The 4th Dimension Theory

This is me. Yes, it’s me.

My Design and Technology teacher scolded me today. It wasn’t the first time though and I really felt bad this time. I actually don’t really paint any emotions on my face; I’ll just hide it. Yea I know. Letting it all bottled up and keeping it quiet are not good but I’m just too shy. I guess a lot know that I’m really shy…

When my teacher scolded me, I was down but tried to give a strong face. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t that way. I wish I was bleeding openly. So as to let everyone know about the troubles I have and are encountering. But I can’t use that as an excuse. It should be an indication that I’m not doing my best and I must do something. Stand up and walk on.

On another note, I have just only 3 days to complete my design journal.

My router is still dieing. It’s just “not well”. It either needs a replacement or just need to be fixed. It must be the DSL that’s causing “higgcoughs”. I was thinking of getting the Asus storage router. That will be a neat toy for me!

= )

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'M FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M GOD DAMMED FIXED!!!!!! [OK shldnt hav used that]

DAMM HIGH NOW!!!!!

okokokok....back to normal......

WHOHOOOOOOO!!!!

In the eyes

I'm tired again. That's all.

I’m not actually a fan of Metal music but I must say, 30 Seconds To Mars changed the view I have on Metal. The start is distinct. They use different instruments and this is something I look out in songs. The meaning of it’s lyrics and it’s cohesion with the tone of the melodies is the most important factor to a great music. Just two words:

Deep and Inside.

A state of no return is just a state. In music, this is a state of total immersion in your emotions. The songs start to mean something. The lyrics embed itself in your head, reliving something. The songs depict your life. Now this is music’s “state of no return”. They bring your emotions out. Making you feel ten times more.

I might sound strange but maybe this is me, out of place and different. Some call this emo. I just call this me. But I am still lost finding myself. Or is it I who makes myself lost?

I should stop writing emo stuff. Seriously i should. This is not what i want from me.

can't let go

still feeling down. still thinking. i don't know why i can't let go. and why must Landon Pigg create that song?! now, i feel more bad... for making this preventable conflict possible. i just can't move on.

another day wasted. didn't train today because ended the meeting later than planned. half of my mind was on the "side" so i wasn't really doing my best. i hate it when i don't do my best. i was, unsurprisingly, scolding the immoraled sec 2's again. seriously, stop it. u have crossed the line and it's that left chest of mine that hinders me from clenching my fist. i have given you my words of warning but still, you won't listen. regarding this, i really want to go to "my friend" and ask her help. but i do know that i can't be over reliant on her. need to show that i'm strong. looks like i'll be bringing the stress ball next week.

going broke already. i'm going to buy 2 albums, 1 motorola computer kit[ the usb cable thingy], if can, i would also like a earpiece for my z3 and the missing stationery. geez... where am i going to get the money?

well i need to sleep now. need to help my mom go to the market tmmr. Have to finnish up my folio and i also must train my legs at TP Stadium [sms me if you are interested]. busy day tmmr i guess. well it's better than wasting off 2 bucks at the LAN shop!

=\

ho

damm router... or rather damm dsl... make my connection freaky instable. i was watching bleach on youtube when suddenly i lost connection. i had to re-download the whole thing again... T.T i'm not forgetting about the time it prevented me to post my blog. ARGH!!!

Just Hate Me

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you

resolve

A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how

Lookin' back to find my way, never sing so hard
Yesterday's belated rest, changing of the gods
I would never change a thing even if I could
All the songs we used to sing, everything was gone

A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how

One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by
Happened to you, happened to you
One more tear that you won't hear
That's gone and passed you by
Happened to you, happened to you

A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how

A little bit of resolve
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
A little bit of resolve
One more louvre that you're not here
It's gone and passed you by (A little bit of resolve)
------------------------------------------------------------

When tommorow is an uncertain believe, many will lose hope. A war is both side lost. A fight is nothing different. Burry the past for tommorow you will live. Yesterday was a battlefield. Today is a treaty. Tommorow is just another day.

Hate me.