Paradoxical Child

Disenchanted Prologue

2012-01-10T08:10:00.001+08:00

I am not that interested in things that don't interest me. And then you came along. For a moment, I thought it would be of something new. Something that I would appreciate for a long time.

It's nice to know that you went the extra mile to meet even though you don't really want to. Well, I don't want company that don't want to be accompanied.

As long as I don't make you frown. That would be the death of me.

Let's see...

2012-01-08T22:40:00.001+08:00

Let's see...

I have a couple of assignments-slash-projects-research-study-slash-side-work that is due in the coming months:

"Up to No Good" - Initial writing about how we derive what is important but mainly how we make ourselves motivated. A deeper look at how 'evil' figures of the World create their reasoning. Even Hitler has a reason.

"Real Selfish" - Questioning the idea of professionalism as a state that we can achieve. Maybe we should cover the topic of born leaders and trained leaders; the origin of leadership. Focusing on integrity and re-defining selfishness as a distant cousin of protectionism while preserving the essence of what we do.

"Definitions of Ourselves" - Here we cover how our priorities shape us. Taking an example of how when prioritising a conversation with a girl over finishing your homework due tomorrow is an indication that you like her. Say it's the nicer version of "Up to No Good".

Let's finish them by March. Outlines by this week. Sources by Jan. 1st draft by mid-Feb. Final by Feb. Proofread circulation by 1st week of March. Online circulation by March, and then that's where the internet proofreads. Oooo yeah.

And then I have 2 reports. Gosh. And then I have another 2 research report on club leadership. Goshgosh. And I have monthly topic posts to spin about. Oh goshgosh.

Let's kickstart and finish them by this month of Jan. Make way!

Opaline Day

2012-01-07T00:56:00.001+08:00

Hello. Bring me to my knees, and I shall reply not with force but with a desire to stand among the giants.

I'm just caught off guard. Didn't expect she would remember. And I was hoping she didn't. But it really seemed she did. Maybe...
--
Today, was a day that makes me worry if they can sleep tight tonight. I just don't like it that I am here and I can't help you out. I want to try all I can. And if I fail, let me fail and try again. I'm not giving up.

What is the fighting spirit that we spoke so fondly of? What is that remarkable trait of The Nonchalant Few? What makes us so distinct? What is a leader?
--
Maybe... She really makes me smile. Maybe she doesn't. What do you say?

Distance

2011-12-20T00:55:00.001+08:00

I saw you at a distance. I really saw you. I really wanted to see you.

But I chose not to. And I can't seem to understand why.

Bloke's Meaning

2011-12-18T13:37:00.001+08:00

I'm bored today.

I have to complete a large portion of my FYP's programming for showcase tomorrow. Sounds cool huh? When your software is buggy and is prone to crashes, it's like writing a 1000 word essay with sore fingers and a diarrhoea. So much so, I am sick of it. In my planning, I would ditch this software and get a better one.

Did I mention how my supervisors are more of naggy parents who only know how to point out faults then to motivate, or professionally called 'support', students' hard work?

Then again, I am 'contracted' to do this shit I don't feel like doing. My reward? A measly grade that indicates how well I listen to my supervisors' demands.

Bravo. Is that the real measure of success? How we turn out in the light of others? Is it what we choose to wear? A man in a suit vs a man in torn clothes. What is really a true indicator of success?

Beats me too. But is being successful what we really want? I've seen many programs, on TV and in self-improvement workshops, that help to define the "true meaning" of success. Books outline them and bring out the meaning of success. But is that true?

More and more, we got people to understand that it's not about how successful you are. But rather it's if the work you just did is meaningful.

And don't forget to quantify it. I mean if you want to measure something, you got to have some kind of a unit or a value. Like for grades, it is deduced in letters where A represents the top percentile. Say 85 percentile? And then we love stars. Just by affixing a star to a letter, we get the 90 percentile. I would surely worked harder if it had a cooler name like Gold Class A or A-Awesome.

Haha. The thing is, I don't really like to label.

Doing something you don't love is like saying you don't smoke but you hang around with smokers when they smoke. Unless you are trying to prove a paradox, I'd say you should find new friends.

And we can't quantify or put a value to meaning. The closest you get is a floating feeling of how much you felt its meaningful. You simply can't attach a physical quantity. It's like grabbing air. So the real value to how meaningful your work is known through you and the people around you.

Someone from LifeHacker, please come up of an article to hack my brain to love what I don't like. Then that way, I would do my work in a much meaningful way.

And there's always just doing what you love in the first place.

The not so hearty part of HTHT

2011-12-12T23:34:00.001+08:00

I had a wacky idea one day that seems to have originated from a team member of ImprovEverywhere. It was scary initially, and i just didn't want to go full scale just yet. So, with my endless free time from FYP, I decided to do a 'field test'.

I wanted to just walk up to a complete stranger and just ask, "Hello, how are you?" Just offer 20 minutes of listening. It's like getting into the 1st team selection. It's like being dug up from the accumulating earth that is sitting on top of you since Monday. It's like FINALLY, enough with this crap. What if, everyone was your friend?

I was told of this HTHT thingy by a particular friend of mine. It's weird. Why do people need to talk 'heartily'? Can't you decide on your own? Well, maybe they need a 2nd opinion on things. But then again, what's so 'hearty' about it?

By no means I'm downplaying it. I think it's part of a process in decision making. And we are humans. We communicate. So we talk. It's kinda natural... I think.

But one thing is for sure, I just don't think that we should label it. Basically, it's part of our way of communicating and so, let's just talk!

Do I share a higher affinity with you if I 'HTHT' with you? Perhaps if you consider the things I talk to you, perhaps yes. It's exclusively you. But it's not a right. And definitely, we should not live on it. I see a person living on 'HTHT' like it's some mana from a game. The more she hears, the more 'special' she becomes. Like it's her thrill. Her cheap thrill.

No. It makes you weak.

Saturday as a Slob

2011-12-04T09:19:00.001+08:00
When Friday came, I did dread. My FYP is in the midst of completion but with the intermittent hiccups and unforeseen delays, a 2 day off is not exactly a good idea. It's not that I don't like weekends, I just don't like delays.

And I thought I could catch up with my programming schedule by bringing some work back. So I lugged my laptop back on Friday night JUST to realised the next day that I forgot to bring my AC adapter. Talk about luck?

Saturday was like a slob's day. News came trickled in. Especially the news of the passing of former SA principal Mrs Krempl. She taught my brother back in SA and she kinda revolutionised how rugby was in SA. At her time, Rugby was the primary sport and today, SA Rugby is the prime sport of her masses. SA will miss you.

So I wanted to talk about things, for example, How to make Teachers Great (Part 3): Scolding or commenting on an article about Singapore's Civic Responses. But I didn't get along to do that. I was purely putting this Saturday as a Slob's day. I really want to waste time on this day so that I won't waste any other day's time.

Then again, I am doing away time as I type. My Saturday's boring, how about yours? Pretty beautiful right?

Playing God Prologue

2011-11-27T21:21:00.001+08:00
Months back, I was at a convention called the South Asian Diaspora Convention. After the 2 day event, the troupe of students I was with was waiting in line to go to the Singapore Art Science Museum as part of a complimentary gesture from the organizer.

And we wait, one of the students mentioned how amazing the speaker was as he described his invention that with just by placing your hand at the sensor, it will know what drink you want and serve you automatically. That student was awestruck that a machine could just do so much. And everyone agreed.

All except me. LOL. I said that it's pretty disgusting to see a machine doing so much. It technically replaces the human being in deciding what to drink. I added that having machines automate our daily tasks seems like a step into the future but no one can ever know how it will truly affect us. For example, the internet. Before the internet, communicating beyond borders was unimaginably difficult. Though a lot will say that the internet has further shrinked the world, we should not forget the other side; Of how the internet fastened the declining of face to face interaction. All around me, I see people glued to these tiny screens. Forgoing their paperback novels or papers and 'embracing' the step towards the future.

By moving forward, do we for forgo what got us so far today? What about the culture? The traditions? The moral values? The unrivaled code of conduct? Are our people becoming less smarter as we step towards this future?

Smarter people are those that involve a huge amount of information but selectively listen to construct, express and take action about their thoughts. Not those that let anything around them decide. Where's that human part of it?

Real Bad Days

2011-11-20T02:31:00.001+08:00
Honestly, today didn't start that well. But like they put it, bad days are as real as you make it.

My FYP is stale. My jacket was junk. My body is bleak. Everything seems bad. Until something reminded me. And that got me to watch Forest Gump.

It's my weekly practice of watching a cult classic to freshen up my literature senses. Like last week, I watched Donnie Darko. Still haven't review that. Maybe tomorrow I'll start it. And then, not forgetting tonight's Forest Gump.

A change from my daily doings that is kinda useless. Some days, you gotta know that you fall. And when you fall, you have to try to remember the things that make you happy.

I know a cup of Milo makes me happy. With you that is. :)

Beholder of the Cup

2011-11-15T23:46:00.001+08:00
Back then, I wouldn't even imagined of doing such feats. It seemed beyond me. It seemed impossible. Sometimes, I got myself so convinced that it was just dumb. But we change, but most importantly, we grow.

I'm out from school for 2 days. An old injury has me limping my left leg and whenever I sit, it just gives an annoying pain. It's not exactly a big deal until I spent hours sitting or immobilized on butt. It's a stark reminder that moving about is my speciality. Moving is living.

Spend an hour at my project lab and you will see me flying all over the place. I've got a table for my computer, a table for the programming manual, another table for my tools. So at any given time, you can see me bounce from my laptop to the manual and then to my tools. It's a cycle. :)

I don't like to stay put. Ironically, I have a DISC profile that hates change. Heck Barnum Effect, even that horoscope stated a Capricon's disgust with change in any form or shape. Sooooo, I like to move around, but I hate to change. Hmm... meh, makes sense to me.

Hey. Do me a favour. On your way back to school, see that stranger on your left/right? Yeah, tell him/her your day for me. Madness much? It seems so. But our basic natural instincts of human social-interaction has us in a cycle that when we reveal what bothers us the most to an available ear, we feel much better. It could be that mechanism of letting things go. But why does it feel better to let go? And not treasure it?

It's a debate of cup half full or half empty.

But to us, human emotions that is, that mechanism is true. For instance, imagine that you just had a heated discussion with a person, you just fell like walking away from that place. It's buit-into boys. We just don't like to hang around the scene of crime. I'm not sure about the other half of the humankind though. Haha.

Familiar with the Home Room system in schools? Largely based in the US, students travel from class to class as according to their timetable. Being able to move around, it serves as a break for the mind to gather what it has learnt in that Science period. Provided the student listens that is.

Moving on, be it from lost game of soccer, from the passing of a loved one or from a failed relationship, is the solution that most of us undertake. And talking about it might be a better outlet for some.

For me... I'd rather bear your pain rather than you hear mine. Half cup full, I've no worries. :)

2011-11-13T23:47:00.001+08:00

"This is the life.
And I want you."

Up In Flames.

2011-11-09T00:38:00.002+08:00
Just like that, it caught fire and it went up in flames.

Shocked, but it's subsiding. And then contentment I guess? Finally, one less person to worry about. It was nice while it lasted. ;)

"Justin never knew the rules."

2011-11-07T00:07:00.001+08:00
The mood is up. It's the holidays yet again. But this time, it's subtle. It's so subtle that it kinda feels repeated. Which it actually is, every year.

I've been wanting to start my work week on Sundays in an effort to stamp out Monday Blues. Unfortunately, this week already stamped out those blues. At any rate, I should enlist my reading self to digest 4 books I recently purchased.

Or I could hunt down a prospective buyer for my now defunct late 2006 model white MacBook. This fella survived at least 6 YEARS of student torture. It is survived by a dirty, slightly blackened keyboard, a set of speakers that won't be rocking any room party , let alone house party, any time soon. It also sports a "war scar". I mean a crack on the right edge of the palm rest. So how much am I getting from this? Well, I'll be damned. If I get at least 200 from this, I will sell it straight away. STRAIGHT AWAY. Honestly, I might get 50 or 100 if I'm lucky.

I definitely need a new machine. iMovie runs to a crawl in it. Pictures load up real real slow. The famous rotating beach ball, akin to Microsoft's hour glass, debuts much more frequently. And also, it's dirty and old and not new. But it still works. A marvellous machine that is a trademark of quality. But that is not what I really want to say is it?

I kinda miss some things, though.

VWHY YOU SO SLOW?!

2011-10-31T03:56:00.001+08:00
Since I can't sleep and Blogger just released an iPhone app for its blogging service, I shall give you tips on getting in shape.

1. Do not skip meals.

It does sound ironic but if you skip meals, you will burn not the fats, but the muscle proteins more. Besides, your body needs energy to gain those muscles!

Instead, grab a fruit juice or a light meal. On average, your meal you should give you a calorie count of 800. That's if you eat 3 meals a day.

What you want to aim for is a deficit. Cut down on you calorie intake and your body will respond by burning the fat.

2. Gym, with confidence

Have a workout regime figured out. Don't worry about hitting low weights first. Be comfortable with what you can do and progress slowly.

Make it a point to draw a time table. Say maybe run on days 1, 3 and 5. But gym on days 2 and 4.

When you gym, decide beforehand on which part of the body you want to concentrate on. Upper body? Triceps, biceps, shoulders, chest, abs. Lower body? Glutes, calves, quads, abductors, hips.

Another point to note is to make sure you know how to use the machine or the free weights. We don't want any injury at the end of the day.

Get a friend to gym with you too! It really is better with a friend pushing you. And when you push yourself, remember to know your limits. One hour of weights will be enough. Any more, you will feel exhausted afterwards. (don't forget typed of workouts as well! Super sets etc)

3. Rest your limits

Yes, getting into shape is a definite plus but remember your limits. But its a want. You're still doing other stuff. And not being able to do what is needed is bad.

So do the society a favour.

It doesn't work sideways

2011-10-29T18:47:00.000+08:00
Yes. It doesn't.

Hi there. How are you? It's funny when we are knee deep in work, we clamour for a break. But when we finally get one, it just passes. Some say it doesn't feel worth. Others will say its not worth to the extent that resting is just wasting their time.

Uhuh.

Today is a rest day. Didn't want to go out. Instead, spent my day lazing around like Garfield. I had time playing around with my new phone. More on that later. It just seems weird that today, I seem so unfazed. I hate to admit, I have this lurching feeling to return to work. I felt this rest day is a waste. OH MY. So that's why, tomorrow, I'mma going to start work!

I got myself a new phone. My 3GS took a dive into the waters with Jon at the recent BBQ by East Coast Park. (Jon is still half-guilty by the way. HAHA. KARMA'S A BITCH.) For 2 weeks, I was stuck with a Nokia. It's not that bad but I do miss the time when I would just dabble into Wikipedia in a bus ride while my ears are plugged. That Nokia did give me a break in the sense that it prevented me from plugging my ears or Wiki search everything and anything I come across. Instead, I just focused whatever I had with me. The bus, the people, the trees, the beeps from the ez-link reader, the creaks coming from the metal-wood work of the bus.

"Sometimes, the finest of details is found not when you focused a lot, but when you removed the very distraction to it."

Not hot. But beautifully charming. :)
And then, I got an iPhone 4S. TAKE THAT. HEHEHEH. It's like a natural beauty. Industrially marvellous. So the question is, should I protect it whilst hiding its real beauty? Or shall I champion its looks?

Man, beats me.

Breaks aside, my FYP needs to pick up its pace. This group, my group, has good members, hardworking individuals with a competent working mindset. But we just can't settle on things. Gosh.

Going back to the iPhone, I probably won't buy a case for it because I already am using my Dad's previous case. Also, I like that touch of the glass front. Glass back is just too much, I want grip there. And fortunately, my Dad's case gives me what I need. The thing is, it's white! But hey, I ain't wanna buy a new case! I'm just too broke. And the armband from my 3GS fits nicely on the 4S! NAISE. But I don't feel that confident because I can imagine it bouncing up and down while I run. Not a nice thing to do to a new phone.

But hey, who cares about the phone? Most importantly, it's the person on the other end. She's much more. :)

2011-10-09T20:52:00.002+08:00

"She's cute. Bubbly is too chubby to describe her. Charimastic is too manly for her. Spontaneous is too big of a word that describes her. She is just splendid. She has that charm that flows through me."

Not hot. But beautifully charming. :)

I Am Proud of You.

2011-10-09T20:35:00.000+08:00
Then, I keep getting distracted. Again.

