial since my paper is just 17 hours away. Not that long eh? Mrs Leong went thru 'most' of the unclear topics. Note that I STRESSED most. I just hope that after my revision later and tonight, I can AT LEAST get a pass. Aww... man... Yawning, my head is doing it's 'rocky' dance now. My eyes are calling it quits and my stomach is rumbling! Yes, my stomach is. I guess the breakfast fried rice is not enough. Gosh man, who else eat such a heavy meal in the morning!

Yesterday was empty. I wanted to sms her but I guess my courage was not amounting to my barks. I'm still trap in this looping problem of assumptions. Is it just that I think too much or is it in my blood? I think it's my lack in religious contact that is not helping to negate such evil thoughts of lust and all the other bad stuff. Whoa! What am I talking man!!! Man, I wonder what she's thinking now...

Friday, October 05, 2007

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I think I'm crazy

With 6 papers down, i'm just left with 6 more. It's not the end that i'm after, it's actually the so-called destiny that i myself have created. I always tell myself that it's all just a dream, an image, a fake story created by my imagination. Building castles in the air never felt this real. 6 papers are wasted cos i didn't study them at all. I just knew i didn't. I'm just using the fact of my disturbed family status as an excuse to garner attention, an excuse to fail. I don't know why i am doing this. Oh wait, that's a lie.

Fuelled by feelings of unrequited love, i press on into the dark road ahead. As you all know, i separated from my crush this year once i told her that i was in love in her. Yes, i wasn't good enough for her. That's why it just had to go away. And ever since, life has changed. She used to be the reason why i excelled. I always tell myself that i should do well to impress her. But with her gone, i just lost a reason to live. Not only have my grades fall, my standards too fall sharply. [My English is evident enough for my declining grades.] Everything I do became a little less perfect. Then it went from good to bad and ending up right now to worst. I became 'vulgar', short-tempered, complacent, boastful, selfish, materialistic and even lustful. And it's all because i lost a reason to live. But is this a reflection of my true self? I know for my next 85 years, i will never be near her. So will i act this way for the rest of my life? Is this a sign for what lies in front of me? For those who hated me, or even those who resented me for my past actions, I relief you as i share those same views. It's just that i don't want to hear those words. Thus, it has lead me to an unchanged manner. After all, who wants to hear your own flaws?

Lost a reason to live? What abt the other reasons? Are they not strong enough to get me be like the times of sec 1 and 2? Or is it that the loss of her was too strong that it just wiped away all the other reasons to live and just told me, "Hey, just kill yourself."? It could be that. But i'm stiil alive. Maybe it's because i want to be noticed. Maybe it's to tell my FATHER that his son is in trouble. Or maybe my MOTHER that her son is killing himself inside out. Attention. I'm just plain immature. Like a baby boy, i cry for attention. WHAT AM I? This just contradicts with what i have worked for the last 18 months. Where's my professionalism?

Professionalism was one of my measures to get her heart. But she just didn't see it.

I just want to pull heaven down and hop on. I can't focus. I can't breathe. I can't do anything right. I'm not perfect, that's why.


*A post dedicated to the movement in anti-vulgarities*

Oh crap, 7 Oct is near. I have yet to get a gift, or even MAKE one. Crap.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

if i could have it all...

So it i could have it all...

My Own Room: I used to have a FloorPlanner account. It enables me to create virtual plans of rooms. Tried accessing it earlier on but somehow, it just wont let me in. But I do wish for a room. Just wishing, not in need.

MacBook Pro: Man this is my system. This is WORST CASE SCENARIO!!! If i have a chance to get a new computer, it would be this MacBook Pro. It's actually the software that i crave, not much of the hardware. Dual-boot and Parallels. BF2142 installed. Adobe CS3. Office 07. was asking for iwork but that will be the case if office lag...

DSC T200: Veering out of the professional photography, this snap and shoot camera will just do me justice for every snap. 3.5 inch touch screen and it's face recognition feature is a must. And yes, it's for style.

iPod shuffle or "The Fitness Stick" 4GB: My music walks with me. But the current iPod shuffle will only carry 1gb worth of songs. So i guess i'll wait. you know what will perfect it? if it has a screen. but then, it won't be called a shuffle right? For the fitness stick, it's a great addition for my running and all sweat-it-out stuff. But i think it's a bit pricey. it has a fitness tracking stuff (how many calories burnt and all) but the thing is that it just has a low 2gb.

Well, that's that. Gonna reveal the other half of my wish list later. Hmm, should i study?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Where's My Snare?

