Make Belief

And we all know, how it really feels like to lose what you don't want to be lost. Right now, I am feeling a bit scarred. I mean, there are so many things that could go wrong. I really hope that I get this off my chest and for once, breathe easy.

I have been the topic of many conversations, detailing my magic act. They say it was as though I disappeared, literally. And I'm sure, they will somehow relate me to the Mat status. Trust me, a Mat has no blog. What you're looking here is just Zul. In a different version that is.

You know, I try to pour my feelings here and there, in hopes that the problem will go away. I guess it was just wishful thinking. Man, every time I use that phrase, it just reminds me the horrors of my stunt. I'm at a dead end. I don't really know what to do next...

Now, don't think I'm an evil person or anything. I know, in my right mind, that my actions have ultimately negatively affected the people around me. There's no doubt that some damage has been done and these people may never view me as a capable person unlike before. But repair is possible and what I must do is to pick up from where I left off and restart. And yes, an apology is inevitable. Well, I should be able to return to my status of cloud nine in no time.

Well, that is in the 'right mind', also understood as an ideal situation. Unfortunately, I'm in a in-ideal situation.

Right now, I just want to talk to her. I'm totally risking my balls here. I could get rejected for life and that will just cast a life curse on me. But I really do NEED to talk to her.

Sigh.