Did I Drive You Away?

I will always look out for you. Sometimes, more than ever, I would gaze through the window and hope you could catch a glance of me. And for that brief millisecond, you would notice the fear, the uncertainty and the void behind my eyes.

I would hope for you, second after second. I would wish you are here with me. I would, but I couldn't. Because times have changed us. Times have made us something different. If I had my time, I would be different. And so would you.

But it's too elusive. The closest thing I could get by was to at least hope that I had my way of time. To at least hope that things would go my way. To at least hope that you would walk by and see me. To at least hope that you would smile again. But then again, it's time.

For some, you got to at least try. For many, you have to at least do it right. For a handful, you must get it perfect.

It's a funny world we live in. Sometimes we look at mistakes to learn, other times, we scrutinise them and shun the doers. Times.

So mistakes are made. But you say let's learn. And you tell me that we should have our chins up. So let's be proud of it then. And tell me, what you really love. Tell me what is on your mind now.

I was told that it is not wrong to be proud. So share what you really love with me.

Conversations with Long Bus Rides

While my computer is being scanned for imminent danger, it makes my games so sluggish that you would GLADLY wait for the scan to finish AND then play. Which is probably a good idea as you would, or might, hasten the scanning. Well, I like to believe that. And the thing with virus scanning is that it is always long. No matter what.

You know what else is long? Bus rides.

I love long bus rides, because they make you think. Just imagine yourself sitting, or standing, there beside a complete stranger. Constantly hearing the revving of the bus and the conversations of many others. It seems boring. Try that for 2 hours of your life everyday. To make it less boring, you plug your ears and zone out. And when you 'zone out', you mind begins to drift.

It's like a dream. But you're awake. You think. We start with the music you listen. Then your eyes has full control. You look around and think. Awaking the fashion police in you. You look outside. Too blur to see. And then you go to yourself. Like what you did today, and what you going to do later. And as you drift further, you think deeper. Like you question yourself. Your decision making moments. You question your life, your faith. For some, it's already too deep. At this stage, they just stop and just get distracted by the music. And most of the time, you have already reached. It makes you think.

Though I do hate the sterile social scene in the bus. It's like "this-space-is-mine-that-space-is-yours-AND-DON'T-CROSS-TO-MY-SPACE!" Hey, I'm all for human rights and all but don't you think that modern bus rides just seem to 'quiet'? I just feel that way.

MAYBE it's just me ah. After all, I do like to have conversations. With everyone.

"Mmmmhmmm."

It's too hard. When for example, you have over 24 hours of music to choke down space for 10. That kinda sucks. If I had my way, I would put all 24. Not because I would want to listen to it all. But because I don't wanna choose.

Yeap. That lazy.

Holidays define you, tragically. Because you are left with so much hours alone, you tend to think a lot. Well, tend to think what to do next. Like should you play your games. Or catch a movie. Or hot the gym. Or eat, again. And when we are give so many choices, we kinda screw up.

Of course the ideal form I've seen is that given such numerous options, you just choose and get done over it. That's planning at it's core. But sometimes, the more liberal ones don't. Not saying that they are are being indecisive or anything. They just question more.

So the golden debate that has been ongoing for the past week; Should we be given choices?

"Mmmmhmmm." That's my grunt suggesting I don't exactly care.