Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Give it back...

Born in 1977, Part 1: Smashing Buttons

Today, let's pray tribute to the all to famous Nintendo Entertainment System. It was the PS3, Xbox or even Wii for that time. Every kid wants it as it became a hot topic. The NES. Countless hours spent finishing Mario. Somehow, the game still doesn't bore me! And what about the moments of furiosity when the cartrige wasn't working. What to do? BLOW IT. Haha. Somehow, it worked!

Who says that we can't play ice hockey in sunny Singapore?!

MAN! Let the Zambonis clear up the ice!


WE WON!!! By a goal. SIGH.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

In The Morning

In the morning of Christmas, children of all ages scrambled down to their Pine trees to get their hands on their presents. Ripping the colourful wraps, their smiles are watched by their parents. Such a joyous moment where hearts rejoice to celebrate freedom.

Well, not on my watch. I got up listening to Slipknot. No pine trees. No presents. No 'joyous moments'. But I do have to thank the only 2 friends I have. And also the one I sent. THE ONLY ONE. This is nothing serious. It's just my way in expressing my limited address book that has only 2 filled pages. Now do you get it? In this troubled times *drink*, everything is limited. I barely thought of renting a DVD. I just loaded up and there I go, watching Behind Enemy Lines in 480p. Not bad I say, for something at full screen. Though, it's obvious to note that the black levels are not good. But that's what you get for being free. Lolz.

Nice strory but I felt that it was lacking depth. The script is 'meh', eveident from the cheesy lines of Gene Hackman. Haha. Action is at a moderate level. Satisfied. The thing that bothers me the most is this particular scene where the sniper baddie MISSED his first shot on what supposed to be an easy kill for a noob. Target was still like a rock AND HE MISSED! WTF!!! I liked the personality of the sniper baddie. He adds more fuel to the stereotypicality fire of a disturbed Eastern European dude that was war torned like Niko from GTA 4 and Victor Zakhaev, the son of Imran Zakhaev and a priority figure in the Ultranationalist party in Call Of Duty 4. Great. I'd say, they all look alike! [Left: COD 4, Centre: Sasha the sniper baddie! Right: GTA 4, Source:Linked.]

Going through my savings account book, I got enough money to get a PS3 but not together with a TV set. This is looking positive but I need to do something after I make the purchase. I need to redo every bit that I have lost in that purchase. Dang. This sucks. Any job openings anyone?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Pschyosocial #2: Talkin'

As I spent my days as a 'blog hopper', I came upon the references of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Captivated by this find, I assured myself that it was of a reliable source. Before this, I was the only one following the quirks of Jay Leno. Not anymore!

Of course, everyone knows that Jay Leno will be filling the shoes of primetime at the 10 O'clock. For those who don't know, primetime slots get a lot of attention due to its 'sweet spot' where the audience is most likely to watch the television. Just think about it. Dinner in the Pacific is arguably at 8:30. At 9, the news comes in. And then there is the comedy shows that gets everyone to burn that fats thru laughter. And then the golden spot, you get the CSI, Desperate Housewives, Grey's. Whatever thy put there, it seems like that TV sereis will bounce ito stardom. Finally, 11 comes by to sweep us into bed. *Yawn* Of course, here in Singapore it's all different. Our primetime is at 8. Our dinner is 7? Honestly, I don't know. I take my dinner at 8, INFRONT OF THE NEWS CHANNEL. So maybe we just hate the TV. : )

Hopefully, The Jay Leno show would be much more interesting than the other talk shows. You know, I think the world has just too many talk shows. Don't you think? There's the Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah, John Stewart, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon. There's a lot of other talk shows that I don't even know. Wow.

But I think I'll just stick to Jay Leno and Conan. Jay has a funny, dark humour type. It's very
straight and classic. but sometimes old and overused. While Conan has a quirky funny personality evident from his spastic body movements to visually represent his jokes. He reminds me of the days I'm wacky. Weird. That's the Glass Half Empty, Glass Half Full!

Anyway, talk shows are good. They are news with a funny side. Watch them!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Social Escapade

I have spent to little time on the plate. My throat is aching from just a conversation that lasted less than 5 minutes. That's really weird. I used to last for hours back in school. I think I've spent to little time talking! Holidays spent alone in front of a screen could indeed harm ones speech! WHO KNEW?! Anyway, I've finally got a good reason to blog today. It's about my handicapped speech that has lost its edge from the sugar rich holidays. Maybe it is also because of I spent half my days in a room watching some TV shows. Or is it because of my derailment of the English language skills that inadvertently impaired my only social skill, my voice. Hmm.

You know what, I should start something. I should start talking, talking sense of the things around me. I cannot let something weigh me down throughout, in this case, the whole course of my life. It is time that I start making sense. It is time that I move on. It is time that I get down from the fence. Maybe I should play soccer.

Friday, December 19, 2008


Let's see, I went to the Kallang Cage yesterday for 2 hours of constant chase of a ball. Would you imagine that? 10 dudes chasing for a ball. Haha. Came out without my proper walking ability. I sprained my toe after I tried to block a ball. The toe was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Hey, I was basically limping all the way home. It was pretty swollen last night and I was hoping it would heal before a tennis fixture on Saturday. Gulped down a panadol and some antibiotic [yes, danger has a big factor here] and applied counterpain on my dear toe. Got up this morning and I was about to unleash my fury of joy but then, my toe is still fat.


Damn ball...

And in the shower, my left pinky finger was looking rather odd. Hmm. I'll probably be anchored here for a sound 2 more days I think. And I was about to get my running shoes a new life. SIGH.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

If I Ever...

You could say I lost my faith in science and progress
You could say I lost my belief in the holy church
You could say I lost my sense of direction
You could say all of this and worse but

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world
You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV
You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians
They all seemed like game show hosts to me

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But every time I close my eyes I see your face

I never saw no miracle of science
That didn't go from a blessing to a curse
I never saw no military solution
That didn't always end up as something worse but
Let me say this first

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

Friday, December 12, 2008

December Days

Such awful days. Afternoons are filled with streaming TV. I feel a spare tyre forming in my abs. Most days are just plain AWFUL.For now, let's all stop complaining about Singapore's boring city life and look at what's there to offer eh? Surely enough, I should be catching a movie with my friends, do something for the community or even visit the zoo once in a while. Hey, something's gotta give.

I've got roughly 4 weeks left of my guilty freedom. Once the results are released, I'll be a mix of total ecstasy and a being not worthy of life. It all ends up with my future in the hands of numbers. I might as well stock up on tissue on that day. You may never know, I might break a tear or two. Or I'll just break into a state of soccer/running fits. That really helps.

If ever, my road stops on that day. I'll ponder my past over a sign-on letter to the military. Yup, that will be one of the many options (just 3 actually) that I'll consider. Though, my parents will eventually slay me. Don't like the thought of the machete biting into my flesh. YIKES! Of course, there are other rational options such as continuing my studies in a course I under-qualified. That doesn't excludes the institute of technical studies but it does exclude the overseas school thing. No money. Meh. Though a really safe choice would be my re-entry to Sec 4. Yeah, it sucks and my parents will fake a yes after much persuasion. Dammit.

Since I've not allowed myself help the community but instead wasted several hard earned cash to satisfy my cyber-athelete side of me, I think I should wake up to the fact that I might be a military dog soon. And I will miss many things I take for granted today.

I gotta be more active on this blog...

Monday, December 01, 2008

Am I Human? *repost

I'm leaving this last line here: "Don't fight it, embrace it."

Solely based on that statement, I've spent half of my life doing the opposite. That pretty much sucks especially when I am still in the same choppy waters. In the same subject, I pretty much learnt how to swim today! : )

The friendly Mr Ho invited some friends and I to have a match of tennis at his newly bought condo. And being a space concious designer, the tennis court was located 4 floors above a parking space. I mean, c'mon! Didn't anyone ever thought that the some inexperienced player would hit a homerun with the ever bouncy balls??!! Gosh. Much fear of a lawsuit of "vandalism" comes into mind when I see a ball rocketing towards a Mercedes. Damn. AND I almost killed a person today! Haha. To make matters worst, that person is the manager of the estate Mr Ho is staying! Fortunately, the man is fine. And so too Mr Ho who apperently won't be evicted due to that accident. Haha.

