Sunday, October 27, 2013

around here somewhere are our skeletons.

I found some notes lying around in my Figured I would look through and do some spring cleaning. Look what I found. And of course, I had to practice some black.
Dated: 18 March 2013 
On the AAR of         Overnight Cycling
We reached Sims Ave way too early. Traffic was thick. And that made cycling dangerous as hell. 
Before that was City. 
Could have explored more, sit by the bay, a little more camwhoring. This way, Sims Avenue would be empty by 3am. 
We need to stop more perhaps. 
Identify more places for good camera shots. The stretch to Paya Lebar area was a killer. Because there is another stretch that would kill later. 
For that though, it's the final leg. It is kinda a souvenir and a must have for a east cycle tour like this. When touring along Sims Ave, we should have taken the ongoing direction instead of incoming. 
It's a goldmine I tell you. I have all these notes on various things. Just like a diary, they range from topics, subjects, ideas and more. Imagination is the limit. It's like having a conversation with yourself.

The above note seemed to be a reflection or certain debrief points after a cycling event. It seems that I was engulfing myself with so much information at every moving pace of the event. Must be one great feat. I wonder what is pushing this top head to do so much! And to lay it out as such. Simply great memory to be thankful for.

I had been more of a hands on person. I simply had to move. So writing was a no brainer. Then technology soon provided more reason to ditch pen and paper. But of course, you had to have a trigger point.

Must have been those long bus rides. Philosophical at its core, long bus rides contribute to many reflections of one's life. Gaze out of that window and you will fall into a deep abyss of unaltered, unsupervised and unfiltered thoughts. This makes them dangerous. Like splitting atoms, ready to explode with energy, they may pose a great trap into regret and self-abuse.

But that makes it wonderful as well.

We know it can pull one down but it forces us to teach ourselves, on how to be disciplined. We teach ourselves how to counter such negativeness. We teach ourselves how to fight it. We teach ourselves to be less suicidal.

Here's another.
Dated: 20 December 2012 
Those that are very judgemental
Those that never change
Those that don't make things worth it
So what does it mean? What is the story behind these conception of 3 lines? Truly there must have been a trigger point.

And sometimes, the notes serve as a drafting area for some things that really take so much of us. Or almost a part of ourselves. I drafted a message to this person a day before a new chapter begun on September 11th.

Maybe I thought it was a great fucking idea to be optimistic.  Then again, I was trained by then so I knew what I was dealing. In my head had the 2 possibilities but I just had to put a finger on one.


I had to use notes to draft. I knew I drafted a couple of times before I had it copy-paste and sent. Maybe at that time, I simply cannot fathom it all. So the Notes did help in ensuring that I was closing that chapter properly. I knew it all along by the way. Just wanted to be optimistic.
Dated: 10 September 2012 
Title: Hey! (Hoping for the best but expecting the worst.)
Hey! Tried calling you a couple of times but you missed it. Must be busy helping your mom tidy! Haha. That's great! Hope you're not being feisty-angsty with your mom! She's the only one you got, so treasure her! I know it might be ironic for me to say, but even if I say my mom is not what I expect, I still love her and I can't change that. Haha.

I was actually at the void deck of your place. Wanted to surprise you but... well Surprise! Haha. Just wanted to meet and say thanks for a listening ear for me! And I too hope I had been more of a positive help than a negative influence! :P 

Since, you're gonna be a few thousand km away and I will be committing to the police program, i don't think we will meet anymore. :0 All the best in UK! Come back, if you can haha, in one piece! Study hard and also, play hard! Not too hard ahh! :)

Here is a thank you for everything and a goodbye! Oh! One more thing, smile like you mean it! See you when I see you. ;)

Thursday, October 17, 2013


So we got stuck in one place. Now I've managed to summon an external source of support, it is INDEED time to begin. 

I used to be that guy who was strong. With time decaying anything in its path (the mind in this particular case), I was out and about being a person of everything. Whatever you throw at me, I can be your answer. Those days of being a mercenary are long gone. Today, I am a factory worker. 

Naturally, I can't be dissing everything in the past. What I did take away from those days were a set of valuable skills that I still hone today. The inert ability to ignore and suppress pain, constant on the ball dedication, adaptive and swift recognition, inclusive participation for those around & a keen eye for connections. 

Then again, time rots everything. 

The current 'me' wants to have a ball and biscuit and take his sweet time about things. Not exactly harmful as this is in the line of appreciating life deeper. Lol?

Let's embrace those skills again. Not to revert to the past comfort levels but to play around in today's context. I wanna be "ball and biscuit" right? Might as well "ball and biscuit" on something of value.