Tuesday, June 26, 2007


I didn't run today because I wasn't in a mood today. I had some other mood that kept my heart skipping it's beats. I thought this mood was eradicated long time ago. One can find great sorrow in it. Such sorrow is rarely found in other humans of me.

"Mood" can't simply describe this impulse. It's a feeling without an emotion. It's evil with the heart. It's a lie in a lie. It's me. It's me that has brought others down. It's me that am a disease to many. I'm a nuisance. I'm problematic. I'm not worth here.
It's like a tattoo that sinks deep in the skin and sticks out like a sore thumb. Reminding myself how I am a failure.

It's hard to cry. I can't even feel the pain. Just numbness.

Robot Talk

There's a sharp pain in my heart. It's bearable but it's continuous. It'll continue forever until the problem gets solved. The pain makes me a bad man. Ironically, the pain never caused me tears nor blood.

It's just hard. I hope one day, I could cry and bleed.

Or just die..............

Monday, June 25, 2007


Thank you to MY FORM TEACHER who is the best-ta-bessstttt! (Second... hehe) She gave me this chocolate thingy for my work! YOU ROCK!!!! :D

Not Waterproof...

I'm sitting here starting my Run posts. MAN! Whoever did the label feature was a genius! Tsk, I only have 4 minutes to finish this post!

I went running today at 6 pm. It's my opening run, which means my first after a long break, so i can't run my normal 2.4 immediately. If I do, I'll get cramps! I wanted to try something new. I wanted to listen to my music while I run. Some say it make wonders but me, being the scientist, I ventured out to test that fact!

With my fake MP3 and some crappy old earbuds, I ran.

OMG... It was not what I thought it would be. The long wires got in the way and it was really irritating. My ears were wet and the buds kept slipping! Well the buds were not meant for this! But all that aside, the music really improved my performance by 55%! I was running like the
wind. I'm gonna use the other buds which are WATERPROOF. Gonna run around Potong Pasir tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

The Scientist

Tall tales raved my mind,
Fuelled by heart thumping, mind-moving, melodies of Coldplay.
I still have to answer questions.
It haunts me every night for not answering.
Nobody said it was easy.
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
I'm going back to the start.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dang It, I Want A Rig!

Many of us have plenty of hopes and dreams. Not forgetting a mountain of wants. Honestly, I have tonnes of wants but I never work for it. I’m sure I have plenty of examples for that. The title must have gave you an idea of what I’m going to talk about. So let’s cut the crap and get this done over with it.

I want a normal desktop. A normal desktop that has good graphics. I don’t care about the sound. A flat screen monitor is nice. Many vendors are hooking their machines with an Intel Core 2 Duo so I don’t mind it at all. 512MB of RAM sounds small. If it’s possible, I would appreciate a 1GB! The keyboard and mouse doesn’t really matter to me. As long as they are workable.

After getting my system, I would put it on the computer table. After all, that table is for computers. I guess I have to dish out the old one. Instead of throwing it away, I could sell it to some shop at SLS. It should earn me a few more bucks. If everything is done properly, my system will be my new desktop.

That’s not the end brother! I have to buy an anti-virus software. Buy a wireless PC card so that I could surf at 10MBps. Finally after all that, I switch it on. In my hands is the long-awaited BF2142 disc that I have longed for. Everything will look fine but suddenly my desktop crashes.

This is reality. That’s why my parents refuse to get me another desktop. I must say, taking care of a desktop is like taking care of a fish. If you don’t clean the tank, the fish dies. If you don’t put a water filtration system, it also dies. Darn fish. Hey, the fish story is true ok.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Bored Out Of My Skull

Today's father's day. Well every father would bring their families out for a dinner or two, mine will just sit down and rest. My father is a taxi driver and after scouring for passengers in the morning today, what else can I say then to advise him to rest. Even if we did go out for a dinner, the restaurants would be over-crowded by families. Some indulging in their feast and some quietly lined, waiting for their turn. It's non-stop. A family waits while another indulges. And when it's over, they change places.

While the dinner is a time to thank the fathers for their hard work and raising great kids, it's also a great time for restaurants to their pockets filled. Walking in the empty mall of Plaza Singapura, I saw many offers just for father's day. It really give fathers the sense that they are really important. Which is good.

