Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
I have to complete a large portion of my FYP's programming for showcase tomorrow. Sounds cool huh? When your software is buggy and is prone to crashes, it's like writing a 1000 word essay with sore fingers and a diarrhoea. So much so, I am sick of it. In my planning, I would ditch this software and get a better one.
Did I mention how my supervisors are more of naggy parents who only know how to point out faults then to motivate, or professionally called 'support', students' hard work?
Then again, I am 'contracted' to do this shit I don't feel like doing. My reward? A measly grade that indicates how well I listen to my supervisors' demands.
Bravo. Is that the real measure of success? How we turn out in the light of others? Is it what we choose to wear? A man in a suit vs a man in torn clothes. What is really a true indicator of success?
Beats me too. But is being successful what we really want? I've seen many programs, on TV and in self-improvement workshops, that help to define the "true meaning" of success. Books outline them and bring out the meaning of success. But is that true?
More and more, we got people to understand that it's not about how successful you are. But rather it's if the work you just did is meaningful.
And don't forget to quantify it. I mean if you want to measure something, you got to have some kind of a unit or a value. Like for grades, it is deduced in letters where A represents the top percentile. Say 85 percentile? And then we love stars. Just by affixing a star to a letter, we get the 90 percentile. I would surely worked harder if it had a cooler name like Gold Class A or A-Awesome.
Haha. The thing is, I don't really like to label.
Doing something you don't love is like saying you don't smoke but you hang around with smokers when they smoke. Unless you are trying to prove a paradox, I'd say you should find new friends.
And we can't quantify or put a value to meaning. The closest you get is a floating feeling of how much you felt its meaningful. You simply can't attach a physical quantity. It's like grabbing air. So the real value to how meaningful your work is known through you and the people around you.
Someone from LifeHacker, please come up of an article to hack my brain to love what I don't like. Then that way, I would do my work in a much meaningful way.
And there's always just doing what you love in the first place.
Monday, December 12, 2011
I wanted to just walk up to a complete stranger and just ask, "Hello, how are you?" Just offer 20 minutes of listening. It's like getting into the 1st team selection. It's like being dug up from the accumulating earth that is sitting on top of you since Monday. It's like FINALLY, enough with this crap. What if, everyone was your friend?
I was told of this HTHT thingy by a particular friend of mine. It's weird. Why do people need to talk 'heartily'? Can't you decide on your own? Well, maybe they need a 2nd opinion on things. But then again, what's so 'hearty' about it?
By no means I'm downplaying it. I think it's part of a process in decision making. And we are humans. We communicate. So we talk. It's kinda natural... I think.
But one thing is for sure, I just don't think that we should label it. Basically, it's part of our way of communicating and so, let's just talk!
Do I share a higher affinity with you if I 'HTHT' with you? Perhaps if you consider the things I talk to you, perhaps yes. It's exclusively you. But it's not a right. And definitely, we should not live on it. I see a person living on 'HTHT' like it's some mana from a game. The more she hears, the more 'special' she becomes. Like it's her thrill. Her cheap thrill.
No. It makes you weak.
Sunday, December 04, 2011
And I thought I could catch up with my programming schedule by bringing some work back. So I lugged my laptop back on Friday night JUST to realised the next day that I forgot to bring my AC adapter. Talk about luck?
Saturday was like a slob's day. News came trickled in. Especially the news of the passing of former SA principal Mrs Krempl. She taught my brother back in SA and she kinda revolutionised how rugby was in SA. At her time, Rugby was the primary sport and today, SA Rugby is the prime sport of her masses. SA will miss you.
So I wanted to talk about things, for example, How to make Teachers Great (Part 3): Scolding or commenting on an article about Singapore's Civic Responses. But I didn't get along to do that. I was purely putting this Saturday as a Slob's day. I really want to waste time on this day so that I won't waste any other day's time.
Then again, I am doing away time as I type. My Saturday's boring, how about yours? Pretty beautiful right?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
And we wait, one of the students mentioned how amazing the speaker was as he described his invention that with just by placing your hand at the sensor, it will know what drink you want and serve you automatically. That student was awestruck that a machine could just do so much. And everyone agreed.
All except me. LOL. I said that it's pretty disgusting to see a machine doing so much. It technically replaces the human being in deciding what to drink. I added that having machines automate our daily tasks seems like a step into the future but no one can ever know how it will truly affect us. For example, the internet. Before the internet, communicating beyond borders was unimaginably difficult. Though a lot will say that the internet has further shrinked the world, we should not forget the other side; Of how the internet fastened the declining of face to face interaction. All around me, I see people glued to these tiny screens. Forgoing their paperback novels or papers and 'embracing' the step towards the future.
By moving forward, do we for forgo what got us so far today? What about the culture? The traditions? The moral values? The unrivaled code of conduct? Are our people becoming less smarter as we step towards this future?
Smarter people are those that involve a huge amount of information but selectively listen to construct, express and take action about their thoughts. Not those that let anything around them decide. Where's that human part of it?
Sunday, November 20, 2011
My FYP is stale. My jacket was junk. My body is bleak. Everything seems bad. Until something reminded me. And that got me to watch Forest Gump.
It's my weekly practice of watching a cult classic to freshen up my literature senses. Like last week, I watched Donnie Darko. Still haven't review that. Maybe tomorrow I'll start it. And then, not forgetting tonight's Forest Gump.