The game of tennis ended ok with Matthew stealing all my shots. I did not get the chance to hit a good ball. Maybe I should get my tennis stint back. Though, I would need a tennis partner. Perhaps Matthew? NO WAY! He'll have my arm all bashed up! Haha. And yeap, the match was great nevertheless. Got me thinking of the word "menopause". WTF. Anyway, a dip in the pool after that and I learnt how to swim! Haha. Yay! Can't wait to go back there! Special thanks to Zong Ren and Mr Ho. Hey, ain't my fault if I can't float!!!

Maybe tomorrow, I would want to book a tennis court. Get Daryl to come and maybe past tennis members. And just play for a while.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Mega MEGA!

Lesson 1: Mega McSpicy will have a tempest in your stomach. To make matters worst, I'm low on cash. I've got to gather my own resources or sap from the 'old gold mine', which is going to run out very soon.

But don't get the wrong idea. I can sap via the taxi wash or my completion of daily quests, or chores. And if I'm feeling evil that day, I can just ask. BUT of course, I am rarely evil in that manner. ; ) Nevertheless, it's low and they are goin to run out.

Let me put myself a goal ahead, I don't want to spend on anything now. Getting sponsorships from my parents are of more a pain on the neck as I have to plough through their deeply rooted beliefs of the traditional. For example, "you don't need a PS3! It's kiddish stuff!" MAN, you should have seen my face! Maybe yeah, games did originate to enlighten the hearts of the young and YOUNG MINDED. Humph, growing up sucks.

SITEX drawing crowds, AGAIN. Shall I go? Or shall I write a poem, for her? : )

I stand for nothing these days. Damn.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Bored Out Of My Skull

I should get a job. My Dad's car wash offer won't let me survive a week in the wild. But I will still take up the job. At 10 bucks a wash, it's a pretty good deal for me considering the fact that I don't need to soap up the car.

A friend of mine offered a waiter job for me. It's at 5.50/hr and since we will be working about 6 hour shifts (or more), that will at least give me $33 a day. That's a pretty good deal! But I should highlight that a plate costs $100! Whoa!

The upcoming SITEX has many booths drawing students to promote the products at hand. There was no indication of the salary details in the paper, said another friend who looked it up in yesterday's paper. But I don't care about the pay for now. I want to focus in getting my sketch together so that when I DO REALLY need a job, I don't inherit a fear that resides in many of us. I need experience.

But the world today has many refering to the $$$ status as a measurement of 'success'. I guess there's room in there for such a thought. After all, if you pay your workers peanuts, you get monkeys. What about being efficient? Shouldn't that justify this 'unethical' measurement? Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't want to work short hours for long slary numbers? I'm sure everyone wants that. There is of course a line that defines this and to be honest, this line is thick for some but thin for money. For me, I want to absorb as much experience right now. And partly too, I don't want to waste my time infront of a screen. I want to go out.

Maybe I should add that the waiter job has my friends all together. Maybe a smoother sail with people I know? Meh, it could be. However, at the end of the day, I will get my sketch back.

To illustrate to you the magnitude of my boredom, I actually agreed to help paint my teacher's classroom some 2 hours before the meet! In fact, once I received the message, I jumped out of bed! And of course, the painting thing went late into the night and it well... got my Mom angry. Sigh. Mom, I'm bored at home. I'd rather spens the whole month helping my teachers WITHOUT any strings attached than waste time dwelling on past thoughts.


And to the Balara High students from Philippines. WELCOME to my blog! Haha. Yes, I'm a different Zul. Not that one that went to your school. Well, it's good once in a while to get a surprise like this! Haha!


Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm Lost.

I've somehow lost my direction. For the past weeks, I thought I was going in the right direction. But then, I just stopped moving and just lost faith.

It happened like so. I was helping out to paint something. And then she comes by and I just totally lost it. I might be blaming on the fact that I had little conversation topics with her. And not to forget my less than comfortable stuttering. [Strangely, it only happen around her.] I'm no fool. I just want her to be at her happiest. Never do I feel in any way to harm her. Never.

Maybe... maybe I was being a burden for her. In the light of my recent 'controversy', she might have gotten a word from my parent. So she just don't want to be responsible for me. I mean, in a way, I've caused her harm. Damn.

Maybe... maybe she just saw the flaws that I have made and I'm just not good enough for her. I really hate to visualize this because she's not this type of person. I think.

It's just that there this air of animosity that surrounds me whenever I see her. When I try to reach out to her, it blurs my vision and blocks my senses. Rendering me powerless, I can never say what that's need to be said. And here is where it snowballs to a huge problem. I've got to admit here, I write better than I talk, contrary to my on-stage performance huh?

I hope she reads my blog and maybe she can hear what I really want to say. So much guilt lays upon me.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Ghandi.... LOL.

Let's picture this, a time after your Graduation Dinner. You and your boys, might add that they are 'wilder' than you, decided to go over one's house and celebrate till there's no tomorrow! (Well actually that's true. No tomorrow as is no more secondary-school-life tomorrow) And all goes well untill Mom called.

CONFLICT 1 My Mom said that it will be 'bad' of me as I am going to a friend's house late at night. She added that it would reflect badly of my parents indicating that my parents have no respect of other people. And I say: "I WAS INVITED. HE GLADLY INVITED ME." Hmm...

It was late at night. Probably about half past 11. Yeah, what she said here was true. She won this round.

Anyway, I reluctantly turned back when we were just half-way through the journey. It was at the MRT. I took the last train to Toa Payoh and the last bus to my house. But on the train, saw a classmate of mine, Mr Giraffe. Reminded me of my class. Haha.

In response of the conflicts, I became angry. But took the path of Gandhi and walked through a warzone without any instruments of violence. What I meant was that I simply stopped talking to my Mom. :-) I was just out of words.

After a few tears and a few more heart stopping skirmishes, which did not shift me away from the Gandhi Movement, a truce was called by them. Or, rather a sign that peace is approaching my arid lands. Anyway, I stick to my GM, Gandhi Movement, because I have a question in my mind that needs an answer.

Are they using what they thaught my brother to teach me? Man, those must be old stuff cos my brother is almost 10 years older than me. Wow.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

KFC... I'm so not getting man-boobs in the morning...

Ah, the afternoon sun beating its rays onto the backs of many. It's almost time. Like drums of a song, my heart too beats heavily. It's the kind of feeling that you get when you get up in front of a sea of faces. It's the feeling that something might happen. Something close to me might happen. I pray for a smooth event for tonight's Graduation Dinner. Hopefully, the food at Raffles Town Club is not as bad like how many have commented in the previous years. It's sad to see many of my friends go away but I know they will be forever in my memories. For tonight...

So, again I asked myself. Do I think I lost it? Do I think I can find it? Honestly, I believe I will find it but it's just a matter of time. I'll let it roll out and emerge by itself. Right now, I will come to realize the mistakes and will sort it all out. It's a one way road that I must take. I felt it so strong, but nothing has turned out how I wanted it. It's hard because I won't let go everything I hold.

For tonight, will mark an end of an era.
It will mark the path we have left and the new one ahead of us.
But, let it mark a new beginning.
Let it mark our dreams.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sucky Yucky!

Yeah. I feel sucky. All the things I could weren't done. Now I regret most of it. It's a really sucky feeling. Just like a taste of demoralising but it lasts forever. Sigh. But hear me say right now. I WILL NOT let it dwell in my mind and let it consume my life. I WILL MAKE IT BETTER!

Class chalet was suppose to be this week. However, in our quest to cut costs, we found a better deal some other time. Someone proposed it to be held in January (A full 2 months away!!!). But it was nonetheless a good idea as it is off-peak. You should have seen the price difference! S$200 vs $400!!!


Communication seem tight. Should have kept the class blog alive. Sigh. And now, people just don't want to visit it. BIG SIGH! But I will still keep it alive. I've gotten Abel and the other Admins to promote it [Hah. Panda Man seems to be missing]. Anyway, I wish to get the class chalet settled by this month. That includes booking and all. I just don't want to procrastinate it just like the class shirt. -_- And since my exams are over, I've got too much time to spare. So this shouldn't be a problem! ;) And so, I would like to promote my class blog. GUYS! PLEASE GO THERE FOR UPDATES!