Ahh, finally, I have the time just to write. I always wanted to write for quite some time. But it simply eludes me. Making matters worst, I've lost my touch on my laptop's keyboard so much that I kept missing letters by a space. So much for AutoCorrect.

About a week back, I just came back from a camp for my CCA club. And all I want to say is that I'm proud. Really. I am proud of the heroes that spend hours to hours preparing a camp. And I am sure you can feel these heavy responsibilities together for we, have been there before. And it is simply exhilarating to see the young ones stand up before you. It's beautiful to see your sons and daughters grow. Okay, now I sound like a old dude. Brrrrr.

Now, I know we don't reckon this as something we exactly condone. But remember the last time, the last time you said no to a challenge. It could be that time when your teacher asked you to be a school prefect and you didn't want to be burdened. Or the time your mother told you to take the trash out and you felt lazy. Or that time when you were too scared to even walk the night walk. ;) And look at yourself today. Count your deeds for once and tell yourself, "You have made it this far."

So we just give our best. The only best.

Did I Drive You Away?

2011-09-13T00:11:00.001+08:00
I will always look out for you. Sometimes, more than ever, I would gaze through the window and hope you could catch a glance of me. And for that brief millisecond, you would notice the fear, the uncertainty and the void behind my eyes.

I would hope for you, second after second. I would wish you are here with me. I would, but I couldn't. Because times have changed us. Times have made us something different. If I had my time, I would be different. And so would you.

But it's too elusive. The closest thing I could get by was to at least hope that I had my way of time. To at least hope that things would go my way. To at least hope that you would walk by and see me. To at least hope that you would smile again. But then again, it's time.

For some, you got to at least try. For many, you have to at least do it right. For a handful, you must get it perfect.

It's a funny world we live in. Sometimes we look at mistakes to learn, other times, we scrutinise them and shun the doers. Times.

So mistakes are made. But you say let's learn. And you tell me that we should have our chins up. So let's be proud of it then. And tell me, what you really love. Tell me what is on your mind now.

I was told that it is not wrong to be proud. So share what you really love with me.

Conversations with Long Bus Rides

2011-09-11T22:08:00.000+08:00
While my computer is being scanned for imminent danger, it makes my games so sluggish that you would GLADLY wait for the scan to finish AND then play. Which is probably a good idea as you would, or might, hasten the scanning. Well, I like to believe that. And the thing with virus scanning is that it is always long. No matter what.

You know what else is long? Bus rides.

I love long bus rides, because they make you think. Just imagine yourself sitting, or standing, there beside a complete stranger. Constantly hearing the revving of the bus and the conversations of many others. It seems boring. Try that for 2 hours of your life everyday. To make it less boring, you plug your ears and zone out. And when you 'zone out', you mind begins to drift.

It's like a dream. But you're awake. You think. We start with the music you listen. Then your eyes has full control. You look around and think. Awaking the fashion police in you. You look outside. Too blur to see. And then you go to yourself. Like what you did today, and what you going to do later. And as you drift further, you think deeper. Like you question yourself. Your decision making moments. You question your life, your faith. For some, it's already too deep. At this stage, they just stop and just get distracted by the music. And most of the time, you have already reached. It makes you think.

Though I do hate the sterile social scene in the bus. It's like "this-space-is-mine-that-space-is-yours-AND-DON'T-CROSS-TO-MY-SPACE!" Hey, I'm all for human rights and all but don't you think that modern bus rides just seem to 'quiet'? I just feel that way.

MAYBE it's just me ah. After all, I do like to have conversations. With everyone.

"Mmmmhmmm."

2011-09-07T23:08:00.001+08:00
It's too hard. When for example, you have over 24 hours of music to choke down space for 10. That kinda sucks. If I had my way, I would put all 24. Not because I would want to listen to it all. But because I don't wanna choose.

Yeap. That lazy.

Holidays define you, tragically. Because you are left with so much hours alone, you tend to think a lot. Well, tend to think what to do next. Like should you play your games. Or catch a movie. Or hot the gym. Or eat, again. And when we are give so many choices, we kinda screw up.

Of course the ideal form I've seen is that given such numerous options, you just choose and get done over it. That's planning at it's core. But sometimes, the more liberal ones don't. Not saying that they are are being indecisive or anything. They just question more.

So the golden debate that has been ongoing for the past week; Should we be given choices?

"Mmmmhmmm." That's my grunt suggesting I don't exactly care.

When smiling seems harder nowadays.

2011-08-02T12:21:00.000+08:00
Try to smile more. Just try.

I've found a better and much conducive place to hang my thoughts. It used to be the Alumni Clubhouse until it was infested with old people. Always bad. Haha. And then the clubroom was my next best. Only to be shortlived as I kinda became accustomed to the setting and grew too comfortable with it. And sometimes it reminded me of stuff.

I was shocked when a friend of mine considered me "emo" and suggested that I smile more often. Really? I don't smile? Yeah, think back and ask yourselves, WHEN was the last time you genuinely smiled? Like you smiled out of sheer ecstasy. Like you couldn't keep those 15 muscles tamed as they grew from end to end. Yeah, when was the last time you smiled?

And with the notion of 'karma'. When was the last time you gave a smile to a person? Must you give one to receive one? That kinda sucks right? I mean, it's not like CCA points where they are so dispensable. Smiles need a little ignition. A little more reason. A little more effort. So if we have to take a look at this way, don't you think it's a possibility that the threshold of allowing a smile is higher? Maybe we need more reason and more effort and more ignition for smiles to happen.

Now, ain't it complicated to just give a smile? Haha.

Screw you AutoCAD

2011-07-14T14:34:00.000+08:00
Why do engineering software programs suck so much?

Really. I am doing up an additional task for one of my Electrical Engineering modules that handles a lot of drawing. Basically, it's schematic drawing that features a lot of straight lines, a lot of erasing and also a lot of engineering lingo. Bah. So you know me. The one who finds a shortcut way too often. My task was simple; Use AutoCAD Electrical 2012 and design a electrical wiring one-line diagram of a residential unit. It's just a side task for myself. I mean my main purpose is to refresh my AutoCAD skills. Since I've not touched it for months. Just something extra I like to do. Besides, it might fasten the process of diagram drawing. In real life, drawing it ain't a pain in the ass. But a few mouse clicks beat the whole of drawing lines. Until I realized why I don't touch that crappy software.

IT'S SO FRIGGIN' CONFUSING. I have to basically re-learn every single aspect of the software. I JUST WANT TO DRAW. Bleagh. It's to the point where it is irritating. I must specify the drawing sheet size. And that alone is 2 minutes of searching and 3 clicks away. And then there is this ridiculous help menu. Gosh. It's like teaching a zombie on how to "OPEN THE FILES". Really AutoCAD? Do I need that?

Which brings me to the most agreeable statement I have ever made:
"Engineers must stop making products for other engineers. They only make up 20% of the market."
But yeah, it is true that if a product is targeted for engineers, then by all means it should be done by an engineer. But engineers are humans too. So why don't they all make it a little easy and build a product that interacts well with the human side of feelings more rather than that engineer one.

C'mon AutoCAD, I just need to draw a friggin' one line diagram. LET ME DRAW DAMMIT. Hard? Which is why computers suck much. Now, I'd rather physically draw with the manual power of arm and fingers. And also, which to the dismay of many, is an indication of sorts that the engineering flame in me has his days numbered. Engineering is nice and all. But yeah, I like some other stuff more.

Then we can remotely link how the engineering world has progressed. Undoubtedly, that world has shrunk much more. And I always blame the explosion of electronics that combines multiple functions in a smaller package and machines just do a perfect better job than humans. But maybe not that anymore. Engineering is now just plain boring and confusing. Firstly, we are at the point of age where everything already seems to be invented. I'm speaking about the key engineering aspects like electricity, mechanics, civil and event electronics. But electronics just seem to be waiting on their laurels. It's no longer the way up. But rather the lateral direction.

Better products for the masses at a cheaper price. Better, faster, cheaper. The motto of an engineer. Damn you. And we lost interest to find better alternatives that we also lost people in that interest, per se. I won't entirely suggest they migrate to another field. Instead, some are stuck.

Engineers, give me a better reason to continue. Please?

Feeling like Waste

2011-07-13T17:33:00.000+08:00
Was suppose to gym.
Was suppose to do up my WISP.
Was suppose to finish reading Outliers.
Was suppose to revise CA work.
Was suppose, but didn't.

As I was just too caught up hoping to get you back. Foolish me.

The Science of Fear (1): Indecisive

2011-07-10T12:47:00.001+08:00

"Why are printers so fucking dumb?"
Really. Why? When they are suppose to print one friggin' document and they OUT OF THE BLUE tell me they just run our of ink. Decide numb-fucks. Don't tell me "Low On Ink". It's got ink or no ink. Can't you give me a definite answer? NO INK MEANS NO INK LA. Can't you put a sensor in that dumb cartridge at the bottom that works when that box is empty? Ass backwards printers. DECIDE TO BE USEFUL CAN?

Decisions sucks. Yeah, it forces you to think (I don't know why we can't like to think.) and it makes you wonder about the things you're not suppose to think. Like the what-ifs or the should I or the could I. The most dangerous one is the could I because it hangs you up in the air. You put yourself in an imaginary situation if you could have done that better... done this better... And then you think a lot more if you really did that. Then, you cast yourself in dire doubt that sinks you into near regret. All at the back, you are just brewing useless guilt.

Don't be dumb. Of course YOU could DO that. But you didn't. Don't waste your brain cells please. Come back to reality. The matter of fact, you didn't do your "Could I" moment. 2nd matter of fact, for those believers, is that fate/destiny/karma/ying and yang/whatever that decides your life have you not do that "Could I" moment. But for real, if you did do the "Could I" moment, it meant that you realised the need to do the "Could I" moment. And to realise it means that you either were so cautious in your work or you just know it because the last time round, you didn't do it. And you made it a point to do it this round. For my life, I have never seen anyone that cautious in his/her work. And even if I did, it would be some OCD kid who has been bullied since the start of time. Really. If you're that cautious, society has it that you have no life since your life is to be cautious. I'll put my 10 bucks bet on the "know it because the last time round, you didn't do it".

And then some might argue, "BUT hey! It means that I must *think* or fret over the "Could I" moments so that I would remember." Nope. You don't fret over it. You sit down, you just ask, ask now Why. And you move on from there. The fret-ters are like old aunties that complain under a void deck after a long morning of groceries shopping and kopi-o 'lepak'. They do that every Sunday. But they do nothing to do anything to stop complaining.

Fellas, please be 'decisive'. Decide for once in your life to do something. Save a kitty on a tree or something or help a lady cross the road. Once that is done, STICK TO IT. Don't be a girl that changes bfs like she changes her clothes. That makes you an indecisive slut.

I know you can't decide. Maybe you're scared. Maybe you can't handle the consequences of wrong decision. Maybe... just maybe... you suck. If you're scared, make yourself NOT TO BE scared. If you can't handle it, MAKE YOURSELF handle it. And if it helps, try fuelling yourself with fear. Or, this helps for me, think what if you succeed?

For Your Eyes Only

2011-07-07T22:40:00.000+08:00
Dear Diary

I have been a douche. I acted adversely again, following my instincts but not my heart. Transforming into a monster, I take it sourly. The solution seems to seek calm and quietness for days. And then I can't garner much courage to face her anymore. Like a crumpled piece of paper, it can never be perfect again. As always, she will always be the one that got away.

So what did I do selfishly wrong? Was I deaf and blind to all her actions to mend our friendship? Or was she stubborn to notice how her actions were hurting my pride. Was my pride too prideful? Or can she even see that in me?

Stick to a decision.

You try to mend this fragile glass of feelings by trying to understand me? No. There's no right action. There's no 'mend'. There's no way.

I'm gonna treat you like my friend. A non-member friend. It will take a whole chunk of my pride away. It will. It will. But that's as close as I can get to you when a part of me still like you.

Missing a non-member.

2011-07-06T21:58:00.000+08:00

"Not even a Normal Member. For now."
You're making it sound as though it's your fault. Really?

Firstly, it's alright to say no. Ever heard of free speech? Secondly, I admit, I wasn't that fond of your response and that when you were truly asking my peace of mind, I simply lied to elude you. Maybe that's where it went wrong, I thought it would make you feel better. Thirdly, it could have been a un-ordinary reaction that came from me. But I was braving myself. I can never simply look falter. Fourthly, now it seems, might be your wrong move. You said no, and you wanted me to act as though nothing ever happened. As though we turned back time. As though our memories got erased. As though, nothing ever happened.

We happened. And you said no.

So I can't go back to normal. People say I need time. People say it's the ordinary, aka normal, reaction. I say, it's my response, not reaction. I said yes. You said no. I wanted to give my very best and your didn't want any. And if you don't want, then, I find no reason to give any of my best. Because when you said no, you killed a part of me. You killed my reason of you.

A note to think of, some might say, that it's 'punishment'. GUYS, this is not first grade. I'm not some psycho-lunatic that treats every stranger ice-cream or fold plastic hearts for or make them laugh. I'm selfish, for the right people. And if the karma police was policing selfishness, I would get life imprisonment for you. For you. Like a stranger, you seem to me today.

Hopefully, there will be a GPS of life soon, pointing to the right direction. I'm taking time to stay focused at the tasks at hand. Will it be forever? No la. Can it be forever? Definitely not. It's like a lesson learnt you know. Or rather a club membership. Normal members get the basic opportunities to attend the events. Members-at-large are at the same level as a 'guest'. Only a fancier name. Active members get the chance to lead projects and eventually represent the club as part of Board management.

It's a lesson learning.

But the truth is, I miss you.

Hitler's Reason

2011-07-06T12:28:00.001+08:00
Here we go again.

Imagine the night sky pouring. And as the droplets trickle down your face, you are constantly remembered how useless the World has been. A globe full of non-believers in you. You feel sucky. You feel that they have no right to outright pin you down. You wonder why this world, sucks, again. You try to get up and you successfully did. But you still have that musky feeling of loser-ville.

It's the story of everyone. The only thing is, I fucking hate it when you screw up my plans. Without a fucking reason.
"At least Hitler had a reason to kill."
It took us long enough. It took me way longer than usual. It's definitely obvious. I did not believe that my own comrades would desert me. My very own comrades. The ones that I've fought side by side for the past year. They did everything but stood by my side.

Or were they simply too blinded by their newfound freedom that they relinquished their spirit that have brought them this far? Foolish thoughts. It should be that very reason why they must keep fighting. And to just let go right now is identical to not fighting at all.

Can't they see why I'm doing this? You revolt when mistakes were made but you push aside every opportunity for you to rise and beckon good will. You accept perfection but you yourself aren't. Such atrocities are the bane that I am trying to rid. But you just don't see it don't you.

You will never see it.

For them, it could be an act of revenge. A chance for them to fight for the time I have them 'wasted'. A chance of them to make my life hell. A chance for them to not give me a chance. Something that they want. "Oh, because our seniors don't teach us, so we won't teach you." WHAT KIND OF ASS BACKWARDS THINKING IS THAT? "Did you see us going back to our Senior? No right? So, I don't expect you to come to me either."

So, let them make the mistakes we have made? Yes, to allow them to learn like how we did. So, let history repeat itself? Yes. So that they would be like us. HEY. You're not perfect. You're no them. "BUT wait, you have to let them decide!" Let them decide and let the efforts of our might go down the drain.

Unfortunately for you, I am selfish. I am selfish for the right reasons. I will not allow peasants run this orchestra in a peasant way. They will be running it as we have seen the show's former glory. So what's your problem?

The Sun in my Pocket

2011-05-10T00:40:00.001+08:00

Sunday came and passed. He got married. I gained a sister but in the meantime, I also lost the brother I used to hang around with. Okay, maybe he’s not close to me but I will kinda miss his naggy remarks on “eh go and wash your dishes” or his English language accent that was so typical of a Mat. Haha. (Though no “siul” or “SIA LA”.) I will miss him. Then again, glass half full, I got a new room to slack in. HOHOHOHOHO.

What is this thing about marriages? Over the past 5 years, we have an ever rising total number of marriages. Back in ‘09, we had 26,081 marriages. The largest increase since ‘04. And here I am, looking at my Brother’s wedding.

I have this thinking that a wedding is more than just the biggest day of the bride’s and ultimately the groom’s life. Though it can be big or small ceremony though families do it as big as possible. Not because it’s a must or it’s tradition or it’s cultural. But because families do want it to big. Which family doesn’t want to have an elaborate wedding? It’s gotta be big. Why?

