hey thanks emily. i really appreciate it when you read my e-mail over air. it really is nice when you understood me. thanks for everything else. :)
here are the lyrics to the song i asked for...
Well youre the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation
About a love that didnt last
But I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we just defied destiny
Its not that our love died
Just never really bloomed
Well I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.
And then we saw our paths diverge
And I guess I felt OK about it.
Until you got with another man,
And then I couldnt understand
Why it bothered me so.
How we didnt die we just
Never had a chance to grow.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past.
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.
And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the
Things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel sad
Every time I see you out with someone new.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.
I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
i cant talk to you... and i dont know why
everyday i see you. you walk past me, ignoring my senses. is it because you just want to move on? or is it just that you ignore me? i want to talk to you but i cant. i want to like you but i cant. i want to kiss you but i cant. all these things weigh me down to the floor. i'm already on my back but still you just walk pass me. whenever i tried to look away, your angel eyes pulled me back.
it all started because i was trapped of other people's expectations.
i have barely enough heart. maybe tmmr i'll kill myself. maybe tmmr i'll make you happy. you're holding me back without even trying to. i can only feel numbness in this cold place. i just want you back. just go back to normal. talk to me like you used to. smile to me like you used to. and everything will go back to normal.
so can you? if i'm wrong, tell me. i just hope u read this.
it all started because i was trapped of other people's expectations.
i have barely enough heart. maybe tmmr i'll kill myself. maybe tmmr i'll make you happy. you're holding me back without even trying to. i can only feel numbness in this cold place. i just want you back. just go back to normal. talk to me like you used to. smile to me like you used to. and everything will go back to normal.
so can you? if i'm wrong, tell me. i just hope u read this.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Running Out Of People That Prevents me From Saying That I Am DEAD!
Tomorrow's my first paper for english. i'm seriously not in the mood to study. somehow, i just have no mood. i might be stealing togusa's tag line or something but that's the only word that best describes what i am now. i am MOODLESS.
fyi, there's no such word as "moodless".
i've created a blog for my class a week ago. i don't know why but i felt like i wanted to do it. no one requested for the blog but i felt it was sth i should do. it's not because of my job as a chairman to do up a blog. however it's more of a distraction, a good distraction. a well needed distraction from all these problems.
seriously speaking, i think the world has lesser people to talk to. as time passes by, many people just die or just become those ignorant ones. just compare it. in the REALLY old times, just turn left and you see mom and dad. turn right and you see your friends. but now, turn left and you will see your enemies. turn right and you will see your expectations. MAN! WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE TO TALK TO?
well now, i only got 3 REALLY CLOSE people to talk to and sadly, it's not my parents nor my brother. haha... and yea, i'm talking to her now. all i need was to talk to her.
and yea, i really enjoy a good conversation..
= )
fyi, there's no such word as "moodless".
i've created a blog for my class a week ago. i don't know why but i felt like i wanted to do it. no one requested for the blog but i felt it was sth i should do. it's not because of my job as a chairman to do up a blog. however it's more of a distraction, a good distraction. a well needed distraction from all these problems.
seriously speaking, i think the world has lesser people to talk to. as time passes by, many people just die or just become those ignorant ones. just compare it. in the REALLY old times, just turn left and you see mom and dad. turn right and you see your friends. but now, turn left and you will see your enemies. turn right and you will see your expectations. MAN! WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE TO TALK TO?
well now, i only got 3 REALLY CLOSE people to talk to and sadly, it's not my parents nor my brother. haha... and yea, i'm talking to her now. all i need was to talk to her.
and yea, i really enjoy a good conversation..
= )
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
she
A silent pain seared through my mind and left me motionless. Lying on the floor, I thought it was over. This picture is too sinister. But this is the picture that I want. Will this get you? Coming back to reality, I face my Macbook in the same situation. I ask myself, "Have it lost all feelings till it has no care for humanity?" Coincidentally, I'm listening to the famous tune of Stuck In A Moment. I smiled but that didn't changed my mood. In my attempt to move on, my mind grabbed the only thing that will change this and will also, result in this deeper hole: English. Instantly, I have relighted the torch of tears. But no tears will ever come out. My mind hosted a combat for the hold of power; The roll of evaporated tears down the cheeks or moving on. It chose neither.
Clear as crystal, my reason has appeared in front of my face. What's the deal if you don't fight it? No, fighting is not me. Step 1, stand up. Give a deep thought about your objectives. Clear your mind. Then lay your points like you have laid the chess pieces. Finally, do it. Don't fight it. Defy it.
You don't have to read all my post. I just need you to read just one for none of my post will bear any meaning none other than her.
Clear as crystal, my reason has appeared in front of my face. What's the deal if you don't fight it? No, fighting is not me. Step 1, stand up. Give a deep thought about your objectives. Clear your mind. Then lay your points like you have laid the chess pieces. Finally, do it. Don't fight it. Defy it.
You don't have to read all my post. I just need you to read just one for none of my post will bear any meaning none other than her.
Friday, April 13, 2007
killing my mac
Ok, i like to show off.
