Of bartering love against your sacrifices, it doesn't seem so right. I mean, it should be more of an unconditional thing. But our obsession with numbers have us affixing a value that we understand onto something so intangible that no number can explain it. It is our quest to understand the hard-to-understand. But sometimes, we just have to stop being so detailed. Then look at things at a whole. Take it in all at once and act the first thing you feel.
Now that is you.
I stopped being fake back when I lost everything. It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything. So today, I championed being real. So a simple dinner, a simple meal, a simple human touch. Though the pizza would make it perfect. But hey, life isn't anyway.
It has been great. And it can only get better.
Left with a month to my posting in Police, developments around my bunk has never got my brain glowing with so much activity, training has never failed to separate my body and soul, life has never been this great. The best part? It just got started.
So here's to 21 years of the nonchalant me and more to come!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Part Un: "This must be the worst day of your life."
It is today. Now that's fast.
I remember back then, I was smashed with a chocolate cake. It was not that ugly. But considering I was interviewing one club member for my Board, not so much of first impression eh? That was 3 years ago.
I remember back then, I was celebrating a day of ridicule. It was a rehearsal for a charity concert that I was involved. Little had I realised that in my comfortableness in this fun and laughter, it caused me my internship. Heck, it was worth it. That was 2 years ago.
I remember back then, I was ruling out and planing every conscious opportunity for my Board to repeat last year's 'celebration'. And at the same time, I was deep rooted into the developments of my club's future. And in that Loft apartment, knowing I was uber busy, they still made me smile the widest. And I remembered that we bought 2 ice cream cones at Macs with my debit. What a first. That was last year.
Flashbacks.
This year, amidst serving the nation and finding my way around this place, I would love to have a rave or something. Maybe throw a live band and a BBQ, plus some pool party. Then the DJ will play it throughout the night. Now, that's a 21st everyone dreams of. But perhaps, let's take this time to just gather our thoughts, reorganise our efforts and plan the next step.
It's time that we do away with a cultural definition that requires us to throw something for everyone. I need to just sit with you. No way. No way will I allow a culture dictate my actions. My values are golden. They are sound. They are whole.
So let's grab a drink together and chatter the night away. Because all I want is just your presence. No presents. No party. No cake. Just you. : )
I remember back then, I was smashed with a chocolate cake. It was not that ugly. But considering I was interviewing one club member for my Board, not so much of first impression eh? That was 3 years ago.
I remember back then, I was celebrating a day of ridicule. It was a rehearsal for a charity concert that I was involved. Little had I realised that in my comfortableness in this fun and laughter, it caused me my internship. Heck, it was worth it. That was 2 years ago.
I remember back then, I was ruling out and planing every conscious opportunity for my Board to repeat last year's 'celebration'. And at the same time, I was deep rooted into the developments of my club's future. And in that Loft apartment, knowing I was uber busy, they still made me smile the widest. And I remembered that we bought 2 ice cream cones at Macs with my debit. What a first. That was last year.
Flashbacks.
This year, amidst serving the nation and finding my way around this place, I would love to have a rave or something. Maybe throw a live band and a BBQ, plus some pool party. Then the DJ will play it throughout the night. Now, that's a 21st everyone dreams of. But perhaps, let's take this time to just gather our thoughts, reorganise our efforts and plan the next step.
It's time that we do away with a cultural definition that requires us to throw something for everyone. I need to just sit with you. No way. No way will I allow a culture dictate my actions. My values are golden. They are sound. They are whole.
So let's grab a drink together and chatter the night away. Because all I want is just your presence. No presents. No party. No cake. Just you. : )
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Roll.
And just like that, Roland killed 2 of my projects. It was reaching the end of its life anyway. All that was lost were the incomplete essays and discussions and ideas that were still under development. And so, with time just lingering away, they had no choice but to kill those 2.
I wouldn't say I was taken aback or defiant or angry with his decision. It just got to me that things don't last forever. And I wouldn't say I saw it coming. For a fact, this is by no means a roadblock to all my links. It's more of a redefinition of my purpose, and that is now to just return for fun.
Haha.
An interesting even happened on Friday night. But before that, you have to know the details of my book out. Apparently, our agile fingers were not fast enough. The FI caught one of my squad mates with a contraband albeit it was not that severe as a pack of cigarettes. After much discussion on the "corrective action", it was decided that we will book in earlier. Well, that was not very welcomed by the others. Oh boy.