When I get married, it will be big. Because I want to let everyone know that she’s the one. My bride, my love is here. And I’ve found her. So let this be my mark of commitment and dedication to love her. (Sweet ah? haha.)

In other words, you hold a wedding to tell everyone that you love her. You hold a wedding to announce to the whole world of your dedication. Heck it, if you could, you would invite the whole world! That’s why brides and grooms get the chills when it comes to their day. It’s a commitment, a dedication, a responsibility, a celebration of love, happiness, loyalty and love. Haha.

But it wasn’t that big for my brother’s. When the time creeps closer to the end of the day, I saw lesser people. And it was his time to mingle with people. And then when he was about to leave, I could count the guests with my fingers (and toes)! I see way too many empty chairs. I see so little people looking at the bride and groom.

No. In my wedding, I want to chat with everyone. Everyone comes at one time. You RSVP for it. And if I have to, I will get you to buy an entrance ticket! I want people to be there. I want people to be there when I’m suppose to chat. When I leave, everyone is there. I will get to shake everyone’s hand, thank them for coming. When I stand on that stage, there’ll be no empty seat. In fact, people are looking for seats! I might sound egoistic and all. But it’s not my day. It’s our day. I just want to make it big for her.

I don’t know. I just felt I wanted to rant that all out. I figure what’s more hurting is to see people not even coming down. And it kinda makes me sad because I really wanted to see them all! You know who you are! Haha. But props to those who do made it! Gosh, you’re the greatest bunch! You guys are truly the ones that make me what I am today.

It just shows how much value that see in you. It is so great to see people around you and they still remember you! And it just makes you wonder of the value of yourself. Do they even care when you want them to care? Will they even know if you need them to care?

And I wonder, if I can see so value and care much in her, does she even see any in me?

Surrealism in Reality

2011-04-20T23:53:00.000+08:00
I'm back from China. And I am still in one piece. Phew! It just seems unreal how fast 1 month just passed. I could still remember how I was thinking of reasons to give Mr Lee for not going to China. I could still remember how I was running a camp back in January. And then playing “Ready To Start” by Arcade Fire in my head continuously during the common tests. And then I remember the days I would spend at SDAR Offices, trying to strike a bargain or 2 with my club advisor. Or the sore throats and backs whilst carrying 3 days worth of dirty laundry from camps. I also remembered that time my parents came down for my scholarship presentation. She was there, though barely. Made me smile. And then those days I spent in the library with my study kakis. And those holidays I’ve burned for WorldSkills.

Haha. 2 years passed like no one’s business. Really, no one really cared. Before you know it, I would be sitting for my exams and then my final year project and then graduation and then… it just ends.

Really, it just ends. My watch has this day counter. And I fixed it to alarm when April 20, 2011 came by. Initially, I was clueless why I had this date in my day counter. It just says “END” as the title. A 20-minute bus ride later, I finally remembered.

When they say that long bus/train rides make you think, they really make you think.

Maybe it’s the friends and companions around you that make long days bearable and with added laughter, you would want to just come to school even though you only have 3 hours of class that day. Or maybe it’s really the world revolving much much faster these days.

Truth be said when I was in China. It’s like each day was 6 hours. Boring Math lessons felt like 30 minutes. Meals just seemed way too short. The only thing that was sucking our time was the near silent travelling we had from our dorms to our meals. And also our sleep. Every day we wake up like we only slept for 4 hours.

Remarkably, though it was only a month, our boredom never actually had a chance. Every day, we chatted and chatted. Bursts of laughter from our dumb antics. And yeah, loads of those stuff. And we never actually got bored of each other. I never got bored of her. And yeah, China is cool. Besides the dystopia winters it hosts, it is pretty nice. So I found something there. Something I am fond of. Hey, maybe it's not something. ;)

China returned me in one piece. I’m back in this dungeon of work, chained to my laptop. Ugh.

[Day 36]: Science of Bad Days.

2011-04-07T20:04:00.002+08:00

"A Bad Day Is as Real as You Make It"

Bad days, what really make them?

It seems more evident of a bad day these days have been. I read an article on Lifehacker on how to beat a bad day. Pretty interesting stuff. I've put the links below so do have a read. And then there’s the science behind a bad day. Hear me, a bad day only qualifies as a bad day if you made it a bad one. Simple.

According to that article, it starts by one small mistake. Say you forget to shave your beard for an important board meeting today and then you ran out of gas on the way to work which made you late. Still managing a smile, a bird decides that you are a perfect target for their air support training.

Man that sucks.

But a bad day is as real as you make it. So here is what you do.

Get up
Be aware
Turn it inside-out

Remember, the world doesn’t change. Just get up first. You don’t have to sulk over that. You do have to put some effort in getting back on the track. I usually describe a bad day by a school bully pushing you out of the lunch line. Take not of what just happened and fix yourself. Have a laugh about how stupid of you to forgot to fill the tank last night. Then boast your stand on why personal grooming is overrated. Stone age men didn’t have shavers mind you! And curse that bird all the way because you will be having his cousin for lunch later.

But I do want to let you know, some bad days are not meant to be evaded. Not bad enough for you? What about knowing that your boss just handed you your 2 weeks’ notice? Or a loved one recently passed. Beating them is like climbing Everest but living through them is like taking a cable car up.

The rule of thumb is that beating those unnecessary bad days preps you for the real necessary ones.

Lifehacker
The Science Behind "Having a Bad Day" (and How to Solve It)
How to Beat a Bad Day Before It Starts

[Day 29]: Overseas Angst

2011-03-31T19:52:00.000+08:00

"Every friggin' time I get this stressed and I smoke, I'll get lung cancer in 1 hour!"
That just popped up in my head somewhere. I guess it's from the constant aerial attack of my neighboring dorms' tobacco stench. Ugh. Could you imagine if that statement is true for me and I smoked because someone else's smoking stressed me out? Talk about a ironic paradox.

Yesterday was certainly better. Well not really. I got food poisoned from a store I patronized for the past 3 weeks. My stomach has been grumbling to me ever since this morning and I might as well just sleep at the restroom for I have made my personal mark at cubicle number 1. HAHA.

I don't know why but 2 friends got it bad last night. And we ate at the same time! I accompanied them to the hospital just because I was trying to debunk the rumor of a seated toilet bowl in one of UESTC's primary building. And you know how my dorm-mates were craving for this. But didn't at last, what happened was that I got a sneak peak to the privatized healthcare system of UESTC. Not China, but UESTC. Besides, I hardly see any China dude sporting a runny nose or a fever patch.

I'll save for political insights later.

But yesterday was much better. But today was pure disgusting. Not only I had to combat my stomach but that annoying, irritating, demonic voice that resides in my head. I mean c'mon, enough with this sucky feeling. Just tell her la. Am I just like a ghost to you? And what's with him?! Ass.

Competition is good but fair play is appreciated please. I'm this close, this close, to just kick him in the nuts.

So here's my deal:
Got food poisoning
Rashes abound; Bad blood circulating
Being ghost
Terrible angst in my mind
Yup, China is treating me fine. Ugh.

2011-03-29T17:15:00.002+08:00
I can’t do a single shit. When I was assisting a friend of mine in Math, all I could do was just nod and say nothing. Sometimes, I was lagging behind by 2 steps. Just sucks man. Ugh.

Making it worst is some wondering thoughts. I mean, really? I really have to feel jealous huh? I must be really invisible, making my actions useless.

Can seriously die now. Fuck.

[Day 26]: Tourist Hate!

2011-03-28T11:14:00.000+08:00
So far so good. Again, apologies with the lack of updates. But hey! WHO THE HELL CARES. I got this urge to do blog today since I also have to WRITE my journal comprehensibly. I think I kinda owe like 2 weeks of work. Uhoh. Let me get on with that but anyway, maybe I can share with you what I felt really harsh.

China is treating me quite well. I guess we should ask ourselves how WE are treating China. Roll back to the time we went to Dafu Lane, China’s equivalent of Sim Lim Square but much more organised. And nicer looking too! Imagine streams of salesmen beckoning us into their shop. One even tried to grab me over! It might look like an ‘aggressive’ marketing strategy and sure enough, it did scare some of the girls in our group.

But what surprises me more is how we chose to react to this. We actually just totally ignored them, without even a glance. Back in Singapore, during the monstrous electronic shows at Expo or Suntec, we also have salesmen who lined up at the entrance to give out flyers. Though not as aggressive, my response seems much more humane. I would simply smile at them and gestured my hand away to signify I do not need to kill more trees! See, at the very least, I would just acknowledge them but not in China. We turn away from them as though they are cancer to our lives.

It just makes me wonder how we are having this infectious understanding of China being a pit of evil. In fact, I think we always develop this understanding whenever we go overseas. We start being cautious, reserved, think that every guy at the side of the alley is about to rob you. Exaggerated huh? It seems like our brain's defense or retaliation when we start to leave our comfort zones.

It’s definitely not wrong for sure to be on the safe side. But it’s also not definitely wrong to be nice to our border-bounded neighbours. I just get the feeling that every tourist is like a huge walking target. All we need are darts. Partly true since there are WAY too many scary accounts of theft. But for me, I don’t see this as an excuse to be an ass. And I do see some of my friends’ solution to remove this target by being one. My solution is to, well, don’t be a target! Or rather, don’t be a tourist! I would like to speak with them, sit down and observe their day. Maybe grab some dumplings and then bargain like mad! Haha. Besides, being as ass kinda rules out the "Let's have fun here and be culturally immersed in this place!". An ass just wrecks havoc! In fact, this way helps me to gain a focused understanding of China. A real way to fully understand and appreciate these aspects is to experience them 1-on-1.

So people, let’s be nice to China shall we?

[Days 1-6]: Okay China, GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT!

2011-03-16T00:46:00.002+08:00
Okay, I am in Chengdu, China now. It has been cold and my body has been pretty awesome. My body clock wakes me at 650am. And being WIDE AWAKE, I tend to pass time doing sit-ups or get down on the stone cold floors and hit some push-ups. Not exactly a workout but imagine doing 2 reps of 10 in 4 degrees C, your fats have met its FATE!

I'll collectively use this post to update 6 days worth of material. But no worries. It's not that lengthy. OR IS IT?!

March 9th came. Went home at 1am or something. My old classmates of year 1, i assumed, tried to stall me as long as they could KNOWING full well that my flight is in the following morning at 8am. But I packed and all with 4 hours of sleep to spare. Booyeah to that!

Departing at 1040, one can only imagine the immense sense of tense that runs through my veins. However, you will be surprised. As calm, as though nothing happened.

Being a first time traveller, my only experience of airports and planes and departures come from the movie Up in the Air. Not exactly a top choice for source but hey, at least it's worth watching! I don’t know, the notion of “check-in” 2 hours before and linger around the airport seems a bit flawed. Why wonder around aimlessly when in actual fact, you can just board 10 minutes before departure? It just struck me. Like for example, the MRT! It’s the same concept right?!

As fast as I questioned it, I got my answer. Somehow, someway, when you are leaving your temple of comfort or your place of originality or basically leaving something near your heart, time just moves fast. Like a survivor of the recent Japan tsunami, he recalled that the earthquake that preceded was a rigorous shake of 2 minutes but it definitely felt longer than that. And 2 hours felt like 2 minutes in my case.

And it’s for the better good I say. The more you stay grounded, the more chances of seconds thought. Haha.

Well, definitely the same concept could work on THE FLIGHT ITSELF. 4 hours I sat beside my EM3A lecturer. the only conversations I could bring up was how Math was a bitch to me. LOL. In-flight entertainment is yuck. Food makes me wanna throw up. AND OMFG, THE PLANE IS DAMN NOISY. Though Discovery Channel's Air Crash Investigation did not offer any comfort when turbulence came. But overall, it's a-okay. not biggie of a deal.

Landed. The cold weather is nothing compared to the Alps. Just put yourself in NP’s library or in you air-conditioned room and bingo! You get 18 degrees of freezing solitude. Worst still, sweaty palms and feet just makes your hand feeling as it dipped in water. GAH.

I’ll be spending most of my time in the University of Electronic Science and Technology of China. It’s a mouthful because it is and the campus is FRIGGIN’ huge. It has about 24,000 students in hostels. It has multiple Makan Place sized canteens, a shopping centre, a pub, a karaoke bar, 2 stadiums, a garden, a man-made pond, a library that reminds me of the Power Ranger’s Megazord. It’s just big. In fact, you see bicycles everywhere and that is the main transport of students around the campus! IT’S THAT BIG!!! And that was Day 2. How UESTC boasted their sheer size.

All I hoped was that I survive. My previous classmates who went before me described a horrendous experience of the living quarters. Especially when SEBASTIAN NEO instils fear every dang time he meets me! ASS. So KX, my room mate and I was stocking up on instant noodles, basic necessities like rages hand soap and all. LIKE WE PREPARING FOR A WINTER LOCK-DOWN. But still not enough. Bah.

Muslim food is fair here. Sebas says the Muslim store I frequent recycles it food. I say YOU GO TO HELL. And anyway, it's kinda good!

But it’s not too bad actually. My other male bunk mates went GAGA on shopping here. Day 3 for Chengdu is like introducing their Orchard Road/ Bugis Street/ Toa Payh equivalent. Haha. Everything there is what I can get in Singapore. BUY FOR WHAT?!

Day 4 is well, just Day 4. SUNDAY GO BAR. HAHA. No really.

One thing though, should have packed more. More canned food. More clothes, sweaters actually. But nothing can prepare us 100%. And studying here seems a bit easier. Without hawks hovering over my every move, there's no room for naggy parents. Also means there is no room for procrastination when you're 2,000 miles away!

Besides, company here is cool. Especially with you. :)

[Day 0] Flashback Surrealisms Pt 2

2011-03-08T18:35:00.000+08:00
As planned, my school mates feltthat the dietary challenge will be a big one and decided that a farewell HALAL dinner was an appropriate send-off. Thanks guys. And you know how dinner goes.

You start with entrée (teasing of probable good topics. Testing the relevancy they say!), you go down to the main course (recent updates of life around us). But then full, you still go for desserts. Apparently, below lose their marbles here. They don’t think before they speak here. All of a sudden, you spout things you’re not supposed to say. Like, OH so-and-so is with so-and-so. OR you pour your regrets hoping that well runs dry. Sorry dear, it’s the rainy season.

I hate Soeul Garden all of a sudden. Too much time on our ass letting the fats accumulate and too much friggin’ time for people to be drunk on food and say the OMG moments.

But it’s good. Sometimes, people need to let go. I mean, I do have my handful of regrets. And all these regrets, I was less human. Never thinking of the consequences. Selfish. And borderline inhuman. But definitely heartless.

I didn’t want it to be this way. Actually, I was hoping you cared a bit. But I guess not. Wait, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have done that. Foolish of me. No stupid. STUPID ME! Let’s be strangers. No wait, it’ll be weird because we are good friends.

But I just wanted you to care more. It didn’t happen and I reacted wrongly. So that is my peace.

[Day 0] Flashback Surrealisms Pt 1

2011-03-08T10:18:00.000+08:00
2 things today: Departing for an Overseas Immersion Programme, daily updates will keep me sane. 6 times 7 of pure ZUL. *Ego baloon here!* And then I question how we think before we talk.

There’s a funny video on FB when a friend of mine was departing for Korea. Her friend was demonstrating a Korean conversation that has the least chance of reality. Haha. Next time, put subs la. No idea for what but I felt such a heavy heart to see waves of farewell in the ending credits. And tomorrow, I’ll be in her shoes.

And that feeling starts to sink in. You start to think whether you’re doing the right thing. Or you start to have second thoughts. Ain’t it a tad bit too late? Definitely. But the more you think, the more your heart paces. Doubt lingers and before you know it, you fear. Ironically, at this point, that sinking feeling is dwarfed. You hyper-ventilate if need be. Your heart paces slower, but still fast. Haha. And then, all is revealed. You’re still going.

Being scared to leave behind what we treasure most is less of a life’s task and more of a necessary evil of some sorts. I mean, if we can be comfortable, why be NOT comfortable. If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it! Some call it for the rush of adrenaline or a new brush of challenge. While many are forced, it is for the greater good. But then you risk. A feeling of insecurity, being scared, phobia-prone and even emo! So why leave the comfort zone?

Because you have to. Regardless of your gallant, heroic-story-material reasons, you leave because you have to. Moving is living. Literary. Haha.