A change from my daily doings that is kinda useless. Some days, you gotta know that you fall. And when you fall, you have to try to remember the things that make you happy.
I know a cup of Milo makes me happy. With you that is. :)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I'm out from school for 2 days. An old injury has me limping my left leg and whenever I sit, it just gives an annoying pain. It's not exactly a big deal until I spent hours sitting or immobilized on butt. It's a stark reminder that moving about is my speciality. Moving is living.
Spend an hour at my project lab and you will see me flying all over the place. I've got a table for my computer, a table for the programming manual, another table for my tools. So at any given time, you can see me bounce from my laptop to the manual and then to my tools. It's a cycle. :)
I don't like to stay put. Ironically, I have a DISC profile that hates change. Heck Barnum Effect, even that horoscope stated a Capricon's disgust with change in any form or shape. Sooooo, I like to move around, but I hate to change. Hmm... meh, makes sense to me.
Hey. Do me a favour. On your way back to school, see that stranger on your left/right? Yeah, tell him/her your day for me. Madness much? It seems so. But our basic natural instincts of human social-interaction has us in a cycle that when we reveal what bothers us the most to an available ear, we feel much better. It could be that mechanism of letting things go. But why does it feel better to let go? And not treasure it?
It's a debate of cup half full or half empty.
But to us, human emotions that is, that mechanism is true. For instance, imagine that you just had a heated discussion with a person, you just fell like walking away from that place. It's buit-into boys. We just don't like to hang around the scene of crime. I'm not sure about the other half of the humankind though. Haha.
Familiar with the Home Room system in schools? Largely based in the US, students travel from class to class as according to their timetable. Being able to move around, it serves as a break for the mind to gather what it has learnt in that Science period. Provided the student listens that is.
Moving on, be it from lost game of soccer, from the passing of a loved one or from a failed relationship, is the solution that most of us undertake. And talking about it might be a better outlet for some.
For me... I'd rather bear your pain rather than you hear mine. Half cup full, I've no worries. :)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Monday, November 07, 2011
I've been wanting to start my work week on Sundays in an effort to stamp out Monday Blues. Unfortunately, this week already stamped out those blues. At any rate, I should enlist my reading self to digest 4 books I recently purchased.
Or I could hunt down a prospective buyer for my now defunct late 2006 model white MacBook. This fella survived at least 6 YEARS of student torture. It is survived by a dirty, slightly blackened keyboard, a set of speakers that won't be rocking any room party , let alone house party, any time soon. It also sports a "war scar". I mean a crack on the right edge of the palm rest. So how much am I getting from this? Well, I'll be damned. If I get at least 200 from this, I will sell it straight away. STRAIGHT AWAY. Honestly, I might get 50 or 100 if I'm lucky.
I definitely need a new machine. iMovie runs to a crawl in it. Pictures load up real real slow. The famous rotating beach ball, akin to Microsoft's hour glass, debuts much more frequently. And also, it's dirty and old and not new. But it still works. A marvellous machine that is a trademark of quality. But that is not what I really want to say is it?
I kinda miss some things, though.
Monday, October 31, 2011
1. Do not skip meals.
It does sound ironic but if you skip meals, you will burn not the fats, but the muscle proteins more. Besides, your body needs energy to gain those muscles!
Instead, grab a fruit juice or a light meal. On average, your meal you should give you a calorie count of 800. That's if you eat 3 meals a day.
What you want to aim for is a deficit. Cut down on you calorie intake and your body will respond by burning the fat.
2. Gym, with confidence
Have a workout regime figured out. Don't worry about hitting low weights first. Be comfortable with what you can do and progress slowly.
Make it a point to draw a time table. Say maybe run on days 1, 3 and 5. But gym on days 2 and 4.
When you gym, decide beforehand on which part of the body you want to concentrate on. Upper body? Triceps, biceps, shoulders, chest, abs. Lower body? Glutes, calves, quads, abductors, hips.
Another point to note is to make sure you know how to use the machine or the free weights. We don't want any injury at the end of the day.
Get a friend to gym with you too! It really is better with a friend pushing you. And when you push yourself, remember to know your limits. One hour of weights will be enough. Any more, you will feel exhausted afterwards. (don't forget typed of workouts as well! Super sets etc)
3. Rest your limits
Yes, getting into shape is a definite plus but remember your limits. But its a want. You're still doing other stuff. And not being able to do what is needed is bad.
So do the society a favour.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Hi there. How are you? It's funny when we are knee deep in work, we clamour for a break. But when we finally get one, it just passes. Some say it doesn't feel worth. Others will say its not worth to the extent that resting is just wasting their time.
Today is a rest day. Didn't want to go out. Instead, spent my day lazing around like Garfield. I had time playing around with my new phone. More on that later. It just seems weird that today, I seem so unfazed. I hate to admit, I have this lurching feeling to return to work. I felt this rest day is a waste. OH MY. So that's why, tomorrow, I'mma going to start work!
I got myself a new phone. My 3GS took a dive into the waters with Jon at the recent BBQ by East Coast Park. (Jon is still half-guilty by the way. HAHA. KARMA'S A BITCH.) For 2 weeks, I was stuck with a Nokia. It's not that bad but I do miss the time when I would just dabble into Wikipedia in a bus ride while my ears are plugged. That Nokia did give me a break in the sense that it prevented me from plugging my ears or Wiki search everything and anything I come across. Instead, I just focused whatever I had with me. The bus, the people, the trees, the beeps from the ez-link reader, the creaks coming from the metal-wood work of the bus.