I'm suppose to study you know. Tomm's my eng p1 and p2. I can hardly scratch the format of a formal letter and i'm here blogging. shouldn't i do sth worth of my time? i guess not. where will all my love go when i go out there? sry, that's random words from a song. last week my friend asked me if i'm going for the extra chem lesson. i replied that i will not be going. surprised, he asked why. i just said that i 'just don't want' to go. with an 'uh ok', he walked off. now, here's my part. it got me thinking. is that a reason or an excuse? it's more like an excuse to get myself out of chem class. not a reason that justify my actions. i HATE excuses. they are statements full of flaws that just further proves the weakness of a human being. gosh, what have become of US? ME?

i come back home just to witness a quiet war between two of my trusted giants. i'm just an ant caught in a fight between two elephants. it's more like the political heat than a full-fledged war. how can i flip a page when i see my own pillars of joy are tumbling? i thought they know me. well it's more of like "knew" me. i'm tasked to live up to their standards with just A hand from them. huh? is this life? if i move on, i will be ever distant from you all. if i don't, i'm willing to fix it.

wasting my own life on things that can be prevented. argh... evident that i'm limiting myself.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

hey thanks for the skin!

Hey thanks! thanks for the skin!

Cleaning Out My Closet Tonight

MOM! It's broadband mom... you'll still pay 80 bucks even if you don't turn on the router. So by telling me not to use will just be burning 80 bucks away. And DAD! I may be rude BUT AT LEAST talk to me before you buy any tech stuff. It just makes me feel feel bad cos it's sth that i can prevent. GUILT.

I need to buy a new pair of running shoes man. My New Balance has holes on the same place as my smallest toe nail. [too sharp? :P] I was thinking of getting an Adidias but my friends say that nike is better or sth else. Yeah. See first lah. Thinking of buying nike so that it would sync to an iPod. But wait, i don't have an iPod... I think i'll just get adidas... do they support child labour cos I DON'T!

Running charmed me a year ago but soccer was in my blood since i was P4. I simply just like the predator. I already have a blue F15 but i need a predator for my soccer franchise... i like it to be strong. Not speed. But since i don't use the F15 for playing, a show off in the streets is all i need. striking blue...

But of course, I will surely need this: AN EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE! I need it man... my NJRC stuff and media eats up at least 30GB... and i only have 55 in my mac... gosh. i'm thinking of getting the Lacie Rugged All-Terain HD but they say it's pretty ex. I was thinking of getting a 500gb under $200. Most 500gb models are bulky and not shock resistance. So maybe a 200gb, shock resistance, bus-powered and the most important thing, a run for my buck. Not too expensive please!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Get Ready

I hate swear words. They don't solve a thing and will just make the situation worst. So that's why I hate using swear words. In fact, I make sure that I don't use them in any way. But coming from a class of ruffians last year, it's really hard to keep that 'skill' at bay. If I remember correctly, I used them like there's no one's business last year. I only decided to kick my habits at the start of this year. Late as it may be but it's sure better than never!

I still use them but not always. If I use them, it'll be the time when I am EXTREMELY angry. But I bet that there's a chance my 'wrath' won't be an effective one. I'm the kind who's quiet and inactive. [Yes, inactive...] Look at me now. I'm active but I am lame, boastful, defiant, short-tempered, evil, theorised and just plain NOT-BEING-MYSELF. I don't know why I'm like this. Is it because of her? It must be. It has been quite a while since that day but she's still in my mind. I must tell myself that she's going away now. I just won't listen.

Yes, I'm being emo. In fact, I think emo stuff should be inside a diary, not to be shared openly. But I want you to know that I'm in a lot of shit. So don't disturb me. Crap... the world complicated with problems ad obstacles. I don't like it but without challenges, what's life for? That's sth I like. Don't understand? Well that's why I call myself a paradoxical child...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I think it's over...

goodbye school...

Skeletons In Her Closet

This is a long post.
I have a friend who blogs really well. I don't know whether it's her proficiency in english or her 'really vivid' life that gives her the edge. But what I do know is that she is one though girl. She has control of her life and is determine to change anything that is wrong. Her will never dies and even though she has spoken of many 'unpleasant emo' stuff, she stands out of the crowd with a burning desire to live.

I salute you girl!

Look at this blog. It's fake. It uses someone else's skin. It copies the emo words of many. The most outstanding one is none other than the presence of a damped will. It's also VERY emotional. It has no desire to live or so whatever. Everything it has worked for slips thru the fingers like sand. The hands are tainted with blood of guilt and failure. Too dirty. Even the cold morning air is cleaner. So clean that every breath is like a good puff. At the end of it all, it sees an incoming car a few meters away. It's willing to lose it all.