------------------------------------------------------------
Turtle came by today, soaking in rain water but that didn't kill the soap smell. GEEZ... it was strong man... Look at me now! I'm having a cold! Don't think it the soap smell was the cause but i find it relevant to my lame antics now. = )
One thing is for sure, my lame jokes are getting colder and i'm getting a cold. HAHA! Don't get it? Well that's the evidence of my jokes getting colder. WHEELCHAIRED! Whatever it is, i got to expand my knowledge in these jokes. If i don't, i'll get more colder! [seriously, it's getting colder...] My bro just purchased 30 Seconds To Mars' album. They are something like MCR and AFI... emo you all call it... i like the ways they start their songs. They start it differently and this is always a plus. I'm bored from all those songs starting from the same strumming of guitars. The lyrics are always important to me but i can't comment that because not all of you will agree with me.
Overall, it's a nice mix for rockers. Don't buy it, borrow mine then tell me your views!
"A little bit of resolve is all i need". It is part of a lyrics from the Foo Fighters' song, resolve. Yea, i just need a little bit of resolve. That's all. All these emotions surface for just one reason; i dream too much. Someone said that questioning yourself is not crazy but answering yourself is. The latter has also made me think that no one cares. Or is it that they don't know? I just don't want to be below the bar. I still think i have failed her. I still need resolve.
----------------------------------------------------------------
3sb @ sas
------------------------------------------------------------
Turtle came by today, soaking in rain water but that didn't kill the soap smell. GEEZ... it was strong man... Look at me now! I'm having a cold! Don't think it the soap smell was the cause but i find it relevant to my lame antics now. = )
One thing is for sure, my lame jokes are getting colder and i'm getting a cold. HAHA! Don't get it? Well that's the evidence of my jokes getting colder. WHEELCHAIRED! Whatever it is, i got to expand my knowledge in these jokes. If i don't, i'll get more colder! [seriously, it's getting colder...] My bro just purchased 30 Seconds To Mars' album. They are something like MCR and AFI... emo you all call it... i like the ways they start their songs. They start it differently and this is always a plus. I'm bored from all those songs starting from the same strumming of guitars. The lyrics are always important to me but i can't comment that because not all of you will agree with me.
Overall, it's a nice mix for rockers. Don't buy it, borrow mine then tell me your views!
"A little bit of resolve is all i need". It is part of a lyrics from the Foo Fighters' song, resolve. Yea, i just need a little bit of resolve. That's all. All these emotions surface for just one reason; i dream too much. Someone said that questioning yourself is not crazy but answering yourself is. The latter has also made me think that no one cares. Or is it that they don't know? I just don't want to be below the bar. I still think i have failed her. I still need resolve.
----------------------------------------------------------------
3sb @ sas
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Monday, April 09, 2007
The 4th Dimension Theory
This is me. Yes, it’s me.
My Design and Technology teacher scolded me today. It wasn’t the first time though and I really felt bad this time. I actually don’t really paint any emotions on my face; I’ll just hide it. Yea I know. Letting it all bottled up and keeping it quiet are not good but I’m just too shy. I guess a lot know that I’m really shy…
When my teacher scolded me, I was down but tried to give a strong face. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t that way. I wish I was bleeding openly. So as to let everyone know about the troubles I have and are encountering. But I can’t use that as an excuse. It should be an indication that I’m not doing my best and I must do something. Stand up and walk on.
On another note, I have just only 3 days to complete my design journal.
My router is still dieing. It’s just “not well”. It either needs a replacement or just need to be fixed. It must be the DSL that’s causing “higgcoughs”. I was thinking of getting the Asus storage router. That will be a neat toy for me!
= )
My Design and Technology teacher scolded me today. It wasn’t the first time though and I really felt bad this time. I actually don’t really paint any emotions on my face; I’ll just hide it. Yea I know. Letting it all bottled up and keeping it quiet are not good but I’m just too shy. I guess a lot know that I’m really shy…
When my teacher scolded me, I was down but tried to give a strong face. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t that way. I wish I was bleeding openly. So as to let everyone know about the troubles I have and are encountering. But I can’t use that as an excuse. It should be an indication that I’m not doing my best and I must do something. Stand up and walk on.
On another note, I have just only 3 days to complete my design journal.
My router is still dieing. It’s just “not well”. It either needs a replacement or just need to be fixed. It must be the DSL that’s causing “higgcoughs”. I was thinking of getting the Asus storage router. That will be a neat toy for me!
= )
Sunday, April 08, 2007
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I'M FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M GOD DAMMED FIXED!!!!!! [OK shldnt hav used that]
DAMM HIGH NOW!!!!!
okokokok....back to normal......
WHOHOOOOOOO!!!!
I'M GOD DAMMED FIXED!!!!!! [OK shldnt hav used that]
DAMM HIGH NOW!!!!!
okokokok....back to normal......
WHOHOOOOOOO!!!!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
In the eyes
I'm tired again. That's all.
