Gameface.

I don’t exactly talk to her anymore. And a lot of made up conversations have I played in my head, questioning the very morality of this decision. I don’t know man, I just can’t get my own vibe back. She’s there. And there she stands. If I walk up to her, with my palms awaiting hers and if she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t want to. That’s all I can say.

So you’re giving up? They say, experience is the other name of mistakes. And that is true. I have a friend that follows by this defined path of Experiential Learning. Which in today’s context, not at all wrong. But when will enough be enough? If what you experience is not learnt, what position do you have to call it learning? But it doesn’t stop there. And what if we take advantage to an extent that we reject old ideals because we can. Old ideals that resemble in the form of our seniors who are experienced and wise. And to even say that they have never been in these exact situations is just unheard of. It’s like saying that our fathers and mothers are unfit to be what they are because before giving birth to us, they have never been fathers and mothers before. That’s where grandpa and grandma comes in right? 

Plain disgusting.

So am I giving up? No. I have to sit down and think through. Thus, single and unavailable. Whoever thought that there are no stupid questions but stupid answers obviously forgot that there still in existence the sort of entity that still leads to stupid questions. It’s the stupid things we think about. So you can say that for the past months, I’m nothing but trouble to her.

What now? Good question. Maybe finally put on my mask of Gameface. Maybe forever. Because until I realise her importance in my life will I start to understand. For now, I’m just plain useless.

You know Bob Marley? Yeah, he had this belief that Man should be in ‘one piece’. So when he had this cancer that requires him to amputate his leg, he said NO! So when it comes to seat belts, he also said NO because he said that by wearing one, it makes one believe they will be involved in crash and in evidently await for his death. He doesn’t want to predict his death. He wants to be in ‘one piece’. He wants to accept life as it was given, nothing more, nothing less.

This, I call the Seatbelt Story. If you truly would mind, relate to the rejection of help. Some would refer accepting help as a form of anticipating your failure and demise. I used to think that way. But rather, I now think that accepting help is my way of accepting that I suck at that and I’ve zero experience in this. I mean, that is the basis of requesting help in the first place. Because you don’t know what to do or you’ve done much harm than good or you just are so lost.

Oh for Bob Marley, in the end, his cause of death was related to his un-amputated leg.

I can’t ask for help too much. But just sit beside me sometimes and that’s all I need. And maybe a hug or two or a pat on the back.