On Friday night, this interesting event happened. I got a call from one of my seniors. We were catching up on the times we worked and I mentioned how my day was. And his reaction was... golden.
"So... What the fuck were you waiting for?", he said.
"What do you mean?", puzzled by his question.
"Why didn't you take the fall? You were the IC!"
It just struck me. Not because of confusion why a person should be accountable for the mistakes of others but of my previous self. I used to be that guy. That guy who was fearless about the selfish actions of others. It didn't matter to me that it was his or him or their mistakes. The leader of the pack who has the balls to be take up this role should have the balls to be responsible for others as well. And us being us, we are hardened to take any any and every shit. These leaders are the ones that defy God. We make God run for his money. Fate and destiny is something we will accept as God's plan. But sometimes, we don't like that plan. We will change it. That what makes our group so special.
We are the nonchalant few.
Yeah, I used to be fearless like the others. As an added effect, I had the balls to do almost all the crazy stuff. Fearless, and ballsy. Nice.
I wouldn't say I was taken aback or defiant or angry with his decision. It just got to me that things don't last forever. And I wouldn't say I saw it coming. For a fact, this is by no means a roadblock to all my links. It's more of a redefinition of my purpose, and that is now to just return for fun.
Haha.
An interesting even happened on Friday night. But before that, you have to know the details of my book out. Apparently, our agile fingers were not fast enough. The FI caught one of my squad mates with a contraband albeit it was not that severe as a pack of cigarettes. After much discussion on the "corrective action", it was decided that we will book in earlier. Well, that was not very welcomed by the others. Oh boy.
On Friday night, this interesting event happened. I got a call from one of my seniors. We were catching up on the times we worked and I mentioned how my day was. And his reaction was... golden.
"So... What the fuck were you waiting for?", he said.
"What do you mean?", puzzled by his question.
"Why didn't you take the fall? You were the IC!"
It just struck me. Not because of confusion why a person should be accountable for the mistakes of others but of my previous self. I used to be that guy. That guy who was fearless about the selfish actions of others. It didn't matter to me that it was his or him or their mistakes. The leader of the pack who has the balls to be take up this role should have the balls to be responsible for others as well. And us being us, we are hardened to take any any and every shit. These leaders are the ones that defy God. We make God run for his money. Fate and destiny is something we will accept as God's plan. But sometimes, we don't like that plan. We will change it. That what makes our group so special.
We are the nonchalant few.
Yeah, I used to be fearless like the others. As an added effect, I had the balls to do almost all the crazy stuff. Fearless, and ballsy. Nice.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
We say oh we oh we oh we oh.
"Maybe, just maybe, if we wait long enough, we would see each other."
Hope is what we tell ourselves when we don't get something we can't get, something we don't work for, something we don't deserve. But hope is something that keeps millions of peoples' lives up and running. And ruining millions of peoples' lives is something that we can't have in our circumstances.
SO I got myself a PS3. I am pretty rad about my purchase. I have been prancing over the idea for almost a year now and the PS4 is going to come out soon enough. But I say, "Hey, you don't get it now, you're going to dwell with that idea and you will be going through that same thought process to convince you to buy that. Just go for it. No holding back. Pounce on it."
Well yeah, there is something called the right time. But there is also in existence a handful that just sit on their hands and do nothing. So I say, just go for it.
But I do realise that there's something about being ball-less-beastly-brave and being stupid. You can't simply go by just your feeling but 'feeling'. You gotta know when to pull the trigger. Yeah, there are times where information is limited and your decision is far from decided. What I am saying is the acts where we become completely detached from the brain. There are those in this world where they machine gun their way in. Man, don't they run out of bullets soon?!
There is the natural instinct that guides you when your decision making moments get clouded. It is the hunch, it is that feeling. That urge. That tick. That voice. Most importantly, that surge of confidence.
One thing's for sure. I don't want to regret the things I do. So I make sure I put in my 100%. And today's soccer fix wasn't my 100%. BAH.
Hope is what we tell ourselves when we don't get something we can't get, something we don't work for, something we don't deserve. But hope is something that keeps millions of peoples' lives up and running. And ruining millions of peoples' lives is something that we can't have in our circumstances.
SO I got myself a PS3. I am pretty rad about my purchase. I have been prancing over the idea for almost a year now and the PS4 is going to come out soon enough. But I say, "Hey, you don't get it now, you're going to dwell with that idea and you will be going through that same thought process to convince you to buy that. Just go for it. No holding back. Pounce on it."