And once you leave, things move fast, which is good. Less time to think about second thoughts! I just remembered a month ago how excited I was to go for a 6-weeks trip. And how China would be a dietary challenge for me! HAHA. And then 2 weeks to go, bags unpacked and now 1 day today, flashbacks of fear and insecurity and yeah… all the things that make you thing “MAN, REALLY? AM I GONNA SURVIVE?” Memories are like words from mouths, when compared to black-white-paper-evidence, they are imaginary. But they make special chemistry with our hearts.

So tomorrow, I might tear a bit. Being a manly man, I will disguise it of course!

I think I'm an alley cat. Catch Pt 2 later in the day.

Fighting while Flying.

2011-02-13T21:36:00.000+08:00
Fucking pissed now.

Might be the worst thing I did to my parents. But it felt I had too.

I left my parents at Nex. I just wanted. It felt as though I left a whole chunk of irresponsibility and a myraid of agnst back there. If it felt good then it’s wrong. It just felt I had to do it. And so I did.

I don’t know what actually crossed my mind. I took the wrong escalator up and wanted to alert them. But something just made me say no. You know what, screw you. I’m calling this quits.

Bleagh.

They seem selfish. As if they don’t actually care about me. I personally am okay with this, as long as you don’t make my life chore by itself. But if you do, that sucks. And that’s what they did. I wanted to help out. I wanted to know more. But it seems as though I’m just a hindrance. So fine, I’ll call it quits.

So much for mutual understanding.

And then we question the exact morality or the civility of these actions. Was I right to just leave them? Were they like this for a reason? Is this all wrong? Or even, is this what was needed?

Just tahan. No. Too much time have I tried and trialed but failed in your eyes. I will not let you bring me down. Leaving them was indeed a stretch. I am pretty sure there’s another way one can state his points of disapproval. And considering that they are elderly-weak. What if something happens to them?

I guess it was fight or flight. So I fought. Simple.

Rush of Blood.

2011-02-08T00:22:00.002+08:00
So I was indeed worried. Hardly spoke, hardly looked, hardly anything. I hardly could mention her name. It hurts. It kinda hurts. So I’mma put that aside. Maybe fill the times I wished you were here with something else.

Maybe buy a house and start a fire.
Maybe buy a gun and start a war.
Only when you give me a reason to start a war.

Well, blame it on a rush of blood to the head.

2011-01-17T00:13:00.002+08:00
this could be the end.

Making Teachers Great Pt1

2011-01-05T10:04:00.004+08:00
Previously as a part series of How To Make Teachers Great (Link)

At this point of time, my programming teacher simply lost me already. It only seems ever true that programming is a down to earth discipline of sit-still.

And it seems ever more that they are selling this product instead, jamming us with product specs. I mean, it you are teaching us, you’re teaching. Not selling. Let the salesman do that. What to teach? A good rule of thumb; teach the things that a salesman don’t discuss.

Talk about the rival’s better products, or how your investment in this product is a waste as technology is approaching at a pinnacle standpoint with nanotechnology. Yeah, those kind of stuff.

Okay okay, I’m way to harsh here. Let’s give them a benefit of a doubt. Maybe they want to implement experiential learning. So they take one product and showcase the specs then link to the general theories. It’s no doubt a good direction but COME ON, HALF OF THE CLASS IS SURFING FACEBOOK. And don’t you feel a bit creepy when a class is this silent. Or this class don’t even look at the projector screen? Is it even called experiential learning when you don’t even learn the experience?

Manners aside, I think a responsible student also requires a responsible teacher. And these responsibilities morph and change and fluctuate accordingly. I’m not saying that our teachers today are irresponsible. I think MOE has done a pretty fab job of generating passionate teachers who go extra miles. (And of course those that go way extra in the recent cases of unnecessary assistance from teacher to student… sigh) But seriously, the teachers I have would gladly have extra lessons if I don’t understand. No forgetting the countless hours of bickering of particular topics knowing fully that I was sleeping in his classes. In fact, I think teachers are strong to meet demands of pesky students like me.

But the class don’t make up of only pesky students.
All in all, like many other occupations, our world changes every time and the responsibilities also changes. As the time ages, these responsibilities gets bigger. Not to worry, our teachers are strong. But are they strong for the right areas and reasons?

Seriously, I think in this emerging age, schools and classes are overrated.

Sic Itur Ad Astra

2011-01-03T09:39:00.000+08:00
Ahh, this is nice. It only happens once a year and definitely it is much craved for. It is the New Year.

2010 has been fun. Did so much things with little time. And it seems only natural to wait with bated breath the days to come. I don’t know with us all, it seems really nice to see an end. Or rather the light at the end being much larger than ever.

But, the end is where we begin. As the days loom by, sic itur ad astra. It’s the only way.

Sometimes, it’s good to aim down the sights before you pull that trigger. You gotta at least know what you are hitting! Like so many others, let me reveal my resolutions (no, not in camera pixels) for 2011. Following demand and feedback for my nature of my blog, let’s face it, it’s a blog. A newsfeed of me and possibly the most egoistic place and most loudest self-blown trumpet ever. DEAL WITH IT.

What makes a man? A manly man.

Is it the Swiss Army knife he brings? Definitely, every man hopes to be the Swiss Army knife of many. Being the everything or at least the best of something. Never get caught at any situation off guard. Need a quick snip for that pendulous thread from your jacket? This pocketable multi-tool of awesomenss sports almost every tool you ever need. NEED, is a word I stress. You DON’T need a chainsaw. A must have. (Credit: Victorinox Handyman)

And for those days that water canteen is not enough, or the days after long meetings with that Son of a Gun, or just something to go down with your boring lunch, you will have the hip flask to thank. Put in your… err… drink and your days seem to be smoother. The slim profile slips into your pocket unnoticed. Because the last thing you want is your boss finding a reason to send you to rehab. The best thing about this is the meaning that is locked with an engraving. A memory that will live. For soldiers, it’s the words of their longed loved ones as they serve away. For that Joe, it’s the long day he survived and the next he will go through. Maybe for me, it’s the ruthless passion. (Credit: Wikipedia; Hip Flasks)

And to ensure that you don’t file Chapter 11 (WIKI HERE!!!)anytime soon, you seriously gotta have a wallet. Do away with coins and all but if I see a man digging his pockets for a crumpled, squashed note, I can only shake my head in dismay. It says much about you, having little concern about tidiness. Simply put, a wallet is where all your plastic goes. Save some notes there but not too much till your cover is blown. Much like the hip flask, the wallet should ‘get in, get out’. Any unneeded attraction, it will be a thief’s income or a purse. ‘Nuff said. But come on, please respect it. It what defines a man. NOT just the wealth but also the statement. It’s the statement! I will really look into a Victorinox Bi-Fold. You can invest in a Luis Vuitton or a Montblac, just make sure that you don’t look like a pirate when you take out your cash. (Credit: Victorinox Berlin)

Yup, those 3 things should make you a Man. Swiss Army knife states that you are on-ready, everywhere anywhere. A hip flask has an accent of maturity. The wallet demands respect.

Though the definitions of a man varies from one to another. What doesn’t is the need of a definition. Those days, a moustache signals wealth. Nowadays, it just reminds me of grandpa. Today, a contemporary modern male is hardly dominant. I see the need for people to be flexible and good in many shapes and size. Though this world seems demanding, it only serves to be rewarding.

Because the only way is up. To the stars.

Fucked Up

2010-12-10T16:49:00.003+08:00
Fucked up attitude.

Suddenly, everything I did felt so fucking worthless. Such a fucked up attitude of mine which constantly forgets my own progress and trade in my joy for something I can’t use. Seriously, there is no use trying when everything is just plain useless. It’s just the same when everything turn to white ash.

No point in everything to do anything.

Today sucks. Yesterday sucks. Everyday sucks. I got nothing done. And deadlines mount up ever higher.

Nerd-ness of Electricity

2010-12-04T16:49:00.002+08:00
I just nerd-ed out for the past half hour to a set of websites that cover about every engineering measuring instruments by FLUKE. And then I downloaded a set of references about True-RMS, Clamp Meters and their usages. WHOAAAA.

Don’t like that lar. I’m in the market for a current clamp actually. A month back, I had to fix the plugs of a water heater. It was in a devastating shape. The heater produced a high current which kinda melted the socket and plug together. My brother and I figured that since it was a home heater, it wouldn’t have these kind of effects. Okay, time for ELECTRICITY 101!

In household electricity, there are 3 things you should know about. VOLTAGE, CURRENT, RESISTANCE. And of these 3, they have a mathematical relationship as such; V = I*R. I’ll be as brief as ever here. Voltage is always 240V in households. Resistance is dependent on Before I nerd out again, of all these 3, CURRENT is the most dangerous.

High current CAN kill you. High current occurs when the RESISTANCE is low and VOLTAGE is high. Since voltage is constant in a household, resistance makes a difference. HIGH current makes high heat that can melt stuff.

Normally, most household appliances can tolerate up to a current of 13 Amps. Special appliances like washing machines, air con units, electrical kettles and water heaters produce up to 15 Amps. And Plugs and sockets usually tolerate till 14 Amps. Thus, my water heater made such high current that it melted the plug!

A little maths and I found out that my heater was producing more than 13 Amps that we originally thought. Uhoh. But maths is not enough. You will really need to measure the current. So here’s where the current clamp comes in.

I really wanted to buy one when I actually found out when one actually costs $200 minimum! WHAT THE. Electrical engineering, expensive business.

Emotions and Heart

2010-12-01T23:26:00.001+08:00
Oddity fills the room when a sense of de javu comes to life. You start to question yourself, and then you will realize that at the end of it all, this was what you wanted in the end. But, it is hidden for now.

EMOTIONS are channels for one to express oneself. They range from a mean faced bully to a wide smile of a beautiful soul. They bring out a message to be broadcast to the world. FEELINGS which stem from the HEART run much deeper. They make emotions superficial.

It’s like when you feel sad, you express a frown as an emotion. Emotions are contagious, generally. And it is usually associated with the drive of a person’s passion. But rather, it’s not entirely true. When you are driven, it’s not the emotion that sets the pace. It’s the feeling. It is THAT feeling that grabs you from within as you shout out with emotion.

Feelings bring out emotions. Never has it been the other way around. Many documents have bring out artificial feelings by brewing emotions onto one. Effective at only a short period of time.

To be emotionless is nothing as compared to be heartless. Like throwing your phone out for a day and be contact-less. You will not die. However, a heartless one will reduce the self to a state of either awe or rabid disgust. Some state that it draws similarity to something inhuman. Some just say, it is something no one would want. Or is it really?

Is it really worth to be heartless?

To be heartless differs you from humanity. And isn’t that what you wanted in the first place?
Odd.

heart pain.

2010-11-30T01:25:00.001+08:00
pains in the middle. 'nuff said.

Water vs Air

2010-11-21T00:05:00.000+08:00
Lyrically, it must make sense. But what attracts one the most are the tones, the bass, the voice. But most importantly, the lyrics that relate to the listener. It connects oneself into a world.

Musical Revelations.

Watched some Korean drama. Initially, it seemed very cliché. It involved bombastic romantic scenes where boy meets girl. Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. Blah blah blah. I don’t know why many still fall for the same old story. Geez.

But, at the end of the episode, it showcased a scene where boy sings girl to sleep over a phone. It was adorable. Even in my aspects.

Sometimes, I wonder when I could do that. Or even walk her home on rainy days. Or have long phone calls and talk about all things under the sun. Or just burn time sitting at a park whilst falling asleep beside each other. It kinda reminded me all the small things that made me smile for her.

All the small things. They matter. But things that matter to me didn't matter to you.

I did many bad things. But those don’t qualify me as an evil person. It did set me off course and I will have to get back on it. First up, I will be preparing myself for an Overseas Immersion Trip to China. While doing that, I will develop the right mind set for California Challenge.

Sounds not a lot. But add in the Club’s transition phase and under-developed plans. It’s like building a building without a solid blueprint. I need that blueprint.

But there’s only one architect. Damn.

As they put it, if being lighter than air won’t cut it, be like water. Bruce Lee got my back alright!

Fake Plastic Hearts

2010-11-10T00:20:00.000+08:00

She and I rarely talk. Or rather, we don’t talk anymore. Say 4 weeks strong? Yeah something like that.

Totally missing the feeling nowadays. I’m acting without thought. I’m thinking without cause. I’m beating without a heart. I can’t feel my heart let alone her heartbeat.

I don’t think I like to talk anymore since my words don’t even make sense. But if I do talk, bet it’ll make sense. After all, no one will care to hear my undirected words.

I can’t feel my heartbeat.

Gameface.

2010-11-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

I don’t exactly talk to her anymore. And a lot of made up conversations have I played in my head, questioning the very morality of this decision. I don’t know man, I just can’t get my own vibe back. She’s there. And there she stands. If I walk up to her, with my palms awaiting hers and if she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t want to. That’s all I can say.

So you’re giving up? They say, experience is the other name of mistakes. And that is true. I have a friend that follows by this defined path of Experiential Learning. Which in today’s context, not at all wrong. But when will enough be enough? If what you experience is not learnt, what position do you have to call it learning? But it doesn’t stop there. And what if we take advantage to an extent that we reject old ideals because we can. Old ideals that resemble in the form of our seniors who are experienced and wise. And to even say that they have never been in these exact situations is just unheard of. It’s like saying that our fathers and mothers are unfit to be what they are because before giving birth to us, they have never been fathers and mothers before. That’s where grandpa and grandma comes in right?

Plain disgusting.

So am I giving up? No. I have to sit down and think through. Thus, single and unavailable. Whoever thought that there are no stupid questions but stupid answers obviously forgot that there still in existence the sort of entity that still leads to stupid questions. It’s the stupid things we think about. So you can say that for the past months, I’m nothing but trouble to her.

What now? Good question. Maybe finally put on my mask of Gameface. Maybe forever. Because until I realise her importance in my life will I start to understand. For now, I’m just plain useless.

You know Bob Marley? Yeah, he had this belief that Man should be in ‘one piece’. So when he had this cancer that requires him to amputate his leg, he said NO! So when it comes to seat belts, he also said NO because he said that by wearing one, it makes one believe they will be involved in crash and in evidently await for his death. He doesn’t want to predict his death. He wants to be in ‘one piece’. He wants to accept life as it was given, nothing more, nothing less.

This, I call the Seatbelt Story. If you truly would mind, relate to the rejection of help. Some would refer accepting help as a form of anticipating your failure and demise. I used to think that way. But rather, I now think that accepting help is my way of accepting that I suck at that and I’ve zero experience in this. I mean, that is the basis of requesting help in the first place. Because you don’t know what to do or you’ve done much harm than good or you just are so lost.

Oh for Bob Marley, in the end, his cause of death was related to his un-amputated leg.

I can’t ask for help too much. But just sit beside me sometimes and that’s all I need. And maybe a hug or two or a pat on the back.

You're Special.

2010-10-28T21:32:00.001+08:00
I don't know. But one conversation I had led me to this: I want to fight. Fight for a girl that I really care. As I alighted the bus home, I kept this in my mind.

Okay, that's not the point for this post. It doesn't matter what we did. It doesn't matter how much we have done. All it matters is that we did something for the right reason. You see, if I could, I want to give Domino's Pizza some points too! Because if had there not be that branch, we would have not met. And had we not met, we wouldn't have meetings. :)

There was a point when our great-o Advisor asked if I would want to take it up. But I knew deep inside I could have said no. But I want to say yes. Because I has zero experience in this and I was scared if what I did could mess it up. I was just not up to this standard yet! But I took it up. I knew with you and ZH and YW and Fel and everyone, I would be taught and I could learn. And together we did, learn, teach and laugh.

You stayed up for me. : )

You made sure my stomach wasn't growling. : )

You bought a drink for me. : )

I don't care whatever you did. Don't care what productive or whatever. You came and made us smile. You made me smile once again. You made me remember that I can smile again.

You're special.

So come on, let's go eat Fish and Co okay?

Not. Exactly. Feeling. Well.

2010-10-10T11:29:00.000+08:00
Not. Exactly. Feeling. Well.

My throat is itchy, my cough is dire, my eyes are heavy and my head just wanna explode. And to imagine I spent the whole afternoon of yesterday cleaning my room up. With dust and dust and more dust, how am I suppose to get back up?! Damn.

My Acer laptop came back in one piece. Though I noticed that it was missing the cover for the card reader. Didn't exactly check it beforehand. But hey, nothing more than an aesthetic aspect that's missing. And also something to protect it from dusts and many other projectiles I put my Acer laptop in harm's way. Haha.

They said that the "thermal module was replaced". OH, YOU MEAN IT OVERHEATED?! And that salesperson assured that the "new chassis has fixed this issue". Righttttt. The repair report detailed that the fan was not spinning. Thus, the machine did not exactly cool down as per normal.