Not hot. But beautifully charming. :)
And then, I got an iPhone 4S. TAKE THAT. HEHEHEH. It's like a natural beauty. Industrially marvellous. So the question is, should I protect it whilst hiding its real beauty? Or shall I champion its looks?
Man, beats me.
Breaks aside, my FYP needs to pick up its pace. This group, my group, has good members, hardworking individuals with a competent working mindset. But we just can't settle on things. Gosh.
Going back to the iPhone, I probably won't buy a case for it because I already am using my Dad's previous case. Also, I like that touch of the glass front. Glass back is just too much, I want grip there. And fortunately, my Dad's case gives me what I need. The thing is, it's white! But hey, I ain't wanna buy a new case! I'm just too broke. And the armband from my 3GS fits nicely on the 4S! NAISE. But I don't feel that confident because I can imagine it bouncing up and down while I run. Not a nice thing to do to a new phone.
But hey, who cares about the phone? Most importantly, it's the person on the other end. She's much more. :)
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Not hot. But beautifully charming. :)
Ahh, finally, I have the time just to write. I always wanted to write for quite some time. But it simply eludes me. Making matters worst, I've lost my touch on my laptop's keyboard so much that I kept missing letters by a space. So much for AutoCorrect.
About a week back, I just came back from a camp for my CCA club. And all I want to say is that I'm proud. Really. I am proud of the heroes that spend hours to hours preparing a camp. And I am sure you can feel these heavy responsibilities together for we, have been there before. And it is simply exhilarating to see the young ones stand up before you. It's beautiful to see your sons and daughters grow. Okay, now I sound like a old dude. Brrrrr.
Now, I know we don't reckon this as something we exactly condone. But remember the last time, the last time you said no to a challenge. It could be that time when your teacher asked you to be a school prefect and you didn't want to be burdened. Or the time your mother told you to take the trash out and you felt lazy. Or that time when you were too scared to even walk the night walk. ;) And look at yourself today. Count your deeds for once and tell yourself, "You have made it this far."
So we just give our best. The only best.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I would hope for you, second after second. I would wish you are here with me. I would, but I couldn't. Because times have changed us. Times have made us something different. If I had my time, I would be different. And so would you.
But it's too elusive. The closest thing I could get by was to at least hope that I had my way of time. To at least hope that things would go my way. To at least hope that you would walk by and see me. To at least hope that you would smile again. But then again, it's time.
For some, you got to at least try. For many, you have to at least do it right. For a handful, you must get it perfect.
It's a funny world we live in. Sometimes we look at mistakes to learn, other times, we scrutinise them and shun the doers. Times.
So mistakes are made. But you say let's learn. And you tell me that we should have our chins up. So let's be proud of it then. And tell me, what you really love. Tell me what is on your mind now.
I was told that it is not wrong to be proud. So share what you really love with me.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
You know what else is long? Bus rides.
I love long bus rides, because they make you think. Just imagine yourself sitting, or standing, there beside a complete stranger. Constantly hearing the revving of the bus and the conversations of many others. It seems boring. Try that for 2 hours of your life everyday. To make it less boring, you plug your ears and zone out. And when you 'zone out', you mind begins to drift.
It's like a dream. But you're awake. You think. We start with the music you listen. Then your eyes has full control. You look around and think. Awaking the fashion police in you. You look outside. Too blur to see. And then you go to yourself. Like what you did today, and what you going to do later. And as you drift further, you think deeper. Like you question yourself. Your decision making moments. You question your life, your faith. For some, it's already too deep. At this stage, they just stop and just get distracted by the music. And most of the time, you have already reached. It makes you think.
Though I do hate the sterile social scene in the bus. It's like "this-space-is-mine-that-space-is-yours-AND-DON'T-CROSS-TO-MY-SPACE!" Hey, I'm all for human rights and all but don't you think that modern bus rides just seem to 'quiet'? I just feel that way.
MAYBE it's just me ah. After all, I do like to have conversations. With everyone.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Yeap. That lazy.
Holidays define you, tragically. Because you are left with so much hours alone, you tend to think a lot. Well, tend to think what to do next. Like should you play your games. Or catch a movie. Or hot the gym. Or eat, again. And when we are give so many choices, we kinda screw up.
Of course the ideal form I've seen is that given such numerous options, you just choose and get done over it. That's planning at it's core. But sometimes, the more liberal ones don't. Not saying that they are are being indecisive or anything. They just question more.
So the golden debate that has been ongoing for the past week; Should we be given choices?
"Mmmmhmmm." That's my grunt suggesting I don't exactly care.
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
I've found a better and much conducive place to hang my thoughts. It used to be the Alumni Clubhouse until it was infested with old people. Always bad. Haha. And then the clubroom was my next best. Only to be shortlived as I kinda became accustomed to the setting and grew too comfortable with it. And sometimes it reminded me of stuff.
I was shocked when a friend of mine considered me "emo" and suggested that I smile more often. Really? I don't smile? Yeah, think back and ask yourselves, WHEN was the last time you genuinely smiled? Like you smiled out of sheer ecstasy. Like you couldn't keep those 15 muscles tamed as they grew from end to end. Yeah, when was the last time you smiled?
