Thursday, November 27, 2008

Mega MEGA!

Lesson 1: Mega McSpicy will have a tempest in your stomach. To make matters worst, I'm low on cash. I've got to gather my own resources or sap from the 'old gold mine', which is going to run out very soon.

But don't get the wrong idea. I can sap via the taxi wash or my completion of daily quests, or chores. And if I'm feeling evil that day, I can just ask. BUT of course, I am rarely evil in that manner. ; ) Nevertheless, it's low and they are goin to run out.

Let me put myself a goal ahead, I don't want to spend on anything now. Getting sponsorships from my parents are of more a pain on the neck as I have to plough through their deeply rooted beliefs of the traditional. For example, "you don't need a PS3! It's kiddish stuff!" MAN, you should have seen my face! Maybe yeah, games did originate to enlighten the hearts of the young and YOUNG MINDED. Humph, growing up sucks.

SITEX drawing crowds, AGAIN. Shall I go? Or shall I write a poem, for her? : )

I stand for nothing these days. Damn.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Bored Out Of My Skull

I should get a job. My Dad's car wash offer won't let me survive a week in the wild. But I will still take up the job. At 10 bucks a wash, it's a pretty good deal for me considering the fact that I don't need to soap up the car.

A friend of mine offered a waiter job for me. It's at 5.50/hr and since we will be working about 6 hour shifts (or more), that will at least give me $33 a day. That's a pretty good deal! But I should highlight that a plate costs $100! Whoa!

The upcoming SITEX has many booths drawing students to promote the products at hand. There was no indication of the salary details in the paper, said another friend who looked it up in yesterday's paper. But I don't care about the pay for now. I want to focus in getting my sketch together so that when I DO REALLY need a job, I don't inherit a fear that resides in many of us. I need experience.

But the world today has many refering to the $$$ status as a measurement of 'success'. I guess there's room in there for such a thought. After all, if you pay your workers peanuts, you get monkeys. What about being efficient? Shouldn't that justify this 'unethical' measurement? Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't want to work short hours for long slary numbers? I'm sure everyone wants that. There is of course a line that defines this and to be honest, this line is thick for some but thin for money. For me, I want to absorb as much experience right now. And partly too, I don't want to waste my time infront of a screen. I want to go out.

Maybe I should add that the waiter job has my friends all together. Maybe a smoother sail with people I know? Meh, it could be. However, at the end of the day, I will get my sketch back.

To illustrate to you the magnitude of my boredom, I actually agreed to help paint my teacher's classroom some 2 hours before the meet! In fact, once I received the message, I jumped out of bed! And of course, the painting thing went late into the night and it well... got my Mom angry. Sigh. Mom, I'm bored at home. I'd rather spens the whole month helping my teachers WITHOUT any strings attached than waste time dwelling on past thoughts.


And to the Balara High students from Philippines. WELCOME to my blog! Haha. Yes, I'm a different Zul. Not that one that went to your school. Well, it's good once in a while to get a surprise like this! Haha!


Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm Lost.

I've somehow lost my direction. For the past weeks, I thought I was going in the right direction. But then, I just stopped moving and just lost faith.

It happened like so. I was helping out to paint something. And then she comes by and I just totally lost it. I might be blaming on the fact that I had little conversation topics with her. And not to forget my less than comfortable stuttering. [Strangely, it only happen around her.] I'm no fool. I just want her to be at her happiest. Never do I feel in any way to harm her. Never.

Maybe... maybe I was being a burden for her. In the light of my recent 'controversy', she might have gotten a word from my parent. So she just don't want to be responsible for me. I mean, in a way, I've caused her harm. Damn.

Maybe... maybe she just saw the flaws that I have made and I'm just not good enough for her. I really hate to visualize this because she's not this type of person. I think.

It's just that there this air of animosity that surrounds me whenever I see her. When I try to reach out to her, it blurs my vision and blocks my senses. Rendering me powerless, I can never say what that's need to be said. And here is where it snowballs to a huge problem. I've got to admit here, I write better than I talk, contrary to my on-stage performance huh?

I hope she reads my blog and maybe she can hear what I really want to say. So much guilt lays upon me.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Ghandi.... LOL.

Let's picture this, a time after your Graduation Dinner. You and your boys, might add that they are 'wilder' than you, decided to go over one's house and celebrate till there's no tomorrow! (Well actually that's true. No tomorrow as is no more secondary-school-life tomorrow) And all goes well untill Mom called.

CONFLICT 1 My Mom said that it will be 'bad' of me as I am going to a friend's house late at night. She added that it would reflect badly of my parents indicating that my parents have no respect of other people. And I say: "I WAS INVITED. HE GLADLY INVITED ME." Hmm...

It was late at night. Probably about half past 11. Yeah, what she said here was true. She won this round.

Anyway, I reluctantly turned back when we were just half-way through the journey. It was at the MRT. I took the last train to Toa Payoh and the last bus to my house. But on the train, saw a classmate of mine, Mr Giraffe. Reminded me of my class. Haha.

In response of the conflicts, I became angry. But took the path of Gandhi and walked through a warzone without any instruments of violence. What I meant was that I simply stopped talking to my Mom. :-) I was just out of words.

After a few tears and a few more heart stopping skirmishes, which did not shift me away from the Gandhi Movement, a truce was called by them. Or, rather a sign that peace is approaching my arid lands. Anyway, I stick to my GM, Gandhi Movement, because I have a question in my mind that needs an answer.