Maybe it's a better idea not to place the air intake vent UNDER the laptop where little air is available. Maybe you (Acer) would like to put it like... AT THE SIDES? OR MAYBE LIKE THE MACBOOK HUH? Man, somethings don't really stick huh?

And of course, with my room, AKA my store room, being a dust prone living space, no wonder that Acer was having 'asthma'. My room has been a place for many things. But primarily, a place to study. Hence, the Study Room. My conditions of a place to study is pretty audacious. Or demanding.
quiet
spacious
'sterile'
simple
well lit (and well equipped)
space for 2. always.
But that is actually my bare minimum. It has to be quite. Else, I can't concentrate much.

When it come to personal space, I hardly have any. That's why I always love to go back to school in a journey that can cost me about an hour of precious work to just sit down and work. An inconvenience much taken rather than spending my time in this mini-junkyard. Oh yeah, that's how much I really hate my room.

I even thought of renting a room downtown just to escape my space worries! Ugh. And it certainly not smoothing things when Mom comes in complaining about my lack of clearance when knowing full well that 45% of her stuff are in my room; New rice cookers, vacuum cleaners... WTF?! Its my room Mom. And to my brother, GET YOUR STUFF OUT OF MY ROOM. Has the emphasis of MY been enough?

I need to move out from this mess. Literary. If you have a place to 'offer', not a room la, just a place to spend my effort best at, please let me know. For this goodwill, I will amuse you for a limited time only! :)

At the mean time, I have to rest. But if I rest, how can she talk to me?!

Haha, hush.

her smile brightens the night sky

2010-10-10T00:25:00.002+08:00
she makes me smile everytime. : ) always.

Rough Landing...

2010-09-11T21:01:00.000+08:00
I have a pre-camp tomorrow from 8 to 12pm.

I have a lunch tomorrow with my old mates at 130pm.

I then have a pre-camp to return to by 6pm.

I should study tomorrow for I have an exam at 9am on Monday.

Rough Landing...

Just because you can.

2010-09-07T06:41:00.002+08:00
I screwed up big time. I was trying to recover my tempo but I ended up losing my step and completely fall out of line.

So I can just sit there and look at all those fuckers laugh at me. Or I can get back up, and get back into the line.

Of course, you would wish to end it all. Who wouldn't? You would want to just drown yourself just to suffocate that sorrow. You would want to drain all that blood so your evils will just die with you. But seriously? Just because you fell off, you wanna end it all?

Don't pussy out. If I were you, you would fight. You would fight just because you could fight. You would shout just because you could shout. You would continue just because you can. SO don't let that mind fuck up.

Yeah yeah, and don't spout such reckless statements like "Oh but I am only human." WHO THE FUCK CARES? Muhammad Ali is human. But he became a well known boxer, a dyslexic boxer. That Judo kid has only 1 arm. But he won a championship with that. So what is exactly the lower limit of humans? Nothing. All we are taught are the upper limits. There's no need of lower limits. We are to succeed the only upper limits. That's why no one cares if you fail. But everyone will lend you their hand if you get top. We are meant to win.

You will fight. I know you will.

Holding On.

2010-08-25T15:59:00.001+08:00

I dreamt something today. It was really weird considering that I slept with a thought, started the dream with an idea and finished that dream with a lasting wish. I hope she's doing fine.

My blog has been stripped to the bare bones. The music player has been removed. The tagbox is filled with outdated tags. My previous post is dated more than a month ago. My blog is near dead. Or is it?

I just got the urge to type this out just today. Usually I would load up a blogging client on my Windows 7 machine but ever since my Acer is giving me total BS performance, I am kinda really reluctant on working on that total BS machine. BAH, IT MAKES ME MAD.

Thus, that's why I've revived my MacBook. That first good looking 2006 model revision. It's all I need but of course, no games, no hardcore image editing. C'mon, this dude falters even at the process of MS Word! WHOA! But one thing it does great is that it is bare bones, just like my blog. All you need to know, all you need is just there. Nothing extra to bog you down or nothing less to worry about. No worries, you will see more posts from me both random and unforeseen.

No need for extravagant comeback parties. Just need to make sure she's doing fine. :)

That Judo Match

2010-07-10T21:16:00.001+08:00

All I remember is that judo match.

I’ve only 1 hand left.

As Mika Nakashima puts it, “We will find the way…”.

2010-07-04T21:14:00.001+08:00

Today, we had lunch. After months of delay and rare bumps on the busses to school, we finally met on a Sunday and just had good ‘ol lunch. Domino’s Pizza to be exact! Haha. So many thanks to Kavan and Zhi Hui!!! YOU MY BROTHER YO!

We chatted quite a bit of course. And of which material which I highly recommend myself not to put it in the rundown. ; p

But that’s not entirely the case. A ‘friend’ of Zhi Hui’s popped by! HAHA. It was a blessing in disguise I say! Made me notice the minute details that could point some things wrong. Somehow, I just feel, so jaded. : /

Is it really moving at this speed? I mean, I’ve never hopped on this bandwagon before. So everything is just, so foreign. I can’t feel my insides that much but some have said that it will start churning. And eventually, you will feel an instance of uneasiness. The setting you find comfortable is no more. But, you keep on moving. Keep on until you reached that place you call home. Her heart.

As Mika Nakashima puts it, “We will find the way…”.

Our State of Ambiguity

2010-06-10T20:24:00.001+08:00

Oh no. I’ve upset some equilibrium balance. Not suggesting my definite change is making this imbalance, it should be the main cause of this change. But nevertheless, this change should not upset this balance so much that it tips the bowl.

It’s getting harder to talk to him. Every time I exchange an idea, he focuses on my weaknesses and ensembles words that could nearly cut my throat. Even if I tell him that it it is “not cool”, it still persist. You know what, I will accept that. It’s him for that matter.

Or is it me that is being hard to talk with? I used to be the one that racks up crazy ideas. They are always near absurdity but never it will forget the roots of reality. Shall I just turn that tap a little towards close? Since it is hindering. So I assume again.

Maybe I talk too much. I should be just real. No lame jokes. No absurdity. Confront nothing but only with the truth is this world. Drawing ideas from nothingness should be deemed meaningless.

Maybe I think too much. Maybe I should just consider the other side. Hear those thoughts and implement them at once.

But of course, there will be this question of virtue. It challenges whatever I have taught myself. But has I taught myself in any way?

OKAY, this is way to confusing. Or just a state of ambiguity?

iPhone 4: OMG? Nope, rather Meh.

2010-06-08T11:33:00.001+08:00

(Photo credit: James Martin/CNET; http://reviews.cnet.com/2300-6452_7-10003681-3.html?s=0&o=10003681&tag=mncol;thum)

It’s the iPhone 4!!! ARE YOU ALL PSYCHED ABOUT IT SINGAPORE?!

Ahhhhh, nope. Not for me.

Pardon my nonchalant attitude but that seems to be like it. As announced at the Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC), Apple unveiled their latest product, the iPhone 4. If you still are lost in gaga, get your sitrep at cnet’s coverage of WWDC at this link, http://reviews.cnet.com/8301-19512_7-20007008-233.html?tag=hotTopicsBody.1

But I’ll be honest, I did not stay up to catch WWDC just because of a new product. Yes, yes, it is a wonderful device. 2 cameras: 1 forward facing for video chat, another sports a 5 MP to capture high-res pictures and also do HD video. That is preeeety to me. Another upgrade would be the ‘retina’ display. Whatever numbers you throw into the resolution, a 3.5 inch display is never a movie screen. Engineering aspect, the physical appearance has changed. For one, it has more aluminium ascents wrapping the sides of the phone. Definitely looks much studier. Apple claims that this chassis is a new leap as it doubles as an antenna. Don’t know the real schematics behind this but sounds pretty rational: Metal + 2.4 Ghz signal = AMPLIFIED. That’s pretty much it.

So, okay, what was I really staying up for? Well, for once, I predicted that Apple, being primarily in the hardware industry, would shift gears and be in the software market. To be precise, the cloud computing INTERNET market. I was expecting Apple Inc. to replicate the results of the iPhone mania, in a form of some internet-related idea. This would directly go head on with internet giant Google. I was really keen on the idea of making MobileMe free. With that, Apple’s stake in the leading internet giant, Google, would go deeper. You see, with a total of 50 MILLION UNITS sold, allowing these 50 MILLION USERS to use take advantage of MobileMe would be a huge hurt for giant Google.

But looking back, maybe it was a good idea for Apple to not release MobileMe to the masses. Not just yet.

MobileMe, is a collection of cloud-based services that serves as a sync hub for all the computers. Calendar, contacts, files and all. And if you look at Google’s set of tools, Google is winning hands down. What MobileMe is offering can’t exactly contest what Google is offering. If Apple’s fighting chance is in MobileMe, it has to be more robust. And on a side note, why fight it when you can side it? :) Bottom-line, Apple is not ready to grab a huge part in that internet pie chart. Not just yet.

I guess the biggest step we should look at in this internet age is to how we can make that internet another familiar dimension in human communication. Let’s make it real. Collaboration tools, video chat, instant message, secured networks. All these words are erupting from my mind right now. And as I develop a linking towards the workspaces, working together never had a whole new meaning.

SO Apple! When will you sit beside Google? Oh and Microsoft, err, you just stick to what you do best in the workspaces. But if my tales do come true, Apple will be chasing that tail along with Google.

EXHAUSTION OF DISCIPLINE.

2010-06-06T17:54:00.001+08:00

Take a look:

http://lifehacker.com/5554299/how-changing-habits-can-exhaust-you

Simply put that to force yourself to be quiet all day will be a challenge. At one point, one can’t just control the urge.

Laziness is not because you are born with it. It’s because you are exhausted. Exhausted of being disciplined.

Blackbird. v2

2010-06-01T00:09:00.001+08:00

Today was fascinating. I learnt a few neat stuff about the various role in social communities and experienced the very basis of one true saying; “Never judge the book by its’ cover”. Those words should stick in ones’ mind forever.

Leo Club isn’t the only appointment I received. Flag Football also approached me to be their Logistics Manager. At first, I was taken aback. As ideally, I addressed my concerns and hoped that they could find someone else that is much more capable. However, the previous president said that my lessened commitment through FFB will not be as dire because my responsibilities just lie in the equipment. Well, what followed was my inaccurate forecast. In my mind, I believed I could juggle both. AND I knew that with 2 appointments, I will be like a rock in a pond, sinking to an abyss or sinking in deep knowledge. AND I knew through past experiences, the very gravity that will pull me down without mercy.

And I still accept.

So now, I am faced with challenges. Right now, I am juggling. Juggling it well but not effective. (Sorta that paradox) But are they beyond what I can hold? NEVER. Strength from within is further enhanced harmony is achieved between the uke and the tori. And only when this is achieved, we can begin.

Aikido seems to get the better of me. Ever since the recruitment drive, I’ve been more inclined to be disciplined and to be accurate. Initially, I wanted to get into Taekwondo. Just to continue the tradition of Leo Club. HAHA. But it seems that the reason for the presence of martial arts in ones’ life is beginning to appear in front of me. I do not believe that one enrols in a martial art just to learn to attack, or just learn to defend. There is some rewarding factor which is both menacing and taxing but effective and long lasting. A passive teaching that not taught by any sensei or master or anyone. But rather taught by oneself. Discipline.

Simply marvellous.

I write more often. I do my work diligently. Tasks are made sure left with a completed check mark. Words and thoughts coincide much more readily.

Nice. But reaching there is just a step. Maintaining on the other hand, is a whole new ball game.

Blackbird. v1

2010-05-31T12:44:00.001+08:00

How long has it been? BAH. Too long for that matter. I am not even familiar with my current keyboard. It just feels so odd. Now my fingers are telling me to give up. How dare they. You will serve me for ever more until the end of my time. It looks like I have a lot of things to do. For once, I have yet to send out the individualised emails. Secondly, my tutorials are piling higher and higher. Thirdly, there are some that are starting to pray for me, so that I will not break.

Thanks.

I will not break. I will never be broken again. But I need to fight to live. Right now, I am just a figment of an idea. I am just tomorrow’s wishes that will never come true. I must work harder, faster stronger. If I don’t reach at that state of rest, I will become mad. So mad that it will eat me up. Forget expectations, forget goals, forget ideas. Remember, just remember to live.

It looks really hard because it is! So don’t flatter yourself with “motivational talk”. What you need is just pureness. Something that can only be achieved if you really truly desire.

Sands

2010-04-30T01:10:00.001+08:00

Nothing beats notepad.

With Lucida Console as its font, and the unmistakeable bleach white background, the Windows Notepad remains one of the best tools to... take notes. No need for formatting. No need for rulers. No need for colour. No need for alignment. Just your spacebar, your enter key and your letters.

That's all.

Though, I wished that it had a spellchecker and the ability to skip whole words (by pressing the CTRL key and directional keys) were available. A workaround would be holding the SHIFT key. That highlights them too.

Nonetheless, this remains one one of the, if not among, the best choice for writing. Because when you want to just write, all you are are your ideas.

Classes start at 8am. So i better make this quick.

Here's what gonna happen tomorrow.

I end classes at 3pm. By then, I've already took my lunch. So I'll head down to the nearest Famous Amos and get some cookies. No, shouldn't I wait till later? I don't want the cookies to be cold. Okay, so maybe I'll leave for cookies at 4? and then get them before 6 or 7?

ALTERNATIVELY, I can just get them from Subway. Maybe I should ask them for a batch order. Like, "I need 36 cookies. I WILL COLLECT THEM AT 9!" Yeah, maybe that's a better idea.

OR, I could just bake. HAHHAHAHHA.

Alright, with cookies at hand, I will make my way for dinner. Or I could just skip that and proceed for the meeting. And then my cue for a few words. After which, we shall talk.

Yeah, "HTHT".

All along, I wanted to be something. Something different from your ordinary package. Something unique. I wanted to be special. Years pass by, as this thinking deteriorated my mental stability. It corroded me. And eventually, this just made me half the man I used to be.

Half man, and half machine.

Not heartless, just emotionless. But today, I somehow got pass that thinking. Being the President, is a tough job. All these expectations begin to fill your inbox and you fear. You fear that you can't meet them.

In such a case, you become resistive. Rejecting everything. Instead, you procrastinate and delay the pain. All because you want to meet expectations. But truly, are these expectations that we meet? So, every time you fall down, you alone fall to pieces. And never your team is there. They need no leader who fears himself.

They need a leader that fears not.

Words

2010-04-30T00:58:00.001+08:00

I can only offer words.

http://www.errorofheart.blogspot.com

What I Want To Be Is To Be Ready

2010-03-14T01:03:00.001+08:00

It has been far too long. But I will do whatever I can to keep this blog alive. But of course, I must not forget to tend to the other matters that surrounds me. An average post is about 300 words. Covering a basic day that usually involves something significant. If not, why would I write it? Yeah, throw all that describes a boring, lame day. Stop complaining about that bus which comes every 20 minutes. Stop procrastinating on your work just to watch some anime flick. Stop that excessive facebook-ing. She won’t like it that you look at her photos every time you go to sleep! (Or maybe she does?) And a post could detail something you really don’t want to forget. Like a dream where you wish you would dream forever. But that basically defeats the purpose of dreams; They make you sleep.

Something significant? What about the time I turned 18? Read up my previous post on how the 3 best-est bunch got me a present. I can blame myself for all I want, not noticing their ‘sleazy’ moves OR I can say that, “Man o’ Man, they just SIMPLY rock!” Haha. Thank yous’ are never enough. But if I have to say something, YOU ALL ARE LIKE A BRA TO ME. Comfortable, uplifting and fits me WELL. HAHHAHAA.

How can I forget it? I would have imagined me being literary suicidal. Just standing at the 7th floor of my former school, preparing to jump. But nope. I didn’t. I never saw an end. Maybe it was faith that held me or the presence of my loved ones that reminded me or just the very fact that the human spirit is one awesome dude. Showered in regret but awake and well. Right now, my road, my challenge, my mountain, my everything all comes together. I will perform to my best of ability. And I will see to it that my men don’t falter. I am ready. LEO CLUB, THROW ME YOUR BEST PUNCH! BOOYEAH!

You know what, I shall end here. Tomorrow (or rather today) Leo Club of NP will be working together with Lions and Leo Club of SRC for the Wealth of Love fundraising event. Along with over 250 volunteers, we will be in the heart of Singapore where we will be accepting donations of any kind. And to not forget the generous contributions, for every $2 donations, a specially designed door hanger will be given! Proceeds will directly benefit the Lions Home for the Elderly and the Lions Befrienders Service Centres.

