This Profound Fondness of Being Alone

I recorded this a few days back. I just had to write.

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Today I felt bad. I have a friend that I met at the bus stop. He is partially deaf. But he can still converse normally but it is pretty hard for him. And knowing that, when our bus came, I told him that I needed to wait for a friend. And so he took the bus alone. Now I ask, why do I have this understanding that just because he is partially deaf, that I can't speak with him? What has lessons in HI Club got you? Aren't you suppose to be able to communicate with them?!

That just puzzled me. That's why in that morning, I felt a tad bit off. This was the last thing that I would be expecting from a member of a COMMUNITY SERVICE CLUB. Bleagh. I just can't grasp my decision making at that point of time. It seemed… stupid.

When I was going home, I noticed one of my TCP in-charge at the bus stop. I just had this simple eerie feeling that he was waiting for the same bus as me. And that just made me kinda turn away. Somewhere in the chasms of my flesh and bones, a sick feeling emerged when I know I had to hold a conversation.

Why? He's just your former teacher in-charge. Why can't you talk to him? I mean, you had not talked to him for pretty long. Maybe it could be a good catch up session?

I chose to sit out.

As my bus came, he inched closer to the curb. Ahh, shucks. He's taking the same bus as me. I carefully rode the mass of random crowd, making sure I board the bus behind him. Seeing it as a double deck, there are only 2 possibilities. A, he takes the upper deck which I will take the lower one and stand. B, he takes the lower deck and since I am behind, I will be able to slip up to the upper deck. Provided it has spaces that is.

Thinking back, I can't believe I thought so much.

In the end, I did not talk to him. He boarded first and took the upper deck. As I boarded, I asked if it was a good idea to wait for the next bus. I was frantically refreshing iRIS on my left hand. I told myself, "Heck it. Just talk." Which evidently didn't happen.

I do not know why but I seem to have this profound fondness of being alone.