Make sense from the emotional nonsense!

Here’s the cliff. Either you jump now or later. Yes, you can’t see the bottom of the pit. It’s shrouded with uncertainty. Blah, blah, blah. But you do get the point yeah?

I started liking her when I first saw her in the Wave Camp. It first struck me that she had some resemblance to my aunt. HAHA. I didn’t get to really know her since I was in a different group. Tracing back, the whole camp was at the East Coast Park. I was seated beside Hop Song. Yeah, it should be him. She complained about the mosquitoes in that area and how they were bugging her and (if it was really him), Hop Song pointed out that men don’t really get bugged by them as our sweaty, slippery skin just give the mosquitoes a hard time to bite. As everyone gets a good laugh, she just drew a controlled laugh. I mean c’mon, she’s being laughed of and she found it funny too. Ironic; A companion in life. Seated just across her, her laughter has clearly made an imprint in my memories. After all, her smiled made me smile.

And then, we come back to Earth. Here’s the deal, a person named A, kind of drew similar feelings that I have of her. With the ability to steal my thunder, he will be a challenge when things get heated up. What’s worst is that his profile contradicts his actions. He’s the kind that goes out with a bag of wtf comedy & a psycho with a lot of ridicule. He’s not my cup of tea. So when he confessed to her, I was out of words. It was as though English lost it’s flavour. It was as though my life came to an abrupt halt. For the past few months, have I been reading the wrong profiles? Or have I been too concerned about my well-being that I neglected the very details that makes a person’s profile?

Something’s wrong. Once again, my lack of focus concocted with a swirl of foolishness has pulled me further from the water’s edge. Unimaginable. I’ve looked into this sector far too long only to realise that it make no friggin’ difference?! GOSH.

But hold up, identifying the source of the problem is one. Correcting it is another step. A didn’t really showcase the full profile I fitted him. The profile: Bulky; A person that goes out risking everything and anything as though the World belonged to him. He also cares little of anything. Some might say that he’s the worst kind. RECAP, does A showcase such characteristics? He risks everything. He says what he wants. He gives fuck about things. But he stops there. He has the mind of a focus and comedic person which brings about an outgoing personality. Yes, he’s no gentleman but his opinions are much appreciated.

Many say he’s not their cup of tea. (Or within those that has been working with him.) Some even suggest that his ‘outgoing-ness’ is shifting much focus of the team off. That’s the frequency. Everyone has their own frequency. As is just different from the most of us. Fyi, that frequency is similar to our Proj Manager’s. Also, some say that he’s lazy which is why he gives fuck about a thing. Does he help? Yeah. But not all the time. Put the original team and A will be the odd one out.

Enough about him. He is just ruining my plans for her. Originally, I wanted the slower way in. Now, with half the World knowing, the cat’s out of the bag. It’s a green light. Let’s reframe this thinking. You sure it’s negative? It could be positive since the uneasiness of 2 newly fallen in love when such a time comes by. But you have to act fast and correct. especially when you have A snaking your squirrel.

What’s more confusing is that when news of A’s confession first broke. I was sceptical of it. A pulls everyone’s leg and it’s not the first time he is pulling a prank. I’ve got people telling me that it was a setup. She’s just testing my waters. Whoa really? She was the person that revealed to me. In fact, she wanted help on how to push him away.

Adding fuel to fire, I got my emotions overwhelming me so much so that I just had to tease A into revealing his true feelings. I mean c’mon, I DON’T BELIEVE IT. And to just have fun, I told him my thoughts of her.

Let’s see the time line:

She wanted help to push A away –> Emotions beckoned me to know As true feelings (Which backfired btw) –> Poking fun, I revealed my feelings –> A told her about me (so was this a setup?) –> She apologised, acknowledging the big hoohaa –> I accepted it. (So she assumes that I like her.)

And so I’m here. She knows I like her. So this makes her believe that she knows that I know about A revealing my feelings of her. Which in theory, was only revealed to her bestie. So she knows that her bestie told me. And so, her bestie knows that I’m in cahoots with her bestie.

So what now?

Splendid.

Picture Holidays like Details in the Fabric

 

If We Ever.