Head down to Orchard road and you will see yellow jacket clad volunteers embracing the support for Lions Home and Befrienders. So pitch in your support!

Venue: Along Orchard Road (including Chinatown)
HQ Venue: SMU School of IT
Time: 9am – 6pm

COME ON DOWN PEOPLE!
:D

Contemplate

2010-02-15T13:53:00.000+08:00

Dated 17 January, that is about a MONTH of writer’s block we’re talking here. HAHA. I think it is inevitable to contract this ‘disease’. Anyone is bound to get it. But the real question is how fast you recover from it. So far, I’m not that fast. A month of motionless thoughts lay stagnant in my head. TIME TO FLUSH IT ALL OUT. I guess I owe you a month’s worth of posts. Let’s see how it happens.

Jan 18
You know what? I initially wanted to remove my birthday info. And see how many people REALLY know me. But I kinda will feel sad knowing ZERO people know my birthday. HAHA. That actually sucks. In the end, more than a handful flooded my Facebook wall.

Those wonderful 18 years have passed. Which subsequently translates to my ever near National Service? Oh my. Tertiary education has treated me well. The environment in Ngee Ann is just ‘wow’. Seriously, you might think that Singaporeans would just ‘mind their own business’ but hey, there are quite a number who would voice it OUT.

And of course, what is a birthday… without a celebration? Well yeah, about that. Haha. My parents kinda burned me. They originally wanted to have a dinner with me so I cancelled all my plans with my mates. BUT THEN THEY DECIDED NOT TO GO. wth! So yeah, many apologies to my 3 peeps: Daren, Alvin & Jiayi. I love you all.

I LOVE YOU ALL. Really. Gosh, they got me a present! It’s like my FIRST EVER PRESENT from anyone man! Haha. My parents don’t really pass me presents for my birthday. In fact, they usually use the reward from my exams in Nov as my present. Talk about killing 2 birds with a stone. BETTER STILL, saving money on gifts. I don’t really like gifts. Gifts just last as long as they are made. But a card or a call to say Happy Birthday, that is just golden. : )

But aww man, many MANY thanks to you 3 peeps. They got me this pair of headphones. Just in time actually. My white Audio Technica became faulty after I ‘borrowed’ from my bro. Err, don’t tell him please. It could be fixed. It’s just that the cable has become loose and it’s not giving a good sound. Or no sound for that matter. Open it up and re-solder and it’ll be good as new!

So yeah, on Sunday, we went out minus Jiayi. I just wanted to go out. Never in my mind had I guess that those 3 peeps were planning anything for me. In fact, I didn’t even tell them it was my birthday! And Daren over here pulled some trick whatsoever… GOSH. He told me he wanted to get a pair but in fact, he was getting it for me! He knew I was pretty into audio technologies (life of a man sitting in front of a laptop covers many, many other stuff hor!). I didn’t really see through his motives and because of that, I was like WAHH. They were under my noses all along. GEEZ! But kudos to you all. Looks like I have a workaround.

HE LIKE HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT HEADPHONES LAHH. “Oh I heard that the jack has to be gold or something.”

-_-

They rock. They just do.

My day doesn’t end there. In school, my class wanted to smash some cake. OH SORRY MATES. I’m super aware of my surroundings. And I have pretty good reflexes too. Big thanks to Krithe and Eileen for the cake! NO THANKS to those who hijacked my laptop. !!!

It's nice. Thanks everyone. To Daren, Alvin and Jiayi, for TRICKING me! Haha! To A23 peeps! Thanks for the cake! NO CAKE SMASHING ON MY BIRTHDAY! HAAH. To Sophie, thanks for being the first person to wish me! HAHA. (Coincedentally, the last one was Alicia)

WOW.

Finding Those Words

2010-01-17T23:34:00.001+08:00

She just had to say those things…

I went out today, hoping to get things off my mind. But was kinda reluctant when my parents wanted me to go out with them. BAH. I had went out with my friends last night so when I used it today, it didn’t really stand. HMM. Either I have to find better grounds to FIGHT FOR MY RIGHT TO PARTY (as quoted from the Beastie Boys!) or maybe realise that I am a sucker for time management. My Mom was right, I had went out last night, came home late and Mom DID NOT say a thing about it AND I WENT OUT knowing full well that Monday creeps near. Oh my timetable, why must you start at 9 for a Monday???? But hey, now I’m home. I should set Sundays as my family day. In fact, I came home at 9. Didn’t really do much. Was kinda expecting a little control on my funds today. But spent it on an hour of LAN. And a KFC meal. I think my body’s rejecting it. ESPECIALLY MY BICEPS. I knew I did the curls wrongly! Damn! Uhhh…

It was pretty fun. I went out with Alvin and Daren. FINALLY got Alvin to play LAN with us but of course, NOOB ALERT. Bah. Oh I should have taken of Alvin’s outfit. I will be committing a gentleman sin here. Commenting on one’s attire is a selfish NONO. But no way will I see this fashion disaster happen! I couldn’t believe Alvin came in sleeveless sports attire, black fit shorts and slip on shoes. WHAT THE fish! Super super whoa. I would have probably ditched the ‘sleeveless sports shirt’ and went for a long sleeve collar tee. Maybe I could rolled the sleeves up or leave it as is. It will make one look pretty buff. Eyes will fall on the top first but the legs will get much attention too. So it’s recommended you build your legs when wearing this. HAHA.

But the bag was a killer. GOSH. Slinging from his right shoulder, across his chest, the rectangular piece of… ERR… was just making it really… gosh. The bag reminds me of my Sec 1 and 2 days. HAHA.

So yeah, we went LAN. Saw him with his notes and I told him, “Maybe you should take a break or something?”. Heh, we did. An hour of LAN at Colosseum@Iluma. It’s apparently the biggest LAN centre. Pretty good stuff there. It’s like e2MAX without the $3.50 price tag. Actually, it uses the same software as e2MAX to manage the games! WTH!!! Pretty cool stuff. You have to be a member at 16 bucks to get the discounts. $1.50 for weekdays. $2 for Fridays and Saturdays. $2.50 for a Sunday. THAT TOTALLY RAPES e2MAX’s rates okay! Like I’ve said, pretty cool rigs there. Razer Krait, Razer Tarantula keyboard, a headset (pretty sucky for my standards but hey, it works!) and a really nice 21” screen. MAN o’ MAN, the screen is just BE-EE-A-U-TIFUL.

Daren got a pair of shoes. Don’t know why he had to buy. Then a pair of headphones. ALSO don’t know why he had to buy. I should have told him… GET AN iPHONE larrrr. Ohoh, we went KFC. Wanted to buy the Family Feast. But considering a new hack Daren learnt, we grabbed the 3 piece meal instead. It was superrrrr PAI SEH man. WE HAD NOT ENOUGH MONEY!!! Eventually, Alvin saved our ass. Gosh. Lucky us.

Well, Iluma was fun. They should get more shops there. Found a particular shops selling albums and all. They had some kind of a musical box up for sale. Really tiny. You had to wind it and it’ll play a song! Haha. Or rather the tune of it. Really cool. Alvin’s idea of a gift sparked some thoughts of it as a gift too. HMM. I also saw this.

Boo-yeah.

CRYING LIGHTNING.

2010-01-16T11:24:00.000+08:00
I love my Mac. It has been 3 years and now, it still goes on. Gosh, I love you. The keyboard still feels fresh. And even after having my Acer machine for almost a year now, I still can't get around the nifty layout of a MacBook.

Supposedly, I am to finish up up my Engineering Economy presentation. But I have hit a ditch. That goes to show, when you're not listening in class, you are in deep shit. I'm waiting for a classmate of mine to send in his copy. Hopefully I could make sense of the numbers. Nominal vs Effective. PW vs AW vs FW. Compounding Period and Time Period. Ba, just too much. Also, I gotta brush up on my Analogue Electronics. All the Bipolar Junction Terminal crap is just... yeah, you know. Not forgetting my long due tutorials. Alternative Current Circuits, AEL, Engineering Maths 2... and the list goes on...

Like I've said, SUPPOSEDLY. The email has yet to reach me. I can't open the slides for AEL. I've certainly no mood count and looking at circuits make me wanna puke. To top it all, I have CCA business to do. So without further ado, lemme do my work peeps!

2010-01-09T02:08:00.001+08:00

I AM READY. And we will be more than what we are suppose to be.

We will.

Worth.

2010-01-06T22:49:00.001+08:00

“For what it’s worth, it’s good. Always good and never bad.”

Those words keep playing in my mind like some endless movie reel. I guess I picked that up some time when I was in the post-Os’ dilemma. Fronted by choices that, will affect everything I did. It also represented one of the many lessons I had learnt in SA, mind over matter. Cementing it further, your mindset determines your outcome. It just reminds me how intrigued I became to Psychology. Gosh, such old memories.

I’m sure by now you notice my blog posts appearing in Facebook. Like any hardworking student, I was making sure I was up to date with my friends’ activity, always having my index finger on the F5 button. And then I saw people posting their blog posts on FB as notes. At first I thought,”Whoa, you all could stand the writing interface of FB’s notes?” Well, that was WHAT I had thought. Little did I know, on the right side of the page lies the IMPORT BLOG button. Haha.

So yeah, gave that a spin and… there you go! (Writer’s Block: What is the speech expression that suggests “Here you go!”. Sounds like ‘wah-lah’ or ‘voi-lah’ phonetically. Anyone?) But anyway, looks pretty decent. If you think that you’ll get more traffic overnight, you’ll be disappointed. I don’t see my visitor stats jumping by the hundreds. In fact, I think I have bots trolling my page as unique visitors! Haha. However, I personally tried a service where it grabs the RSS feed of my blog and updates my tweets whenever a new post rolls out. In turn, I have this FB application that allows my FB to be updated by Twitter! Haha. But looks like the service is down or something. Can’t seem to get it up and running. Give it a try, think it’s called Twitterfeed or something. Check it out (Link). Guess this “Import Blog” feature brings more good than harm. Brings a whole new medium and chance for you all to poke into my life! Harm? Well, now my teachers can see this rant. Oh dear.

Speaking of which, I know it is a bad idea to post such some thoughts here but since this is my space and my blog, all goes out here. No explicit stuff here, kids. Haha. Anyway, find your worth.

Home

2010-01-05T00:33:00.002+08:00
I WILL BE COMING HOME.

BOO-YEAH.

Make good of it boy.

2009-12-28T20:36:00.001+08:00

A waste?

Went to Toa Payoh Hub after school today… AND I BOUGHT NOTHING!!! Wasted my trip! Zzz. I mean, hold on man. Remember what Leroy said in the camp? Mindset determines your outcome. So it's a waste ‘cause YOU think it's a waste! Think of the good things out of it! Well…

Firstly, the trip gave several things to think about. For one, there are 3 shops to find a bargain. In addition, they are just next to each other. So we just need to comb one at a time to find the sweetest deal. Ooo yeah. Secondly, there are many things you could buy. Shampoo, face wash, moisturiser, toothpaste, cologne and many more. The list just goes on. But, I do have to admit. There are several caveats. When going through the shelves, I could only find a limited range of brands for a specific product. For instance, I originally wanted to purchase an oil controlling toner. To my surprise, I could only find the Clean & Clear product in a single shop. I did not really checked through the other shops. I simply could not find another brand that do the same thing. But hey, the price beats the last time I saw that very same product! At my neighbourhood mini-mart. I saw the bottle going for about 3 bucks. AND I SAW IT AT $1.35!!!!!!!

Forgive my indulgence in such a debate. Somehow, I kinda found the need to at least get rid of the pimples on my face. GOSH, they are irritating. Also, my face tends to be ‘shiny’ moon in the afternoon. And especially when I have a bald head, I will look like the moon! HAHA. Looking at the arsenal of facial/body products my brother has in his cupboard just amazes me. I mean, it is quite an investment you know! A facial cleanser costs about $8. Then, you have the facial moisturizer. Don’t forget about the toner! Followed by pimple cream and if you can’t seem to get your itchy hands from scratching them, you’ll need the pimple scar cream. AND quoted from my friend, that could cost as much as $30! WHATTTTT??? Oh, and I’ve yet to start on the hair products! Shampoo, hair moisturizer, hair gel/wax. THAT’S ALREADY A LOT HOR!!! Bringing the total costs to about… near $100? Oh my.

I think it’s cool that my brother has all these stuff. I mean, I could just pop by his room and ‘borrow’. Hehe.

On a serious note, keeping good hygiene is just essential for everyone. Don’t ever say that the girls are just so beauty conscious. I mean, for men too, we do have a dress/look code to reach. Oh c’mon, would the ladies look at an oily, sweaty, pimple-full and lethargic face OR will their eyes befall upon the complexion of a man that truly shows his confidence and might; Sharp, smart, smooth and clean? Think. Buuutt… I still need a solution to my oil field face. I’m sure some Abu Dhabi investor would be interested in my black gold. Pure disgusting man. My nose would shine in the afternoon like some… ugh. I can’t even explain!

Anyway, I thought of getting my physique back. Maybe do a set of 2.4 runs everyday. My trip to today’s gym was pretty insightful. At the end of the day, the best way to shape your body is to, well, run. Not that hard. As you run more. Your body and mind seems to synchronise to develop a kind of sports orientated lifestyle. You’ll begin to work your muscles and more than ever, run and run some more! Running is cool. I focused on my upper body build, doing bicep curls, seated pull downs and concentration plus hammer curls. There’s a lot to learn when heading down to the gym. It will be beneficial since you learn more about the development of the body muscles. Pretty cool.

Currently, I need my back to be in tip top shape. Then slowly, I’ll develop my biceps, triceps and forearm muscles. At the same time, I want to get my quadriceps in a better. But that will require more cutting. So more running! Haha. It’s good la. I mean, I’m working towards a goal here! Maybe her too? Hmm.

Bald-a-licious.

2009-12-27T22:19:00.001+08:00

FINALLY, I got something I wanted. I had to come back for a second round before my parents finally gave the green light. Maybe due to the fact that my holidays are ending in a weeks’ time and so they think that it’s enough time to re-grow? Hmm, good point. At the end of the day, I got it. Fellas, I am officially BOTAK.

I actually planned to have my head shaved a while back. Since like a week before my common tests, I had thought of getting a fresh new look. Well it wasn’t the freshness that made the decision. I had always wondered how I’d look being botak. And in addition, being botak has this perception of total discipline and control. Stereotype? Nah. If it is, why do balding people tell me that they are getting old? (And in some cases, they have a flashy sports car parked beside them.) Just wow.

I mean at the end of the day, there’s no harm. My hair will simply grow back. I could gauge how fast my hair is growing ‘cause when I was in SA, had to visit the barber every 3 weeks or so. If not, I will be seeing the Discipline Master instead! Also, like I’ve said earlier, it gives a sense of discipline and demands a great something. And it probably is good. I am, after all, LAGGING in my assignments. So it’s a great thing to have an extra motivational source. Wheee-eow.

Being bald isn’t that bad actually. For those who said that you get a lighter and cooler head, give them a pat on the back. It IS feeling lighter and cooler. And for the record, I still look handsome!!! : P

Feelings

2009-12-22T01:32:00.001+08:00

It’s 12:52 am now. AND I’m at Loft@94! I’m currently having a training workshop which is suppose to aid me in the “stressful situations arising from constant competition pressure”. Hmm. Nice.

Normally, I would just laugh all the stress off and cut all ties to it. I mean c’mon! It’s just stress! It’s just there to poke fun of you. AND if you blame it, you will not get things done! But you see, the essentials of a great person still bares down to it’s positive productivity.At the end of the day, people still want to see things done. Result orientated; Majority tend to initiate when the initiated product brings results. Thus, that is why we generally have a ‘see how’ attitude to most things. And even though it seems unfair, that’s what the MAJORITY are feeling. Which brings all the important debate of majority vs minority back into our arms. But nah, let’s do things slowly will ya?

I took part in the WorldSkills Singapore Competition a while back. Received an email about some extra module that will aid me in the diploma plus selection ‘CAUSE honestly, I just wanna the dip+. : P

I wouldn’t even cared to do much research about WorldSkills. Googled that name and it didn’t garnered much results. So yeah, I thought it was some unknown competition. Or so I thought. I wasn’t too keen in much joining competitions at first. After all, I had Leo Club in my things-to-do list. I had hoped to really push for community service in my years in NP. It was kinda a win-win situation anyway. I love helping others and others want to be helped.