And with the notion of 'karma'. When was the last time you gave a smile to a person? Must you give one to receive one? That kinda sucks right? I mean, it's not like CCA points where they are so dispensable. Smiles need a little ignition. A little more reason. A little more effort. So if we have to take a look at this way, don't you think it's a possibility that the threshold of allowing a smile is higher? Maybe we need more reason and more effort and more ignition for smiles to happen.
Now, ain't it complicated to just give a smile? Haha.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Really. I am doing up an additional task for one of my Electrical Engineering modules that handles a lot of drawing. Basically, it's schematic drawing that features a lot of straight lines, a lot of erasing and also a lot of engineering lingo. Bah. So you know me. The one who finds a shortcut way too often. My task was simple; Use AutoCAD Electrical 2012 and design a electrical wiring one-line diagram of a residential unit. It's just a side task for myself. I mean my main purpose is to refresh my AutoCAD skills. Since I've not touched it for months. Just something extra I like to do. Besides, it might fasten the process of diagram drawing. In real life, drawing it ain't a pain in the ass. But a few mouse clicks beat the whole of drawing lines. Until I realized why I don't touch that crappy software.
IT'S SO FRIGGIN' CONFUSING. I have to basically re-learn every single aspect of the software. I JUST WANT TO DRAW. Bleagh. It's to the point where it is irritating. I must specify the drawing sheet size. And that alone is 2 minutes of searching and 3 clicks away. And then there is this ridiculous help menu. Gosh. It's like teaching a zombie on how to "OPEN THE FILES". Really AutoCAD? Do I need that?
Which brings me to the most agreeable statement I have ever made:
But yeah, it is true that if a product is targeted for engineers, then by all means it should be done by an engineer. But engineers are humans too. So why don't they all make it a little easy and build a product that interacts well with the human side of feelings more rather than that engineer one."Engineers must stop making products for other engineers. They only make up 20% of the market."
C'mon AutoCAD, I just need to draw a friggin' one line diagram. LET ME DRAW DAMMIT. Hard? Which is why computers suck much. Now, I'd rather physically draw with the manual power of arm and fingers. And also, which to the dismay of many, is an indication of sorts that the engineering flame in me has his days numbered. Engineering is nice and all. But yeah, I like some other stuff more.
Then we can remotely link how the engineering world has progressed. Undoubtedly, that world has shrunk much more. And I always blame the explosion of electronics that combines multiple functions in a smaller package and machines just do a perfect better job than humans. But maybe not that anymore. Engineering is now just plain boring and confusing. Firstly, we are at the point of age where everything already seems to be invented. I'm speaking about the key engineering aspects like electricity, mechanics, civil and event electronics. But electronics just seem to be waiting on their laurels. It's no longer the way up. But rather the lateral direction.
Better products for the masses at a cheaper price. Better, faster, cheaper. The motto of an engineer. Damn you. And we lost interest to find better alternatives that we also lost people in that interest, per se. I won't entirely suggest they migrate to another field. Instead, some are stuck.
Engineers, give me a better reason to continue. Please?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
"Why are printers so fucking dumb?"
Thursday, July 07, 2011
I have been a douche. I acted adversely again, following my instincts but not my heart. Transforming into a monster, I take it sourly. The solution seems to seek calm and quietness for days. And then I can't garner much courage to face her anymore. Like a crumpled piece of paper, it can never be perfect again. As always, she will always be the one that got away.
So what did I do selfishly wrong? Was I deaf and blind to all her actions to mend our friendship? Or was she stubborn to notice how her actions were hurting my pride. Was my pride too prideful? Or can she even see that in me?
Stick to a decision.
You try to mend this fragile glass of feelings by trying to understand me? No. There's no right action. There's no 'mend'. There's no way.
I'm gonna treat you like my friend. A non-member friend. It will take a whole chunk of my pride away. It will. It will. But that's as close as I can get to you when a part of me still like you.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
You're making it sound as though it's your fault. Really?"Not even a Normal Member. For now."
Firstly, it's alright to say no. Ever heard of free speech? Secondly, I admit, I wasn't that fond of your response and that when you were truly asking my peace of mind, I simply lied to elude you. Maybe that's where it went wrong, I thought it would make you feel better. Thirdly, it could have been a un-ordinary reaction that came from me. But I was braving myself. I can never simply look falter. Fourthly, now it seems, might be your wrong move. You said no, and you wanted me to act as though nothing ever happened. As though we turned back time. As though our memories got erased. As though, nothing ever happened.
We happened. And you said no.
So I can't go back to normal. People say I need time. People say it's the ordinary, aka normal, reaction. I say, it's my response, not reaction. I said yes. You said no. I wanted to give my very best and your didn't want any. And if you don't want, then, I find no reason to give any of my best. Because when you said no, you killed a part of me. You killed my reason of you.
A note to think of, some might say, that it's 'punishment'. GUYS, this is not first grade. I'm not some psycho-lunatic that treats every stranger ice-cream or fold plastic hearts for or make them laugh. I'm selfish, for the right people. And if the karma police was policing selfishness, I would get life imprisonment for you. For you. Like a stranger, you seem to me today.
Hopefully, there will be a GPS of life soon, pointing to the right direction. I'm taking time to stay focused at the tasks at hand. Will it be forever? No la. Can it be forever? Definitely not. It's like a lesson learnt you know. Or rather a club membership. Normal members get the basic opportunities to attend the events. Members-at-large are at the same level as a 'guest'. Only a fancier name. Active members get the chance to lead projects and eventually represent the club as part of Board management.