Are they using what they thaught my brother to teach me? Man, those must be old stuff cos my brother is almost 10 years older than me. Wow.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

KFC... I'm so not getting man-boobs in the morning...

Ah, the afternoon sun beating its rays onto the backs of many. It's almost time. Like drums of a song, my heart too beats heavily. It's the kind of feeling that you get when you get up in front of a sea of faces. It's the feeling that something might happen. Something close to me might happen. I pray for a smooth event for tonight's Graduation Dinner. Hopefully, the food at Raffles Town Club is not as bad like how many have commented in the previous years. It's sad to see many of my friends go away but I know they will be forever in my memories. For tonight...

So, again I asked myself. Do I think I lost it? Do I think I can find it? Honestly, I believe I will find it but it's just a matter of time. I'll let it roll out and emerge by itself. Right now, I will come to realize the mistakes and will sort it all out. It's a one way road that I must take. I felt it so strong, but nothing has turned out how I wanted it. It's hard because I won't let go everything I hold.

For tonight, will mark an end of an era.
It will mark the path we have left and the new one ahead of us.
But, let it mark a new beginning.
Let it mark our dreams.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sucky Yucky!

Yeah. I feel sucky. All the things I could weren't done. Now I regret most of it. It's a really sucky feeling. Just like a taste of demoralising but it lasts forever. Sigh. But hear me say right now. I WILL NOT let it dwell in my mind and let it consume my life. I WILL MAKE IT BETTER!

Class chalet was suppose to be this week. However, in our quest to cut costs, we found a better deal some other time. Someone proposed it to be held in January (A full 2 months away!!!). But it was nonetheless a good idea as it is off-peak. You should have seen the price difference! S$200 vs $400!!!


Communication seem tight. Should have kept the class blog alive. Sigh. And now, people just don't want to visit it. BIG SIGH! But I will still keep it alive. I've gotten Abel and the other Admins to promote it [Hah. Panda Man seems to be missing]. Anyway, I wish to get the class chalet settled by this month. That includes booking and all. I just don't want to procrastinate it just like the class shirt. -_- And since my exams are over, I've got too much time to spare. So this shouldn't be a problem! ;) And so, I would like to promote my class blog. GUYS! PLEASE GO THERE FOR UPDATES!

If I haven't tell you, I'm on red alert. Much of it is because of my disastrous performance in my O's. I don't think I can just ride throught the waves. I need to prepare for the worst, which is an ITE path. Geez. Obviously, I will appeal for a repeat in Sec 4 if not, I just have to be a private candidate. Being a private candidate would mean that I have to teach myself. No. Help. At. All. I'm not saying that I stand no chance to repeat nor my school would not mind taking me back. They too have reasons to not take me back. I must see what my results can offer me. Such thing can never give me bliss.


Saturday, November 08, 2008

I hate them.

It happens every now and then. On and off and on again. Maybe off later. Stop fighting. The last time I showed care, you pushed me away as though I'm of no importance. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Must I kill myself before you all see how 'important' I could be?

Screw this shit.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Re-post: Justify.

I had to re-post. The previous one wasn't ideal for what I want to express. It wasn't that I was bored. It wasn't that I had nothing to do. It wasn't that I didn't want to do. It was because I did not replace the reason why I wanted to do it.

Just came back after a short visit to my Aunt's. My mom was collecting her money pool for this month. Apparently, a few of my mom's and aunt's friends' decided to pool their money. Every month, one person will collect the pool. It's a quick way to get more cash or in a way, you could save more. It is just pooling the money so nothing gain or lost. My mom brought my aunt the Lontong dish she had cooked earlier. In return, my aunt prepare Mee Rebus for us to bring back. Sigh, and I was just telling my mom to eat healthy food.

After that, we went to Raffles City. After much wandering, we left about half an hour of pointless searching. But of course, we had to stop by at J.CO Donuts. It's at Basement 1. So it was just so convenient of us to get a dozen of too many varieties. There was a cheese flavoured donut, a pink dipped chocolate and one topped with slices nut called Al Pachino. Cool. Delicious food with weird names. Just adds much twist eh! Haha. I actually wanted to visit Epicentre and maybe try to get an iPod Touch or something. I REALLY WANT IT!!! Maybe I should remind myself that it costs as much as a PS3. Hmm... In the end, we didn't go down to Epicentre because firstly, parking space is scarce! And secondly, I'm sure my dad will go bonkers when he sees the price tag. Gotta strike the iron when it's hot.

With the clock ointing to 9, we eventually decided to pop by at MecKenzie's Rex and have another, boring but delicious chiken rice meal. Same dishes again and again. To top it off, I couldn't get myself to strike a conversation. Geez, maybe they are so anti-social. Wanted to discuss about my relentless pursuit of materialism or even my blurry future. But I guess I just had no balls. Dang.

Hopefully, I hope Mother comes to school tomorrow. I just like to hear her voice. LadyBird went with 3SA for a relief work in Manila, Philippines. I imagined following the group untill reality took hold of me and said, "Dude! You have Social Studies O's tomorrow!" Crap.

Well let me end this post by saying that is dear to me. I was just thinking and I told myself that in every action I make, I have lost the intention to justify. This is something that every Human must do. Hitler hated the Treaty of Versailles for a reason. Lehman Brothers didn't went bankrupt just like that. Everything has a reason. Everything has to be justified. So, if I lay here, mindless of this pressing issue, then, I must be inhuman. That's why I need Mother. She tells me that I am human.