On my way back home yesterday, I saw a car coming. I was at a junction, waiting for it to pass before I cross but half of me didn't want to. Half of me wants to end it all. Cos everything that I have worked for is gone. Vanished. Vanished to a state of humiliation, failure, guilt and...

I don't know. I just want to give up but I can't be like that. I want to be the best. I don't want to dissapoint my family, my friends, my teachers, myself. So what do I do?

Sunday, September 23, 2007


We spent our days together being apart. I see you beside me, cheering me. You see me as a person. Just a person. I can't touch you but I can feel your presence. I always wonder where you are and what you think. at my times of trouble, i always think of you. you ease my mind. you're my light at the end of the tunnel.

you're my zephyr.

I can't hold you. I can't brush your hair. I can't kiss you. I can't call you mine. it's only you that can fix all these. I know caling you mine can never happen but at least say you know what i think. i want to make you my goal... is that ok?


Saturday, September 22, 2007

Random Pictures...

My Pens...

: 0 all my NJRC 2007 stuff in one folder... man, i REALLY need to buy an external hard drive...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Contradict Yourself


Ok that's so RANDOM! Went to NP today for some Maths Carnival. Didn't really thought there was ever such a thing. But I guess you can really do anything with a 'carnival' behind your noun/verb. Wasn't really what i dreamt of but i regard it as like a more modern carnival. The only games that you will play is either that is promoting NP or Maths problems. Man, the objective is clear lor...

But I must say, it's good. I used to be heavily inclined in Maths. I guess the Maths sword was misused for a normal sword... So it got blunt. There was this test about a.maths and I was like WTHECK... it was SO FRIGGING HARD and i was like continuously clicking on the skipping button... GOSH! Guess I'm not really that guy anymore. AND TAI JIN, I AINT LENDING YOU MY PHONE AFTER YOU PRANK-CALLED ONE OF FRIENDS.... -_- walao, almost kenna scolding frm her eh...

Nvm, at least it's ok now. I need to buy an external hard drive man... and of course, help sharpen my blade.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Forever, forever?

Will I be present on the last day of school?

I can only watch as the turmoil unfolds itself and slowly waking up. It's so slow like snake poison that will kill you a year after you are bitten. It wants you to suffer. But making most of my time, it will not deter me. Yesterday wasn't expected. Today just passed and tomorrow will only allow us to dream. I wish everyday was a dream. At the end of it all, I just want to wake up and see the real world again.

2 weeks is all I got to prove my existence. If you find me rash or irritable or just a sore eye, then it's my obligation to tell you that my days are numbered. I'm just fighting for the right of my place in school. So bear with me. If not, help me tell the others.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Let me hear all the sad songs and heal...

730: I'm suppose to do my malay hw btw but I got something more stress relieving, blog.

25 minutes ago.... time to break fast
24 minutes ago... the start of a unusual silent break fast
20 minutes ago... it looks like i'm the only one enjoying dinner

After that, it's all self explanatory. Dont wanna talk abt it. IT SICKENS ME. The sight of the battlefield just makes me wonder, HOW CAN I CALL THIS A FAMILY??? And i thought I could get home from a fight, knowing that 2 people are waiting. That was what i thought... All my life, I thought to myself that nothing in my eyes is more perfect than my family. BUT I WAS WRONG...

Take me out...

Sunday, September 16, 2007


Man... I am getting emo. That sucks. Maybe it's time to become lame and 15 again. Maybe it's time to be a kid again. It's so hard to become someone who you're not. Really, it's hard.

Gosh, my mouse is killing me! It eats up my AAA batteries in 3 weeks and it's so tiny that my hand can't even sit nicely! I'm thinking of getting the Mighty Mouse but which one? Wireless or wired? The wireless version will sweeten with my MacBook. It uses laser to track and runs on AA batteries. It is said that it will run with one battery! But it's expensive. $108 just for 5 buttons is quite expensive for me. The wired version, of course, needs no battery. The wire will get in the my way and I heard that it's short. Definitely not for mobile users. It uses a USB port so I would have one 'free' one it I use wired mice. And yes, it's cheaper. $78?

What about a Razer? The white diamondback or Pro|Solutions v1.6 is definitely my type. [I like anything that's white, pure I might say...] With 1600 dpi, 5 buttons and a sleek feel, I think that's the one. The price tag reads 110 bucks though... I saw a promotion at Club 21's Apple Store regarding this. It said that they will couple my 1.6 purchase with a Pro|Mat. It's just an overpriced mouse pad... But I have doubts that the promotion is still on.