As I sit here typing, I am really bored. I should be playing my PS 1 if I want to pass time. Maybe relive great Xena or just replay some mastered games, a little cheating won't hurt. ;) Some teachers would advise me to do my homework or read some thick novel or fulfil my uncertain life with great achievements. Hmm... maybe I'll consider the latter. But maybe, I'll be better off alone. Sit here and mourn on my blog.

Or just go tech shopping at Sim Lim Square.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

This article reminds me....

'Superhero' takes on clampers

Angle-grinder Man - a self-proclaimed superhero - patrols by night looking for unhappy drivers who have been clamped and then sets their cars free.

He promises to take on clamping firms, speed cameras and the congestion charge on behalf of drivers.

An odd-job man by day, he claims to operate in Kent during the week and in London at weekends.

A hotline number on his website offers a free wheel clamp removal service.

I for one am prepared to fight for what is fair and am making myself available to the public
Angle-grinder Man

On calling, an answer phone message invites callers to "leave a message after the grinding sound".

The unnamed man, who wears a costume of gold boots and crotch-hugging pants over a blue leotard, said he was happy to take the risk.

"It's a public service," he says on his website.

"I for one am prepared to fight for what is fair and am making myself available to the public.

'Deeper malaise'

"I may not be able to single-handedly and totally cast off the repressive shackles of a corrupt government - but I can cut off your wheel-clamps for you."

He says he decided to go "full-time vigilante" in May this year.

"My obsession with wheel-clamping is actually a rebellion against a much deeper malaise," he said.

"Namely, the arrogant contempt that politicians hold for the people who put them into power, and whom they claim to represent."

A Kent Police spokeswoman said no complaint about wheel clamps being cut off had been made by either a clamping firm or a member of the public.

A spokeswoman for the Metropolitan Police said they could not investigate unless a crime was reported.

Friday, June 15, 2007

-no title-

I want to start off by saying that I have a short tongue. This is why I spent half of my time typing behind this screen then speaking to you face to face. If I do or did talk to you, you would notice that I stutter. This "disease" has been in me since the day I was born. There is a cure for it but this cure is a mere practice of speech.

Wiki's take on stuttering.

Ok, maybe this cure is not only practice but some medication and aids. So what? I'm not going to spend a few hundred bucks on these cures. There are other ways to communicate. So is there really a need to buy them?

My real objective here is to tell you about me. How much I would want to be special, I am just a normal boy with a normal life, which I screwed it up just to be special. It's really an eyesore when one person tries to copy another. It makes me ask myself, "Why do people copy each other?" I'm not saying copy as in idea copying [we all know that it is wrong especially when the idea has copyright]. I'm saying as in personality copy. This act of copying is so common that some [including me] believe that this is because of standard. And it's because of this standard that gives us a reason to live. I lost my standard when I failed to impress my friend. When I was with her in my second year, she was, and still is, like my friend. Caring and friendly, I quickly take her as my best friend. She was the one there for me. She would be always be there for me. But somehow, it all ended this year. It was all because I failed to impress her, I failed to be there for her [even if she doesn't need me I should have at least stand there] and of course, I wasn't good enough for her.

I lost her like I lost my heart.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Be A Vegetarian!

About 2 days ago, i went to e2max with togu and turtle. LOADED man! there's a razer mouse! [i think it's a copperback], a tarantula [a label name for razer's keyboard] and of course, the crazy 3.50 an hour price tag. if you weigh i the razer factors, it's pretty much worthwhile. :) After much being owned by 2142 veterans, i'm keen in joining the race for a 2142 badge. life has been boring without a challenge lately.

maybe i'll talk that later tomorrow. i really need to post this news!


LONDON: A British artist ate a corgi dog, famous for being Queen Elizabeth II's favourite breed, in protest on Tuesday after a group including her husband Prince Philip allegedly killed a fox earlier this year.

Mark McGowan, who has previously eaten a swan as part of a performance art show, tucked into the dog alongside Yoko Ono, the widow of ex-Beatle John Lennon, live on a London radio station.

I know some people will find this offensive and tasteless but I am doing this to raise awareness about the RSPCA's inability to prosecute Prince Philip and his friends shooting a fox earlier this year, letting it struggle for life for five minutes and then beating it to death with a stick," he said.

