phase me out

Its really hard to live here. Crossing the hallway will put me in a war. Though I'm not part of it, but like i've said several post earlier, I'm just an ant in an elephant brawl. I can't just ignore them in my current state. Nor can I talk about it. I mean everyone is busy. Ms chua is invigulating and LadyBird is making feel as though she's ignoring me. It's just a feeling but I know its there. My friends are really insensitive. Even showing my 'emotional' side, they still take it as normal. Maybe it's just because they haven't gone through yet. Or is it just their way to perk me, making me smile and forget these tearful stories. (: Well it seems to be working. The air is filled with hostility and I'm breathing it. It's slowly killing me but wait... I just want to shout at them, tell them this it is pointless to stay together when my own are fighting. I can't even tell them my secrets. When there was this problem, I didn't look up to them. Instead, my teachers were the closest thing I called family. My friends were my second brothers. My real me was in classes. I smiled more at school then at home. My school is my second home. I would rather stay back than go home. What is this feeling? I shouldn't have this. It must be forbidden. But why do I still have it? Is it because of my lack in faith? Or just the real me? I'll tell you a secret. If I care, I can fix it but you'll see me at the other side. If you hate me, I'll be with you. This hate-me-thing reminds me of LadyBird.

I really need to talk to you...