Friday, August 29, 2008


Dear diary,

today, I feel really sad. So sad that I just want to remove my heart. The moment I saw her, I just lost it. But the show must go on. An MC must make the show. They are the strings that play the puppets. I know, I have to let it go but I can't.

No, I can't let go. I can't let go of you. Do I have to cry? Do I have to bleed? Do I have what it takes just to make you smile?

Please, please, I need to talk to you. Please, talk to me.........

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I must be sleeping...

It has been quite a long time since I lost my sanity. Everything seems to be a blur, I can't see the road in front of me. But it is in these times of pure peril that only the true ones stand up and fight back. It is these times that you pick up that armour and sword. It is these times you stop crying and continue on forward. The pain must be so unbearable for your tears are like acid. Forget yourself and prove you're alive. No one else can take this cancer away other than you.

You'd wished you could turn back time. You'd wished that you should have done that. You'd wished you would go away. It's a process. You make a mistake, you cry, you regret, you attempt to end it and then you move on. There's no short cut. Take that route for you are only human.

Today, I sat for an exam. I saw her and my heart cried, immobilised with much fear. For a moment, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I felt I died down there. And all I remember was all the pain I've caused her. No wonder I couldn't move on. She was the only one. As I dropped my pen, signalling the end of my paper, I pondered about the steps I'm about to take. Am I to fail or am I just to move on?

I chose to fail. Handing up a set of workings instead of the real paper.

I don't know what gripped me. All I could remembered is that I am the one to blame. If you find a book, teach me. If you find a mistake in me, correct me. But if you find a sword, stab me so you won't be bothered by me. Let me die.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

What About Now?

But I'm still in love with you.

Every time I see you, my tears drown me with all the sorrow I've caused you. Oh how I wished I could take away your pain. I would soak up the wet anguish and see you smile no matter what. What matters me the most is that you hate me.

Please, please hate me. I don't want to see you contemplate on something so trivial like me. I am a failure. I have disappointed you in so many ways that I'd rather die in return of you smile.

You bring joy to everyone i this world. How can I halt you from changing people's lives by my faults? You should know, I don't care if I die, as long as you smile.

I'll send all my love to you.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Letter To God

The person called my Dad this afternoon, to ask for his PSP. Of course, I had to give back anyway. Well, the PSP was really great. I played a number of games on it. Those include a stealth game called Dark Mirror and a racing game, NFS: Most Wanted. Sigh, I wished I owned a PSP. Well, that means that I would play on it every day. That also means that my grades would drop due to the lower focus percentage allocated for studying. MAN! Life is hard!

No, it's interesting,

Just got home from the NTUC at Toa Payoh. Slipped into some "Toa Payoh Clothes" and the never boring pair of sandals. You know, it hit me when I was at the check out counter. I was looking over 2 customers away and I saw a pile of goods in their trolley. I wondered into my aastronomical thoughts, if plastic bags are harming the Earth with a great, loud, and painful thud, should't we protect the Earth with methods of the same calibre? By wearing the "I SAY no to plastic bags" badge, it seems it did not have much impact. Also, the implementation of the days where shoppers must bring their own bags on those days don't seem to work either.

Maybe the government is not really thinking of pursuing a cleaner Earth? Or are they busy with the other 'environmentally friendly' measures they wish to take. Or are they just sitting, resting on their laurels, using the wait-and-see approach? Whatever it is, I'm making sure I put my part in making a cleaner Earth. Maybe we should send a Letter To God, writing a petition to help us make the people save the Earth!


Source: Manly Council


I woke up in hopes that I would ignite this lining of fats with a morning jog. Of course, it was immediately short lived with the huge dark clouds, spanning from North to East and from East to West. I thought to myself, this gotta be a joke! It has been 2 weeks since I ran! GEEZ!

Anyway, my dad came home with a PSP! Yeap, that Playstation Portable I've been drooling over like 5 star dinner for a beggar. Well, some passenger left it in his taxi and he took it. At first, I thought I could keep it but then I felt this surge of guilt that clamours in my heart. Sigh. I told my dad that this item does not belong here. It should be returned to it's rightful owner. I know, I hear you all call 'fouls' but my dad has this owner's contact, more reasons to give it back. After all, a PSP this time is bad as my Prelims are in 2 weeks.

But what the heck, let's give it a run! So I played it. Yeah!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Productivity Woes

As we converge to a new point where we become what others 10 years back were just dreaming about, we ourselves must promise the sanity that have been given. Or maybe, we must withhold the only scratch of insanity. For we only have one chance to go nuts.

Continue next time.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

And I Should...

And I should be studying right now. My 2nd round of Common Tests is on this coming Monday. Not only that, rumour has it that my school will be scheduling meeting with my parents. It's already Sunday, and I don't think it's the better of them to just make a meeting with less than a day's notice. Unless of course my parents are hiding that very fact away from me. And of course, my Mom will be then, informing me of the 'secret' meeting. Sigh.

I just finished washing my Dad's taxi. It was just a wash with no soap and I got 10 bucks for it. Talk about rip off. I mean, my Dad knows that and he also knows that the 10 bucks he gave me is better off. I've trying to save up for a PSP but when I went window shopping for one the other day, I was shocked to see the price shoot to nearly $400.


And I should say, "WHOA!" I'd rather get an Xbox 360 or a PS3 for that matter. I seriously don't think a PSP is a good way to burn $400. I've been eyeing on a refurbished iPod Nano which costs MUCH MUCH lesser than a non-refurbished one. And if I couple it with AppleCare (A premium 3-year warranty service), I might even still equal to the non-refurbished's cost. But of course, I mainly tag my music along when I go running. That will offset me by a bit more when I finally start to purchase the Nike+ set. WAY EXPENSIVE. The shoe alone costs $200!

And I should think of maybe saving it a bit more for a dinner with her. Yeah, that should be a good idea. I'll go up to her and ask if she might want to go out to dinner with me. I'll smile and await her answer. If she says yes, I'll patiently tell her to meet me at restaurant or then I should pick her up at her house. After that, I'll walk down to the 3rd floor, turn a corner and jump in joy. : )

And I should be happy knowing that she accepted my offer. But of course, I must not forgo my needs. My wireless just died. Sigh. My wardorobe seems empty. Sigh. My pencil box is also empty. Sigh. My life needs you. : )