But what about the other products? Tag me man...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Nono... That's my answer

Life's hard. That is so true. With me running for gold again, I think I'll sink before I hit the water. (Oh the irony) Faceless, I typed these words with one sole emotion, confusement. How can that be? I've answered myself that challenges are there to be solved. What is life without challenges? That question will set me reason to live. Piles of work to be done, a stack of tasks lay there collecting dust and on top of it all, a friendship needs fixing.

Physically, my back hurts. My heart thumps faster. My skin is rejecting my harsh conditions. My head feels a constant weight on it. 3 weeks to exams. 3 weeks left for perfection. 3 weeks left to resolve all. 3 weeks left to prove that I'm worth being alive. Requirements, demands, goals and obligations. All of them have a similarity with me. THEY ARE TAKING A TOLL ON ME.

I just want to be simple. No complicated stuff, just plain simple. In the same way, I will appreciate if my identity stays hidden. Image.
Like a vessel of water, focusing all force at the base, you can see the blueness of it but will break through the wall that sits at the base. However, a spreaded water reaches the ends of the world will be invisible but will never break the wall.
I got it off my head earlier. Hope it'll reduce the weight.

And now I regret. I am feeling bad. I'm not ok.

Friday, September 07, 2007

What'ssss Yourrrr Viewwww?! NJRC 2007

I wonder, I really wonder what would happen if the world is perfect? HAIK! Who cares about that! You only have a hundread years to live so make the most out of it!

Yesterday was my competition and it wasnt really as I was expecting. In fact, it turned out really bad. So bad that it was more of a joke than a disgrace! Haha! I guess that's the fun part! But let me tell you something. I was sitting at my team's booth, watching fellow competitors running up and down the narrow aisle with their robots in hand. Man! That's dangerous! If they were to miss their footing and tumble down robot first, the solid looker would be in peces. I MEAN MANY PIECES. It got me wondering, why are they rushing to program their robots at the very last minute??? And also, they called the fields, CALIBRATION FIELDS for one purpose only! And that is to calibrate your robot so it can run smoothly in that environment. So you know what I concluded?

Singapore NJRC teams have a COMPETITIVE NATURE evident from their sole desire to win and fix their robots on-the-spot when it demolishes. However their "pride", has only allowed them to be too confident. (No wonder frs kenna cancelled...)

But hey, at least we have pride that stands out!

Sunday, September 02, 2007


I'm a bad writer. A few weeks ago, i was running thru the archive page of my blog and realised that my blog is really that bad. It writes lame posts and proves the fact that i am not an english person. GOSH! And because of this, my viewership has dropped by half! That's like 3 per day! NOOOO! Anyway, I'll try and IMPROVE my english first and come back with a BRIT accent!

Last night is another night i waited. Waited, not for the moon to shine, not for the competition to be over but for an answer. Till now, i still wait for the answer. Enuf with emo posts! Anyway, i stayed back quite late last night. I was finishing ALICE so that tmmr, the competition day itself, I won't and my team too, won't screw the competition up. I'm suppose to polish it now but i feel that i should blog FIRST and yea, I'm blogging. Came back at 1am last night with the knowledge that i'll be locked up. it was really nice for my members to come down yesterday to help me finish up ALICE. : ) thanks guys! not forgetting ms seah for driving us back and also staying up with us even though it's teacher's day. thanks ms seah!

of course, actions speak louder than words. the real thanks to them is when they see that their efforts are not wasted! so it really boils down to me. i have to polish it while i still can and get it to run really smoothly. gosh... i think i won't be sleeping tonight!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

smiling again...

well it's not that she ignores me, it's just that i'm not willing to give the chance to smile at me. she smiled at me even though i did so many things that's bad. that's why she's my friend. i never thought such feeling exists. this feeling must be kept forever if i want to keep her. i can't stop smiling! :) :) :) :) :) :)

oh ya, she listens to dashboard confessionals.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

no more

i'm depressed.

mac in school

mr chew says that if i connect an external computer the school's internet, the computer might transfer its viruses to it's computer. well, i'm using a mac, it has "no" viruses. :) done my njrc video's shoot, all are done well except for the scenes of brandon. tsk. faster leh.

i saw her just now. well about an hour ago. she was pretty today. yea i think, i think i should say sorry to her but she doesn't want to accept it. WHY? maybe she doesn't want me to feel apologetic. well, that was what i have been for the past few days and months. maybe she just doesn't care?

well i still care about her...

a Lady

I fell in love with someone. She is fine like a lady. That's why I call her a lady instead of a girl, woman or female. They are just not appropriate. I met her a year ago. Her charm got me onto my feet and this made me have a crush on her. Breaking the ice a year later, things didn't go quite as plan. The more I think of her, the more we came apart. It was after all because of me. Regretted.