The RSPCA (the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) is in charge of handing over evidence to British prosecutors in cases where they believe acts of cruelty to animals have been committed.
They said they found "no evidence" that any offence had taken place in January, when the incident took place.
An independent post-mortem examination was carried out and found that the fox died from gunshot wounds – and no evidence of other injury or trauma was found," it said in a statement.The only witness who could have supported the version of events reported in some sections of the media refused to give a statement."

McGowan said the dog, which died at a breeding farm, tasted "really, really disgusting", and added that Ono "looked a bit strange" as she also tasted the dog.

The queen has owned more than 30 corgis during her reign, which started in 1952, and currently owns four – Pharos, Swift, Emma and Linnet.
Talk about animal discrimination! BOTH WAYS!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The New Apple

Leopard? My, such a ferocious one!

As always, Apple loves style!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Stupid.... Seriously Stupid

For the them, by me. ...

First of all, i would like to apologise for my rash act yesterday. However, to me, this act of disrespect must not be allowed in our society that has yet to get an uproar. How much I hate to say this, I will continue to sit on the fence until all evidences have been thoroughly scrutinised. For some, this is the only justice i can make.

Lemme start.

Yesterday, The Sunday Times reported an article by the STOMP community. This post, first read, gave me mixed responses. However, further reading gave me a shock. The article titled "STOMP's Sizzling Contest" is an announcement to anyone who can send in pictures of teachers of such beauty or handsomeness that deserves to be in the contest. The sender must write in a short paragraph about why the sender chose the picture and the winner will be given $1000 but it shall be used to aid the school's funding. The first that came to me was that this competition has nothing hidden to hurt in any way. However, I read my sir's view on this and it really made me think.

SASS, my school, is a boys school. In it, one can feel laughter, sadness, ridicule, hate, deception, power hungry, love (and a bit of jealousy and some gay) but to top it all off, lust. It can't be help. A young man that was left in a school full of boys but finally able to explore the wonders in secondary life. Puberty is what doctors say. A sin for the Christians. A betrayal of the code for me. But something that can't die. Everything seems fine until here.

What if something went wrong? What if the feeling is so great that it takes over the body and mind, leaving the owner in a world of it's own? What if that happens? Pictures of teachers taken without the teachers' notice but the worst, students going to the edge by taking pictures under the skirt of teachers. Something like this has happened and I ask why.

Influences in media such as TV and internet are theoretical correct and many measures have been laid out to prevent such "over use". If that's so, something else then? Yes. And that is the article. We know this is downright bad. So we prevent it. We declare laws that keep porn-mongers away from our shores of children. We make sure our Daily gets approved by the government and such. But still, this article has somehow slipped through the sieve of many editors.

But this is not to persuade you about a point i view. This is a discussion.

"$1000 prize money to be spent by the school." I'm sure this article was carefully thought by the editors. The prize money, for example, is said to be used only by the school. 'Nuff said. The editors are not careful enough. That's all.

Shit! I said shit!

My friend says that i make boring posts. To tell u the truth, i don't give a shit!

Friday, June 08, 2007


hmm... Should i follow Togu's Series series? He has his "moodless series". So maybe i should make the SLACK SERIES! The tag line? Another post that slacks!
Anyway, i wonder what's the difference between tag line and slogan. Aren't they just quotes? Here's what the dictionary says...
Tag Line: A SLOGAN or catchphrase especially used in advertisements.
Slogan: A short and memorable phrase used in advertisements.
No diff rite?
Now now, there's nothing to worry about. TODAY, was a normal frigging day wasted by my faith in the frigging robotics lab. Now what the frig. i was playing some lame games in the lab and for a moment, i felt i wanted power. mainly because my stubborn juniors would not lend a ear to me. those jackasses. then, running up and down the lab i hope to heat up my cold feat, my mind came to a word...


of course, whoever who has heard of this fella would instantly think of an evil me. thankfully, i managed to chained that guy of at the nearby street lamp. the next thing was to control the coms!

if the sir is reading this, he would be thinking... "Hmm, i didn't know zul was this bad!" YEA RITE. That sentence would be from matthew himself. after he had revealed the bitter truth, it was a though a pair of eyes would hover above me and follow everywhere i go. tsk... you wait...