If I haven't tell you, I'm on red alert. Much of it is because of my disastrous performance in my O's. I don't think I can just ride throught the waves. I need to prepare for the worst, which is an ITE path. Geez. Obviously, I will appeal for a repeat in Sec 4 if not, I just have to be a private candidate. Being a private candidate would mean that I have to teach myself. No. Help. At. All. I'm not saying that I stand no chance to repeat nor my school would not mind taking me back. They too have reasons to not take me back. I must see what my results can offer me. Such thing can never give me bliss.


Saturday, November 08, 2008

I hate them.

It happens every now and then. On and off and on again. Maybe off later. Stop fighting. The last time I showed care, you pushed me away as though I'm of no importance. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Must I kill myself before you all see how 'important' I could be?

Screw this shit.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Re-post: Justify.

I had to re-post. The previous one wasn't ideal for what I want to express. It wasn't that I was bored. It wasn't that I had nothing to do. It wasn't that I didn't want to do. It was because I did not replace the reason why I wanted to do it.

Just came back after a short visit to my Aunt's. My mom was collecting her money pool for this month. Apparently, a few of my mom's and aunt's friends' decided to pool their money. Every month, one person will collect the pool. It's a quick way to get more cash or in a way, you could save more. It is just pooling the money so nothing gain or lost. My mom brought my aunt the Lontong dish she had cooked earlier. In return, my aunt prepare Mee Rebus for us to bring back. Sigh, and I was just telling my mom to eat healthy food.

After that, we went to Raffles City. After much wandering, we left about half an hour of pointless searching. But of course, we had to stop by at J.CO Donuts. It's at Basement 1. So it was just so convenient of us to get a dozen of too many varieties. There was a cheese flavoured donut, a pink dipped chocolate and one topped with slices nut called Al Pachino. Cool. Delicious food with weird names. Just adds much twist eh! Haha. I actually wanted to visit Epicentre and maybe try to get an iPod Touch or something. I REALLY WANT IT!!! Maybe I should remind myself that it costs as much as a PS3. Hmm... In the end, we didn't go down to Epicentre because firstly, parking space is scarce! And secondly, I'm sure my dad will go bonkers when he sees the price tag. Gotta strike the iron when it's hot.

With the clock ointing to 9, we eventually decided to pop by at MecKenzie's Rex and have another, boring but delicious chiken rice meal. Same dishes again and again. To top it off, I couldn't get myself to strike a conversation. Geez, maybe they are so anti-social. Wanted to discuss about my relentless pursuit of materialism or even my blurry future. But I guess I just had no balls. Dang.

Hopefully, I hope Mother comes to school tomorrow. I just like to hear her voice. LadyBird went with 3SA for a relief work in Manila, Philippines. I imagined following the group untill reality took hold of me and said, "Dude! You have Social Studies O's tomorrow!" Crap.

Well let me end this post by saying that is dear to me. I was just thinking and I told myself that in every action I make, I have lost the intention to justify. This is something that every Human must do. Hitler hated the Treaty of Versailles for a reason. Lehman Brothers didn't went bankrupt just like that. Everything has a reason. Everything has to be justified. So, if I lay here, mindless of this pressing issue, then, I must be inhuman. That's why I need Mother. She tells me that I am human.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Don't Save Me. Don't.

Until you crash
Until you burn
Until you lie
Until you learn
Until you see
Until you believe
Until you fight
Until you fall
Until the end of everything at all
Until you die
Until you're alive

Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care
Don't save me, don't save me, cuz
I don't care

Until you give
Until you've used
Until you've lost
Until you lose
Until you see, how could you believe?
Until you've lived a thousand times
Until you've seen the other side
This is my chance, this is my chance

Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care
Don't save me, don't save me, cuz
I don't care

Until the truth becomes a lie
Until you change, until you deny
Until you believe

This is my chance, this is my chance
I'll take it now because I can
This is my chance, I want it now

Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care
Don't save me, don't save me, cuz
I don't care

Save me, save me, save me
Save me, save me, save me
I don't care

Zzyzx Rd.

It was a lie. All a lie.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


Tomorrow is the day.

And to be honest to you, I'm not ready. So where does that put me? Do I squander my remaining effort? Or do I call my senses to arms, anticipate every breath to be their last? I will come without a weapon. But I will not go down without a fight.

I hold her dear to my heart. And she's the one that keeps me going. ; )

See You There.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

[Unsheathe That Sword]

A messed up room, I have. Such honour lies in me when I see this mess for it proves to me that I am alive. It is with much courage will I rival the tides in the coming weeks. It is make it or break it. I cannot guarantee anything from now on but there is one thing I can affirm with you, I will reach it.

And yes, IT is still a problem. I'll see you there. : )

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Hold Me.

Just a few words before I knock out on my bed.

GET ME AN iPod Touch!

And Mother, you open up my eyes.

Friday, October 10, 2008

I need to depend on someone. Please be my placebo, my catalyst and my heart. I really need you.

Tell Me Not To Slip Away.

I see your rational behind it. I've gone so far and now, why must I break down and discontinue this surge? Yeah, it sucks. Retaining a year has disastrous effects even just by bringing it up. But is it because of the money? Is it because of the lose of pride? Is it because you just don't want to see me stuck in the same situation? All I ask is your understanding.

I don't want to just pass. I don't want to just get into a poly or a jc. I want to excel. I want to be the best. I want to score. And right now, by telling me that I must work hard to cover 2 years' work in 2 weeks, I can't fully flap my wings. You must understand the stress I am holding. I can't focus today. I can't focus tommorow. Work is unlimited. I am trapped in the expectations of others and myself. I want to know what is stored if I take this path. I want to know that you will be supporting me. I don't want to fail. I want to be better.

So I shall not see my punishment as I enter ite. NEVER. I will see my punishment as I lower myself below the ranks of this pride. I will use these skills to built a catapult to lunge myself into the blur future. I will not take this.

If you understand me tell me that I should take this challenge and if I ever reach below the mark, you will be there telling me to retake it. Tell me to face my fears, stare it in the eyes and crush it. And that, I will be in my full potential. Realise my potential. Realise what I could do.

I don't want to slip away. Catch me Mother, please.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Would You?

I need to depend on someone. Would you be my placebo, my catalyst and my heart?

Monday, October 06, 2008

Dazed And Confused

My mom and dad wants me to continue to sit for my O's. They feel that I should plough through as I've come a long way and I have 'been taught by many teachers'. I guess their rational is that with 'more teachers', my knowledge seems to have been multiplied. They added that with rising costs and all, it's best for me to not waste money as I will be forfeiting nearly $500 of exam fees. Of course, this did follow with much 'advise of persuasion'. One of which detailed me in a solemn mood as I see all my friends move on except me. Man, how cliché could they go?

I stand quiet. The last time I argued, I got into 'trouble' where they purged me. SIGH. Can I really depend on them? It's hard to believe that they understand me when they said that "my teachers are not doing their job." HUH? They indeed downplayed one of my teachers. This just wrenches my heart. Maybe I am siding my teachers but can't they seek more truth? If I have a problem commucating with them but a lot easier with my teachers, doesn't it show anything? WHY?

One of my classmates has showed continuous devotion to my blog and thus answered a question I reached out in the last post. I was astonished when he revealed it to me. But I guess we do have another side to me. And so, I set out tonight with apologies if I have become a frightening fellow. I will be : ) to you more often!

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Cultural Shock

My mom went up to me last night and said that I gave her a scare when I spoke to her earlier just now. She added that she senses 'something' wrong about and me writing about this just give the creeps again. I was just speechless. I didn't know what to say. I have never been in this situation. Weird.

It all started as my dad wanted me to sit in for the upcoming O's. I told him that in my current rate, I will be unable to achieve what I loved most. And that is actually teaching. He said that he doesn't want me to "think of it that I would fail but just take it as life goes on". And he added that if I were to fail on my second year, I will be really a rock in a hard place. In the midst of it, my mom was suggesting that I was too scared. I exclaimed, "I AM NOT SCARED". That was coupled with my vivid facial expressions. The conversation ended with me upset. The matter is still not resolve. Shall I risk a dull sword? Or wait for my iron to be hot again so I can strike if correctly.