I sms-ed her the other day. It was a Sat. I was doing my alice and wondered, she was there telling me to stay strong but I was there, waging war and looking at her as an enemy. Don't let me go to details, we talked and well it was nice. We finally spoke. :)

I wanted to apologise to her for all that I've done to her but she doesn't let me. I gave her an sms saying that I wanted to say sorry. No reply. I even waited for her. Nope, she's not coming out. So how?

Friday, August 24, 2007

emo posts are from me... sry...

i think i'm the 1000th person saying that LIFE'S HARD... I could be the first saying LIFE AIN'T PERFECT. fuck it.

I just finished my SS project that is 2 days late. Mr Koh will probably deduct 10 marks from the total 50 but HECK! After all, all of us have been failing... Read my previous posts and you would have noticed that i've become A BIT emo. Bare with me guys, i'm on an emotional breakdown. Read it or not, that's something i can't control. But do tell me that I have loads of friends...

After almost a year on blogger, my english has only improved by a bit... A BIT! whaaatt! i mean i thought my english would improve by a huge margin! but i guess it's not! xP i went to my chij friend's blog and her english just made me froze in time. my ex-english teacher's blog... well, let's just say it was a BOMB. i guess i'll get back to my work now. getting emo liao.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Another Emo Post

There are no words, in my reality,
that can describe the way i feel.
It's hurting, but there's no pain.
It's injuring, but there's no blood.
It's painful, but there's no tear.
My face is ripped away from any expression,
hiding my true self.
Even hiding doesn't keep the peering eyes away,
so they will notice.
It help they might be, but a let down they can be.

My life is getting out of hand. And this is because of ME. But there's no use complaining if I can't really solve this. I'm being too emotional. "At the end of the day, I'm surprised to see that we human beings are so fragile in nature."

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


I really think she knows. But if she knew that, why didn't she fought it back? It'll end all these unnecessary conflicts. Maybe she did try to stop me, but I was persistent.


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Wild World

I'm really going nuts. This is not what a perfectionist wants or should be doing. A perfectionist is someone who aces everything altogether at the same time. I must say though, there is no such thing as perfect. So in this world, a perfectionist cease to exists. This world is not perfect. It has the pros and cons. It is beautiful but it can chew one up and spilt it out in a blink of an eye. I once wanted to be a perfectionist. I wanted to predict the future and prove the world out there that being perfect is a reality. But maybe I define "being perfect" in a different way. Being perfect to me is getting all your dreams achieved and become what you really want. I think some of us define perfect as having a leisurely life where conditions are perfect and everything is going one's way. Hmm... sounds nice! Well, scrutinise those two statements and you'll find out why mine differs greatly than the one the world defines.

I wanted to be perfect as it gave me a sense of hope. I was thinking, if this sense of hope is constant, it'll further fuel me to glory and thus, achieving far greater results. This is backed up when I saw the damsel. She is everything I need. She could be my shoulder, my benchmark, my role model, my everything. She then, became my reason to live. But I lost her some time ago. . .

Now, I live with no reason.

Monday, August 20, 2007

High v1.0

ACS(I) beat SAS in a rugby C Div final today at the Yio Chu Kang Stadium. The stripped boys battled the bumblebees for a whole game but only managed to get a 10-7 defeat. Overall, it was a better result than the B Div finals which ended in total dismay. In that match, the bumblebees trashed the saints. Even with a lost, the school cheered on ignoring the inevitable fate.

The point is that there won't be a half day. Thus, my NJRC plans are ruined! -_-

I just finished my sole homework and gonna start on SS quite a bit later. Looks like I'm sleeping late again... I'M ALREADY LOSING HAIR! That shows how much stress I'm undergoing. Yea, my school lost to ACS(I) again. Apart from the much deserved half day, I was expecting good results as this year's C Div was promising. Please take note the WAS. I am going to start a new blog for NJRC's sake. I need a web to pour my updates. Well, that's that. I think I'm going to forget SS and sleep. One more thing, my team got into the finals for ALICE. Dang it.