so no more emo stuff? see first. i need to remove "matthew the sarcastic of the third" [in an old english voice] FIRST before i do anything....

irc... here i come!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

tell me that i'm a bad bad man...

i can't help it but to write emo stuff here. i refuse to write in my journal b'cos
1) my handwriting is atrocious.
2) whenever i write, my fingers and wrist hurt.
3) if i get something wrong, i must correct it by using the correction tape. in turn, it will make the paper dirtier.
V qba'g jnag gb qb ubzrjbex gung'f sebz ure.
anyway, i'm a bad bad man. i have lost all mood to move on. my lies are making a mountain and my hate has never been deeper. whenever i see her, my mood level just fell immediately. like when i was having the meeting about a competition. i have plans but didn't voice out. merely b'cos i hate her for not understanding me. every time i see, i will lie to her. every time i talk about her, i will lie. the more i lie, the more i don't want her. maybe that's what i'm suppose to do. total isolation from her. a feeling when total strangers from either end of the world met.
i still want her understanding. she has changed me at first, making me stretch my wings. But when i saw you cry, i shot down myself.

ever tried being heartless?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

roses? actually they don't remind me of u at all

roses is the plural of a rose. comming is wrong! it's coming!

words aside, my day of ALICE was an indeed eventful one. [i'm just plucking any reachable words from my head] though mr chew's antics made us steer off the road, we managed to get to an end with some goals in mind. Storyline is this year's theme. call it vague, indifinite ao whatever. That's my task for this year.

I know MATTHEW GUNAWAN SIA is reading this and some of my friends are. Weird thing is that people are reading my blog. Beware fellow readers, my posts are boring and worthless, reading these may waste your time!

I totally have no mood to post now. I didn't look at her. I just don't. Looking at her just remind me of my flaws. She doesn't know that. I just can't wish her away. Is this punishment for breaking her heart? Is this because I wasn't good enough for her?

I really don't know. I just want to cry in front of her.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Red Hot are from the Chilli Peppers

seriously speaking, what's the purpose of a journal when one writes his thoughts and feelings on a blog? practically nothing! i told myself that i spent too much time on the computer. thus getting influenced by the wonders of internet and the advantages of it. comparing a journal to a blog, i prefer a blog. people get to know you indirectly. just by how we write tells a bunch of info about us. anyway, i feel writing in my journal is far much better though only mom gets to read it!

i just came back from the smrt family day. overall, it's boring. games suited for kids below the age of 12 and food fit for overworked peasants. well, at least they gave food! i got myself a japanese bento set. looks like one with tempura, teriyaki beef (i guess) and rice with some seeds on them. the deal is that it doesnt taste like one. +_+ like i've said earlier, at least they gave us food.

so it wasn't a good family day but mayb the real "fun" lies in the sense to explore. i mean we were at Sentosa and since it's a tiny island with loads of fun escapades, and beach ladies and hunks [they all hav 6 packs... -_-], it's actually the sense to venture out the yet undiscovered Sentosa [the first thing that comes to my mind when u say Sentosa?....errr.... fort siloso?]. that's the plus in that family day. but sry guys, i'm in no mood when she's walking away from me.

after 3 durians, a bento meal, a pair of predators full of sand and a 1/2 dark chinese looking guy, you'll get me. my dad got us 3 durians. MAN! no wonder ppl hate them! oh btw, i got some pictures on the family day, i shall upload it on my flickr and post the link on top soon.

i gonna wash my dad's car and get 4o bucks. not much but hey, i need to save on getting ram for my mackie. mackie? u dont know? mackie the white macbook. windi... can just leave him to dust... hope i get a pluto!

on a final note, pls visit the saint 2.0. i like how the sir writes. so...so...so captivating!

Friday, June 01, 2007


i want to be bad. there are so little things now. honestly, what would become of me? i hate reality and subsitute my fantasy. in the end, i end up w/ reality. y do all good things come to an end? i'm ok w/ it ending but y is it not endless? i'm losing my edge. i'm losing my steps. i'm losing my friends. and i'm losing my mind. i guess she's not coming huh?

lovers to friends to invisible people. yea, we were never lovers but you were in me...were...

news on games....LAME


Whoa cool... games for rent. Maybe i shld be into these kind of things. I'm getting REALLY bored! however, i think i shld get my rig up first!