But the 1 week crash course evolved to a 1 month training stint in Industrial Control. The instructors and teachers briefed us more of the much-recognised competition where Singapore will be sending a team down for my batch. Hmm… WorldSkills is firstly held nationally in Singapore. WSS makes up of pretty much 20-25 skills/categories where participants can compete in but we call them ‘trades’. The champions of the trades will represent Singapore in WorldSkills Competition (WSC) which is held every 2 years. Here, it houses over 100 trades and participants from all over the world come together and test their skills with pride. The victor becomes the best in the world in that trade. NICE.

And for my trade, NP and SP will be the only 2 that will fight for the top in WSS. ITE does take part but they have a weaker foundation in programming. WHICH brings us to a whole new conclusion, I’ve just typically increased my chances in representing Singapore. WOW.

Nice la Zul. Talk about NLP’s reframing.

2009-12-18T03:04:00.001+08:00

"DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER, I HEARD YOU SAY."

Hey Superman!

2009-12-07T01:11:00.001+08:00

Wake up yo! It’s nearing 1am right now. I’m still wide awake. I was actually doing my CommT’s CQ Analysis of several advertisements. I was suppose to deduce the consequences or wonders of CQ applications in such areas. My task was just to look at failed advertisements that instead of advertise the product at hand, insults a lot of people. Boohoohoo.

I’m not a big fan of analysis since I’m much geared to Mathematics and Sciences. Analysis comes hand to hand in Humanities, which I entirely lack thereof. And that’s why my syllabus included Interdisciplinary Studies where I learn some are of study that is… outside of my study! Haha. After all, a well sought-after employee is someone that can do many things. Oooo.

But that, later. I had to burn the midnight oil. The presentation is on Tuesday! And I’ve yet to do my slides! What’s worst is that I’ve stumbled a slight hiccup in our chosen ads. I can’t really apply much CQ in the ads. There’s one that especially talks about prejudice and racism and all. BUT so what? What does that ad discuss about that involves CQ? Did it offend people? What faux pas did it commit? What? WHAT?

Yeah yeah, you can safely say that I should have started earlier. But I couldn’t. My mind has been sketchy. It’s sometimes here and sometimes there. I lost my only focus. ZZZZ. Assignments began pilling up. Datelines missed. I am being stretched to my max as I tried to salvage all I could. I told myself, “Wake up, this’ no time to slumber!” I don’t know. I just lost my edge. Ahhh, that made me such a fool. Was I too optimistic? Was I too cavalier to let my ego burst into it’s own form and take me to a roller coaster ride? Where was my focus? Where was my discipline? Where was my self?

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

As my assignments build it’s own kind of “roller coaster ride” for me, it’ll be a shame to ride it and see it go at the same time. Sigh. Hey, what’s life with no action?

Speaking of which, I am interested in what you think. Though you barely speak to me and will hardly listen to my thoughts, at least know that I will keep a pair of ears for you. Whenever. : D

for you, i will say yes.

The Extreme Need for Focus (1)

2009-11-27T22:35:00.001+08:00

Who would have thought, that she would react this way. I did not anticipate that. Maybe I should have seen it coming. How could I see it pass me? How could I just stood there and do nothing? It’s just unacceptable.

I saw her struggling. And in my hopes to drag her out of the ‘slumber’, I thought it would be best if I took her mind off such obstacles. But I was just too self-centred. Never have I thought of her personal reactions and to say I knew her. Bleagh.

I should have known. If I am to…, I have to. What happened to me? I thought of understanding her more. What happened to active listening? Whatever happened to being branded as a person to be turned to? Have I failed that? Or was I just to carried away by my own dreams that I never took notice of her?

Bah.

Questions abound and answers rarely come by. A world I live in will be the only world I live in. Even if I dislike it, ignores it, pushes it away, it is the only one. I’ll just hope that my ever-sharp human capability to adapt remain sharp indeed. If it fails, I will just be caught off guard.

So I better get this right.

High And Mighty Colour

2009-11-23T22:49:00.001+08:00

Today was a pretty dry day. The weather has finally found mercy upon me, feeling the anguish of returning home dirty, hungry and cold. It’s good to get things done in your way. Firstly, I’ve done much of my assignments for today. I’ve caught up in MoL for Engineering Maths with the others. My AEL eTutorial is not weighing me down anymore. Though I would like to add that I just ‘referred’ to my classmates answers. HAHA. The best has yet to come. Training at Flag Football was well received.

My quarterback complimented me on my snapping improvement. The ball is much faster and accurate. I can’t wait for the next match. Oh yeah, I got my first de-flaged! HAHA. Not really a huge milestone, Suhaimi was just dancing around with little effort. But such a good day nevertheless!

Booyeah.

I’m considering of joining Run for My Lunch 2010 (http://www.rml2010.com/). It’s a running event that includes competitive 6 km along with a community 3 km. There’s a 1.4 km kids’ run but hey, c’mon! I’m really considering of registering for this event. In fact, 6 km is not much to complain of when I’ve previously scaled 4.8 km of high terrain! Yeah, that should do it. Not only will this benefit me. Proceeds of the fee will be donated to the students of Ngee Ann Polytechnic which are finding the economic downturn a little hard to manage. As such, the name: Run for My Lunch 2010. I say $25 is a small price to pay for donations. Especially when in competitive 6 km, you get a goodie bag. Or maybe, we can just put that as a small incentive. You’d better run ALL 6 km for 25 bucks bro! HAHA.

What: Charity Run For My Lunch (RML)
When: 31st January 2010, Sunday, 8am
Where: East Coast Park, Dalbergia Green

Yupp. Think we should do our part and support the needy students by joining this event. After all, you’ll get to shave some weight off at the same time!

Drowsy Zooo-zyyy

2009-11-22T00:46:00.001+08:00

For once, I think I work better having a flu.

I was out and about with my parents earlier today. Apparently, my Dad was looking for a new phone since his Motorola RAZR V9 did not survive his ‘average’ treatment. (He dropped it at a curb. There’s a striking crack on its glass face. !!!) Whatever his treatment is, we had a spare phone from the recent re-contract we had a few months back. It’s a Sony Erricsson phone. Still new in its wrapping. Notice my use of the past participle ‘had’? Haha. Yeah, not even a week of usage. My dad lost it. Bummer.

We sorta finally settled with a Nokia touchscreen. I think it’ll be great. He used to complain the physical limits of physical stuff. But oh well, since you can resize the buttons to your needs, booyeah? I guess that’s the only thing I like about it. Or for the case of my DAD using a touch screen phone. No offense but he can barely find the charger port!

But he’ll get use to it. After a few days of meddling (and possible some drop tests), he should be fine.

The November days are getting a tad too cold for me these days. My dad’s taxi had its air condition at speed 1 (the lowest) but I was pretty much solid as ice back at passenger seat. It could be just my immunity system being bothered by this flu of mine. I popped in 2 pills of ProCold and if it still sends shivers down my spine (literary larr), I’m sure they are not working!!!

Unfortunately it did. The full effect kicked in approximately 2 hours in. How? By experiencing the full plethora of friggin’ DROWSINESS. Ahhhhhh. I’m still in the midst of floating in the air. I think I can see unicorns! But honestly, and ironically as well, I think much better in this malformed state of a human being. Without this side effect, I would have just switched on my Acer, loaded up Facebook and just indulge myself with her captivating smile. No, I’m not stalking anyone.

And for that matter of fact, adoring a person’s smile just compliments her. I’m just acknowledging that her cheerfulness makes my day. That is all.

In my drowsy state, I say that I can finish the EG2 tutorial in 1.5 hours, finish off AEL SLA in an hour and devour the Uni-ish texts of AC Circuits for Inductors, Capacitors and Sinusoidal Waves in a mere 2 hours. But of course, I must be able to keep my eyes open that is. AND and provided, my stomach don’t frown upon me!

Oh well, I’m turning in.

Soldier.

2009-11-06T08:39:00.001+08:00

“I got soul but I’m not a soldier”

                         -The Killers; All These Things That I’ve Done

Our lunch is getting cold!

2009-11-03T12:01:00.001+08:00

Make sense from the emotional nonsense!

2009-10-27T22:15:00.001+08:00

Here’s the cliff. Either you jump now or later. Yes, you can’t see the bottom of the pit. It’s shrouded with uncertainty. Blah, blah, blah. But you do get the point yeah?

I started liking her when I first saw her in the Wave Camp. It first struck me that she had some resemblance to my aunt. HAHA. I didn’t get to really know her since I was in a different group. Tracing back, the whole camp was at the East Coast Park. I was seated beside Hop Song. Yeah, it should be him. She complained about the mosquitoes in that area and how they were bugging her and (if it was really him), Hop Song pointed out that men don’t really get bugged by them as our sweaty, slippery skin just give the mosquitoes a hard time to bite. As everyone gets a good laugh, she just drew a controlled laugh. I mean c’mon, she’s being laughed of and she found it funny too. Ironic; A companion in life. Seated just across her, her laughter has clearly made an imprint in my memories. After all, her smiled made me smile.

And then, we come back to Earth. Here’s the deal, a person named A, kind of drew similar feelings that I have of her. With the ability to steal my thunder, he will be a challenge when things get heated up. What’s worst is that his profile contradicts his actions. He’s the kind that goes out with a bag of wtf comedy & a psycho with a lot of ridicule. He’s not my cup of tea. So when he confessed to her, I was out of words. It was as though English lost it’s flavour. It was as though my life came to an abrupt halt. For the past few months, have I been reading the wrong profiles? Or have I been too concerned about my well-being that I neglected the very details that makes a person’s profile?

Something’s wrong. Once again, my lack of focus concocted with a swirl of foolishness has pulled me further from the water’s edge. Unimaginable. I’ve looked into this sector far too long only to realise that it make no friggin’ difference?! GOSH.

But hold up, identifying the source of the problem is one. Correcting it is another step. A didn’t really showcase the full profile I fitted him. The profile: Bulky; A person that goes out risking everything and anything as though the World belonged to him. He also cares little of anything. Some might say that he’s the worst kind. RECAP, does A showcase such characteristics? He risks everything. He says what he wants. He gives fuck about things. But he stops there. He has the mind of a focus and comedic person which brings about an outgoing personality. Yes, he’s no gentleman but his opinions are much appreciated.

Many say he’s not their cup of tea. (Or within those that has been working with him.) Some even suggest that his ‘outgoing-ness’ is shifting much focus of the team off. That’s the frequency. Everyone has their own frequency. As is just different from the most of us. Fyi, that frequency is similar to our Proj Manager’s. Also, some say that he’s lazy which is why he gives fuck about a thing. Does he help? Yeah. But not all the time. Put the original team and A will be the odd one out.

Enough about him. He is just ruining my plans for her. Originally, I wanted the slower way in. Now, with half the World knowing, the cat’s out of the bag. It’s a green light. Let’s reframe this thinking. You sure it’s negative? It could be positive since the uneasiness of 2 newly fallen in love when such a time comes by. But you have to act fast and correct. especially when you have A snaking your squirrel.

What’s more confusing is that when news of A’s confession first broke. I was sceptical of it. A pulls everyone’s leg and it’s not the first time he is pulling a prank. I’ve got people telling me that it was a setup. She’s just testing my waters. Whoa really? She was the person that revealed to me. In fact, she wanted help on how to push him away.

Adding fuel to fire, I got my emotions overwhelming me so much so that I just had to tease A into revealing his true feelings. I mean c’mon, I DON’T BELIEVE IT. And to just have fun, I told him my thoughts of her.

Let’s see the time line:

She wanted help to push A away –> Emotions beckoned me to know As true feelings (Which backfired btw) –> Poking fun, I revealed my feelings –> A told her about me (so was this a setup?) –> She apologised, acknowledging the big hoohaa –> I accepted it. (So she assumes that I like her.)

And so I’m here. She knows I like her. So this makes her believe that she knows that I know about A revealing my feelings of her. Which in theory, was only revealed to her bestie. So she knows that her bestie told me. And so, her bestie knows that I’m in cahoots with her bestie.

So what now?

Splendid.

2009-10-26T23:01:00.001+08:00

Picture Holidays like Details in the Fabric

2009-10-26T00:56:00.001+08:00

If We Ever.

2009-10-24T11:16:00.001+08:00

I picture you face at the back of my eyes
Illuminating my sights
And there you stand, with a smile
That I love to hold you in my arms

Guilty when Innocent.

2009-10-23T01:11:00.001+08:00

You know what to do right? Of course I do but c’mon, it’s just obvious. But let’s recap, a tad bit, our fundamentals of sociality, the backbone of human existence and intelligence: Psychology.

Even if we are different by gene structure, by nature and by culture, a pattern will arouse our vigil senses. Many texts about Psychology don’t really talk much about this pattern or rather it has been really a chore to find reliable texts that can really connect to the reader. Nah, it’s just me. Can’t even finish To Kill A Mockingbird. But at any rate, Social Intelligence By Daniel Goleman didn’t see what I saw.

Humans, as adaptable and resilient to threats of many forms, none can ever imagine the strenuous work just to fall in love.

Emotions are contagious. That’s what I learnt. And so are mine. I can’t believe HE confessed to her. I mean I was like “WHOA”. When this did ever get to ever bloom? It’s just weird that someone like him would render feelings of a relationship. He’s too… blocky.

Oh have I misinterpreted the situation at hand? Maybe he houses some vital emotions. Emotions that too propelled him to a better decision. Emotions that makes a human, human. I would like to adapt a response from him when I asked about his opinions: “Essentially, when you like a girl, you can’t just keep it. You gotta tell her one day. It’s just when.”

It’s totally coincides with how I feel that through constant expression will only the human race prosper as humans are engineered to interact. But what it upsets is the dynamics of human relationship management. I mean, shouldn’t we take our time and work towards that girl? I mean we’re kinda talking about feelings/emotions of another person! He just like revealed his feelings.

Imbalanced; Tipping the scales of life.

But there’s one thing I wanna point out. What he’s done is still acceptable by nature. He’s trying his part and if she says no, he’ll just move on. I think we’re just overreacting. No I’m overreacting. But like I told her, at the end of the day, what do you expect out of it?

For me, I want to reveal the world my words of her; her through my eyes. Tell everyone how I met a wonderful girl that always seem to make me smile by her slightest actions. Obsession or plain lust? Both are bad, but can use consider it a feeling that I just want to let her know I like her.

I’ve been caught. I should have been wide awake when the surge or emotions came crashing onto me. Focus damn it. DAMN IT.

She’s so far away.

2009-10-17T01:03:00.001+08:00

The light that shines upon me, shines upon my neighbour.

Back in 2008, Star World aired this dark comedic ‘detective-ish’ show called “LIFE”. Interestingly, it didn’t actually caught the attention of many viewers. It involved several words of wisdom from Confucius though, which I find it as an added plus, which also how I got the first line. During that time, Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives ruled the airwaves. Guess no one really wanted a funny take on morbid murders and thriller based laughter.

But even so, LIFE was really a funny show. Might be my simple fetish of anything sarcastic and idiotic. That is what that makes me spout lame jokes every now and then. And LIFE had this underlying mystery that revolves around the protagonist. Oooo. But like LOST, the steam just lost itself and yeah. It kinda spelled low ratings for it and it got cancelled.

Really loved the show. The main reason of how the protagonist portrayed a personality I kinda am leaning towards; A smart ass who utilises more than wordplay and hot air to diss nearby rivals. In that case, he uses Confucius as a mark. Haha.

At any rate, it’s a good show. Go bukit timah it or something.

School is ever-nearing. 7 weeks of freedom was dwarfed by commitments to Leo Club, World Skills training sessions and more ‘argh-ness’. I am never a fan of whining since it brings you nowhere and sets a reverberation of people looking on to console you. Oh come on! Grow up will ya? Life is ‘give-and-take’. But of course, a few days reading Social Intelligence, it can’t be help.

Humans are emotionally unstable creatures that socially accept depression/oppression/segregation or all the –sion words that you can think of... But I’d tell you that it takes lesser effort to get on their feet and walk on. (Insert ‘Walk On’ by U2 here!) I can be the proof! : P

It’s just that it’s interesting that a surge of emotions can be resulted by a decision. Decisions are made everyday. So why only when we decide on that particular event that we must be accompanied with regret, remorse when we make such a half-heartedly decision?

I just needed a place to rant. School’s near. But she’s so far away.

The Murderer of Our Children's Minds

2009-09-12T17:49:00.003+08:00

I stumbled this from one of my FB friends. And there's really a good point here. Education is indeed a murderer.