It's a lesson learning.
But the truth is, I miss you.
Imagine the night sky pouring. And as the droplets trickle down your face, you are constantly remembered how useless the World has been. A globe full of non-believers in you. You feel sucky. You feel that they have no right to outright pin you down. You wonder why this world, sucks, again. You try to get up and you successfully did. But you still have that musky feeling of loser-ville.
It's the story of everyone. The only thing is, I fucking hate it when you screw up my plans. Without a fucking reason.
"At least Hitler had a reason to kill."It took us long enough. It took me way longer than usual. It's definitely obvious. I did not believe that my own comrades would desert me. My very own comrades. The ones that I've fought side by side for the past year. They did everything but stood by my side.
Or were they simply too blinded by their newfound freedom that they relinquished their spirit that have brought them this far? Foolish thoughts. It should be that very reason why they must keep fighting. And to just let go right now is identical to not fighting at all.
Can't they see why I'm doing this? You revolt when mistakes were made but you push aside every opportunity for you to rise and beckon good will. You accept perfection but you yourself aren't. Such atrocities are the bane that I am trying to rid. But you just don't see it don't you.
You will never see it.
For them, it could be an act of revenge. A chance for them to fight for the time I have them 'wasted'. A chance of them to make my life hell. A chance for them to not give me a chance. Something that they want. "Oh, because our seniors don't teach us, so we won't teach you." WHAT KIND OF ASS BACKWARDS THINKING IS THAT? "Did you see us going back to our Senior? No right? So, I don't expect you to come to me either."
So, let them make the mistakes we have made? Yes, to allow them to learn like how we did. So, let history repeat itself? Yes. So that they would be like us. HEY. You're not perfect. You're no them. "BUT wait, you have to let them decide!" Let them decide and let the efforts of our might go down the drain.
Unfortunately for you, I am selfish. I am selfish for the right reasons. I will not allow peasants run this orchestra in a peasant way. They will be running it as we have seen the show's former glory. So what's your problem?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday came and passed. He got married. I gained a sister but in the meantime, I also lost the brother I used to hang around with. Okay, maybe he’s not close to me but I will kinda miss his naggy remarks on “eh go and wash your dishes” or his English language accent that was so typical of a Mat. Haha. (Though no “siul” or “SIA LA”.) I will miss him. Then again, glass half full, I got a new room to slack in. HOHOHOHOHO.
What is this thing about marriages? Over the past 5 years, we have an ever rising total number of marriages. Back in ‘09, we had 26,081 marriages. The largest increase since ‘04. And here I am, looking at my Brother’s wedding.
I have this thinking that a wedding is more than just the biggest day of the bride’s and ultimately the groom’s life. Though it can be big or small ceremony though families do it as big as possible. Not because it’s a must or it’s tradition or it’s cultural. But because families do want it to big. Which family doesn’t want to have an elaborate wedding? It’s gotta be big. Why?
When I get married, it will be big. Because I want to let everyone know that she’s the one. My bride, my love is here. And I’ve found her. So let this be my mark of commitment and dedication to love her. (Sweet ah? haha.)
In other words, you hold a wedding to tell everyone that you love her. You hold a wedding to announce to the whole world of your dedication. Heck it, if you could, you would invite the whole world! That’s why brides and grooms get the chills when it comes to their day. It’s a commitment, a dedication, a responsibility, a celebration of love, happiness, loyalty and love. Haha.
But it wasn’t that big for my brother’s. When the time creeps closer to the end of the day, I saw lesser people. And it was his time to mingle with people. And then when he was about to leave, I could count the guests with my fingers (and toes)! I see way too many empty chairs. I see so little people looking at the bride and groom.
No. In my wedding, I want to chat with everyone. Everyone comes at one time. You RSVP for it. And if I have to, I will get you to buy an entrance ticket! I want people to be there. I want people to be there when I’m suppose to chat. When I leave, everyone is there. I will get to shake everyone’s hand, thank them for coming. When I stand on that stage, there’ll be no empty seat. In fact, people are looking for seats! I might sound egoistic and all. But it’s not my day. It’s our day. I just want to make it big for her.
I don’t know. I just felt I wanted to rant that all out. I figure what’s more hurting is to see people not even coming down. And it kinda makes me sad because I really wanted to see them all! You know who you are! Haha. But props to those who do made it! Gosh, you’re the greatest bunch! You guys are truly the ones that make me what I am today.
It just shows how much value that see in you. It is so great to see people around you and they still remember you! And it just makes you wonder of the value of yourself. Do they even care when you want them to care? Will they even know if you need them to care?
And I wonder, if I can see so value and care much in her, does she even see any in me?
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Haha. 2 years passed like no one’s business. Really, no one really cared. Before you know it, I would be sitting for my exams and then my final year project and then graduation and then… it just ends.
Really, it just ends. My watch has this day counter. And I fixed it to alarm when April 20, 2011 came by. Initially, I was clueless why I had this date in my day counter. It just says “END” as the title. A 20-minute bus ride later, I finally remembered.
When they say that long bus/train rides make you think, they really make you think.
Maybe it’s the friends and companions around you that make long days bearable and with added laughter, you would want to just come to school even though you only have 3 hours of class that day. Or maybe it’s really the world revolving much much faster these days.
