hey thanks for the skin!

Hey thanks! thanks for the skin!

Cleaning Out My Closet Tonight

MOM! It's broadband mom... you'll still pay 80 bucks even if you don't turn on the router. So by telling me not to use will just be burning 80 bucks away. And DAD! I may be rude BUT AT LEAST talk to me before you buy any tech stuff. It just makes me feel feel bad cos it's sth that i can prevent. GUILT.

I need to buy a new pair of running shoes man. My New Balance has holes on the same place as my smallest toe nail. [too sharp? :P] I was thinking of getting an Adidias but my friends say that nike is better or sth else. Yeah. See first lah. Thinking of buying nike so that it would sync to an iPod. But wait, i don't have an iPod... I think i'll just get adidas... do they support child labour cos I DON'T!

Running charmed me a year ago but soccer was in my blood since i was P4. I simply just like the predator. I already have a blue F15 but i need a predator for my soccer franchise... i like it to be strong. Not speed. But since i don't use the F15 for playing, a show off in the streets is all i need. striking blue...

But of course, I will surely need this: AN EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE! I need it man... my NJRC stuff and media eats up at least 30GB... and i only have 55 in my mac... gosh. i'm thinking of getting the Lacie Rugged All-Terain HD but they say it's pretty ex. I was thinking of getting a 500gb under $200. Most 500gb models are bulky and not shock resistance. So maybe a 200gb, shock resistance, bus-powered and the most important thing, a run for my buck. Not too expensive please!

Get Ready

I hate swear words. They don't solve a thing and will just make the situation worst. So that's why I hate using swear words. In fact, I make sure that I don't use them in any way. But coming from a class of ruffians last year, it's really hard to keep that 'skill' at bay. If I remember correctly, I used them like there's no one's business last year. I only decided to kick my habits at the start of this year. Late as it may be but it's sure better than never!

I still use them but not always. If I use them, it'll be the time when I am EXTREMELY angry. But I bet that there's a chance my 'wrath' won't be an effective one. I'm the kind who's quiet and inactive. [Yes, inactive...] Look at me now. I'm active but I am lame, boastful, defiant, short-tempered, evil, theorised and just plain NOT-BEING-MYSELF. I don't know why I'm like this. Is it because of her? It must be. It has been quite a while since that day but she's still in my mind. I must tell myself that she's going away now. I just won't listen.

Yes, I'm being emo. In fact, I think emo stuff should be inside a diary, not to be shared openly. But I want you to know that I'm in a lot of shit. So don't disturb me. Crap... the world complicated with problems ad obstacles. I don't like it but without challenges, what's life for? That's sth I like. Don't understand? Well that's why I call myself a paradoxical child...

I think it's over...

goodbye school...

Skeletons In Her Closet

This is a long post.
I have a friend who blogs really well. I don't know whether it's her proficiency in english or her 'really vivid' life that gives her the edge. But what I do know is that she is one though girl. She has control of her life and is determine to change anything that is wrong. Her will never dies and even though she has spoken of many 'unpleasant emo' stuff, she stands out of the crowd with a burning desire to live.

I salute you girl!

Look at this blog. It's fake. It uses someone else's skin. It copies the emo words of many. The most outstanding one is none other than the presence of a damped will. It's also VERY emotional. It has no desire to live or so whatever. Everything it has worked for slips thru the fingers like sand. The hands are tainted with blood of guilt and failure. Too dirty. Even the cold morning air is cleaner. So clean that every breath is like a good puff. At the end of it all, it sees an incoming car a few meters away. It's willing to lose it all.

On my way back home yesterday, I saw a car coming. I was at a junction, waiting for it to pass before I cross but half of me didn't want to. Half of me wants to end it all. Cos everything that I have worked for is gone. Vanished. Vanished to a state of humiliation, failure, guilt and...

I don't know. I just want to give up but I can't be like that. I want to be the best. I don't want to dissapoint my family, my friends, my teachers, myself. So what do I do?

We

We spent our days together being apart. I see you beside me, cheering me. You see me as a person. Just a person. I can't touch you but I can feel your presence. I always wonder where you are and what you think. at my times of trouble, i always think of you. you ease my mind. you're my light at the end of the tunnel.

you're my zephyr.

I can't hold you. I can't brush your hair. I can't kiss you. I can't call you mine. it's only you that can fix all these. I know caling you mine can never happen but at least say you know what i think. i want to make you my goal... is that ok?

argh.

Random Pictures...

My Pens...

: 0 all my NJRC 2007 stuff in one folder... man, i REALLY need to buy an external hard drive...

Contradict Yourself

MAN! WE ROCK!

Ok that's so RANDOM! Went to NP today for some Maths Carnival. Didn't really thought there was ever such a thing. But I guess you can really do anything with a 'carnival' behind your noun/verb. Wasn't really what i dreamt of but i regard it as like a more modern carnival. The only games that you will play is either that is promoting NP or Maths problems. Man, the objective is clear lor...

But I must say, it's good. I used to be heavily inclined in Maths. I guess the Maths sword was misused for a normal sword... So it got blunt. There was this test about a.maths and I was like WTHECK... it was SO FRIGGING HARD and i was like continuously clicking on the skipping button... GOSH! Guess I'm not really that guy anymore. AND TAI JIN, I AINT LENDING YOU MY PHONE AFTER YOU PRANK-CALLED ONE OF FRIENDS.... -_- walao, almost kenna scolding frm her eh...

Nvm, at least it's ok now. I need to buy an external hard drive man... and of course, help sharpen my blade.

Forever, forever?

Will I be present on the last day of school?

I can only watch as the turmoil unfolds itself and slowly waking up. It's so slow like snake poison that will kill you a year after you are bitten. It wants you to suffer. But making most of my time, it will not deter me. Yesterday wasn't expected. Today just passed and tomorrow will only allow us to dream. I wish everyday was a dream. At the end of it all, I just want to wake up and see the real world again.

