I'm Lost.

I've somehow lost my direction. For the past weeks, I thought I was going in the right direction. But then, I just stopped moving and just lost faith.

It happened like so. I was helping out to paint something. And then she comes by and I just totally lost it. I might be blaming on the fact that I had little conversation topics with her. And not to forget my less than comfortable stuttering. [Strangely, it only happen around her.] I'm no fool. I just want her to be at her happiest. Never do I feel in any way to harm her. Never.

Maybe... maybe I was being a burden for her. In the light of my recent 'controversy', she might have gotten a word from my parent. So she just don't want to be responsible for me. I mean, in a way, I've caused her harm. Damn.

Maybe... maybe she just saw the flaws that I have made and I'm just not good enough for her. I really hate to visualize this because she's not this type of person. I think.

It's just that there this air of animosity that surrounds me whenever I see her. When I try to reach out to her, it blurs my vision and blocks my senses. Rendering me powerless, I can never say what that's need to be said. And here is where it snowballs to a huge problem. I've got to admit here, I write better than I talk, contrary to my on-stage performance huh?

I hope she reads my blog and maybe she can hear what I really want to say. So much guilt lays upon me.