Truth be said when I was in China. It’s like each day was 6 hours. Boring Math lessons felt like 30 minutes. Meals just seemed way too short. The only thing that was sucking our time was the near silent travelling we had from our dorms to our meals. And also our sleep. Every day we wake up like we only slept for 4 hours.
Remarkably, though it was only a month, our boredom never actually had a chance. Every day, we chatted and chatted. Bursts of laughter from our dumb antics. And yeah, loads of those stuff. And we never actually got bored of each other. I never got bored of her. And yeah, China is cool. Besides the dystopia winters it hosts, it is pretty nice. So I found something there. Something I am fond of. Hey, maybe it's not something. ;)
China returned me in one piece. I’m back in this dungeon of work, chained to my laptop. Ugh.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
"A Bad Day Is as Real as You Make It"
Bad days, what really make them?
It seems more evident of a bad day these days have been. I read an article on Lifehacker on how to beat a bad day. Pretty interesting stuff. I've put the links below so do have a read. And then there’s the science behind a bad day. Hear me, a bad day only qualifies as a bad day if you made it a bad one. Simple.
According to that article, it starts by one small mistake. Say you forget to shave your beard for an important board meeting today and then you ran out of gas on the way to work which made you late. Still managing a smile, a bird decides that you are a perfect target for their air support training.
Man that sucks.
But a bad day is as real as you make it. So here is what you do.
Turn it inside-out
Remember, the world doesn’t change. Just get up first. You don’t have to sulk over that. You do have to put some effort in getting back on the track. I usually describe a bad day by a school bully pushing you out of the lunch line. Take not of what just happened and fix yourself. Have a laugh about how stupid of you to forgot to fill the tank last night. Then boast your stand on why personal grooming is overrated. Stone age men didn’t have shavers mind you! And curse that bird all the way because you will be having his cousin for lunch later.
But I do want to let you know, some bad days are not meant to be evaded. Not bad enough for you? What about knowing that your boss just handed you your 2 weeks’ notice? Or a loved one recently passed. Beating them is like climbing Everest but living through them is like taking a cable car up.
The rule of thumb is that beating those unnecessary bad days preps you for the real necessary ones.
The Science Behind "Having a Bad Day" (and How to Solve It)
Thursday, March 31, 2011
"Every friggin' time I get this stressed and I smoke, I'll get lung cancer in 1 hour!"
- Got food poisoning
- Rashes abound; Bad blood circulating
- Being ghost
- Terrible angst in my mind
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Making it worst is some wondering thoughts. I mean, really? I really have to feel jealous huh? I must be really invisible, making my actions useless.
Can seriously die now. Fuck.
Monday, March 28, 2011
China is treating me quite well. I guess we should ask ourselves how WE are treating China. Roll back to the time we went to Dafu Lane, China’s equivalent of Sim Lim Square but much more organised. And nicer looking too! Imagine streams of salesmen beckoning us into their shop. One even tried to grab me over! It might look like an ‘aggressive’ marketing strategy and sure enough, it did scare some of the girls in our group.
But what surprises me more is how we chose to react to this. We actually just totally ignored them, without even a glance. Back in Singapore, during the monstrous electronic shows at Expo or Suntec, we also have salesmen who lined up at the entrance to give out flyers. Though not as aggressive, my response seems much more humane. I would simply smile at them and gestured my hand away to signify I do not need to kill more trees! See, at the very least, I would just acknowledge them but not in China. We turn away from them as though they are cancer to our lives.
It just makes me wonder how we are having this infectious understanding of China being a pit of evil. In fact, I think we always develop this understanding whenever we go overseas. We start being cautious, reserved, think that every guy at the side of the alley is about to rob you. Exaggerated huh? It seems like our brain's defense or retaliation when we start to leave our comfort zones.
It’s definitely not wrong for sure to be on the safe side. But it’s also not definitely wrong to be nice to our border-bounded neighbours. I just get the feeling that every tourist is like a huge walking target. All we need are darts. Partly true since there are WAY too many scary accounts of theft. But for me, I don’t see this as an excuse to be an ass. And I do see some of my friends’ solution to remove this target by being one. My solution is to, well, don’t be a target! Or rather, don’t be a tourist! I would like to speak with them, sit down and observe their day. Maybe grab some dumplings and then bargain like mad! Haha. Besides, being as ass kinda rules out the "Let's have fun here and be culturally immersed in this place!". An ass just wrecks havoc! In fact, this way helps me to gain a focused understanding of China. A real way to fully understand and appreciate these aspects is to experience them 1-on-1.
So people, let’s be nice to China shall we?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I'll collectively use this post to update 6 days worth of material. But no worries. It's not that lengthy. OR IS IT?!
March 9th came. Went home at 1am or something. My old classmates of year 1, i assumed, tried to stall me as long as they could KNOWING full well that my flight is in the following morning at 8am. But I packed and all with 4 hours of sleep to spare. Booyeah to that!
Departing at 1040, one can only imagine the immense sense of tense that runs through my veins. However, you will be surprised. As calm, as though nothing happened.
Being a first time traveller, my only experience of airports and planes and departures come from the movie Up in the Air. Not exactly a top choice for source but hey, at least it's worth watching! I don’t know, the notion of “check-in” 2 hours before and linger around the airport seems a bit flawed. Why wonder around aimlessly when in actual fact, you can just board 10 minutes before departure? It just struck me. Like for example, the MRT! It’s the same concept right?!