And my mom told me what she felt. At first, I assumed it was a scare tactic to move me but when I saw her face, I was just... speechless. You shoulc see how she explained her worries and the fears she garnered. She said that I have this stare that just abolishes all hope. No, that's just me exaggerating. :D But seriously. what she expressed danced along the same line. Wow.

After my 'cultural shock' this morning, I really am 'WOW-ed'. I must talk to my friends, my Mother, and all who know me. As I say, "Fellas, Do I Look Scary To You?", I will await their responses as I play a reel of my common and uncommon faces.


Friday, October 03, 2008

Fear Me, My Fears!

Judgement Day. A day that has long since been a threat. Never have I thought that the cogs of fate would turn this way. They say, nothing can stop it and that I say is true. All I can say right now is that I must not stay rooted in a matter. If I ever get bored of life, I will be overcoming them frequently. It's not an isolated task. It's a series of events that are stringed together so that we will remember that life is not a challenge. Overcoming it is one, but the effects hides a sharp dagger, ready to sink into your unprotected back. Before you know it, everything could turn back to the worst again.

It seems to be a blur as it happened about more than 2 years ago. During that time, I never heard a thing called 'feelings'. Emotionless. Heartless. I became Communism. My life became a play off a teenage novel that expressed life's difficulties in reality. Determining what's right was hard as the evil lurks every corner. A simple adoring with a twist of romance and a sizzle of life, it became a mountain with weak foundations. It was rarity for me to have someone smiling at you. She became my perfect half, outdoing me in every way. She became my imagination, fuelling my body to become the best. But, she became my reason to live. She smiled at me. : )

I wanted to be perfect for her, thinking that it would propel me into her heart. Haha. Just looking back brings me to a question: Why did I think of that? Haha. But as I tried to spread myself to become the best in all areas, I thinned and thinned. And the cloth that held me broke and i landed with a thud. Ever since that day, I was a just plague with constant failures. Never in my mind that she would accept me. Because I've done so much for her and to let her know that I've failed was a something I don't want to injure her. In a world of my own, I assumed.

And now, I've said my peace, settled the score and resolved my conflicts. She will be leaving the equation that has glued me into what I became in Sec 2. And with that equation, I will be on my way. But without her, how am I able to fit a term that suits her position? The answer is no. Nothing can replace her. So I plead today, for you to be my friend. For you to be my everything. You rock. x)

Your words purge my soul,
as I renewed in life.
Your touch heal my scars,
leaving the past and letting me move on.
Your smile makes my day,
even if the world betrayed me that day.
You are something so dear to me,
that I cannot lose.



Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Ah, So NOT In The Mood!

The morning of a holiday, scheduled with enormous tasks with the likes of studying, memorising and recalling. Oh, imagine the horror when I saw the inevitable pain sought upon many failures. I am so not in the mood.

My eyes are blurry. I can't see the road ahead. It's like moving forward, knowing that you are going to fail. I know this is such a negative thing to say. But that's how I really feel. I've been told since young, never ever give up. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to give up. If I don't know a thing about VECTORS, I must find out about it. Refer to my E.Maths 4A TB, and put this unusual feeling to rest. If I don't understand DIFFERENTIATION, I must read up on it. Practice 'dy by dx'. Identify the different methods such as PRODUCT RULE, QUOTIENT RULE or even the requirements of the questions. If I don't think I can write a SPEECH, I must request for assistance. Ask her...

I'm always finding myself face to face with the man of ambiguity. He hands me several slabs of inexactness, throwing me off balance. However, this time I will refuse. I will tell him that if he will never hand me this guilt. He has too much damage to an extent that I am so soaked in the tears of my friends. This must end.

I always find difficulties reading fine print, let alone writing them. In fact, I find difficulties too in writing long essays that require me to express a designated idea that I don't want to express. Much ado with me doing nothing but with something I wish to write. An example would be the text above. Have you gain an understanding of the ideas? Do you know what is the issue its trying to deliver?Have you identified the topic sentence in each paragraph? If there is in the first place.

The thing about writing English text, or any text for this matter, is that it has a system that coordinates the ideas and slots them in place so much so that it looks organised, simple and clean. But of course, many of us are not familiar with that system and tend to gain a readers evil eye instead. Just like the rules of Reversi, this system will take a minute to be fully understood but it will take a lifetime to really master it. But hey, English to me is like an evolution of ideas.

The chances of someone who doesn't know about this but does follow the same structure is neglectable. In fact, our flow of writing is determined on our character because the text we write tells the reader whether we want it to be read or not. If it's elegant, surely the reader would read it. BUT if the text is all jumbled up, it gives the impression that we, writers, don't want it to be read. Haha, mush like a secret message or something.

The goal of a writer is to express, deliver, bring an idea to the reader with all the tools and tricks so as to get an elegant and smooth piece of writing. Just remember, DON'T make the reader regret reading your text! DON'T rush into your work! DON'T just leave an idea unattended! And finally, feel the vibe of writing, just like I am right now!

So, am I not in the mood? NOT....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The True Rough Landing

I've just finished marking 2 English comprehension papers I attempted last week. In response of the tight schedule, I've kicked in more slots for my practice, especially with my disadvantageous position. I'm neither high in the social ladders of English command but neither am I part of the roots below. But to mush of my surprise, I got disappointing marks upon totalling up my marks. I just couldn't believe my eyes. I would have figured an easy score of AT LEAST a pass. Honestly, I failed both papers. My answers reflected my lack of understanding of the passage. I had vague and shallow responses. My ideas were over-developed and are being in the know of assuming.

This was just too much. I have to admit, I didn't really expect my language skills to sink like a rock.

Battered by much low morale and bruised so deep, it inches closer to a scar. I feel devastated but do you expect me to let this pain overwhelm me? No, I must embrace my strings that will pull me together. I must request Ms Seah for help. Yes, I do feel it's a bit inappropriate after my disappearing act for the past year and a half. I do feel guilty for insulting her. I do feel bad. So that's why I wish to request for her assistance. She has the right to reject it. Though it will accompany a laugh from her. : ) So I must ask for her assistance. I MUST.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I've Got A Long Way To Run

When the road you're took is covered by a strange mist, you stop dead in your tracks. Your heart is like beats of a song that plays through your life of surprises. In every corner, you wonder what expect the unexpected. In every step, you cautiously take as so not to hurt anything. In every breathe, you take as though it was your last. In everything you do, you believe that God can explain.

A standstill is achieved when you both lost your cause and hope. It is extremely rare to have these two important figures, disappear from your life. Like splitting an atom, this is unspeakable.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I should be a FAUX PAS!

I have completed a set of E.Maths, a set of Paper 2 English Language and a guided History SEQ. Sigh, I'm far from my goal for today. I've set it in excitement of yesterday's accomplishment to an extent that I've forgotten the limits of a mortal human. Currently, I am planning to complete my remaining set of instructions by tonight.

1 English Essay + 1 Compre
1 Maths P1 + P2
1 Sci Phy Paper
1 Sci Chem Paper
1 MT Letter + P2
1 S.S. SBQ + SEQ

All together now, I'm down with a total of 10 PAPERS from 6 different subjects. Considering the fact that on average a normal paper is to be done in an hour and 45 mins. [Though Maths might need more time.] Multiply that by 6 and I will be shaving almost 11 hours off my life. And they say a night consists of 12 hours. SIGH. And let's not forget the other work I must finish by coming Tuesday.

Tomorrow will come with me. I will open the doors with a big smile and a 'good morning' brighter than the sun! I have to check my Maths with Ms Lee. Maybe I could ask her some assistance after school? That is if she's ok. I'll hand in my comprehension and maybe the essay. That's if I don't do it in softcopy. She did say that I should upload it onto the IVLE. Let's look at my things to do list.

1 Eng Essay + 1 Eng Compre
1 Maths P1 + P2
1 S.S. SBQ


1 MT P1 + P2
1 Sci Phy Paper
1 Sci Chem Paper

After I've finished my primary objectives, I can proceed with the other work. GREAT! SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Hearts Burst Into Fire





THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I'd Rather Kill Myself

In no way, no way at all, will I get her back. She doesn't think of me like she used too 2 years ago. And this worries me. This was the reason why I halted. I can't move on knowing that there's a hole in my heart. I don't like it that she won't be speaking the same way she did a long time. It was my fault anyway.