Well yeah, there is something called the right time. But there is also in existence a handful that just sit on their hands and do nothing. So I say, just go for it.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do." -Mark Twain
This simple quote captures the beauty of trendsetters, of risk takers, of ball-less-beastly-brave men.
But I do realise that there's something about being ball-less-beastly-brave and being stupid. You can't simply go by just your feeling but 'feeling'. You gotta know when to pull the trigger. Yeah, there are times where information is limited and your decision is far from decided. What I am saying is the acts where we become completely detached from the brain. There are those in this world where they machine gun their way in. Man, don't they run out of bullets soon?!
There is the natural instinct that guides you when your decision making moments get clouded. It is the hunch, it is that feeling. That urge. That tick. That voice. Most importantly, that surge of confidence.
One thing's for sure. I don't want to regret the things I do. So I make sure I put in my 100%. And today's soccer fix wasn't my 100%. BAH.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Kill Time in a Civilised Way
About 2 years ago, my feet won't touch the ground.
A year later, I was knee deep in something.
This time around, I plan to walk on water.
Of the things to come, it is hard to give up the ways of the old. In fact, I am culturally acceptable of this culture. So it makes it hard to kick this 'habit'. You know what they say right? When in Rome, do as the Romans do. There is no glory to be had if you oppose this currents. Truthfully speaking the only glory you might be able to find is when the currents go your way. But then again, this business is not about glory. It's about value and meaning. More importantly for me, it's about worth.
Then again, we should start running.
I want to lay back on the haystack. But I can't find one. So instead, I lay back in words. I sink deep into much of literature. By no means is this an enrichment for the mind, more of my natural response to kill time in a civilised way. Ironically, I have a book that seems to be months into my reading. It just doesn't click well with what I do nowadays. Today is about fighting for your mind. Finding meaning and value and worth and your place in that society. Tipping Point is about epidemics, the look of spread of ideas. I hate it when I force myself to read. It's like forcing myself to pee into a cup. Bah.
Recently, I have a marred perception of the people around me. Just that, everyone is complaining nowadays. What the flying ferrets is this? Look, I will hear you out. I will make sure that I will hear your every words. But if you keep on complaining day in and day out, I don't think it works best for you. The problem will still be there. I am complaining about the complains. Ironic.
Maybe it is closer to whining but I always associate that to kids. And maybe a particular junior I have in my club.
Here's my advise. Stop complaining. Start fixing. Though you can be assured that even if I feel mortally disgusted by your words of an auntie who didn't get her way when she was queueing for a discount, I will still hear you out. Why? I know how it feels when you are not listened, it's a lonely World.
Can I tell you something? For the love of cats, dogs and all the living things in the World, don't give up. If you do, I hate you for not loving cats and dogs and all the living things in the World.
A year later, I was knee deep in something.
This time around, I plan to walk on water.
Of the things to come, it is hard to give up the ways of the old. In fact, I am culturally acceptable of this culture. So it makes it hard to kick this 'habit'. You know what they say right? When in Rome, do as the Romans do. There is no glory to be had if you oppose this currents. Truthfully speaking the only glory you might be able to find is when the currents go your way. But then again, this business is not about glory. It's about value and meaning. More importantly for me, it's about worth.
Then again, we should start running.
I want to lay back on the haystack. But I can't find one. So instead, I lay back in words. I sink deep into much of literature. By no means is this an enrichment for the mind, more of my natural response to kill time in a civilised way. Ironically, I have a book that seems to be months into my reading. It just doesn't click well with what I do nowadays. Today is about fighting for your mind. Finding meaning and value and worth and your place in that society. Tipping Point is about epidemics, the look of spread of ideas. I hate it when I force myself to read. It's like forcing myself to pee into a cup. Bah.
Recently, I have a marred perception of the people around me. Just that, everyone is complaining nowadays. What the flying ferrets is this? Look, I will hear you out. I will make sure that I will hear your every words. But if you keep on complaining day in and day out, I don't think it works best for you. The problem will still be there. I am complaining about the complains. Ironic.
Maybe it is closer to whining but I always associate that to kids. And maybe a particular junior I have in my club.
Here's my advise. Stop complaining. Start fixing. Though you can be assured that even if I feel mortally disgusted by your words of an auntie who didn't get her way when she was queueing for a discount, I will still hear you out. Why? I know how it feels when you are not listened, it's a lonely World.