2 weeks is all I got to prove my existence. If you find me rash or irritable or just a sore eye, then it's my obligation to tell you that my days are numbered. I'm just fighting for the right of my place in school. So bear with me. If not, help me tell the others.

Let me hear all the sad songs and heal...

730: I'm suppose to do my malay hw btw but I got something more stress relieving, blog.

25 minutes ago.... time to break fast
24 minutes ago... the start of a unusual silent break fast
20 minutes ago... it looks like i'm the only one enjoying dinner

After that, it's all self explanatory. Dont wanna talk abt it. IT SICKENS ME. The sight of the battlefield just makes me wonder, HOW CAN I CALL THIS A FAMILY??? And i thought I could get home from a fight, knowing that 2 people are waiting. That was what i thought... All my life, I thought to myself that nothing in my eyes is more perfect than my family. BUT I WAS WRONG...

Take me out...

MICE,MICE,MICE!!!

Man... I am getting emo. That sucks. Maybe it's time to become lame and 15 again. Maybe it's time to be a kid again. It's so hard to become someone who you're not. Really, it's hard.

Gosh, my mouse is killing me! It eats up my AAA batteries in 3 weeks and it's so tiny that my hand can't even sit nicely! I'm thinking of getting the Mighty Mouse but which one? Wireless or wired? The wireless version will sweeten with my MacBook. It uses laser to track and runs on AA batteries. It is said that it will run with one battery! But it's expensive. $108 just for 5 buttons is quite expensive for me. The wired version, of course, needs no battery. The wire will get in the my way and I heard that it's short. Definitely not for mobile users. It uses a USB port so I would have one 'free' one it I use wired mice. And yes, it's cheaper. $78?

What about a Razer? The white diamondback or Pro|Solutions v1.6 is definitely my type. [I like anything that's white, pure I might say...] With 1600 dpi, 5 buttons and a sleek feel, I think that's the one. The price tag reads 110 bucks though... I saw a promotion at Club 21's Apple Store regarding this. It said that they will couple my 1.6 purchase with a Pro|Mat. It's just an overpriced mouse pad... But I have doubts that the promotion is still on.

But what about the other products? Tag me man...

Nono... That's my answer

Life's hard. That is so true. With me running for gold again, I think I'll sink before I hit the water. (Oh the irony) Faceless, I typed these words with one sole emotion, confusement. How can that be? I've answered myself that challenges are there to be solved. What is life without challenges? That question will set me reason to live. Piles of work to be done, a stack of tasks lay there collecting dust and on top of it all, a friendship needs fixing.

Physically, my back hurts. My heart thumps faster. My skin is rejecting my harsh conditions. My head feels a constant weight on it. 3 weeks to exams. 3 weeks left for perfection. 3 weeks left to resolve all. 3 weeks left to prove that I'm worth being alive. Requirements, demands, goals and obligations. All of them have a similarity with me. THEY ARE TAKING A TOLL ON ME.

I just want to be simple. No complicated stuff, just plain simple. In the same way, I will appreciate if my identity stays hidden. Image.
Like a vessel of water, focusing all force at the base, you can see the blueness of it but will break through the wall that sits at the base. However, a spreaded water reaches the ends of the world will be invisible but will never break the wall.
I got it off my head earlier. Hope it'll reduce the weight.

And now I regret. I am feeling bad. I'm not ok.

What'ssss Yourrrr Viewwww?! NJRC 2007

I wonder, I really wonder what would happen if the world is perfect? HAIK! Who cares about that! You only have a hundread years to live so make the most out of it!

Yesterday was my competition and it wasnt really as I was expecting. In fact, it turned out really bad. So bad that it was more of a joke than a disgrace! Haha! I guess that's the fun part! But let me tell you something. I was sitting at my team's booth, watching fellow competitors running up and down the narrow aisle with their robots in hand. Man! That's dangerous! If they were to miss their footing and tumble down robot first, the solid looker would be in peces. I MEAN MANY PIECES. It got me wondering, why are they rushing to program their robots at the very last minute??? And also, they called the fields, CALIBRATION FIELDS for one purpose only! And that is to calibrate your robot so it can run smoothly in that environment. So you know what I concluded?

Singapore NJRC teams have a COMPETITIVE NATURE evident from their sole desire to win and fix their robots on-the-spot when it demolishes. However their "pride", has only allowed them to be too confident. (No wonder frs kenna cancelled...)

But hey, at least we have pride that stands out!

OhO1

I'm a bad writer. A few weeks ago, i was running thru the archive page of my blog and realised that my blog is really that bad. It writes lame posts and proves the fact that i am not an english person. GOSH! And because of this, my viewership has dropped by half! That's like 3 per day! NOOOO! Anyway, I'll try and IMPROVE my english first and come back with a BRIT accent!

Last night is another night i waited. Waited, not for the moon to shine, not for the competition to be over but for an answer. Till now, i still wait for the answer. Enuf with emo posts! Anyway, i stayed back quite late last night. I was finishing ALICE so that tmmr, the competition day itself, I won't and my team too, won't screw the competition up. I'm suppose to polish it now but i feel that i should blog FIRST and yea, I'm blogging. Came back at 1am last night with the knowledge that i'll be locked up. it was really nice for my members to come down yesterday to help me finish up ALICE. : ) thanks guys! not forgetting ms seah for driving us back and also staying up with us even though it's teacher's day. thanks ms seah!

of course, actions speak louder than words. the real thanks to them is when they see that their efforts are not wasted! so it really boils down to me. i have to polish it while i still can and get it to run really smoothly. gosh... i think i won't be sleeping tonight!