Part Deux: My Nonchalant 21.

Of bartering love against your sacrifices, it doesn't seem so right. I mean, it should be more of an unconditional thing. But our obsession with numbers have us affixing a value that we understand onto something so intangible that no number can explain it. It is our quest to understand the hard-to-understand. But sometimes, we just have to stop being so detailed. Then look at things at a whole. Take it in all at once and act the first thing you feel.

Now that is you.

I stopped being fake back when I lost everything. It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything. So today, I championed being real. So a simple dinner, a simple meal, a simple human touch. Though the pizza would make it perfect. But hey, life isn't anyway.

It has been great. And it can only get better.

Left with a month to my posting in Police, developments around my bunk has never got my brain glowing with so much activity, training has never failed to separate my body and soul, life has never been this great. The best part? It just got started.

So here's to 21 years of the nonchalant me and more to come!

Part Un: "This must be the worst day of your life."

It is today. Now that's fast.

I remember back then, I was smashed with a chocolate cake. It was not that ugly. But considering I was interviewing one club member for my Board, not so much of first impression eh? That was 3 years ago.

I remember back then, I was celebrating a day of ridicule. It was a rehearsal for a charity concert that I was involved. Little had I realised that in my comfortableness in this fun and laughter, it caused me my internship. Heck, it was worth it. That was 2 years ago.

I remember back then, I was ruling out and planing every conscious opportunity for my Board to repeat last year's 'celebration'. And at the same time, I was deep rooted into the developments of my club's future. And in that Loft apartment, knowing I was uber busy, they still made me smile the widest. And I remembered that we bought 2 ice cream cones at Macs with my debit. What a first. That was last year.

Flashbacks.

This year, amidst serving the nation and finding my way around this place, I would love to have a rave or something. Maybe throw a live band and a BBQ, plus some pool party. Then the DJ will play it throughout the night. Now, that's a 21st everyone dreams of. But perhaps, let's take this time to just gather our thoughts, reorganise our efforts and plan the next step.

It's time that we do away with a cultural definition that requires us to throw something for everyone. I need to just sit with you. No way. No way will I allow a culture dictate my actions. My values are golden. They are sound. They are whole.

So let's grab a drink together and chatter the night away. Because all I want is just your presence. No presents. No party. No cake. Just you. : )

Roll.

And just like that, Roland killed 2 of my projects. It was reaching the end of its life anyway. All that was lost were the incomplete essays and discussions and ideas that were still under development. And so, with time just lingering away, they had no choice but to kill those 2.

I wouldn't say I was taken aback or defiant or angry with his decision. It just got to me that things don't last forever. And I wouldn't say I saw it coming. For a fact, this is by no means a roadblock to all my links. It's more of a redefinition of my purpose, and that is now to just return for fun.

Haha.

An interesting even happened on Friday night. But before that, you have to know the details of my book out. Apparently, our agile fingers were not fast enough. The FI caught one of my squad mates with a contraband albeit it was not that severe as a pack of cigarettes. After much discussion on the "corrective action", it was decided that we will book in earlier. Well, that was not very welcomed by the others. Oh boy.

On Friday night, this interesting event happened. I got a call from one of my seniors. We were catching up on the times we worked and I mentioned how my day was. And his reaction was... golden.

"So... What the fuck were you waiting for?", he said.

"What do you mean?", puzzled by his question.

"Why didn't you take the fall? You were the IC!"

It just struck me. Not because of confusion why a person should be accountable for the mistakes of others but of my previous self. I used to be that guy. That guy who was fearless about the selfish actions of others. It didn't matter to me that it was his or him or their mistakes. The leader of the pack who has the balls to be take up this role should have the balls to be responsible for others as well. And us being us, we are hardened to take any any and every shit. These leaders are the ones that defy God. We make God run for his money. Fate and destiny is something we will accept as God's plan. But sometimes, we don't like that plan. We will change it. That what makes our group so special.

We are the nonchalant few.

Yeah, I used to be fearless like the others. As an added effect, I had the balls to do almost all the crazy stuff. Fearless, and ballsy. Nice.