Can I tell you something? For the love of cats, dogs and all the living things in the World, don't give up. If you do, I hate you for not loving cats and dogs and all the living things in the World.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
The Art of Flight and Fright
Sometimes you just get the better of yourselves. Really. One day, you remind yourselves of the duties and the services for the betterment of your cause and another day, you just lose it and blame the whole world. Honestly, I’ve stared down that path. And honestly, we need less of these people.
We need highly motivated people for the right stuff. No time for time wasters, no time for nays, no time for losers, no time for sucker. Real work needs real dedicated people. So that’s why when a man so passionate for his cause comes by, we become so mesmerised by his presence. We get hooked on his smell of success that inhibits our soft skulls.
And that’s good because it now motivates us to do something. Unfortunately, we do things for the wrong reasons. After digging our toes into this quest, we realised that the path a motivated one took is much more harder than it seems. We tremble and we kinda give up. Boohoo.
So that’s why we have this problem; We get the better of ourselves. It’s not due to our flamboyance when we are defined of success but it’s because we can’t reach the top. We get cranky. We blame the whole world.
And so I say, for the love of God, do with reason.
There are just too many people giving up these days. No shit.
We need highly motivated people for the right stuff. No time for time wasters, no time for nays, no time for losers, no time for sucker. Real work needs real dedicated people. So that’s why when a man so passionate for his cause comes by, we become so mesmerised by his presence. We get hooked on his smell of success that inhibits our soft skulls.
And that’s good because it now motivates us to do something. Unfortunately, we do things for the wrong reasons. After digging our toes into this quest, we realised that the path a motivated one took is much more harder than it seems. We tremble and we kinda give up. Boohoo.
So that’s why we have this problem; We get the better of ourselves. It’s not due to our flamboyance when we are defined of success but it’s because we can’t reach the top. We get cranky. We blame the whole world.
And so I say, for the love of God, do with reason.
There are just too many people giving up these days. No shit.
Sunday, November 04, 2012
The Daily Riles
Fellas, it has been 2 months. It has been 8 weeks. It has been 54 days. It has been one hell of a ride. And guess what, I AM STILL IN ONE PIECE. Police National Service is doing good for now. Thought I did draw some comparisons from the nearby company that hosts regular officers. Or as one of my good buddies put it, "The ones who are courageous enough to sell their soul, to the DEVIL." Courage? Maybe. Just maybe.
Training is simple yet effective enough for me to lose 4 waist sizes down. The lack of sleep did definitely help somehow. I just got this feeling that the training is just not enough. Obviously everyone loves to have a toned and well built body. So when NS came by, I had the idea that we would return to society in 2 years with the body of what media deem fit. I just expect too much huh?
Maybe it could just be that I'm still 'sour' from my mono-intake enlistment. You can't simply regret getting enlisted into Police. It's equivalent to striking big in a casino. But maybe, it could be the joke? For me though, I'd rather have a go for Army. It's like a ritual you see. So many stories of Army all around you, one definitely just have to get the rift of it. I've been so put through the NS 'publicity', under the impression that NS equates to Army. Oh why not? All the pre-NS talk were all about Army. Little did I know that Police was my fate.
I don't regret my assignment here. But I do recognise what a missed opportunity it is to not be in Army. Imagine the conversations of the times in the mud, the sergeant who is more of an ass, and the laughs of some dodo in the platoon. Memories, that I will never make.
Food just received a major upgrade. As I put it in tweet, the food transformed from prison to near-hotel grade. Now, who wouldn't think this as a chalet now huh?! And this drew some discussions on whether the quality would sustain for the coming months. It's like how we always dress our best for the best day of work. But as days become weeks become months, out perfectly ironed shirt is substituted to a New Balance dri-fit shirt you got from a race you slept through. Now now, where is your pride in your work?
"Make it worth, Zul." -Lasting words from a great friend.
True, 2 years is long, so make it worth. If you are going to just be sad all day because you don't like what you are given, then, I'm not gonna hang around you. Your negativity vibes is a killer. I want to surround myself with good people. Crying all day won't make it worth your 2 years. Doing what you don't want to is also not going to make it worth your 2 years. But can we at least try?
You can take this NS as an experience to be part of the government workhorse agency. You can try to be fitter and get into a Jason-Bourne-isque assignment/vocation. You can sharpen your leadership skills. And my favourite, you can have just loads of fun in NS.
The world is following a formula of 'success': Study assiduously, chase the big bucks, become "mortgage slaves," quickly get married, and have a kid.
Really guys?
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