That's ehy I'd rather die.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Left A Part Of Me On The Toys

Share my plight of distinguishing between right and wrong. Something so easily decided but seems a challenge to debate it over. It's not taking part in something, or not even taking part. It's giving something up.

I took some time to sort out my ignored toys. I figured that they are better off with someone who cares about them instead of chucking them at a corner in a dust-prone cardboard box. Crammed like a can of sardines, I too will share their plight. And so, with Mdm Jaya launching 'Toys From The Heart' program [a spin off from the Food From The Heart], my counterparts will find better treatment. All is well until I sat down and ponder...

The only problem is that I left a part of me in every toy I saw. Everything sent me back to the days when I was 1.65 tall. Encapsulated in a world of my own where ordinary things come to life, these toys were my people. No. They ARE my people. They grew a part of me. The toys I felt giving away, cried for my reconsideration. They want to share this.

But it's for their own good. Someone out there, will learn this toy and treasure it just like I did. [Just adding some flower-ry language here] Or at least better than me. Don't want to see it in a dumpster and the dejavu Toy Story feeling to come up. I want to give what I can to society. A kid needs a companion, like everyone else. But I am old enough. I have been accompanied far long enough. I must stand by myself and let the young nurture with their new companions.

So far, I was only able to let go 10% of the toys I intended to give. So much memories are at stake here. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. A part of me will be yours young one. Show me how to live, Mother.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Communication Breakdown

A big THANKS to my big brother for giving me a $50 Robinsons voucher. I think he is indirectly saying that I should get my fashion sense checked. Haha. Yeah, my imprudent fashion sense has landed me in a a cross over of a hippie and a business man. And my brother seems to be right. Talk about collateral damage. His wardrobe is ever expanding. He's a ladies' man. He shares the same passion of clothes. SIGH.

Well, got myself some new clothes. Somehow, I always get mixed up with the many different terminologies of fashion. I guess that's of no surprise coming from a runway disaster. It is safe to say that I got myself a set of business casual clothes but I sincerely doubt the business orientation of my set. No seriously, I'd rather call it smart casual.

Just look at this mess! The things humankind do to appease the world. But hey, image is indeed everything. The first impression determines your starting point but it's a tad bit unfair don't you think? But we can't really defy this rule. It's hard, if not, impossible to sit on a fence. Both theorectically and metaphorically. Oh the world, why have we become such a stereotype?!

Anyway, I thought I could lure my parents into buying me an iPod Touch. (No evil intentions here!) I NEED IT. It's my jogging companion, my emo buddy, my Safari and the best of all, it's my music. But with a $500 price tag, it's really a jaw dropper. Hey, THEORECTICALLY, the price has dropped. I could illustrate but now, my bed is calling me. Oh waiit, now the restroom is calling me. Owww...

Will post pics soon!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Ahem... Good morning...

Going to work for this baby.

And, even if I didn't go for my English classes, I know this is wrong..

C'MON Apple!

Monday, September 08, 2008


Wow. I got up after my short nap, washed my face and put on my jogging shoes and before you know it, I was running my 2.4. I finished the run in 11 minutes and 24.89 seconds. Considering my hiatus for about 3 months, I think it's still in shape. Cool.

I have been getting weird dreams lately. I had one last night. It was pretty strange as the things that happened don't really add up. It was like an auditorium with a stage in front. There seems to be a performance of some sort. I saw my primary school teacher across the aisle. The nest thing I knew, I was looking at the banner that was hung on top. I can only see the year 2009 imprinted on it. At first glance, I thought it was a farewell party for the primary 6 graduating students but why am I in it! Haha. Maybe it's a sign? Maybe it's true, I might be retaining.

And during the nap. I had another strange dream. It's pretty washed by now. I think it was about me in a Mac's with Dax. I think we were rushing to the exit. We saw the Oswald from SSL 4NA eating. Said hi. Disturbed me. And the next thing I knew, I was outside. We chased a departing bus and Dax quickly flagged for a taxi. The last thing I knew was that I was going all negative on Dax about wasting money on taxies.

Haha. Weird dreams alright. Strangely enough, I've dreamt about these dreams before. The auditorioum felt REALLY familiar. The bus scene seems like the one outside my block. It has similar small hills and the night sky was freakishly familiar. Anyway, dreams can mean 2 things. It is the brain's progress to recollect things, a time for it to organise my thoughts. OR, it could be a sign of the near future.

Well, one dream really got me startled. As a door was swinging its closure, my eyes saw her and I said, "I love you." The door closed, like fate cutting every string of the future.

She Hates Me.

You can feel it around you. Yeah, ok whatever. She hates me. She doesn't walk past me. When I try to look at her, a warm disgusting feeling comes up from my stomach, it's as though I stand guilty for her tears.

And she's not the only one. SHE could, or rather should, hate me. I've lost all my edge, my confidence, my faith, my trust, myself. I've lost myself. I don't think SHE wants to talk to me.

Well, I'm just assuming here. But these assumptions are quite good. I have never failed to amaze myself, let alone surprise. I have reasons to believe, that she and SHE will not...

Man, this sounds so freaking unprofessional. Fuck man.

On another note, I want to say to everyone that I don't think I can pull this thing off. Yeah, a lot of them said that too. It's too late. It's too slow. It's too bad.

I'm going to fail finally, achieving what the world really think about me.

7th floor anyone?

Sunday, September 07, 2008


Yes? What? Huh? I woke up this morning to my Mom's mighty voice for a 'pre-dawn' meal. I guess if it's post-dawn, they call it breakfast. Of course, my fasting period has started. Nothing different this time only that I feel I owe something to society if I keep forgetting about my To Do List. Long and behold, in that very list, I am suppose to discuss about giving up seats?

I dug up a still sealed and ,obviously, new DVD recorder in hopes of my last nights' disappointment. I wanted to watch Clear And Present Danger on Ch5 BUT MY MOM FORCED ME TO SLEEP. And so, the debate of whether I should get a DVD recorder. Untill I realised my Dad won it a few months back.

I think he got it at his Retirement Dinner. I ALSO think that the DVD recorder symbolises the fond memories of his work! :) Anyway, I tried to rig it up on the living room's TV. Went through the manual and found a few potential words that should be in a vocabulary test. Sigh. Technology and its terms.




I thought it was called a FireWire 800? Old times I guess. But that was not the problem. With Google on hand, anything is possible.

Upon pondering for a couple of minutes with this LG DR165, I finally got the hard ball. It only works with antennas, NOT cable.

I mean c'mon, who the HECK watches free-to-air channels nowadays! Wait, before you spam me, I might be wrong here. But seriously, with US into digital tv, (another potential in my vocab test) and Singtel flaunting Mio TV, WHY CAN'T WE JUST GET CABLE?

Enough rants.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008


I'm feeling tired. REALLY TIRED for doing nothing. Just came out of my school's library. I gotta admit, my school is not really tackling the 'crisis'. I guess we are not viewing it correctly. The world is running out of *ahem* fossil fuels and a way to reduce our intake is to reduce our usage of our electrical items. (Burn fossil fuels heats water to steam which help turn turbines that power our electrical items) No seriously. IT WAS FREAKISHLY COLD IN THE LIBRARY! C'mon! I glanced onto the control panel and the thermostat showed it's coldest. Sigh

Now, i'm in a Mac's... Glancing on top, I see a sign that says: "Dear Students, please refrain from studying here." And what do I get? Yeap, students from all schools, actually primarily from nearby Cedar Sec and SAJC. Anyway, thery are all studying here! Well, let's look back at the notice. "Please refrain..." It's not suggesting that students cannot use these premisses for their studying. In addition, it says not to study during periods of dense activity such like a public holiday where many would want a Mac meal. Haha.

Anyway, i need to rush off now, losing too much batt! See ya!

Friday, August 29, 2008


Dear diary,

today, I feel really sad. So sad that I just want to remove my heart. The moment I saw her, I just lost it. But the show must go on. An MC must make the show. They are the strings that play the puppets. I know, I have to let it go but I can't.

No, I can't let go. I can't let go of you. Do I have to cry? Do I have to bleed? Do I have what it takes just to make you smile?

