"I hope they are wrong, but I'm not expecting myself to be right."

I ran twice yesterday. Okay, maybe 1 and a half. But to get a running fix after a month of immobility, it's just surreal. I thought my body would break before I even finish my routes. So much for faith yeah? Nonetheless, I was handed the punishment of running more than what my body can take, aches. Woke this morning with almost both of my legs frozen. Though unnerving, I had a slight smile. All I know, from these pain, is that I am still alive.

Right after my second run, with a friend, I just had an epiphany. Most of the times, I release that leash I had on my mind when I have trusted surroundings. While many times the mind churns our utter bullshit, it did had numerous times unveil some jaw-droppers. So yesterday, it just had one added to its tally.

I figured it all out. Everything. And I didn't like it. WELL THEN, sucks to be me huh?

On my last day of work, a close colleague of mine was talking about how he is going to go to his best friend's place and just lepak there. I remembered that he had mentioned that he went to play his console games at his place last week. So I told him you seem to hang a lot with him! "Best friend what. You don't do that with your best friend meh?" "Nope. I don't have one."

Stunned. He asks, "No. You must have one person you hang out always." "Yeah, but if you put it that way, then everyone in my best friend. Other than that, I have none.", I replied. "I'm sure there's one person you would one to call when things are shit." "Hmm... Nope. I've never thought of calling anyone when things are in shit. I just thought it all out.", I answered.

Let's break this down with 3 things:

First, I might be strong willed in life. Constantly progressing on. However, I might be an antisocial son of a gun. Prioritising work before relationships. My time is dedicated to progress and less time on these friendships and thus, less time to talk about shit things.
Second, this could be a pursuit of perfection. Some calls it the quest to be idolised, to be framed, to be remembered. Imagine a perfect self, so pure, so sought for. And then again, I might have confidence issues that stem from a fear of showing weakness. (Since sharing your difficulties might be regarded as a sign of weakness.)
Third, I just show no bias, regarding every friendship as important. This can easily mean the lack of culture, the link that defines your humanity. You might as well be called a robot.

Put it simply guys, I just have not found that best friend yet. But that doesn't mean that I am going to search the globe and find. I became optimistic. Everyone I know will be important. No matter what. It might be impossible, and something's gotta give. So I think, let it be me.

Do you know how it feels when someone has much faith in you, when someone has much hope in you, when someone has much belief in you? It feels tremendous. And do you know how it feels when someone has lost faith, hope and belief in you? I can only pray you don't have to experience that.

I think I found it recently. But everyone is saying otherwise. I hope they are wrong, but I'm not expecting myself to be right.