I picture you face at the back of my eyes
Illuminating my sights
And there you stand, with a smile
That I love to hold you in my arms

Guilty when Innocent.

You know what to do right? Of course I do but c’mon, it’s just obvious. But let’s recap, a tad bit, our fundamentals of sociality, the backbone of human existence and intelligence: Psychology.  

Even if we are different by gene structure, by nature and by culture, a pattern will arouse our vigil senses. Many texts about Psychology don’t really talk much about this pattern or rather it has been really a chore to find reliable texts that can really connect to the reader. Nah, it’s just me. Can’t even finish To Kill A Mockingbird. But at any rate, Social Intelligence By Daniel Goleman didn’t see what I saw.

Humans, as adaptable and resilient to threats of many forms, none can ever imagine the strenuous work just to fall in love.

Emotions are contagious. That’s what I learnt. And so are mine. I can’t believe HE confessed to her. I mean I was like “WHOA”. When this did ever get to ever bloom? It’s just weird that someone like him would render feelings of a relationship. He’s too… blocky.

Oh have I misinterpreted the situation at hand? Maybe he houses some vital emotions. Emotions that too propelled him to a better decision. Emotions that makes a human, human. I would like to adapt a response from him when I asked about his opinions: “Essentially, when you like a girl, you can’t just keep it. You gotta tell her one day. It’s just when.”

It’s totally coincides with how I feel that through constant expression will only the human race prosper as humans are engineered to interact. But what it upsets is the dynamics of human relationship management. I mean, shouldn’t we take our time and work towards that girl? I mean we’re kinda talking about feelings/emotions of another person! He just like revealed his feelings.

Imbalanced; Tipping the scales of life.

But there’s one thing I wanna point out. What he’s done is still acceptable by nature. He’s trying his part and if she says no, he’ll just move on. I think we’re just overreacting. No I’m overreacting. But like I told her, at the end of the day, what do you expect out of it?

For me, I want to reveal the world my words of her; her through my eyes. Tell everyone how I met a wonderful girl that always seem to make me smile by her slightest actions. Obsession or plain lust? Both are bad, but can use consider it a feeling that I just want to let her know I like her.

I’ve been caught. I should have been wide awake when the surge or emotions came crashing onto me. Focus damn it. DAMN IT.

She’s so far away.

The light that shines upon me, shines upon my neighbour.

Back in 2008, Star World aired this dark comedic ‘detective-ish’ show called “LIFE”. Interestingly, it didn’t actually caught the attention of many viewers. It involved several words of wisdom from Confucius though, which I find it as an added plus, which also how I got the first line. During that time, Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives ruled the airwaves. Guess no one really wanted a funny take on morbid murders and thriller based laughter.

But even so, LIFE was really a funny show. Might be my simple fetish of anything sarcastic and idiotic. That is what that makes me spout lame jokes every now and then. And LIFE had this underlying mystery that revolves around the protagonist. Oooo. But like LOST, the steam just lost itself and yeah. It kinda spelled low ratings for it and it got cancelled.

Really loved the show. The main reason of how the protagonist portrayed a personality I kinda am leaning towards; A smart ass who utilises more than wordplay and hot air to diss nearby rivals. In that case, he uses Confucius as a mark. Haha.

At any rate, it’s a good show. Go bukit timah it or something.

School is ever-nearing. 7 weeks of freedom was dwarfed by commitments to Leo Club, World Skills training sessions and more ‘argh-ness’. I am never a fan of whining since it brings you nowhere and sets a reverberation of people looking on to console you. Oh come on! Grow up will ya? Life is ‘give-and-take’. But of course, a few days reading Social Intelligence, it can’t be help.

Humans are emotionally unstable creatures that socially accept depression/oppression/segregation or all the –sion words that you can think of... But I’d tell you that it takes lesser effort to get on their feet and walk on. (Insert ‘Walk On’ by U2 here!) I can be the proof! : P

It’s just that it’s interesting that a surge of emotions can be resulted by a decision. Decisions are made everyday. So why only when we decide on that particular event that we must be accompanied with regret, remorse when we make such a half-heartedly decision?

I just needed a place to rant. School’s near. But she’s so far away.