Sunday, August 19, 2007


I'm 15 and I don't have my own room. I'm not insisting for one but if I do get one in the end, it'll look like this!
Simple and plain. I don't need a leather couch of a HDTV. I just want space. I used a software called Floor Planner to generate this. It's kind of cool when you get to plan you own living space without any need of contractors or blueprints. Just the simple flash will make you look like an pro! Click me. If I have a room, it'll take me at least 1 year to both re-renovate it and clear all the junk. That's a looooong time time!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Keeping My Mind Off Her

Ok, I got a job that will (as the title has said) keep my mind busy. My father has
FINALLY AGREED TO GET ME A DIY! bf2142 here I come!

Friday, August 10, 2007


I went out on the 8th with my robo buddies. We went to play LAN together at e2max cathay. It wasn't that crowded but I was expecting it to be. After all, school ends at 10.30 so it should be flooded with people. Anyway, we went to play BF 2142, again, and it's not surprising that I'm the most NOOB among the 4. Even though I kept dying, I must say, it is a great game. Like there was once, Bri killed a guy and his death position was him being hooked at a roof! He was hanging at one foot upside down! LOL! After playing for an hours, I got the hang of it but still, I kept dying! T.T

After 2 hours of playing bf 2142, we headed down to the lonely basement and just got ourselves a quick snack. Yea, I saw my class exiting the cinema. They were like "what the heck" is zul doing here man! C'mon guys! I DO go out ok! I saw keith with them which obviously went up to togu and said, "Whoa! He's a guy!". He's just expressing the details on Togu's appearance, very gay and almost like a Japanese. Here's to Togu, work harder man! I know you wanna be a Japanese girl! LOLOLOL!!!

A min later, we were all at the arcade. Then I just remembered, I FORGOT TO BRING THE CARD!!! So that's why I was sharing with Togu. I topped up 5 bucks on his card, which I DIDN'T GET TO PLAY MUCH... I think I spent only 3 bucks on games... Oh well, who cares eh? Owned by the computer in time crisis, I cared nothing about that. Just then, Togu dropped his contacts! WHAT THE! He's like playing with his contacts WHICH WAS STILL IN HIS EYE. That is supremely SICK!!! But of course, his "lol" ended with him losing one of his contact. His eye became dried and he had to go to the restroom. Anything that concerns the eye is a major thing... well of course.

I got back and finished my njrc stuff. Phew! A pretty laid back day you say or is it just the way I blog? Hmm...

Troy Ohoy!

I just finished watching Troy on channel 5. Well... It's a okok soso movie. Well I spoiled it when I wikied the movie on my mac. Hey! I didn't get a chance to understand their lines! IT'S SO COMPLICATED!

I've finally got over the death. Well just a bit. I still think of her.

Anyway, NJRC is just 3 weeks away. I should have gotten the planning ball rolling weeks ago but I finally got a roll yesterday. [It's 1am now...] I've finally did my video storyline and I'm really impressed by it! I just need the tools! Well i gotta sleep now. Still thinking of her...

Tuesday, August 07, 2007



Monday, August 06, 2007

I don't know what to say...

During conversations or fights or even thinking, or blogging, one way or another, i will come to a narrow path and to a dead end, i don't know what to say. I think i have said that like a thousand times and it has become a really bad habit of mine. So! In my quest to eradicate this habit of mine, i dug up a little deep in my mind. Inside, i found myself to be that of imbecilic and believe it or not, immature. It's not that everyone expects a 15 year old to be a 30 year old. It's just that when that happens, that 15 year old gets a little more respect. ; ) Deeper i dug into the hard solid of mind. After hours of digging, my journey stopped with a vast door in front of me. That door was familiar. Suddenly, every living past started to flash before my very eyes. it might have sounded cliché but it really happened. Time seemed to freeze everything as my muscles fought their way for control. Like pouring water into sand, it was futile. I then remembered. I remembered how my friend would open that very same door and we will both smile to our heart's desire. It amazes me how easy she would open that door. But the sun was setting on us.

By the time you read here, my above paragraph was created within seconds of the real happenings. But since that's over, it's time for me to mourn over the death of a great friendship. Alchemy could revive that but that is forbidden. But as long i get to look at her eyes once more.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Leave Me Alone

I sent an sms to her, hoping that sms would end my conflicts with her. However, that wasn't so. She seemed unwilling to speak to me. It was as though she was blaming me for everything that I have done. For that, it's true. It was because of me that made me ignore her, defy her and even hate her. So now, she can't believe that I did such things and wants me to carry the weights of judgement. Whatever she said is true and I can't false that. I can feel her pain when she looks at me, looking at a failed project that takes advantage of every living thing. It's an unbearable pain that I too can feel. So many sacrifices that she has made that were wasted like water down a drain but I want her to make one final sacrifice, to forgive me. If she doesn't want to, at least she could look at me and tell me that she knows what I'm doing and at the very least, understand me.

