I didn't run today because I wasn't in a mood today. I had some other mood that kept my heart skipping it's beats. I thought this mood was eradicated long time ago. One can find great sorrow in it. Such sorrow is rarely found in other humans of me.
"Mood" can't simply describe this impulse. It's a feeling without an emotion. It's evil with the heart. It's a lie in a lie. It's me. It's me that has brought others down. It's me that am a disease to many. I'm a nuisance. I'm problematic. I'm not worth here.
It's like a tattoo that sinks deep in the skin and sticks out like a sore thumb. Reminding myself how I am a failure.
It's hard to cry. I can't even feel the pain. Just numbness.
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