I’m not actually a fan of Metal music but I must say, 30 Seconds To Mars changed the view I have on Metal. The start is distinct. They use different instruments and this is something I look out in songs. The meaning of it’s lyrics and it’s cohesion with the tone of the melodies is the most important factor to a great music. Just two words:
Deep and Inside.
A state of no return is just a state. In music, this is a state of total immersion in your emotions. The songs start to mean something. The lyrics embed itself in your head, reliving something. The songs depict your life. Now this is music’s “state of no return”. They bring your emotions out. Making you feel ten times more.
I might sound strange but maybe this is me, out of place and different. Some call this emo. I just call this me. But I am still lost finding myself. Or is it I who makes myself lost?
I should stop writing emo stuff. Seriously i should. This is not what i want from me.
I’m not actually a fan of Metal music but I must say, 30 Seconds To Mars changed the view I have on Metal. The start is distinct. They use different instruments and this is something I look out in songs. The meaning of it’s lyrics and it’s cohesion with the tone of the melodies is the most important factor to a great music. Just two words:
Deep and Inside.
A state of no return is just a state. In music, this is a state of total immersion in your emotions. The songs start to mean something. The lyrics embed itself in your head, reliving something. The songs depict your life. Now this is music’s “state of no return”. They bring your emotions out. Making you feel ten times more.
I might sound strange but maybe this is me, out of place and different. Some call this emo. I just call this me. But I am still lost finding myself. Or is it I who makes myself lost?
I should stop writing emo stuff. Seriously i should. This is not what i want from me.
Friday, April 06, 2007
can't let go
still feeling down. still thinking. i don't know why i can't let go. and why must Landon Pigg create that song?! now, i feel more bad... for making this preventable conflict possible. i just can't move on.
another day wasted. didn't train today because ended the meeting later than planned. half of my mind was on the "side" so i wasn't really doing my best. i hate it when i don't do my best. i was, unsurprisingly, scolding the immoraled sec 2's again. seriously, stop it. u have crossed the line and it's that left chest of mine that hinders me from clenching my fist. i have given you my words of warning but still, you won't listen. regarding this, i really want to go to "my friend" and ask her help. but i do know that i can't be over reliant on her. need to show that i'm strong. looks like i'll be bringing the stress ball next week.
going broke already. i'm going to buy 2 albums, 1 motorola computer kit[ the usb cable thingy], if can, i would also like a earpiece for my z3 and the missing stationery. geez... where am i going to get the money?
well i need to sleep now. need to help my mom go to the market tmmr. Have to finnish up my folio and i also must train my legs at TP Stadium [sms me if you are interested]. busy day tmmr i guess. well it's better than wasting off 2 bucks at the LAN shop!
=\
another day wasted. didn't train today because ended the meeting later than planned. half of my mind was on the "side" so i wasn't really doing my best. i hate it when i don't do my best. i was, unsurprisingly, scolding the immoraled sec 2's again. seriously, stop it. u have crossed the line and it's that left chest of mine that hinders me from clenching my fist. i have given you my words of warning but still, you won't listen. regarding this, i really want to go to "my friend" and ask her help. but i do know that i can't be over reliant on her. need to show that i'm strong. looks like i'll be bringing the stress ball next week.
going broke already. i'm going to buy 2 albums, 1 motorola computer kit[ the usb cable thingy], if can, i would also like a earpiece for my z3 and the missing stationery. geez... where am i going to get the money?
well i need to sleep now. need to help my mom go to the market tmmr. Have to finnish up my folio and i also must train my legs at TP Stadium [sms me if you are interested]. busy day tmmr i guess. well it's better than wasting off 2 bucks at the LAN shop!
=\
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
ho
damm router... or rather damm dsl... make my connection freaky instable. i was watching bleach on youtube when suddenly i lost connection. i had to re-download the whole thing again... T.T i'm not forgetting about the time it prevented me to post my blog. ARGH!!!
Monday, April 02, 2007
Just Hate Me
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
resolve
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
Lookin' back to find my way, never sing so hard
Yesterday's belated rest, changing of the gods
I would never change a thing even if I could
All the songs we used to sing, everything was gone
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by
Happened to you, happened to you
One more tear that you won't hear
That's gone and passed you by
Happened to you, happened to you
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
A little bit of resolve
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
------------------------------------------------------------
When tommorow is an uncertain believe, many will lose hope. A war is both side lost. A fight is nothing different. Burry the past for tommorow you will live. Yesterday was a battlefield. Today is a treaty. Tommorow is just another day.
Hate me.
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
Lookin' back to find my way, never sing so hard
Yesterday's belated rest, changing of the gods
I would never change a thing even if I could
All the songs we used to sing, everything was gone
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by
Happened to you, happened to you
One more tear that you won't hear
That's gone and passed you by
Happened to you, happened to you
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
A little bit of resolve
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
------------------------------------------------------------
When tommorow is an uncertain believe, many will lose hope. A war is both side lost. A fight is nothing different. Burry the past for tommorow you will live. Yesterday was a battlefield. Today is a treaty. Tommorow is just another day.
Hate me.
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