But I guess that would never happen. Even though I have felt hate over her, I can never get her out of my heart. Tonight I live in sorrow just to let her live.

Friday, August 03, 2007

It's Over

I broke her heart. And it's over.

My world is over.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

So Why?

Problems surround us like water surrounds an island. They are endless and simple. A simple compound of H2O can save us from dehydration but it can kill us it there is too much. Water is blue but actually, they are colourless, true and transparent. Same with problems. They are true as they reflect what we really are, full of flaws.

: (

Robotics Meeting are nothing. They waste the time that were given. Is that how we really do things? Why can't we be perfect? Life would be so much easier and things will be done much faster. So what now? My club's full of idiots that can't even follow simple instructions. WHAT ARE THEY??? Oh wait, they are humans. They throw away the creativity and limit their minds. They believe everything but perfect. WE CAN be perfect. It's just that are we willing to trade something of equal value for that?

If humans don't believe in being perfect. What am I?

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I still haven't found I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I talked to a great friend of mine as I walked out of school earlier today. As we were walking, she asked me why I had wanted to meet her earlier. I was shocked at first as I wasn't expecting her to ask me that. Even though I was "slanted", it made me think that people still cared. So I asked her and she gave me the most awaited advice that I needed and that really made my head a whole lot lighter. So for that, I thanked her. : )

So maybe I should use post-it and say sorry to She. That way, I won't have to spill my guts out just to say a few words: I'm sorry. I really hope she understands me. I hope she understands why I liked her.

: ) Just keep it a secret ok?

Monday, July 30, 2007

Warning Sign

I am wondering. I am wondering why I am blogging despite the fact that I have yet to finish revising the Physics topics. Am I too lazy?

I am wondering. I am wondering why I didn't ask my friend for that advise. Am I too fearful of what that's going to happen?

I am wondering. I am wondering why I didn't talk to her today. Am I a coward so as too just let it go and not confront it?

I gave myself to Friday. If I don't find a reason then, I am not worth her time. I should tell m about the delay. That way, She won't have a reason to go against me when I have e-mailed her about the delay. Yea yea. I know it's not respectable to talk over a matter that is everything but trivial via e-mail. I know I should talk to her directly but first, I need to gather up some courage. Yea, I should get some courage. i should ask mc about that too. Maybe she could help me in some way or another. I hope she do. My energyis getting leached drastically.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Lessons On MRC... HAIK!

In this week, I have skipped 2 days of school, missing out the juiciest lessons. Am I going in the right direction? Or am I just wasting away life? It's not that I skipped for fun or anything. I had to service the school for South Zone MRC. I had a competition yesterday which we did really badly on. ARGH!!!

Well when things don't go my way, I get angry. Angry not at the things but angry at myself.

On the passed Tuesday, I helped out in the SZMRC which invites the school in the south district to compete in a car making competition. Motorised or not, many came in with fanciful designs. There was one that looked like a tank! Cool. I won't say it was a messy event but there was room to improve. Firstly, I should have gotten more people to help me in the event. 2 for inspection. 5 for time keeping. 1 for message sending and 1 more for signal giver. But actually, 7 helpers are more than enough. 2 can double task. That's not the end. There are also some areas such as the time keeping procedure. Time keeping is way to hard for the uncooperative yet loyal members of mine to help me [i was the time collator]. The best way is to choose those who really can work. It would really help if the racers could put their car numbers in a more visible area. When I collate the times, I always tell my helpers to tell the car number followed by the timing. Lastly, the place at the end of the track is always crowded. My time helpers can't even see me. It's just because that the racers' partners are suppose to 'catch' their respective cars. Maybe some coordinating should be done.

The black squares are the partners and the blue are my timers. So what about that? But that might hinder some time helpers. Oh, what about the helpers help to catch their cars too?

Enough, I'm tired and sick of mrc. Congrats to all winners and my school for winning the overall, again...

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Thank You!

I would like to thank you all for giving me a reason to keep blogging. With your support of "visits", I would have never thought of closing down this blog. Thanks guys! YOU ALL ARE MY FRIENDS!

Last Saturday was Prize Giving Day. It's just one of the days that the school rewards people who have been faithful and hard working throughout the whole year. What better way to honour them than cashing into their pockets 30 bucks of Borders voucher. [Well, just in time for Harry's final adventure] I'd usually get invited to these stuff every year but I guess I under-performed last year. So no honours for me. But I had to stick around and help. There's no hurt in that right? Well I was totally wrong.