Google Group Help FTW! Blogger problem solved!

2009-09-08T08:17:00.001+08:00
SingNet, you son of a gun. Apparently, SingNet is somehow mis-rendering the Blogger pages. As a fellow SingNet user, I'm not alone on this boat. I had to rely on the Google Blogger Help Group and indeed, Google is the answer.

According to the poster, he reassured me that it's not a case of Google Blogger misdemeanour or anything. It probably gotta do with how my ISP is handling data packets. In fact, he pointed out that Singapore Blogger users have encountered this problem way before.

Anyhow, a few clicks deep and I'VE FOUND THE SOLUTION!!! Here's the link.

Don't know what is happening but if you do a server re-cache (or a CTRl+F5 in the web page), the Blogger page will render properly! Woooohooooo! Props to nitecruzr of Google Help Groups for giving me the links. GOSH! I just love the internet... which is Google apparently. :o

That's why I am posting right here, right now! Mwahahaha! Though I really wished I was posting at home. Sigh. Darn you World Skills!

DON'T MAKE ME SWEAR!!!!

2009-09-07T07:08:00.000+08:00
It is a PAIN. PAIN I SAY! Dang you Blogger or Firefox or... ARGH!!! I thought it was caused by the new editing tools Blogger has rolled out but that is an opt in. To my surprise, I wasn't 'opt in' and so, just checked the opt in to give that a spin. With hopes up high, so high that nothing else (from the morning breath stench to the mucus that's suffocating me) could possibly drown it...

Well, at least I could type properly now.

Can't blog.

2009-08-12T20:46:00.001+08:00

From Paradoxical Child

I'll be away, or rather Blogger, for the time being. It's either FF 3.5 is making this mess or the DDOS attacks are chipping my web fame away.

GOSH.

In This World

2009-07-12T23:50:00.008+08:00
Imbalanced and imperfect makes we, the humans, thrive for everything. It's not greed. It's not a sin. It's not a fault. It's a limit. A limit we want to reach and to go beyond. It's what we choose to believe. From that defender tieing his shoe laces to that student penning his answers, we choose what we need. And then we conform to our inner safe zone when we reek of failure.

In the end, there's no wrong or right answer. When a person thinks, that person becomes limitless.

When this could be that,
this should be that.
And eventually, that is this.

Load

2009-07-02T20:30:00.003+08:00
[Engineering a Creative Profession] Project on Automated Industrial Robots
[Computer Programming] Project on Switch and Loop C-Language Programming
[Creative and Applied Thinking Skills] Project on Problem Thinking Process
[Electrical Technology] Project on Electromagnetism

[Engineering Maths 1] MOL, Tutorial 4 & 5
[Engineering Mechenics] Chapter Revision on Friction

LEO Club Event Project Pledge of Silence including an AIDS information test and publicity planning

~~~~

Proving that I am alive.

[56K Warning] June of Things.

2009-06-12T00:01:00.018+08:00
A lot has happened in the past 6 months.

They taught me how to fish, [How ironic that I have never worked outside before.]
And I teach them all how to fish too. [Why can't we just clean our own stuff?]
For we splurge our skills for an 'old gold' [Havanas found after a tennis fix from Mr Ho. Must thank him for this!]
To shower ourselves in the best knowledge gold can buy [Got enrolled in Ngee Ann Polytechnic for Electrical Engineering.]

And questions rose from the ashes...

Reveal me the truth [or rather a revelation; NEVER EVER SLEEP LATE. Else, you'll get a traffic jam and 30 mins of Dad talk. SHEESH!]
For the past only reveals the future. [Looking for this pair of pliers. IMPORTANT! One of my hard drives has a misaligned contact. VALUABLE DATA HOR!]
But truth's harm will be doused by our laughter. [We danced for fund. No idea why I put this in the run down.]

By our hearts. [Defining new boundaries with help through LEO Club; LEO WAVE Camp was nice.]
By our curiosity [JBL speakers in a bus. WHOA.]
By our family. [Happy Birthday my Brother. Err... How old are you again?]
By our friends. [The Kao Peh 6. Original lineup that is before our 'global' expansion. Haha.CONGRATS to Ken for winning the Men's Doubles!]
And by our friends. [And Sabree's Birthday. 'Nuff said. And new friendships are born.]
Unleash your fury, [On the soccer pitch...]

and you will be given the truth's harm.

To my late Aunt, I will remember you. Hope you remember me too.

Keep The Faith

2009-06-05T16:55:00.002+08:00
After a brave fight of her diesease, my aunt passed away with a strong will. She suffered a heart attack in the early hours and now, she is with Allah.

When the call came thru about her passing, I woke up, fearing the worst. I lay still in bed as my Mom picked it up. With the doors still closed, I can hear her cries with tears streaming. I gasped as a sinking feeling grabbed me from inside. Moments later, my Mom walks in breaking the news.

There was a moment where each family member would scatter some flowers around the deceased head and give a final kiss. When it came my turn, I did the same thing. And afterwards, even with my strongest facade, tears would still stream. Even my brother cried.

At that moment, my other Aunts and Uncles were bursting with emotions.

I wonder...

It's a big jump.

2009-05-30T23:03:00.003+08:00
I've been wanting for a soccer boot for the past 2 years or so but I just did not find a good enough reason to buy them. I mean HOW frequent do I play on a grass pitch or even a turf pitch?

Well, Flag Football gave me a reason. (And my Sunday football matches in SA.)
At $59, it's pretty decent comparing that it is a multiground boot which means that it can play on grass and turf pitches. Booyah. I think it's a model 2 generations back but I just need something to wear on a pitch. :)

I asked for a 4 buck discount, hoping that I could buy myself a congratulatory drink for FINALLY getting a pair of boots. But nah, the economy is soooo bad that a man can't get his thanks. SIGH.

Today was kinda yuck. Let me give a flash back. I joined this Co-Corricular Activity called LEO Club or Leadership thru Experience and Opportinuties. OR we can just call it a volunteering club. Since the club is event based, the first that came knocking on my door was Pledge of Silence organized by the Action For Aids. It describes how people with AIDS are discriminated and have to live with this stigma of being in a negative community. Mainly due to this, AIDS victims refuse to 'go out' to the outside world and live in the dark. Some even refuse medication and are even suicidal.

AFA decided to organize PoS with feeling to be silent about your disease to feel their sacrifices and their concerns. With PoS, we hope that more awareness are brought upon and that this could initiate a paradigm shift on how we view people that are less fortunate.

If you'd ask me, it's really weird and fascinating how the human being is always leaning on one side. It's rare to find a community that shares openly and judges accordingly and does not lean on any side. Honestly, I wasn't really enthusiastic about this event. In fact, I thought that it was just a one-off event like flag day or something. But when I received the email that I was chosen to be in an interview for the committee team of this particular event, I was shocked but grateful that someone has realized the possibilities working with me. :P

At any rate, this event will be carried out nation wide on 30th October with ITEs and other Poly's. So, you would think I have a long time to go? Think again. My project manager is part of the AFA PoS committee team and she's like all over the place to keep this event floating. Lol?

SO going back to today's meeting, it seems that I always take things to light EVERY TIME. But do know yeah? I have this horrible disadvantage that I am egoistic due to my unaltered mindset of leadership (Blame on History's Communism here) and my laziness. I'm just not good. HOWEVER, if I ever fall, I'll pick myself out and shout, I'M NOT PERFECT YO!

We can't really help it. People judge people continuously. That's why Communism sounds so ideal at first. Everyone just need to face the front, and no where else. But as we limit creativity this way, we are also limiting the evolution of the human mind. 3 years back, I'll make sure you judge me good. But now, judge me as I am for that is what I am. Which one is correct?

Man, that feels great to let that cat out of my bag.

A Cool New Way

2009-05-25T18:44:00.004+08:00
WHOA.

How long has it been since my last posting? A month or so? Haha, I hope you guys still visit my blog else I'll just be clogging the internet tubes. ZEESH. The reason for my lack of blog postings is largely due to my school. Unlike secondary school, everything is planned out. You wake up at 6am, be in school at 730am and end school at 2pm. No more, no less. But here in 'tertiary' life, everything is unexpected. I can end school at 5 just to realize that my CCA needs me throughout the night. HOWEVER, if you say that life of a 1st year is busy, you'd better pull up your socks as when the second year comes around that bend, it will be disastrous. But it's fun like a roller coaster ride. :)

The solution? Do what is needed and then do it well. One thing I can see in students is that they are easily distracted. (Or is it just me?) On my half that is, I'm constantly talking about the opposites with my guys, gossiping about the latest scandal. Is this really what it feels to be in a mixed school? Or is this just one of the false impressions? It's really different. In SA that is, we do talk about the opposites but I can imagine the number of times a female teacher would come into mind. I guess we were just confined in a small box. A really small one. GISHH! Stop it already!

When I left SA, I always thought that girls NEVER (or rather realistically speaking, RARELY) speak about such a taboo; Sex. But take my mighty Action For Aids committee team for example, in the company of 3 ladies, we are talking about what I see as a sin to a gentleman. GOSH. In SA, it's just different. Everyone feels like home as we grow out of this hard shell that protects us from harm. As we grow, our body begs for room, our minds begin to wonder off to a state of no return and our hearts change. Like melons growing in a glass bottles (link), we take shape to whatever we conform to when young only to realize that life is alive as well.

OK. A little info about me. I'm in ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING at NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC. It's about AN HOUR'S bus ride from my house. The reason I chose NP is that I'm still in that 'glass bottle'. I'm chipping away as much as I can, breaking free from this confinement. Will someone be there to help me out and hold my hand? Oh how I wish there were strings on me.

Beats me too. : /

So that's why I updated my FB saying that when you walk today, treat each step and breath as your last. This is more than survival. It's a new way of living. :)

The Fear

2009-04-28T06:06:00.002+08:00
It's started. So I can 'officially' say that I've moved on. And I'm really busy, REALLY busy. What's worst, I'm running out of constructive blog ideas that would not be a bore for you, my lovely readers. I'm home daily at 5, but it seems much easier each day. Only touched 3 modules, or rather subjects, each day. Pretty sweet huh?

There's is still P.E. but it's called sports and wellness. We get to choose what sport we play in the 1st week for the next 12 weeks. Yeap.

Gosh. I'm lame. Gotta go!

Scared

2009-04-13T23:46:00.002+08:00
I'll be leaving for a 3D2N camp in NP. It's an orientation camp. So which means I'll see new things, feel new company, hear new voices and maybe love new things. But there's no denying it. There's something that has been bothering me for quite some time. I don't think of this camp as I did before. I mean a sense of uneasiness blankets me. I used to look forward to camps but this camp is a marker. A mark that says that I must leave my old behind. Leave it forever. Gosh, it's kinda hard. The old me felt so comfortable, so relaxed, so easy. I tried rationalising myself that an OC will break the ice much quicker. So it's a sacrifice for the better. New friends and new adventures await. Can't hardly wait! But a part of me wants to stay.

Here's how I see it. I do not want to regret my life just because I got my heart broken and due to that, I'm forgoing new bonds that will pull me out of this quicksand. It's time to throw my childish ways behind.

Well, I guess you can insert faith here.

Taxtation On My Belly!

2009-04-06T12:17:00.004+08:00
A couple years ago, my dad would ride his motorcycle to Johor Bahru and buy our groceries there. It was well before Malaysia decided to pull up a goods limit to every tourist. Many would suggest a normal trip to the NTUC or the little neighbourhood market to get your needs but if you really do the math, plus the currency conversions, it was really cheaper to get it in Malaysia. After all, it's all in half price.

I don't really understand. Why must there be a huge difference in prices of similar goods? It gave my brain a stir when I came across this article at CNET Asia. In the article, they did us a favour by comparing 2 identical notebooks of US & SG and highlight the price difference. Even after a S$230 shipping cost [o.0] the notebook is still cheaper than the Singapore model, BY S$800!

CNET Asia even asked Sony Singapore about this discrepancy and what they replied was still vague too me.

Pricing policy is different for different region, subject to market size and demand. In this context, the US is a large market for Sony.WHAT? Even after the many years of diplomatic setting and the sacrifice of lives for equality, you're saying that we (Singaporeans) can't get the same price as our US conterparts?

Taxation issues. The pricing you see on the US Web site does not include taxes, while the Sony Singapore pricing does.Too vague. The only tax I know of is Singapore's GST. And that's only 7%. What tax rakes up so much that there is a S$800 price diff?

The US pricing does not include shipping insurance versus when one buys from a Singapore store, there is a 1-year warranty included. S$800 can buy you 3 years of Macbook Pro Applecare. DIG THAT.

Hey Sony, you know why your Vaios are not popular here? IT'S EXPENSIVE! Don't get me wrong, Sony does have quality goods but I don't think paying S$800 bucks more is a wise choice. Especially when you have Vista installed. Yuck.

So what is the problem here? Why is the price difference so different when there is a geographical challenge for companies? Shipping shouldn't hurt much. The article is right about that 8kg load that costs S$230. Check here. This leaves us with S$570 to rational about.

I'm just shooting blindly here. Maybe it's the currencey exchange? Maybe it's the cost of customer satisfaction when buying in Singapore? Maybe it's the assurance of an avaialable product? Maybe it's the cost of a freaking brand name or maybe, just maybe, Sony decided to charge more to earn profits. Well, screw you Sony.

I don't mind paying more for a quality good. But Sony is kinda walking in Apple's footsteps. They want to project their products as a Veblen good. They figure that if they rake up their prices, they will accelerate their output. But no Sony, Apple ain't playing Veblen. They are playing Giffen goods. They see themselves as the only one in the business, in the business of creative people that is. In my opinion, Apple wants to be unique. They don't want to take over the world. Kudos to you Apple!

Price difference is inevitable. But sometimes, this might spur small start ups in local Singapore to innovate more. Thus, more products for us, consumers. Sometimes, I love economics.

Bleagh The Food!!!

2009-03-22T22:43:00.006+08:00
Today was much about walking. My parents and I decided to make our way down to Singapore Expo for the Halal 2009 expo. I thought to myself, "Why not? Building closer and stronger rapport for my community!" Anyway, I knew getting a parking space would be a disaster but my Dad displayed faith. Geez.

Of course, his faith was that he parked at a bend. Which is illegal at any case. I kinda showed him the "C'mon Dad" face but hey, there's another car in front doing the same thing. In the same boat we are!

Wouldn't it be a surprise if most of the demographic that attended was the Malay community. But they were some Chinese who came by. Either the organizers devised an aggressive marketting campaign or the prime weakness of Singaporeans where the sight of a huge crowd is the presence of a bargain. Hey, anything to ease the tough economy.

Outside, a group of cars lined up to please the eyes. A white SUV caught my eye. At first glance, I thought it was another imitation but OMG, it was a Hummer. MAN, that's rare! I didn't get the chance to snap a picture. But it kinda look like this:

NIce? YEAH.

The expo, summed up in a sentence, is like an indoor pasar malam. Rows of food booths cover the pathways. The smells adore me as we jostle our way through. It seems there's a celebration at the back. Wedding decorators, antiques, education and even ear candling booths! And I thought the Halal 2009 expo was only about food! I guess it's my prejudice of the Malay community that seems to like food a lot. That's evidenced by the high percentage of obesed malays. Yuck. [I'm not a black sheep. I'm fat too. Haha.] There are quite a number of booths here set up by our neighbours across the highwat. There was one selling pau and another selling ice cream. Another piece of evidence from my community's love for food.

Donut Empire, a donut shop, set up a booth there. The 'new' Pastamania that had recently been given the Halal status. Yay! And one antique shop that featured goods from Africa. In fact, the booth owners ARE from Africa! Haha! Guess it's not all Malay here! I was certainly eyeing at the antique booths. My slums need a boost of 'foreign taste' to complete its transformation. Well, it's only a sixth in. Haha.

The expo, which ran its last day today, was graced by many familiar Suria stars. (Sorry guys. No Jennette Aw or Britney Spears here.) Though, I didn't know all their names. Bleagh. I can't belief I don't support local Malay arts. But anyway, it was kinda nice to see an expo about the Malay community. I think they need more overseas products like the ice cream and pau from Malaysia. Their marketting too has to expand to attract not only Malays but other communities as well. They should market it as a gateway to increasing understanding between different communities. Haha. Do I sound political to you? On a serious note, the expo seems like a launching pad for new food businesses like Pastamania to introduce themselves their Halal certification and open up a new area of foods available for the Muslim community. Dang, we need more French food!

At the end of the day, it's cool. : )