As fast as I questioned it, I got my answer. Somehow, someway, when you are leaving your temple of comfort or your place of originality or basically leaving something near your heart, time just moves fast. Like a survivor of the recent Japan tsunami, he recalled that the earthquake that preceded was a rigorous shake of 2 minutes but it definitely felt longer than that. And 2 hours felt like 2 minutes in my case.
And it’s for the better good I say. The more you stay grounded, the more chances of seconds thought. Haha.
Well, definitely the same concept could work on THE FLIGHT ITSELF. 4 hours I sat beside my EM3A lecturer. the only conversations I could bring up was how Math was a bitch to me. LOL. In-flight entertainment is yuck. Food makes me wanna throw up. AND OMFG, THE PLANE IS DAMN NOISY. Though Discovery Channel's Air Crash Investigation did not offer any comfort when turbulence came. But overall, it's a-okay. not biggie of a deal.
Landed. The cold weather is nothing compared to the Alps. Just put yourself in NP’s library or in you air-conditioned room and bingo! You get 18 degrees of freezing solitude. Worst still, sweaty palms and feet just makes your hand feeling as it dipped in water. GAH.
I’ll be spending most of my time in the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China. It’s a mouthful because it is and the campus is FRIGGIN’ huge. It has about 24,000 students in hostels. It has multiple Makan Place sized canteens, a shopping centre, a pub, a karaoke bar, 2 stadiums, a garden, a man-made pond, a library that reminds me of the Power Ranger’s Megazord. It’s just big. In fact, you see bicycles everywhere and that is the main transport of students around the campus! IT’S THAT BIG!!! And that was Day 2. How UESTC boasted their sheer size.
All I hoped was that I survive. My previous classmates who went before me described a horrendous experience of the living quarters. Especially when SEBASTIAN NEO instils fear every dang time he meets me! ASS. So KX, my room mate and I was stocking up on instant noodles, basic necessities like rages hand soap and all. LIKE WE PREPARING FOR A WINTER LOCK-DOWN. But still not enough. Bah.
Muslim food is fair here. Sebas says the Muslim store I frequent recycles it food. I say YOU GO TO HELL. And anyway, it's kinda good!
But it’s not too bad actually. My other male bunk mates went GAGA on shopping here. Day 3 for Chengdu is like introducing their Orchard Road/ Bugis Street/ Toa Payh equivalent. Haha. Everything there is what I can get in Singapore. BUY FOR WHAT?!
Day 4 is well, just Day 4. SUNDAY GO BAR. HAHA. No really.
One thing though, should have packed more. More canned food. More clothes, sweaters actually. But nothing can prepare us 100%. And studying here seems a bit easier. Without hawks hovering over my every move, there's no room for naggy parents. Also means there is no room for procrastination when you're 2,000 miles away!
Besides, company here is cool. Especially with you. :)
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
You start with entrée (teasing of probable good topics. Testing the relevancy they say!), you go down to the main course (recent updates of life around us). But then full, you still go for desserts. Apparently, below lose their marbles here. They don’t think before they speak here. All of a sudden, you spout things you’re not supposed to say. Like, OH so-and-so is with so-and-so. OR you pour your regrets hoping that well runs dry. Sorry dear, it’s the rainy season.
I hate Soeul Garden all of a sudden. Too much time on our ass letting the fats accumulate and too much friggin’ time for people to be drunk on food and say the OMG moments.
But it’s good. Sometimes, people need to let go. I mean, I do have my handful of regrets. And all these regrets, I was less human. Never thinking of the consequences. Selfish. And borderline inhuman. But definitely heartless.
I didn’t want it to be this way. Actually, I was hoping you cared a bit. But I guess not. Wait, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have done that. Foolish of me. No stupid. STUPID ME! Let’s be strangers. No wait, it’ll be weird because we are good friends.
But I just wanted you to care more. It didn’t happen and I reacted wrongly. So that is my peace.
There’s a funny video on FB when a friend of mine was departing for Korea. Her friend was demonstrating a Korean conversation that has the least chance of reality. Haha. Next time, put subs la. No idea for what but I felt such a heavy heart to see waves of farewell in the ending credits. And tomorrow, I’ll be in her shoes.
And that feeling starts to sink in. You start to think whether you’re doing the right thing. Or you start to have second thoughts. Ain’t it a tad bit too late? Definitely. But the more you think, the more your heart paces. Doubt lingers and before you know it, you fear. Ironically, at this point, that sinking feeling is dwarfed. You hyper-ventilate if need be. Your heart paces slower, but still fast. Haha. And then, all is revealed. You’re still going.
Being scared to leave behind what we treasure most is less of a life’s task and more of a necessary evil of some sorts. I mean, if we can be comfortable, why be NOT comfortable. If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it! Some call it for the rush of adrenaline or a new brush of challenge. While many are forced, it is for the greater good. But then you risk. A feeling of insecurity, being scared, phobia-prone and even emo! So why leave the comfort zone?
Because you have to. Regardless of your gallant, heroic-story-material reasons, you leave because you have to. Moving is living. Literary. Haha.
And once you leave, things move fast, which is good. Less time to think about second thoughts! I just remembered a month ago how excited I was to go for a 6-weeks trip. And how China would be a dietary challenge for me! HAHA. And then 2 weeks to go, bags unpacked and now 1 day today, flashbacks of fear and insecurity and yeah… all the things that make you thing “MAN, REALLY? AM I GONNA SURVIVE?” Memories are like words from mouths, when compared to black-white-paper-evidence, they are imaginary. But they make special chemistry with our hearts.