Sticking out like a sore thumb, I slithered pass through the crowd. They seemed to be lured to the buffet at the upper court. My AFGM shirt made me visible but still it felt that I was a ghost. No. More like an uninvited guest. The worst thing is that I brushed up with my sin. He was unmoved by the attention of his awards. [Man... I gotta learn that technique.] Of course, that brewed some jealousy and what's more worse, She was invited to the party. She was there and laughing, as unperturbed by my deep sorrow. Dressed in black, she was seducing me through sight without knowing it. Now I remember why I failed. But my objectives were clear. That made back to the tracks. So then I wandered off back to my comfortable slums and regretted. I wished I could be better for her.

I never spoke of it for the whole day. I was devastated. It's my weakness to see her which led to my calamity. But yea...

SHE WAS HOT! Still wished for a hug...

Friday, July 20, 2007

No One's Reading This Blog_Part 1

Yea, that's right. No one's reading this blog. My posts have become VERY EMO to the extent that I have lost visitors. -_- So here's the lesson, DON'T BE EMO.

So what? Life's hard. That's a fact. But it's also a fact that you can change it. It's just a matter of attitude. You want it badly so you must work badly. What you get is what you have put. They call it equivalent exchange. Which is somewhat true. No one's perfect. That's also a fact. But you can be perfect. The thing is what equal exchange can you give to attain this status? Is there even any thing on this world that has the equal value of being perfect? Will anyone be happy if you became perfect?

But enough with questions, it's making my blog bland.

I once thought I could be perfect and I still do. It's just a matter of what I can give. I heard this line in an anime and ever since, I've been living up to it. To attain, something of equal value must be lost. If you look at it at different views, it really is what that makes this world go round. If you pay attention in class, you can get better grades. If you skip school for other reasons that doesn't benefit everyone but yourself, you have to give that equal value by being punished. But before I found this law, I was so intrigued by how people think. During that time, I lived just to make people happy. I did crazy things just for them to be happy. I sacrificed my lunch just to help her carry her books. I stayed back to clean her [or rather our] classroom. In return, she smiled.

There was actually a bonus. A bonus that gave me a sin. I'm not a Christian but they fall under my area of survey. This bonus made me a hunger. I increasingly looked for ways to be closer. I wanted more and wanted only no one can produce. I devised a plan that if I could be perfect, I could get what I wanted. So I prepared to be perfect, killing my moral roots and into the depths of darkness. This is forbidden art. Those who tried perfect just died in dismay. If not, they lose touch of humanity and fill their hearts with anger and rage. Some lucky ones just lose all emotions.

Of course, I did this inhumanity and turned out to be one of those who lost all emotions. And a heart. Luck?

Bad Medicine!

This song has good metaphors!
Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Woah, shake it up just like bad medicine
There aint no doctor that can cure my disease
Bad medicine

I aint got a fever got a permanent disease
And it'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy
And I got lots of money but it isn't what I need
Gonna take more than a shot to get this poison outta me
And I got all the symptoms, count 'em 1 2 3

First you need (Thats what you get for falling in love)
Then you bleed (You get a little and its never enough)
On your knees (Thats what you get for falling in love)
And now this boys addicted cause your kiss is the drug

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up just like bad medicine
There aint no doctor that can cure my disease
Bad, bad medicine

I don't need no needle to be giving me a thrill
And I don't need no anesthesia or a nurse to bring a pill
I got a dirty down addiction that doesn't leave a track
I got a jolt for your affection like a monkey on my back
There aint no paramedic gonna save this heart attack

When you need (Thats what you get for falling in love)
Then you bleed (You get a little and its never enough)
On your knees (Thats what you get for falling in love)
Now this boys addcited cause your kiss is the drug

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up just like bad medicine
So lets play doctor baby, cure my disease

Bad, bad medicine ... is what I want
Bad, bad medicine ... its what I need

I need a respirator cause I'm running out of breath
Your an all night generator
Wrapped in stockings and a dress
When you find your medicine you take what you can get
Cause if theres something better baby well they haven't found it yet

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up just like bad medicine
There aint no doctor that can cure my disease

Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up just like bad medicine
Your loves the potion that can cure my disease
Bad, bad medicine ... is what I want
Bad, bad medicine

I gotta go, I gotta, I gotta go, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta
I gotta do it again, wait a minute, wait a minute
Hold on ... I'm not done
One more time, with feeling ... come on
Alright, help me out now

Your love is like Bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need
Shake it up just like bad medicine
Your got the potion that can cure my disease
Your love ... bad medicine
Your kiss is what I need
Your love ... bad medicine
MAN... I do need medicine. AND ALL MY FRIENDS TOO!