Please, please, I need to talk to you. Please, talk to me.........

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I must be sleeping...

It has been quite a long time since I lost my sanity. Everything seems to be a blur, I can't see the road in front of me. But it is in these times of pure peril that only the true ones stand up and fight back. It is these times that you pick up that armour and sword. It is these times you stop crying and continue on forward. The pain must be so unbearable for your tears are like acid. Forget yourself and prove you're alive. No one else can take this cancer away other than you.

You'd wished you could turn back time. You'd wished that you should have done that. You'd wished you would go away. It's a process. You make a mistake, you cry, you regret, you attempt to end it and then you move on. There's no short cut. Take that route for you are only human.

Today, I sat for an exam. I saw her and my heart cried, immobilised with much fear. For a moment, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I felt I died down there. And all I remember was all the pain I've caused her. No wonder I couldn't move on. She was the only one. As I dropped my pen, signalling the end of my paper, I pondered about the steps I'm about to take. Am I to fail or am I just to move on?

I chose to fail. Handing up a set of workings instead of the real paper.

I don't know what gripped me. All I could remembered is that I am the one to blame. If you find a book, teach me. If you find a mistake in me, correct me. But if you find a sword, stab me so you won't be bothered by me. Let me die.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

What About Now?

But I'm still in love with you.

Every time I see you, my tears drown me with all the sorrow I've caused you. Oh how I wished I could take away your pain. I would soak up the wet anguish and see you smile no matter what. What matters me the most is that you hate me.

Please, please hate me. I don't want to see you contemplate on something so trivial like me. I am a failure. I have disappointed you in so many ways that I'd rather die in return of you smile.

You bring joy to everyone i this world. How can I halt you from changing people's lives by my faults? You should know, I don't care if I die, as long as you smile.

I'll send all my love to you.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Letter To God

The person called my Dad this afternoon, to ask for his PSP. Of course, I had to give back anyway. Well, the PSP was really great. I played a number of games on it. Those include a stealth game called Dark Mirror and a racing game, NFS: Most Wanted. Sigh, I wished I owned a PSP. Well, that means that I would play on it every day. That also means that my grades would drop due to the lower focus percentage allocated for studying. MAN! Life is hard!

No, it's interesting,

Just got home from the NTUC at Toa Payoh. Slipped into some "Toa Payoh Clothes" and the never boring pair of sandals. You know, it hit me when I was at the check out counter. I was looking over 2 customers away and I saw a pile of goods in their trolley. I wondered into my aastronomical thoughts, if plastic bags are harming the Earth with a great, loud, and painful thud, should't we protect the Earth with methods of the same calibre? By wearing the "I SAY no to plastic bags" badge, it seems it did not have much impact. Also, the implementation of the days where shoppers must bring their own bags on those days don't seem to work either.

Maybe the government is not really thinking of pursuing a cleaner Earth? Or are they busy with the other 'environmentally friendly' measures they wish to take. Or are they just sitting, resting on their laurels, using the wait-and-see approach? Whatever it is, I'm making sure I put my part in making a cleaner Earth. Maybe we should send a Letter To God, writing a petition to help us make the people save the Earth!


Source: Manly Council


I woke up in hopes that I would ignite this lining of fats with a morning jog. Of course, it was immediately short lived with the huge dark clouds, spanning from North to East and from East to West. I thought to myself, this gotta be a joke! It has been 2 weeks since I ran! GEEZ!

Anyway, my dad came home with a PSP! Yeap, that Playstation Portable I've been drooling over like 5 star dinner for a beggar. Well, some passenger left it in his taxi and he took it. At first, I thought I could keep it but then I felt this surge of guilt that clamours in my heart. Sigh. I told my dad that this item does not belong here. It should be returned to it's rightful owner. I know, I hear you all call 'fouls' but my dad has this owner's contact, more reasons to give it back. After all, a PSP this time is bad as my Prelims are in 2 weeks.

But what the heck, let's give it a run! So I played it. Yeah!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Productivity Woes

As we converge to a new point where we become what others 10 years back were just dreaming about, we ourselves must promise the sanity that have been given. Or maybe, we must withhold the only scratch of insanity. For we only have one chance to go nuts.

Continue next time.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

And I Should...

And I should be studying right now. My 2nd round of Common Tests is on this coming Monday. Not only that, rumour has it that my school will be scheduling meeting with my parents. It's already Sunday, and I don't think it's the better of them to just make a meeting with less than a day's notice. Unless of course my parents are hiding that very fact away from me. And of course, my Mom will be then, informing me of the 'secret' meeting. Sigh.

I just finished washing my Dad's taxi. It was just a wash with no soap and I got 10 bucks for it. Talk about rip off. I mean, my Dad knows that and he also knows that the 10 bucks he gave me is better off. I've trying to save up for a PSP but when I went window shopping for one the other day, I was shocked to see the price shoot to nearly $400.


And I should say, "WHOA!" I'd rather get an Xbox 360 or a PS3 for that matter. I seriously don't think a PSP is a good way to burn $400. I've been eyeing on a refurbished iPod Nano which costs MUCH MUCH lesser than a non-refurbished one. And if I couple it with AppleCare (A premium 3-year warranty service), I might even still equal to the non-refurbished's cost. But of course, I mainly tag my music along when I go running. That will offset me by a bit more when I finally start to purchase the Nike+ set. WAY EXPENSIVE. The shoe alone costs $200!

And I should think of maybe saving it a bit more for a dinner with her. Yeah, that should be a good idea. I'll go up to her and ask if she might want to go out to dinner with me. I'll smile and await her answer. If she says yes, I'll patiently tell her to meet me at restaurant or then I should pick her up at her house. After that, I'll walk down to the 3rd floor, turn a corner and jump in joy. : )

And I should be happy knowing that she accepted my offer. But of course, I must not forgo my needs. My wireless just died. Sigh. My wardorobe seems empty. Sigh. My pencil box is also empty. Sigh. My life needs you. : )

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Make Belief

And we all know, how it really feels like to lose what you don't want to be lost. Right now, I am feeling a bit scarred. I mean, there are so many things that could go wrong. I really hope that I get this off my chest and for once, breathe easy.

I have been the topic of many conversations, detailing my magic act. They say it was as though I disappeared, literally. And I'm sure, they will somehow relate me to the Mat status. Trust me, a Mat has no blog. What you're looking here is just Zul. In a different version that is.

You know, I try to pour my feelings here and there, in hopes that the problem will go away. I guess it was just wishful thinking. Man, every time I use that phrase, it just reminds me the horrors of my stunt. I'm at a dead end. I don't really know what to do next...

Now, don't think I'm an evil person or anything. I know, in my right mind, that my actions have ultimately negatively affected the people around me. There's no doubt that some damage has been done and these people may never view me as a capable person unlike before. But repair is possible and what I must do is to pick up from where I left off and restart. And yes, an apology is inevitable. Well, I should be able to return to my status of cloud nine in no time.

Well, that is in the 'right mind', also understood as an ideal situation. Unfortunately, I'm in a in-ideal situation.

Right now, I just want to talk to her. I'm totally risking my balls here. I could get rejected for life and that will just cast a life curse on me. But I really do NEED to talk to her.


Sunday, July 20, 2008

Perfect is Imperfect!

So, YouTube seems to be a waste, Halo 4 is not on Microsoft's mind and WHEN WILL THE iPhone COME TO SINGAPORE?!

It was really phenomenal when the new iPhone 3G came out. It not only gives faster internet access, it has a much more comfortable feel in your hand. Miles of lines wrapped the blocks and this just proves the underlying cult Apple has harnessed. But it also proves the 'alter' side of it.

No MMS, no A2DP Streaming, no video calling and the worse, NO COPY AND PASTE! Whoa! [I'll put up the link when it's up. Sth's wrong with Cnet.] The iPhone, engineered to be compliant with Microsoft Exchange, has no copy-and-paste? Isn't there a slight hint that the phones will be used by the business power horses that holds conversations in an e-mail! C'mon! Now it's hard for them to quote from a pageful of passages!!!