So tomorrow, I might tear a bit. Being a manly man, I will disguise it of course!
I think I'm an alley cat. Catch Pt 2 later in the day.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Might be the worst thing I did to my parents. But it felt I had too.
I left my parents at Nex. I just wanted. It felt as though I left a whole chunk of irresponsibility and a myraid of agnst back there. If it felt good then it’s wrong. It just felt I had to do it. And so I did.
I don’t know what actually crossed my mind. I took the wrong escalator up and wanted to alert them. But something just made me say no. You know what, screw you. I’m calling this quits.
They seem selfish. As if they don’t actually care about me. I personally am okay with this, as long as you don’t make my life chore by itself. But if you do, that sucks. And that’s what they did. I wanted to help out. I wanted to know more. But it seems as though I’m just a hindrance. So fine, I’ll call it quits.
So much for mutual understanding.
And then we question the exact morality or the civility of these actions. Was I right to just leave them? Were they like this for a reason? Is this all wrong? Or even, is this what was needed?
Just tahan. No. Too much time have I tried and trialed but failed in your eyes. I will not let you bring me down. Leaving them was indeed a stretch. I am pretty sure there’s another way one can state his points of disapproval. And considering that they are elderly-weak. What if something happens to them?
I guess it was fight or flight. So I fought. Simple.
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Maybe buy a house and start a fire.
Maybe buy a gun and start a war.
Only when you give me a reason to start a war.
Well, blame it on a rush of blood to the head.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
At this point of time, my programming teacher simply lost me already. It only seems ever true that programming is a down to earth discipline of sit-still.
And it seems ever more that they are selling this product instead, jamming us with product specs. I mean, it you are teaching us, you’re teaching. Not selling. Let the salesman do that. What to teach? A good rule of thumb; teach the things that a salesman don’t discuss.
Talk about the rival’s better products, or how your investment in this product is a waste as technology is approaching at a pinnacle standpoint with nanotechnology. Yeah, those kind of stuff.
Okay okay, I’m way to harsh here. Let’s give them a benefit of a doubt. Maybe they want to implement experiential learning. So they take one product and showcase the specs then link to the general theories. It’s no doubt a good direction but COME ON, HALF OF THE CLASS IS SURFING FACEBOOK. And don’t you feel a bit creepy when a class is this silent. Or this class don’t even look at the projector screen? Is it even called experiential learning when you don’t even learn the experience?
Manners aside, I think a responsible student also requires a responsible teacher. And these responsibilities morph and change and fluctuate accordingly. I’m not saying that our teachers today are irresponsible. I think MOE has done a pretty fab job of generating passionate teachers who go extra miles. (And of course those that go way extra in the recent cases of unnecessary assistance from teacher to student… sigh) But seriously, the teachers I have would gladly have extra lessons if I don’t understand. No forgetting the countless hours of bickering of particular topics knowing fully that I was sleeping in his classes. In fact, I think teachers are strong to meet demands of pesky students like me.
But the class don’t make up of only pesky students.
All in all, like many other occupations, our world changes every time and the responsibilities also changes. As the time ages, these responsibilities gets bigger. Not to worry, our teachers are strong. But are they strong for the right areas and reasons?
Seriously, I think in this emerging age, schools and classes are overrated.
Monday, January 03, 2011
2010 has been fun. Did so much things with little time. And it seems only natural to wait with bated breath the days to come. I don’t know with us all, it seems really nice to see an end. Or rather the light at the end being much larger than ever.
But, the end is where we begin. As the days loom by, sic itur ad astra. It’s the only way.
Sometimes, it’s good to aim down the sights before you pull that trigger. You gotta at least know what you are hitting! Like so many others, let me reveal my resolutions (no, not in camera pixels) for 2011. Following demand and feedback for my nature of my blog, let’s face it, it’s a blog. A newsfeed of me and possibly the most egoistic place and most loudest self-blown trumpet ever. DEAL WITH IT.
What makes a man? A manly man.
Wikipedia; Hip Flasks)
WIKI HERE!!!)anytime soon, you seriously gotta have a wallet. Do away with coins and all but if I see a man digging his pockets for a crumpled, squashed note, I can only shake my head in dismay. It says much about you, having little concern about tidiness. Simply put, a wallet is where all your plastic goes. Save some notes there but not too much till your cover is blown. Much like the hip flask, the wallet should ‘get in, get out’. Any unneeded attraction, it will be a thief’s income or a purse. ‘Nuff said. But come on, please respect it. It what defines a man. NOT just the wealth but also the statement. It’s the statement! I will really look into a Victorinox Bi-Fold. You can invest in a Luis Vuitton or a Montblac, just make sure that you don’t look like a pirate when you take out your cash. (Credit: Victorinox Berlin)
Yup, those 3 things should make you a Man. Swiss Army knife states that you are on-ready, everywhere anywhere. A hip flask has an accent of maturity. The wallet demands respect.
Though the definitions of a man varies from one to another. What doesn’t is the need of a definition. Those days, a moustache signals wealth. Nowadays, it just reminds me of grandpa. Today, a contemporary modern male is hardly dominant. I see the need for people to be flexible and good in many shapes and size. Though this world seems demanding, it only serves to be rewarding.
Because the only way is up. To the stars.