But hey, let's look at it positively, shall we? I think that Apple is playing an 'exclusive-only' game. I don't think their main goal is to get rich. Well, yeah, it sure is in the long list of agendas but it's not number 1. I think, Apple wants to be small. Apple wants to be the minority. Apple wants to be nimble. Apple, don't want to suffer the celebrity-paparazzi-syndrome. You know what I mean?

Let's put it this way. If Apple do get big, everyone will now talk about them. Spotlights now shine on them, revealing every single detail, their flaws, their weaknesses and eventually, their fall. It's just like Britney Spears; young promising superstar under camera scrutiny brings the dirty side of her. Gosh, blame the media but actually, we are the ones who brought it to our doorsteps.

Apple is now big but not as big as Microsoft. Their market share is growing but it's still an ant. Look here! Look at the big companies. Realize how they have crumbled under their own weight. Viruses attack them, their dirty tricks revealed and their egos unleashed.

And Apple is doing what he can to stop those unimaginable thoughts, and that is to be imperfect. Sadly, everyone wants to be perfect. The road to perfection is awfully evil. Now, before you click that comments button below, I'm not suggesting that Apple products are having 'pimples; or anything. I'm saying 'imperfect' in comparison with the other companies. An iPhone is clear enough. A MacBook that costs $2000+ compared to a Dell that is around $1500. But with Apple taking the road of imperfection, it's no wonder they prosper.

It's this imperfection that makes it so good. It only appealed to some. And because of that, not all 'paparazzis' want a piece of Apple. I mean c'mon, who wants an 'imperfect' product? But to some, that imperfect product is perfect.

For me, Apple is doing what it can to survive. I won't say this is a dirty little trick that Apple houses. If it is, many would have cried foul. But none has. It's really a good move by Apple to target the small community but with its growing numbers, it gotta be prepared for the enormous reception. But looking at Apple's performance of the past few years, I think it's able to overcome any problem.

Perfect is imperfect!

Friday, July 18, 2008

No One Knows

No one. Really Cares. About You. Half the world is depressed but do you think anyone cares? No. You're just another person with dreams that could die out. Her movements are as smooth as silk, and me, slouched by the heavy burdens. And I know that it sucks. And I know that I'm killing myself. And I know no one cares. No one knows.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

C'mon... Do you really?

I've been tempted not once, but twice. But let's just cut the chase shall we? July the 11th makes people like me smile and that is the release of the iPhone. It seems strange that I sense pleasure in the news of its release. Even though that it's far from the sunny shores of Singapore. But it's sleek body and the curved edges makes me tick. Oh my, personifying an object. Thank goodness that it's not a disease. Or else, we would be wound up in an asylum. ALL OF US.

It's new, nice and fast. The iPhone 3G will finally come ashore with Singtel. Pricing is not confirmed but people say that it's not gonna cost more than US$199. Quoted by Mr Jobs himself...

"The iPhone will not sell more than $199 worldwide."

And everyone goes wild that HEY! That's considered cheap! If the 16GB model retails at $299, and Mr Jobs said the iPhone will sell at MAX of $199... Isn't there a bit of misinformation?

Yes, people. So stop procastinating the fact that he got the info wrong. I can remember some errors he made. IT'S JUST AN ERROR!!!!


Saturday, July 12, 2008

Homework... for P.E.??

And yes, on Friday, we played Softball and behold, the teacher gave us homework on Softball; The difference between Softball and Baseball. Wow, homework for P.E. Check it out. Pretty cool though.

Comparison of baseball and softball

My group has been playing modified softball where the rules change every time, the ball is a tennis ball and we fair play is nothing. We just play for fun. : ) We've been calling it Rounders lately even though it's not wrong.

Do you know that Rounders is older than Baseball? In addition, Rounders originated from England and Baseball from America. Hah, well we are a British school. Click here.

Dang, I love filling myself with information!

Well, I think I will still call it Rounders but let's add the adjective 'modified' behind.

Yeap, I think this is the only time you see people playing Rounders on a concrete 6 levels up and with a Cricket bat. Cool!

Friday, July 04, 2008

Was It Really?

For a moment I thought, going out with my parents was the WORST idea that could have happened. This is especially when your Mom complains to you about you Dad and your Dad showing no care as though nothing ever changed. I wonder, were they thinking like what I am now when they were my age? Were they of so deprived that they took their learnings and practised them on me? If so, history repeats itself.

It sucks. Seriously.

Get Me A Gun

One day, when the air sports a 35 degree heat wave, when that happens, the air is still bearable cool, and when it brushes my face, I'l say...

"Miss, I got what I really went for."

And tomorrows' paper will read Sixty-three degrees and cloudy in a suburban neighbourhood. That's when you know that I got my old revenge.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Stuck In A Moment

I heard this song when I was about to dose off on Sat. And it just startled me, shook my head and got my bearings where it should be. This song makes me rip. Dedicated to the late lead INXS, I can say, 'you gotta get yourself together'.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

What If I Bought A...


Well, you can certainly do much with today's tech. Products and consumers these days all want their pockets free from bulging devices. Many don't want a separate iPod. Some will set in for a phone music player. in any case, many devices we see on the market are sporting a new genre of sales; Convergence Devices. So a PS3 can basically do some, not all, things at once. But please, don't expect your PS3 to do you laundry or something like that. : ) A game console that as though came out from Apple's aesthetics class, it has a piano black glossy finish and under that hood, it has a combined power of 2 graphics card from Nvidia. (The last time I checked, it has a combined of 2 'outdated' cards!) So, what would I do with it?

Ah, the PS3 can sit at my living room among my cable box and my *ahem* plasma TV. I would highly intend it to be my media centre where all my music are streamed into it or the very least, stored in its 80 GB hard drive. No space? Swap it with a 250. Well maybe, some tweaking here and there, my PS3 could be a back up? But the 'tweaking' will be more of hacking. No time to waste.

I'll play my games there. After which, some dude will invent some program that allows me to play downloaded games. HAHA! I'm not saying that I support piracy. I just need to keep the discs to a minimal low.

Since it has a Blu-Ray player, movies go high def! Would I download movies? Erm... no? TV Shows? Well, support in this area is non-existence. So generally, a PS3, for me, will be one expensive paper weight. Just games when it was built to replace that cable box.

Waste of money!

Friday, June 20, 2008


I need a mouse. My bluetooth mouse is too small and IT IS KILLING THE EARTH! I need a USB mouse...

This is nice.

(Credit: TechRepublic)

But I can only use the 2 primary buttons... My Mac ain't compatible with it. ) :


The Mighty Mouse? Hmm...

Anyway, both are expensive and it will surely burn me around $100. Well, it looks like it's just you and me Mr Bluetooth Mouse.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

And the reason, is still you. Yup.

There’s definitely a thin line between entertainment and war! And this rant.

Every Sunday, is something everyone would love to look on to. Unfortunately it is also something some would dread. Of course it marks the start of the end. The start to get your gears oiled and crash course into the unknown wilderness of Monday blues. It’s good that we are associating feelings with colours. It just proves that emotions are a necessity.

In any rate, that chunk of words is not what I’m trying to point out. If you’ve been an avid reader (which I highly doubt), I always feature an ‘80 cents’ post where I articulate a piece of news and express my views (whaha! It rymes!). Well yeah, and IF you have been an avid reader, you’ll know that I didn’t write last week’s, an addition that I missed.

Well, let’s talk about that shall we? Weeks ago, my mind dwelled upon a secret that changed me. And my mind for that matter of fact. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything. My mind just froze in time, but of course, time still moved. It was a case of OCB. Now, go and wiki it and you’ll know what I mean.

Now, now, it’s not anything that is related to ANYTHING negative. Though it might. I mean, I look at it in a positive point. So anyway, that secret was so heavy that I just couldn’t take it. I just dropped dead, metaphorically that is.

So I’m here to say, to drain the excess baggage, that I DEADLY NEED A RANT POST. C’mon! Look at it! This is a blog! A personal blog! BLOGGER WAS CREATED FOR THESE RANTS! And what is a blog without a rant! Especially a rant on life. Yes, there are several speciality blogs that cover many different subjects. But a blog is a blog. One way or another, you must rant. Take a look at my archives! I barely had one in the past 2 weeks! (The Hoobastank video is JUST A VIDEO! :) )

And yes I’ve RANTed. Though any English teacher that reads mine would happily critic on the unimaginable number of spelling errors. Sigh. And we thought that we could depend on computers for driving. They can’t even handle spelling!

You gotta know. Life sucks cos there’s no such thing as perfect. Sigh.

Friday, June 13, 2008

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you (x4)

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Thursday, June 12, 2008


Fried noodles, or mee goreng, in the morning. Bad breakfast or brunch? Whatever it may be, my stomach is giving the acids a much needed 'practice'. Seriously, who would have guessed that such a heavy meal is acceptable in sunny Singapore. Mee Rebus, Nasi Lemak, Prata. All of these foods have a taste that would be needed in Lunch but they are taken as a Breakfast meal too. Shockingly, no one ever thought a Breakfast meal would be a bread and some tea. Well, that's so British of me. ; )

Today's the big day. The PC Show is something that I had looked for for the past few weeks! RAH, I wanna...

Freak lah. I'm tired. Leaving this post half done.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Full Speed Ahead! Oh Are We?

This coming 12 to 15 of June marks a very special day for me. No, it's not my birthday. No, it's not any wedding occasion. Let me be specific. It will be a great day for techies like me. Yes, I'm talking about THE PC SHOW!

With it just around the corner, I'm sure, VERY sure to be exact, that we all have our various shopping list. I can imagine some with a highlighted new plasma or a PS3 on that No 1 spot. Whatever it may be, the PC Show will be a great place to check out new tech goodies and also exploit the great bargains.

But before you flash that 'no-limit-credit-card'! Let me share some of my experiences and some tips. Granted, I'm no shopping guru (Well actually, this should be the Girl's job) but I ain't no different when encoutering BUYER'S REGRET DISEASE! What's that? Oh it's the awful fate of an innocent buyer. No one, as far as I know, could see it coming. It can happen to ANYONE. Like a streak of lightning, it hits you hard, immobilising every limb as you finally realise,

that product you just bought, is no more the best.

Yes, that horror, virus, natural disaster, bombing or whatever. It hurts much more than you realise. Sure, it's hard to run away (that is if your wallet is a bottomless pit) but I can equip you with some paddings so when it hits you, you won't feel suicidal.

CASE STUDY NO 1: The Nintendo DS
That little clamshell may be the future of gaming. More interaction of touch and less punching of buttons. So it wasn't wrong for one to feel 'I gotta have that!'. But if you don't know, Nintendo has a pretty bad history of Nip/Tuck. Nintendo would make the DS undergo a slimming program.

I remember the coolness I had garnered when I brought it to school and also the raging flames I got when the DS Lite came out. Sigh. TIP: ALWAYS, ALWAYS DO YOUR RESEARCH! Check it out. Cnet, Gamespot, GameFAQS or even Google.

CASE STUDY NO 2: The Misinterpretation
If you're like me, a lonely dude who is like a one-man country where you get your $$$ from you citizens (in this case my parents), you better choose carefully on what you want to propose to them. I'm nobody's fan. I'm everybody's admirer. I dream of a sub-$1000 Mac Pro with gaming support and an ultimate gaming machine made in partnership of Microsoft and Sony. And yes, they have been only in my dreams.

Usually, my parents sponsor me. So when I saw the sleek, sexy PS3, I totally wanted it. So I brought my parents to Courts, (the Asian version of Best Buy) just like a meet with my girl, and told them about the PS3. And yes they said no because of the $800 price tag.

And when I got back. I pondered, 'Hey! I could get the Xbox 360. It's comparably cheaper and my parents would buy it!'. No dude, that doesn't work. Now, they'll just use the excuse that it's also expensive. TIP NO 2: DON'T JUMP INTO THAT PRODUCT!

Well that's all I have now. Plenty of tips out there but I only got 2. Happy PC Show guys!

; )

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Internet, Baby!

"The light that shines upon me, shines upon my neighbour."

You know, the internet is a BIG THING. You can get connected even though you're just sitting there in your soft spot. In a way, it promotes sociality and expansion simultaneously. Of course, the question that boggles my mind is that after billion of years of 'proper' interaction, can we just drop that habit and be conected electronically?

Before e-mails, there were snail mails. Before projector screens, there were chalkboards. And for this week, before 802.11N, there was dial-up. Granted, in a space of 50 years, we have advanced so much in technology that no one had ever thought that we will be shifting to the yet undiscovered cyberworld.

The internet was previously thought a softcopy version of a library. But it stores more than books. In fact, we can call it a shopping mall, a playground, a City Hall, a bank, a pub or even a 2nd home. Right now, the internet is more like a world of zeroes and ones. Cyberworld sounds old school. 4th dimension? Alternate world? Dream world? Whatever you call it, this thing holds more than what you think.

Sociality. Man knows his neighbour through interaction. But will we drop it in favour of wireless interactions? Friends are just a kilobyte away in Facebook. Your very own news in your blog. Generally, these services give a whole new meaning to the internet. They don't just prove the internet's power, but also displays the gears of user's interaction and ultimately freedom in motion.

But are they also removing our human side? Sometimes, we get so into the internet that it removes our sense of human touch. Conversing in e-mail, blogging about your nagging boss, or even shopping The Click Five concert tickets in eBay. Everything we did through human interaction has been replaced by electronic means.

So? What happens nest? Well, look at this way, internet connects you but you decide what to do. Ride on that connection or just break away. You decide.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Inside Out

I feel my flesh being ripped inside out, parting the bones that grew with it. Gasping for air, my heart reluctantly beats as it sees the end. The tears that roll down evaporates in the sun's merciless stares. Sometimes, I wish that I could take a sword and meet it with my heart. I just don't want to feel this uncertainty. I want freedom. But Of course, it come with a price. I will soon realize my destiny as I crumble under my own wrath. No. It was not her's to talk about. She meant no harm. In fact, it was I who caused harm. More reasons for them to hunt me down for justice. For everything that I have wronged, I will be punished. For that very least, grant me her happiness for my life.

I just want to make her smile.

Sunday, May 25, 2008


Alright. I got less than 30 minutes to write this post. On my previous 80 Cents post, I got myself to write an Apple Fanboy's worst nightmare, APPLE AS A MONOPOLY!


Don't worry guys, that's just my take on Apple's future. Yes, it was difficult for me to write that post. After all, I am part of the club. But let's look at this way. With the club growing in number and also, the number of reasons why they joined, it's quite hard to say that they're NOT going down the line of 'monopoly'. From laptops to MP3 Players to even a media streamer for TV, Apple has tackled many marketable areas. So it's not surprising to see them venturing to greater markets and greater heights.

But let's take a rest and look at the reasons people join the fan club. Nowadays, people (consumers to be exact) are not looking just at the price but also at the brand name. With the world in much political haywire, one may reconsider a 'Made In China' goods for something less famous of a name but locally made and sorta trustworthy.

Shall I give an example? Look at Nike. After some much flames of workers' abuse, it is really obvious that Nike's image has suffered. Well, so much for 'Just Do It'. YOU ARE ABUSING WORKERS!

The point is that consumers are now willing to pay extra for a better service, a better work material and a trustworthy brand name. So in this area, Apple scores! In addition to trustworthiness, Apple's move to the 'larger' market, in a sense that they are more open to ideas, gives an addition to their more-reasons stint. As trust comes into play, more consumers are turning to one company for their needs. I guess people are getting lazy and they don't want to scour for a bargain.

I'm feeling the same way too. I'd rather buy a Dell than do a DIY even though I KNOW THAT THE DIY WILL BE FAR MUCH BETTER. A little note about brand names, image is almost everything. When I carry my MacBook around, I'm stuffed with pride and much care to carry this 'piece of art'. A Dell basically says that you have a budget. A HP reminds me of fanciful ads. Yeah, I remember the one with Sindfeild... WHAT? And of course, Gateway, COWS.

So let me add on, Apple may be going to the Road Of Monopolistic Ideas but it also may go on with the everyone-loves-Apple attitude.

To top it off, let me remind you that we, consumers, will determine our 'friends' business. Also, think before you fling out your credit card! ;)

It's settled!

The PC Show: 12 -15 June @ Suntec


Bill's Tips!

I got this off a blog in my net of friends. Pretty small net btw. Pretty cool.


Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If you agree, pass it on.

If you can read this - Thank a teacher!